Syncopate
by maidenpride
Summary: COMPLETE: Syncopate: a type of rhythm where a strong beat rises before another weaker beat and vice versa. Takes place at the end of S5E13 with flashbacks from other season 5 episodes. Follows Sharon and Andy as they navigate the most recent health crisis, blending of families, and managing professional lives. T rating w/ occasional borderline M chapters, which will be noted.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 **PRESENT DAY**

Sharon looked back at her team as she climbed into the ambulance beside Andy. It was an all too familiar feeling. They had been here before, it was all happening again. She felt more prepared this time, knew what questions to expect, what answers to give. Her mind and heart were both racing. Thoughts and adrenaline coursing through her body. She was running down a mental list of possible reasons for his sudden collapse, the pain, the paleness, the sweating. Her brain kept coming back to heart attack. Every time she said "next", her brain would flip back to that - it was the most logical conclusion. The symptoms seemed to fit. Certainly that's what the team thought. Amy had given him aspirin. Tao grabbed the defibrillator from the hall. Howard told the paramedics it was a suspected heart attack. While Sharon had no knowledge of Assistant Chief Howard's own brush with a heart attack a few months earlier, Tao and Howard shared a knowing look of concern.

The paramedics closed the doors and the ambulance lurched forward with lights and sirens. Andy was still awake, which was a good sign. Sharon held his free hand while they worked on him, attaching the EKG pads, setting up an IV, and checking his blood pressure. She stroked his forehead as he winced from the pain. As the machines blipped and beeped she tried not to panic. _Just stay focused on Andy_ she kept telling herself.

 **16 Weeks Earlier**

As Sharon put the finishing touches on the paperwork to officially close their latest case, she couldn't help but think about how tragic the circumstances were, the family lost one child because they let go of another. She shook her head, fostering a child was certainly not without its challenges, but she had found the role to be quite fulfilling. Sharon could never imagine turning her back on Rusty the way the Pond family had turned their backs on Tucker. With a deep sigh she turned over the case file and placed it in the box of documents to be sent to Chief Taylor. She leaned back in her chair and drank the remaining tea from her cup, it was lukewarm, another sign it was time to call it a day.

She looked through her open blinds and saw everyone else had already left the murder room, except for the one light left on near her desk. She could see Andy and she felt her heart speed up. She was both excited and nervous about their upcoming conversation. Yes, They had been taking their relationship slowly, and though she had her trepidations, she also felt it was time to take on the next big step. _Here goes nothing_.

"Andy."

"All done?"

"Yes, I think it is time we call it a night."

Andy stood up and put his coat on, grabbed his gun, badge, and wallet from the desk drawer,

"After you," he said putting his arm out allowing her to walk in front of him. They would wait to hold hands or walk arm in arm until they were out of the building. It had been a challenge to maintain their physical distance at work, constantly remaining guarded for the good of the team and for their careers. While there wasn't a policy _against_ dating in the workplace there was no need to draw further attention.

Andy turned to her and asked, "So where were you thinking about going for dinner tonight? Anything in particular sound good?"

"Well, I have been craving Thai, maybe we could go to Summer Buffalo off Melrose."

"Sure."

They drove in separate cars as they often did, even when spending the night together, in case they got a call out. While not environmentally friendly, an occupational necessity. Their jobs often required them to be at different locations at different times. They arrived in the parking garage and Andy walked Sharon to her car, as he often did, making sure she got in safely. Not that there should be any reason for concern at PAB, but in their line of work one could never be too cautious.

"All right I'll see you over there. Do you want to call and see if they can put our name on the list?"

"Fine." She said grinning, it had become their word, a bit of an inside joke that she could utter in public and no one else would think anything of it. She liked saying it because it would bring a small smile to his face.

"Okay, drive safe."

"You too." He gave her a peck on the cheek, closed her door and walked back to his car.

Both Sharon and Andy had plenty to think about during the twenty minute drive to Summer Buffalo, it was only 6 miles from the office, but in LA, miles meant nothing in relation to time.

Andy was surprised by Sharon's willingness to discuss moving in together, as he thought back on their earlier conversation.

 _Sharon moved closer to Andy trying to figure out where to start, the words came out faster than she expected, "I know it feels like it's been a long time coming, but before you um put a for sale sign on your house and move into some place in Silver Lake, maybe we should discuss uh alternatives."_

" _Well you'll get no argument from me on that."_

" _Okay."_

" _Is um, one of those alternatives moving in together right away?"_

" _Well why don't we discuss that over dinner? I mean I'm only asking you to wait another hour"_

" _But uh after we order?"_

" _Oh I think before."_

He understood why Sharon wanted to move slowly, he really did, but at times it felt like they were moving slower than the rotation of Saturn around the sun. He knew that he would wait of course, he would always wait for her, she was worth it. But after years of putting his life on hold to repair things with his family and for himself, he was eager to move forward, eager to enjoy what happiness was left in his life. Neither had been looking for love or a relationship for that matter. Certainly they weren't looking for it with one another, it just happened. No, it didn't just happen it grew and evolved into something wonderful that took them both by surprise. He was the first to realize it, of course, he felt it change after Nicole's wedding. It took him a few weeks to sort out his feelings, and though he would never admit it Provenza had been right. They had been 'dating'' long before he finally asked her to Serve. In Andy's mind, the two of them had been together for over a year before their first date, another reason he was eager to move things along.

Andy turned on the baseball game as he drove to the restaurant, it had taken the place of alcohol in winding down from a rough day. _Ah good ole Vin. The game will never be the same when he retires_. The Dodgers were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks. Vin's voice came alive over the radio, "Well that closes out the fourth inning. The score remains 2-1 Arizona. Greinke will be back at the mound as we enter the fifth."

As a commercial came on he smiled, he knew Sharon would be fretting all the way to the restaurant. He loved how she turned things over in her mind. Watching her wheels turn was one of the sexiest things about her.

Meanwhile in full contrast, Sharon was listening to one of her favorite operas, _Carmen_ , on her way to the restaurant. It was one of a handful of operas that she enjoyed with or without the singing, the music was so full of depth and passion. While many would laugh in disbelief, it was similar to who she was at home, arguably at work too. She was passionate about her job, about justice, but the passion in the opera goes beyond just the fire and will, it also goes beyond just the sensual into the depths of one's soul. The music matched the excitement she felt welling up inside and took her by surprise.

Sharon was so used to living alone, well-adapted to sleeping in the center of the bed. She never felt lonely. When she had the urge for male company she would seek out a companion. Someone outside law enforcement, usually a businessman in town for a conference or meetings. Unattached. Unaffiliated. It wasn't something she often needed in the twenty years she was separated from Jack. She had long become accustomed to taking care of herself and her needs, and while she missed having a real partner she knew how to live that life. Sharon didn't know how to live life after Andy. Opening herself up again to the potential for hurt and heartbreak was not an easy decision, and continued to be a challenge. She knew this dinner was necessary. She didn't want to lose Andy by pushing him away. He was so patient with her, so kind. It still often took her by surprise, after the years of being married to Jack she had forgotten what it was like to be with someone that gentle, someone that put her needs before their own. And that was many of the reasons why she loved him.

Wrapped up in the music and her thoughts, she almost passed the restaurant. A few minutes later Andy pulled into a spot next to her. She could hear him shouting at the radio, _he must be listening to the Dodger game,_ she mused, her shoulders popping up as she gave a little chuckle.

The two climbed out of their cars and walked hand in hand, engaging in small talk along the way. Andy's mind was still on the game, "Greinke was pitching tonight. Score's 3-2 Arizona. He's hot tonight, it isn't looking great."

"Hmm," she knew better than to try and calm him when the Dodgers are down. He would let it go in a few minutes. At the very least it had kept him distracted from their pending conversation.

"Shall we?" He offered her his arm which she gladly took, now that they were back to being Sharon and Andy and not Captain and Lieutenant.

"I did call, it should just be a 10 minute wait for our table." Sharon checked in with the hostess and sat down in a chair next to Andy. He continued to lament about the ballgame while she listened, it was light conversation, a nice change from work and a pause from the upcoming serious conversation they were about to have.

"This way Mr and Mrs Flynn." They both turned and smiled, neglecting to correct the hostess. Sharon usually left Andy's name for reservations, which naturally lead to this situation happening often. Neither seemed to mind.

"Your server will be with you shortly."

Andy looked over at Sharon who seemed a little fidgety now that they were seated, she had said they would discuss things _before_ ordering. He didn't want to come off as pushy, but he did want to know what she was thinking. Sharon took a deep breath and looked up at Andy. Just as she was about to start they were interrupted.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Two waters please." Andy responded for both of them. It was LA after all and with the drought you now had to ask for water.

"Anything else?"

"Not right now. I think we will need a little while to look over the menu." Andy said hoping she would get the hint and leave them be for a bit. She nodded and walked away. A few moments later she brought two waters and disappeared again.

"So?" Sharon began slowly, looking down at her hands anxiously.

"Alternatives?" Andy responded with a grin, he could tell she was nervous. She was cute when she was flustered by something.

"Yes. Well uh, I've been giving it a lot of thought and we have been together for awhile now, and you already spend a lot of time at my condo. If you are serious about wanting to sell your house and move closer to the city, it just seems silly to buy something that you won't spend a lot of time at." She paused, hoping that didn't come off too presumptuous.

Andy nodded, knowing her as well as he did he knew it was best not to interrupt, just let her get all her thoughts out before responding. She continued, "I enjoy having you around. I've gotten used to you sleeping in my bed and I miss you when you're away." She looked down, she knew Andy wouldn't use any of this against her, but it was still hard to show any vulnerability to someone.

He reached across the table and squeezed her hand, "I love it and miss being with you too." He punctuated it with another squeeze trying to provide her a little reassurance. He knew how badly Jack had hurt her in the past, and continues to, all he could do was show her he was different. Match his words and actions.

She smiled back, "so I guess what I'm trying to say is I would like it if you moved into the condo with me, um, as you sell your house." That little statement caused Andy to grin from ear to ear, waiting for her and moving at her pace may be frustrating at times, but well worth it in moments like this. "And I think maybe we should look for something, uh, bigger, together."

Andy was taken aback, he hadn't thought she was ready for that big of a step. It was one thing for him to move into her condo and another to blend finances and buy a house together. He knew she had spent years separating herself from Jack's financial mess, so this was huge.

"So, if I'm hearing you right," Andy paused, he had learned that providing a brief summary of their exchanges helped in moments like this, ensuring there was no misunderstandings later. "You would be okay with me selling my house, moving into your condo, all the while we start looking for a home to live in together?"

She nodded, "more than okay Andy, more than okay."

He squeezed her hand again. This was a monumental day. Being a Catholic himself, he knew she might have reservations about living together. At some point he knew they would need to have a conversation about annulment. She could never live like this forever, and the process could be lengthy and time consuming. They were months away from being ready for that level of commitment, but he wanted things to be in order when the moment did come. For now, though, it could all wait, his heart swelled, he was loved by the most beautiful and intelligent woman he had ever met.

"Well, I will start looking into realtors then, and see what needs to be done around the house before it is ready to sell. Sharon, are you sure this is what _you_ want? You aren't doing this just for me?"

"No, Andy. I love you and I want you in my life, not just part time and not just at work. I want to have that level of intimacy with you where we cook together and fold laundry together…"

He cut her off, "and other more intimate things I hope." He chuckled and she blushed. She certainly wasn't the prude in the bedroom department that he half-expected from her reactions to cases they've worked, but she was easy to get flustered. He tried not to take advantage of that intel often, but he felt the need to lighten the mood.

"Yes, that too Andy."

Before he could respond the waitress returned for their orders. Thankfully, they both knew that they were going to get their 'usual' before they sat down, so they didn't need to send her away again to actually decide on dinner. Once she walked away, Andy realized that the elephant in the room, so to speak, hadn't been addressed.

"Have you spoken to Rusty about this? I mean I know he may have heard part of our conversation the other night, but…"

"He does. I told him that this is what I want and that is the natural next step in our relationship. He seemed okay with you moving in. In fact he said it already felt like you lived there." She let out a small chuckle, he had been there a lot since his medical crisis last fall.

"You are serious about this." He knew she would never broach the subject with Rusty if she didn't intend to move forward with this change.

"I am."

"Well then I propose a toast. Here is to the exciting next chapter in our lives _together_." They raised their water glasses, " _Salud._ "

MCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMC

AN: A big thank you to blacktag189 for serving as my beta.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rating: Borderline M for sexual content.**

 **CHAPTER 2**

 **PRESENT DAY**

As the ambulance pulled up to Cedars, the paramedics rolled Andy into the waiting crowd of doctors and nurses. Medical personnel always overstaffed themselves for a case involving a first responder, no matter the circumstances. Sharon knew they would treat Andy as one of their own. The paramedics ran through his stats as the mass of doctors whisked Andy down the hall into the triage area. Sharon stood by the door of the ambulance bay looking on, she knew there would be more chaos than information for the first half hour he was being treated. _Standard protocol_. Sharon went through the steps in her mind, she had been in many of these situations before waiting for information on a suspect or fellow officer. She found comfort in it, going through the steps, the rules of engagement. This was no different. _But it is_. _That is Andy, my Andy laying in that bed with wires and lines attached to him_. With beeps and bells chiming loudly, her ears began to ring.

As she made her way into the ER she could hear the organized chaos as they began treating him.

"Let's move him over, on my count."

"I want a CBC, Chem Panel with Cardiac Enzymes STAT."

"His blood pressure is 90/60. Heart rate 120. O2 stat is low, 86"

"Mr. Flynn what medications have you taken today? We are going to give you nitroglycerin, but need to know if you've taken anything that will counteract that, such as Viagra."

"Can someone get the oxygen going?"

"When did the pain begin? Where does it hurt?"

"Call radiology for a chest x-ray."

"Where's my recent EKG read-out?!"

The voices became a blur, she couldn't make it all out. She wanted to see him and hold his hand, look into his eyes and know that it was all going to be ok. That they hadn't waited too long to start their life together, that they were going to have more time. Sharon moved closer to the triage area trying not to interfere with their work. Andy looked up knowing she was there and gave her a small nod of encouragement, that everything would be fine. _There's that word again, fine_. It was the same look he had given her before going into surgery last fall. Before she could say or do anything the nurses pulled the drapes back on the curtain and he was gone from sight.

"Miss, you're going to have to wait over there while we treat your husband." The nurse guided Sharon by the arm to a bay of chairs, "We will come update you as soon as we have more information." All she could do was nod, her voice gone from fear.

The nurse walked back to the treatment area and Sharon sat alone. She began to feel nauseous and bent her head between her legs, trying to take long calm breaths. _He'll be just fine. He's awake and responsive._ Her phone began buzzing with texts.

 **Provenza:** Any news?

 **Sharon:** We're at Cedars.

Undergoing preliminary tests now.

He's awake.

 **Provenza:** I've told the team to hold off

going to the hospital until we know more.

I'm bringing Rusty over now.

 **Sharon:** Thank you. I'm in the ER waiting area.

Sharon swiped to read over the messages coming in from Rusty.

 **Rusty:** Mom are you okay?

Do you need anything?

 **Sharon:** Can you let Ricky  &

Emily know what's going on?

I will call when I know more.

I'm going to call Nicole & Charlie.

 **Rusty:** Yes I can.

I'll see you soon.

Mom, I love you.

Andy will be okay.

She looked at her son's words of encouragement, it was sweet but really they didn't know if Andy would be alright. No one knew whether or not he would be okay. Her eyes filled with tears threatening to brim over. She shook her head and brushed her eyes to catch any before they could fall. She knew she couldn't call his kids like this, she needed to pull herself together and be strong for everyone right now. Sharon stood up and smoothed her blouse in an effort to push down the nausea. She flipped to her contacts and touched a name, it began ringing,

Nicole immediately picked up the phone and launched into a conversation. Sharon could hear she was distracted by the kids in the background, it sounded like she was making dinner.

"Hi Sharon! What an unexpected surprise, I was just thinking about you and how we needed to schedule another lunch together." Sharon said nothing. She really didn't wantto break the news to Nicole, she couldn't bring herself to interrupt her. Nicole quickly sensed that something was wrong, Sharon was usually more chatty, "Sharon, is everything alright?"

Sharon took a deep breath, "Nicole, your father felt a little sick today. We just closed that big case this afternoon and he collapsed."

She could hear Nicole on the other end gasp, "Where is he? Is he alright? Oh my God!"

Sharon took another breath, "I'm here with him at Cedars. They think it might have been a heart attack." Nicole let out another gasp. "But listen to me Nicole. He's awake, he is fully responsive. OK?"

"Yeah. OK. So what does this mean?" Nicole's voice cracked with emotion, she should be prepared for these kinds of calls, but no matter what it was a shock.

Sharon's voice emanated a sense of calm that came with years of training, "Well, they're going to run some tests on his heart and find out exactly what happened and how we can treat it. Nicole, he's in good hands. When I have more news you'll be the first to know, I promise."

"Ok," Nicole's voice was soft with shock.

"Nicole, I'm going to call Charlie now. Are you going to be ok?"

"Yeah, I mean, wow, I don't even know what to say." She paused for a moment collecting herself, "Yes, call Charlie he should be home from work. As soon as Dean comes home I am coming over." There was more control in her response now. Sharon let out a small sigh of relief, she didn't want Nicole driving while emotional one medical emergency was enough.

"Ok, Nicole, everything is going to be just fine. I'll see you soon."

"Sharon, thank you, for everything." Sharon knew no reply was needed, over the last three years she and Nicole had begun to develop a strong bond with one another. Sharon treated her like another daughter and knew Nicole saw her as a confidant. Sharon could feel tears well up again and blinked heavily as she looked up shoving them away for another time - when she could be free to breakdown.

She hung up and ran into the women's room - sick. She waited for a few minutes for her stomach to calm before returning to her seat in the waiting area, she didn't want the nurses to miss her if they had an update. She steeled herself for her next notification,

"Charlie? Hi it's Sharon…"

 **12 WEEKS EARLIER**

They had gone back to the house, now that the body was gone and the crime scene tape had been removed to see if it was the right place for them to become a family. Itlooked perfect. It felt perfect. "Black mold? Really?!" Andy said shaking his head on the drive back to Sharon's condo.

"Andy please stop, you're going to make me feel all itchy again." Sharon replied.

"You know, maybe this is a sign. We are meant to keep the condo." Rusty piped up from the back.

"Rusty," Sharon said in her best Darth Raydor tone since he couldn't see her glare, "we've talked about this."

Andy shook his head again, he knew getting the Kid to go along with this change peacefully wasn't likely, but he had hoped, for his mom's sake, that he would try harder.

"Well, I think it is a sign that we just need to keep looking. We will find something that meets all of _our_ needs minus the dead body and the toxic black mold."

Sharon nodded in agreement with Andy and clasped his hand. She looked over at him while she rubbed her thumb over his knuckles in appreciation of how inclusive he was about her kids and the time he was spending with Rusty in particular. She knew he would come around eventually. Andy could feel her staring at him and smiled, _No this wasn't the right house, but it is definitely the right person_. The rest of the journey was quiet until they arrived at her parking garage.

"I'm going to spend the night at Gus's so you guys have the place to yourself. To...you know, do whatever old people do when they date." Rusty couldn't help himself. He wanted his mom to be happy and he did like Andy, but the whole notion of them dating and at their age had a tendency to gross him out. Especially that time that he and Andy had ended up in the kitchen one evening both in boxers and undershirts.

Sharon glared at Rusty, but he had already begun walking towards his car. Andy only laughed, he knew no kid wanted to think about their mom dating, or whatever else that might entail. He was happy for the advanced notice that they would have the place to themselves, and hoped they wouldn't get a roll out tonight. He put his hand on the small of her back as they walked together to the elevators.

"So I'm thinking creamy Chicken Alfredo for dinner? You think you could help and make a salad?" Andy asked as they stepped into the elevator. He didn't cook often, usually because they didn't have the time, but it was something he enjoyed.

"Mmm that sounds delightful Andy." She loved when he cooked. She loved watching him move around the kitchen with a towel over one shoulder, throwing spices in and tasting things with his finger, she found it nearly irresistible to let him finish and not take him right there. "I would be happy to help." They stepped out of the elevator, as Sharon went to unlock the door Andy couldn't help himself. He leaned against her, pushing her closer to the door and grabbed her ear with his teeth and gave a small nibble.

"I see someone's hungry" she said.

"Starving," he replied giving her butt a small squeeze as they entered the condo.

They always went about the same routine when they entered. Coats on the rack. Guns and badges on the entry table. Sharon would take off her heels and put on her Ugg boots and Andy would turn on music. They tried to avoid watching the news, they lived it every day and felt there wasn't a need to bring it home with them.

Her kitchen was small, which caused them to bump into one another frequently, not that either minded but a larger one was on the new house wish list. Sharon washed and began chopping romaine for the Caesar salad all the while watching Andy labor over his Alfredo sauce. Light jazz was playing in the background and it made them both move and sway a bit more as they moved from one area of the kitchen to another.

Fifteen minutes later dinner was coming along nicely, "Come give this a taste." Andy commanded, looking for an excuse to bring her closer. He dipped his pinkie into the sauce and brought it to her lips. She readily complied, opening her mouth, taking in his fingers and sucking off all the sauce. Her eyes closed and she let out a moan, "Oh Andy, that's good. That's _very_ good."

"You sure it doesn't need anything?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure. Maybe another sample." She replied with hooded eyes, eager for another round of seduction. This time she dipped her finger into the sauce and brought it to her lips as Andy watched on. "No, it's perfect."

"Yes, she is." Andy added the chicken into the sauce and moved it onto the back burner. The chicken needed to simmer for awhile, then he could add in the fresh pasta. Sharon was about to walk away when Andy grabbed her around her waist. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To set the table."

"I think it can wait."

"Do you have something else in mind?"

"I do." He leaned in and kissed her under her ear along her neck. Her jawline was a very sensitive spot, one he discovered early on in their relationship. She let out another small moan and lifted her chin granting him better access.

"And what would that be?"

"Follow me and I'll show you." He grabbed her hand and guided her out of the kitchen and down the hall to her bedroom. He smiled at the thought, it wouldn't be hers for long, it was going to be theirs.

"What about the sauce?"

"It'll keep, don't you worry." He turned her around, closed the door, and pushed her back against the door in one swift move. Sharon didn't enjoy being a submissive with her past partners, she had worked so hard to be taken seriously that she didn't want to feel weak in the bedroom. With Andy it was different, she had come to realize being submissive wasn't being weak it actually meant having the power. They both enjoyed the role reversal from their work selves, and she was happy to play along with most of his fantasies.

Andy lifted her arms above her head and kissed her passionately. Holding her wrists in one hand he unbuttoned her pants, pulled up her blouse and slid his other hand down her stomach to touch her through her panties. His lips left her mouth and she groaned, making him smile. His teeth gently bit her neck, pleased with the little red marks he left upon her sensitive alabaster skin.

"Andy…" she moaned in a low deep voice. He was trying to keep her distracted, but it wasn't going to work. With her hands still being restrained by Andy she decided to turn slightly and use her hips to rub against the zipper of his pants causing him to involuntarily thrust against her and let out a deep groan of desire. He kissed behind her ear and down her neck. He let go of her wrists. His hand moved her hair and blouse out of the way, while his other hand continued teasing her through her panties. Sharon made quick work of unlatching Andy's belt. She could feel his excitement pushing against her hips, straining against his jeans. As he continued to kiss down her shoulder he used his teeth to tug at her bra strap giving him better access to her delicate clavicles. Their eyes met as she finally undid the button and slowly unzipped his pants causing him to throb in appreciation.

They heard the front door open and immediately froze, "Mom! Andy! I'm back."

"Maybe he just forgot something," Sharon whispered.

Rusty's voice was muffled from the door, "Hey, that smells great what are you making?" but they both knew he hadn't forgotten something. They looked at each other with hungry and woeful eyes.

Andy reluctantly removed his hand from Sharon's waistband and buried his face in her chest for a different reason now. She lifted her hands from his hips to his head and placed a kiss on his temple.

"I'm sorry" she whispered into his hair.

It wasn't the first time they had been interrupted and sadly it wouldn't be the last, while they still lived in the small condo. Andy lifted his head and looked at her with pouty eyes. "Incentive for us to find a place soon," he whispered into her ear, not wanting to put any distance between them.

She nodded in response. With a deep sigh, Andy moved away from her so she could straighten up before going back to the kitchen, he was going to need a few minutes to collect himself before going back to the kitchen.

She gave Andy a quick peck, "To be continued," she said with a smile and walked out of the bedroom. He could hear her down the hall, "Rusty. What are you doing back so soon? I thought you were spending the night with Gus." She said it a pleasant voice without any hint of her disappointment. She loved her kids, but she was also a woman who had needs and at the moment she wished her son was nearly anywhere else.

Sharon shook her head, Rusty was often so wrapped in his own life that he was oblivious to what he was walking in on. "Gus picked up another shift at the restaurant, so he's going to be home late. I didn't feel like just sitting over at his place until 11 when I could come back here and work on research for my next Identity post." He said as he put his keys on the entry room table.

Sharon looked back down the hallway and back at Rusty and slowly moved towards the living room, "Oh. Sounds like Gus has been doing well at that new restaurant. Are you guys going to meet up later?" Sharon was praying they would eventually get the house to themselves.

"Yeah, the executive chef has really taken to him. He asked me to come pick him up when he gets off work later."

Sharon let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Hopefully she and Andy could stay awake until 11 she chuckled to herself, it had been a long week.

They both walked into the dining room, "So what's for dinner?" Rusty asked inviting himself to their dinner date.

"Oh, well Andy was making some of his famous chicken alfredo and I was just finishing up the salad."

"That sounds delicious. I'll get the plates."

 _Well at least he was going to be helpful_ Sharon thought to herself, not that it was going to be much conciliation to Andy at the moment. Five minutes later, Andy finally emerged from the bedroom, before he could say anything Sharon's eyes met his,

"Rusty is joining us for dinner before he picks Gus up _later tonight_." She gave a wink and small smile knowing that information would perk Andy right up.

Two hours passed and while it wasn't the evening that either Sharon or Andy had planned, it was pleasant. Rusty was helping to clear the table while Andy washed and Sharon dried the dishes when Rusty's phone buzzed. Andy turned swiftly to Sharon and gave her a hopeful yet seductive look. Rusty set the final dish down by the sink and walked over to his phone.

"Looks like Gus is nearly done, you alright if I head out?" Rusty asked without looking up from his phone.

Sharon had to poke Andy as he opened his mouth, she knew the only thing he could say right now would be a snarky retort.

She set down the dish she was drying and walked over to Rusty, "Of course. Tell Gus we said hi."

"Ok. Hey thanks again for dinner Andy, it was great."

Sharon followed him to the front door, locking it after it closed. She could barely keep herself from scurrying quickly back to Andy in the kitchen. They'd shared looks and subtle touches all night, Sharon was even blazon enough to play a little footsie under the table. The excitement was palpable after hours of low-burning foreplay. By the time she got back to the kitchen Andy was wiping down the sink at lightening speed. When she entered he turned around and spun the towel in the air, "Fin!"

He took the towel and wrapped it around her waist and drew her in and kissed her passionately. When they finally broke free for the sake of oxygen she put her head on his chest while he swayed them back and forth.

"You know if you had moved your foot any further up I would have had to tell Rusty to make himself scarce." He said pulling her chin up to meet his lips.

"Well, the way you were eating your pasta was driving me crazy. It was all I could to not take your fork away from you." She replied nibbling on his jaw.

Andy backed her against the counter as they continued to make-out in the kitchen. Sharon put her hands on the counter to brace herself. The move didn't go unnoticed by Andy who pushed his hips against her body, pinning her in place. His hands quickly stripped away the buttons of her blouse. Neither could wait after the agonizing interruption and the tantalizing build up during dinner. He palmed her breasts, exposing her hardening nipples through her bra and brought his lips to them. Sharon's eyes went wide as she moaned at the sudden release of pleasure.

Despite his knees he bent down in front of her, kissing her stomach as he moved to the top of her jeans. Sharon wanted to touch him, to run her hands through his hair, push his mouth closer to her. She waited though, Andy liked having control. He unbuttoned her pants for the second time this evening, and yanked them down to her ankles. She balanced one foot on his shoulder as he went about removing one pant leg and then the other. He slid one hand up the inside of her thigh. He kissed her ankle, the back of her knee and finally the outside of her panties.

Sharon couldn't take it any longer. She pulled him back up to his feet and kissed him deeply as her hands made quick work of removing his shirt, pressing her skin to his. She liked the contact but it wasn't satisfying enough, she needed more, wanted more. As before she undid his pants and pushed them off his hips. She reached into his pants and found him already hard. He let out a deep groan,

"Sharon, I need to feel you."

She pushed down his boxers. As he kicked them off, she unclasped her bra and pushed herself firmly against him, her panties as their only barrier. Their kissing became more hurried and messy. Their hands moved across each other with no particular destination. When his hands reached the top band of her panties he used his thumb to yank them down and lifted her onto the counter. Before she could protest at their location in the kitchen, he thrust into her causing her to scream out his name,

"ANDY!"

He loved when they had the house to themselves, she loved being loud and it made him more excited to hear his name coming from her lips as he brought her such pleasure. He could see the heat rising up her chest and into her cheeks. She was close. He reached down between them to touch her, helping her go over the edge. Watching her come was the single most erotic thing he had ever experienced and as she began to come down, still writhing from her orgasm he came.

He held onto her as they caught their breath. He helped her slide down from the counter and propped her up as she worked to steady herself, still weak from the intense orgasm she had just experienced.

"Well, I think I will never be able to look at this counter the same way ever again," he said with a chuckle.

She gave him a swat on the butt and smiled back. He knew she agreed even if she would never say it.

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AN: Once again a big thanks to blacktag189 for serving as beta on this chapter. Also a thanks to all those that have reviewed and favorited this story so far, I'm glad people are interested. Also the name Charlie, I've read a few stories where people had picked that name as Andy's son and I liked it so thanks.

Flashback Soundtrack – Pillow Talk by Zayn


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

 **7 Weeks Earlier**

Andy laid in bed musing about last night. His house was officially listed for sale. He and Sharon had gone back to Serve to celebrate the occasion. A large smile came over his face when he thought about how they managed to _celebrate_ twice before finally drifting to sleep. _Not bad for an old guy_.

Andy wanted to make sure moments like this would never end. The notion of annulment had been weighing on him heavily since they broached the subject of moving in together. He was feeling nervous about bringing up the subject, but ultimately it was necessary if he wanted this to be his future. He looked at Sharon as she lightly dozed, _I definitely want this_.

Sharon was snuggling up against him as she often did before the alarm would go off. Andy was caressing the top of her forehead, moving her hair away from her face. Sharon felt the sunlight trickling into the room, but refused to open her eyes and acknowledge that it was morning. Andy rolled over onto his back, pulling Sharon with him. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart. She found the sound to be immensely relaxing.

"Morning."

"Mmmm." She buried her face into him, stubbornly still not wanting to wake. Andy let out a little chuckle, she was cute when she was obstinate. He knew if she could, she would stop the sun from rising and that she was annoyed that her powers didn't extend that far.

Andy turned to look at the clock, "We have about fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off."

That seemed to rouse her, "What did you have in mind exactly?" Her voice was deep and gravelly from sleep. Andy called it her sexy morning voice, it was quite the turn on.

"Well, I'm always game if you are," he said seductively. He rolled onto his side to face her, "In all seriousness though, I wondered if we could talk about the annulment."

Sharon looked at him slightly puzzled, she was expecting a completely different response. Before she had a chance to respond Andy began to ramble, as he often did when he was nervous discussing something.

"Well I know how much this bothers you," he pointed to the two of them in bed, "Well not _that_ so much as us being together. You know living together without being married. I know it goes against your religious beliefs, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable with you know, us being together. And…"

Sharon placed a finger to his lips encouraging him to stop before he dug himself a deeper hole.

"Andy," she said in a soft tone, "I don't have a problem with this arrangement, the Catholic Church takes issue with it. If this bothered me I wouldn't have suggested this as an alternative weeks ago. We aren't ready to be married not to mention the obstacles we still face if we even want to make that a possibility."

Sharon had moved her hand from his lips to his chest. Andy reached up and grabbed her hand and looked up at her, "Yes, but I don't want their to be any obstacles when we are ready for that next step."

Sharon was taken aback. She had heard him mention annulment, but didn't think he was seriously considering it as an option "Andy what are you saying?"

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, "I'm saying that I want us to file for annulment. Present our case to the LA Diocese and have our first marriages annulled."

Sharon knew she would have a strong case for annulment. She had all her files from Jack's lackluster attempts to be both father and husband. "This is going to open some old wounds Andy."

Andy nodded, he had a lot of skeletons in his closet that would be brought out if they moved forward with this plan, "I know. We both have a past, but it is the only way."

Sharon's eyes began to well up. She knew this would be hard, it was one thing to legally separate and then divorce Jack but it was another thing to go before God and disavow her commitments as a wife. For Andy, it would mean even more it would mean admitting he had been a terrible husband and a father for many years. Between balancing the badge and the bottle, he had let his family down. His wife had divorced him and remarried years ago, but wasn't a serious Catholic and never filed for an annulment.

Andy could see the thoughts racing through her mind, "I've given this a lot of thought Sharon. I know what this means. I know what I will have to say when I present my case."

"Oh Andy, and you're sure? You're willing to go through all of this, for me?"

"For us Sharon, for us."

She began to shed light tears, unable to respond.

Andy lifted a hand to her cheek and wiped away the tears, "I want to be with you. I want us to be a family. And before you say anything, this doesn't mean I want us to rush down the aisle. As you said we aren't ready for that step, but Sharon do know that when I look into my future I don't see anyone else beside me but you. I'm playing for keeps." He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss onto her lips. He tasted a tinge of salt on her lips from the tears. When she looked up at him she smiled and kissed him back with more passion.

Andy looked at the clock over Sharon's shoulder, "We still have five minutes" he said with a devilish grin.

Sharon used her most southern sounding accent to retort back, "Why Mr. Flynn what are you suggesting?"

Andy flipped her onto her back and pulled himself on top of her, "Hmm a continuation of our early celebration," his teeth grabbed her bottom lip and gave it a tug. Sharon's hands tugged at the band of his boxers encouraging him on. She looked at him, her green eyes turning a deep emerald with desire, "We'll have to be quick, you know how the boss hates when we're late."

PRESENT DAY

"Mrs. Flynn?" A woman wearing scrubs spoke holding a tablet in her hand looking around the waiting area.

Sharon stood up when the nurse called for her, she wanted to keep her access to Andy so she had not intention on correcting her. "Yes."

The nurse walked towards Sharon as she stood, "Can we get some medical history from you on Mr. Flynn? Come sit over here."

Sharon moved towards the triage intake area where the nurse was gesturing. "Of course." The two sat and reviewed all the usual questions: surgeries, medications, etc. Sharon had expected all of this, but it didn't ease the anxious feeling she had in the pit of her stomach. She was unaccustomed to not getting information out of people. She was the one normally asking the questions, just not tonight. The Emergency Room was bustling with people and noise. Sharon was having a hard time concentrating on the questions she was being asked. Her mind had begun to drift until she heard the nurse asking her again, "Is there anything else we should be aware of?"

Sharon shook her head no and looked out towards the lobby wondering if Rusty and Lt. Provenza had arrived yet.

"Ok, thank you. The doctor will be out as soon as the test results come back." The nurse stood up ready to head back to the triage area.

Sharon stood up with the nurse and pressed for information, "Is he stable? Can you share any news?"

The nurse gave a small smile, "He is stable and resting comfortably."

"Can I sit with him?" Sharon's eyes were wide and hopeful, desperately wanting to get back to him as soon as possible.

"I'm sorry but, the doctor would like to wait until we have the remaining test results back." The nurse rose and ushered Sharon back to the waiting area, "Please wait here for now and someone will come bring you back shortly."

It wasn't what Sharon wanted to hear, but she complied. As she walked back to her chair she caught sight of Rusty and Lieutenant Provenza arriving at the ER. She was glad to have the company.

"Mom!" Rusty yelled as he ran over to Sharon with the Lieutenant at his heels.

"Has there been any news?" Asked Provenza.

Sharon filled them in and they both nodded in understanding, having gone through this before they knew it could be awhile before there was any update to share. The three sat in silence and watched the clock tick by, waiting.

Thirty minutes later the doctor came out to give an update.

"Mrs. Flynn, I'm Dr. Canton. Your husband is stable and resting comfortably," Sharon shot a look over at Provenza who was going to correct the doctor, but realized she wanted him to keep quiet, "We are still waiting on some labs to come back, but I can say it looks he did not suffer a heart attack."

The three let out a collective sigh. It wasn't a heart attack, he was going to be okay she whispered to herself.

"Do you know what caused the pain and collapse?" She asked.

"We are running down a few possible theories at the moment and we will know more when the rest of the tests come back. I can tell you that his cardiac enzymes, those are key markers of a heart attack, came back well within normal range. You can go back and wait with him until we are ready to move him into a regular room. Then," he turned to the two men, "he can have visitors."

"We understand doctor. Thank you for the update." Said Lt. Provenza, "Sharon, we'll wait out here until Nicole arrives. You go back and keep him company." Sharon nodded, collected her things and followed the doctor back to the patient beds.

Andy looked around his hospital bed, the scene was less chaotic now. There was still a nurse checking his vitals at regular intervals, but gone was the mob of people overseeing him as they came in. Andy was beginning to perk up and was feeling bad about all the fuss everyone was making, over nothing. Deep down he knew it wasn't nothing, the pain had been real, the spasms were real, and collapsing was most definitely not nothing. He sighed deeply causing the nurse to turn toward him with a small look of concern, until he waived her off. He thought back to the way Sharon looked at him in the murder room he had never seen her look so worried. He had an idea how she felt in that moment, in a sense that they were about to lose each other forever. Andy felt bad, over the last few months he had certainly given her a great deal to be concerned about. He wanted to be the one to be there for her, to take care of her and yet it was the reverse. How am I ever going to make this up to her? Andy was pulled out of his thoughts as, Dr. Canton moved the curtain exposing Andy on the hospital bed, color returning to his cheeks.

Andy turned his head towards the doctor checking his chart, and noticed it despite the antiseptic smell he could faintly detect her perfume - unless I'm hallucinating which was a real possibility given the last hour. He lifted his head and saw her, he blinked a few times trying to clear his vision.

"Hi," she muttered as she moved by his head, trying to avoid all the wires and lines running throughout the room.

Andy lifted the oxygen mask over his face, "Hi." The nurse gave him a dirty look and he replaced the mask causing Sharon to release a small chuckle.

Sharon sat stroking his forehead, watching the EKG monitor blip at a steady rate. Even though he was alive and breathing right in front of her, watching the machine gave her some solace that it wasn't an allusion.

Time continued to pass as they waited for the doctor to return with the remainder of the test results.

An hour later the attending physician came in with his tablet, "Mr. Flynn, How are you feeling?"

Andy nodded, "Better. I feel less lightheaded than before."

"That's good to hear. Well, your test results have come back," he said pulling up a stool across from Sharon. "The good news is you didn't have a heart attack. You had no elevation in cardiac enzymes. Your chest x-ray was clear no signs of infection or pulmonary emboli. Your CBC and Chem Panels were all normal as well. Your oxygen stats were low when you initially came in, which is why we performed the arterial blood gas," the doctor said pointing to the bandage on the inside of Andy's wrist, "but that also came back in normal range." Sharon and Andy both nodded at the doctor, waiting for the real message, the reason why he was lying in a bed in the ER.

"So Doc, what can you tell me?" Andy asked tentatively.

"Have you had any issues like this before? Where you suddenly felt hot, sweaty, weak, or faint?"

"Well, uh yeah just once or twice I suppose." Andy replied without making eye contact with either the doctor or Sharon.

"Andy," Sharon said with slight admonishment in her voice, "you've had more than two episodes where you fainted." She turned her eyes from Andy to the doctor. "The first time I'm aware of this happening was December 2010" Andy glanced at her trying to recall what instance she was thinking of, "he was attacked in the parking lot after an AA meeting and collapsed in the ambulance. I think that might be more due to injury than the heart, but I think it is worth mentioning." The doctor nodded, "All information is relevant."

Sharon continued, "The next time it happened was June 2013, he was at his ex-wife's house discussing their daughter's wedding. Then a few weeks later, July 2013, at the office. At the time the doctor's said it was related to his high blood pressure. Then there were two other episodes last year related to his accident. In November 2015 he collapsed in my office and December 2015 in my bathroom. The doctors blamed the December collapse on the blood thinners he was prescribed to help dissolve the blood clot in his carotid artery."

"Thank you for that thorough history," the doctor said finally looking up from the tablet where he had been jotting down notes, "that information certainly fits into my working theory about what happened."

"Really? I mean those episodes were a long time ago," Andy replied surprised that something from three years ago could be in the least bit related to his current situation.

Dr. Canton set down the tablet for a moment, "Absolutely, it goes to a pattern of cardiac disruptions. I would imagine it's kind of like when you are investigating murders you look for patterns to help explain what's happening, doctors do the same thing. In your case, it would seem that when you reach a state of high stress, due to emotional or physical factors, your cardiovascular system responds in extreme agitation."

Both Sharon and Andy looked up at the doctor with a confused look, they were used to being baffled by medical speak by Doctor Morales and while they'd picked up some medical jargon over the years it wasn't always helpful to living patients.

"Ok, let me demonstrate," he turned the tablet around and showed them a model of a heart, "see this here? This is how a normal heart and vascular system responds to stress." He pushed play on the animation. It showed how the body released cortisol, the stress hormone, and how that signaled to the heart to increase the heart rate and dilate the blood vessels. "The heart rhythm remains normal and the body has a healthy response to stress. In the case of your body however," he turned to another animation, "your heart seems to go into an irregular rhythm, your blood pressure drops and you collapse. We call it syncope."

"Uh, an, um irregular rhythm" Sharon said barely getting the words out, her voice conveying all her nervousness, "what does that mean?"

"There are a number of different kinds of rhythms the heart can enter and unfortunately we weren't able to pick it up on the EKGs performed at the hospital. It would seem by the time you arrived your heart had righted itself. That said the readouts from the ambulance do show that your heart rate was quite high, which could be a possible symptom of what we call tachycardia. That in itself isn't dangerous, but should be monitored. However, tachycardia can lead to something more serious called atrial fibrillation which can be life threatening if not treated."

Andy lay motionless in the bed. He was trying to process what the doctor was saying, but felt like he was talking about someone else. It must be someone else's heart. Not mine.

"But doc I work out four days a week. I haven't had a drink in twenty years. I haven't smoked in at least as long. What did I do?"

The doctor stood up and looked Andy in the eye, "You didn't do anything. Rhythm disorders aren't associated with any lifestyle changes. Often we have no idea what the root cause is to trigger the symptoms, but there are ways of treating and managing the disorders." Andy nodded. "The important thing now," the doctor continued, "is that we figure out exactly what we are dealing with." He looked from Andy to Sharon making sure they both understood the situation.

They were silent for a minute, eventually Sharon was the first to speak. "Ok." She paused, "Ok. So what do we do now." We can handle this. It wasn't a heart attack. He isn't dying. We just need to run some more tests. We can fix this. She said to herself trying to bring her emotions down.

The doctor stood up, "We are going to move you to a room upstairs for overnight observation. I want to keep you hooked up to the heart monitor to see if we can record any irregularities. Tomorrow I will have the cardiologist come speak with you about next steps." Ok?"

"Yeah. Ok" Andy muttered, "Uh, thanks doc." He put his hand up and shook hands with the doctor.

Sharon squeezed Andy's shoulder, "I'll be right back." Sharon got up and walked the doctor out.

Sharon looked behind her to make sure the curtain was closed and they were out of earshot before speaking again, "So he's going to be ok?"

The doctor nodded, "He's stable. He's going to need to keep a low-stress life for a while to ensure he doesn't have another episode. But otherwise, I think he will be just fine. Once we sort it out there are some very simple treatments."

Sharon found herself absently fidgeting with her necklace as he spoke, "Such as?"

"Well, a pacemaker for one. It will guarantee that any time his heart goes out of normal sinus rhythm that it gets back on track immediately."

"Oh." That line of thinking hadn't dawned on Sharon, a pacemaker.

"I'm sorry I have to get back to other patients, but I'll have an orderly come downstairs and move you into a room shortly. I will check on him again before my shift ends this evening." Sharon nodded. "He's going to be ok." He gave her arm a little pat and walked off. Sharon stood there for a moment trying to process everything he had said. A pacemaker. Could Andy keep working if he had a pacemaker? She shook the thought out of her head, it was best to not get too far ahead of herself until they had more information. She took a deep breath and walked out into the ER lobby where Provenza, Rusty, and Nicole who had recently arrived, all stood up. She put her hands up and waved them,

"He's fine. He's going to be fine." Nicole fell back into her chair with relief. Rusty smiled and rushed over to his mom. Provenza stood back waiting, he knew there was more to it than just fine.

"So what's the diagnosis? If it wasn't a heart attack what was it?" he asked.

"Well they are going to keep him overnight for observation. All his tests have come back clear. No signs of infections or clots. And it wasn't a heart attack."

"But," Provenza pressed.

"The doctor has some theories and is going to send the cardiologist by in the morning to discuss doing further cardiac studies." Sharon was reluctant to give out any more specifics. After all the doctor hadn't said he had a rhythm disorder. There was no proof of anything yet, just that it seemed to be the cause. So she settled on something that she knew would distract the Lieutenant, "he needs to avoid stress for awhile. They think that might be causing these episodes."

"Stress?! That's all this fuss was for, ee gods! Dragging me down to the hospital for this, I missed the game tonight!" She knew it was all just hot air, Provenza cared deeply for his friend and this was just his way of coping with the circumstances. It had also worked to keep him from pressing for information.

"Yes, well we have all been under a great deal of stress over this last case Lieutenant. I think we all deserve a break, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh most certainly! Well on that note, I will update the rest of the team and tell them it was all a false alarm. Should we assume we have the weekend off then?" He asked hopefully.

"Yes, Chief Howard had previously approved that, we won't be on call this weekend. Any cases that come in will go to Hollywood division."

"Oh great, then we'll have to come in and clean up their mess when they get it wrong." He muttered as he began making his way to the door. "Don't call unless he has an actual heart attack." He put on his white cap and waved goodbye.

Nicole and Rusty shared a glance with each other and shook their heads, they were both quite familiar with the relationship shared between Flynn and Provenza and knew all the blustering was just a show.

"Rusty, why don't you go home and get some rest. You can come by for a visit tomorrow. I'm sure Andy would like that." She patted him on the shoulder.

He nodded and stood up, "Yeah, sure ok. Are you going to be alright? I mean should I stay and give you a ride back?"

"No, no. I'm alright. I'm going to stay here awhile longer and make sure he gets settled into his room, then I'll come home." They embraced each other with a long hug. Rusty bent down to Nicole and gave her a hug as well and then left.

Sharon sat down next to Nicole, the two women of Andy's life both trying to keep it together. They looked at each other and noticed they both had tears welling up in their eyes and it made them chuckle and sigh. They leaned into each other and shared a deep embrace. Sharon rocked Nicole out of motherly habit.

They pulled apart from one another but their hands were still clasped together, "He's going to be fine, really."

"Are you telling that for me or for yourself?" Nicole said with a small smile.

"Maybe both" she admitted reluctantly.

"Can I see him?" Nicole asked.

Sharon squeezed Nicole's hand "Yes. I'll take you back. They'll only let one person in the room at a time, so I'll wait outside while you visit with your father."

"That's fine. I just want a few minutes to see for myself that he's ok, and then I can relax and come back tomorrow. The boys are worried and keep asking Dean for an update on grandpa every five minutes." Nicole shook her head, "What do I tell them?"

Sharon smiled widely, thinking about the boys, "Tell them that Grandpa will be just fine and is looking forward to another outing to the park. Please give them a big hug for me!"

"Indeed!" The two got up and walked back to Andy's bed in the ER. Nicole pulled back the curtain while Sharon waited outside, "Dad?"

Andy was finally allowed to be propped up in the hospital bed and was instantly warmed by the sight of his daughter, "Oh honey, it's so good to see you."

Sharon wanted desperately to be with Andy, but knew that his daughter need this as well. She returned to her seat down the hall. She could wait, now that she knew that he was going to be okay.

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AN: Thanks again for those that have followed, favorited, and reviewed this story thus far. I hope you've enjoyed this latest addition to the story. As always a big thanks to blacktag189 for being my beta - we did a lot of work on this chapter but I think it turned out perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **Present Day**

 _Knock. Knock._ Sharon was startled awake. She had gone home briefly to change her clothes and check on Rusty before returning to the hospital. At some point she had dozed off in the chair she had pulled close to Andy's bed.

The nurse grabbed the eraser on the whiteboard and wiped away the names of the night staff,

"Sorry to wake you. I'm Nurse Patterson, on days, I'll be taking over for Nurse Rodrigo." She updated the board with the day shift nurses.

Sharon only nodded as the woman walked over to Andy's IV machine. They were only giving him saline fluids, he didn't really need it, but they wanted to keep the line open just in case.

"Has he been able to rest with all these wires running all over the place?" The nurse asked gesturing to the EKG leads still attached to Andy.

Sharon chuckled, "He has a gift, a natural ability to sleep just about anywhere in just about any condition. I swear I caught him sleeping standing up once."

The nurse smiled, "And you, any rest?"

Sharon tilted her head down not wanting to make eye contact, "I've had better nights." Looking to change the subject before it became personal, "Do you know when the cardiologist will be making rounds?"

The nurse finished checking the IV lines and taking vitals and walked to the other side of the bed closer to Sharon, "Yes, Dr. Goodman usually pops in around 9am to make patient rounds. Until then we'll have two breakfast trays brought up for you and your husband. Also, they'll want to do another blood draw this morning since he's fasted. So I'll make sure to get the phlebotomist up here first."

Sharon nodded, "Thank you."

"You're most welcome. Page if you need anything, otherwise I'll come check in later." She finished as she walked out of the room.

A few minutes later the phlebotomist arrived with her blood draw kit. Sharon stood and walked over to Andy to wake him.

"Oh don't worry about it. We do draws in the middle of the night all the time, our goal is to be in and out before they have a chance to wake up." The young woman smiled and Sharon smiled back. She appeared to be in her early twenties with jet black hair, and although the lab coat covered up her skin well she still managed to catch a spider tattoo at the base of her neck.

She tied up his arm and grabbed two vials out from her kit, which looked a lot like a tackle box. She double-checked the labels with Andy's wrist band before placing them onto the vials. Sharon looked away as she went to poke the needle in, she wasn't afraid of needles and had no issues with blood at crime scenes, but there was something about watching it gently pour out of an arm and into a tube that made her shake involuntarily. The woman let out a little chuckle, she was used to that reaction in her line of work. "Alright, all done. We'll get these back to the lab and processed for Dr. Goodman."

Sharon turned back around, knowing the coast was clear and muttered a "Thank you," and then resumed her post next to Andy.

Half an hour later as promised, an orderly arrived with two breakfast trays and sat them down on the table across the room. Moments later Andy finally began to stir.

Sharon moved to Andy's bed, "So I see the only way to wake you up is through your stomach?"

"Well that's not the only way…" Andy said with his usual mischievous grin.

She smiled back, she took his teasing as a good sign that things were okay. "Uh huh. Well a nurse came in to check on you awhile ago and another one came it to take some blood samples and you didn't wake for either."

"We're they cute?" Andy said with a knowing smirk. Everyone knew of Andy's appreciation for nurses back in the day.

Sharon shot him a look, "I see we're also feeling better today."

Andy pulled himself up in the bed and shifted the pillows around to a more comfortable position, "Well I woke up, so I'm still alive. You're here, and it would seem breakfast has arrived. So yeah I think that's a good start." Sharon just stood across the room and smiled, she couldn't agree more. They were both alive and together, and that was most certainly a good start to the day.

Now that he was awake he could feel his stomach grumbling. They wouldn't give him much to eat last night, and now we felt completely famished. "So what's on the menu for this morning."

Sharon lifted the lid to the tray and peered under, "Well it looks like you've got a fruit cup, a small roll, a piece of turkey and some egg whites."

"Hmm, well I suppose there could be worse options for a vegetarian." Sharon pushed the tray table over to Andy and lowered it so he could eat comfortably. "At least they provided some coffee."

"Mmm, yes. I think I could use a cup or two myself." said Sharon as she walked back to pick up the tray they brought for her. She wasn't very hungry, but she was never one to eat more than one pancake and an egg for breakfast anyways.

"Come here," Andy leaned towards Sharon, she did and he placed a soft kiss on her lips. He whispered "morning" into her ear as he had done every morning that they had woken up together. It was another reminder that they were alive and together and could face whatever came their way that day. Andy picked up the remote on his bed and turned on the TV. While they didn't watch the evening news, preferring to unwind from their day with music and other forms of relaxation, they would occasionally put on KTLA in the morning to get a sense of what they might be dealing with that day. Frank Buckley, the morning news anchor came on,

"Good morning, as we reported to you last night, more information has come to light regarding the shooting in the LA County Courthouse two weeks ago."

Both Andy and Sharon looked at one another and Andy quickly changed the channel, surprisingly the hospital had ESPN and anything on SportsCenter would be a better option than reliving the past two weeks in a 90 second news sound bite. They spent the remaining time in comfortable silence, holding hands and drinking coffee. If it weren't for the surroundings and the chaos of last night, this could have been any other morning.

The nurse whom Sharon met earlier walked in with several doctors, one of whom she assumed was Dr. Goodman a short while later, "Mr. Flynn?"

"Yes." Andy shifted in the bed. Reality was settling back in, why they were here at the hospital and not on their sofa at home.

"I'm Dr. Goodman from the Cardiology Department of Cedars-Sinai, these are my residents." The tall man with reddish brown hair gestured to the young men and women in scrubs behind him, and then put out his hand to shake Andy's. "So I understand you had an episode yesterday that brought you to the ER?"

Andy shook the man's hand and sat back in his bed, "Yeah. I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest hurt and my neck ached. I started to feel faint and fell to the floor I guess."

Dr. Goodman gestured to Andy to lean forward and pulled out his stethoscope to listen to his heart, "Hmm. Any other symptoms leading up to the event?"

Andy leaned forward and looked over towards Sharon, "Well I didn't feel great most of the day, but we were working a difficult case so I just figured it was about that. But then I felt my heart race some, kinda pounding in my chest."

The doctor tapped Andy getting him to lean back down and continued examining him as they spoke. "Okay. I've reviewed the notes from Dr. Canton, the ER attending, as well as the test results and I must concur with his initial findings. You did not suffer from a heart attack. This sounds like a syncope episode that was brought on by a yet undetermined cause." Satisfied with his initial exam the doctor took a step back to focus on both of them.

"Sync-a-what?" Sharon smiled, Andy was a "Plain English" kinda-guy. They had heard the term explained last night, but admittedly Andy was still a bit out of it when Dr. Canton gave his explanations.

"Dr. Gia?" Dr. Goodman asked turning back to his medical entourage.

One of the female residents stepped forward and spoke, "Syncope, temporary loss of consciousness. A fancy medical word for fainting or passing out." Dr. Goodman nodded and the woman stepped back into the crowd of other residents.

Sharon finally jumped into the conversation, feeling a bit impatient and wanting to know what they could or would do to fix these episodes, "Okay so how can we treat this Dr. Goodman?"

He turned toward Sharon who was now standing beside Andy with her hand on his shoulder, "Well, first we need to figure out what the root cause is for the syncope." He turned back to Andy, "I understand you have a history of high blood pressure which may have brought on the first two episodes you experienced in 2013. Is that correct?"

Andy shifted uncomfortably in the bed, "Yes. I was reluctant to take any of the medication. I was hoping I could manage it through diet and exercise."

The doctor sensing Andy's guilt for his current situation tried to provide some encouragement, "Completely understandable and for many people that does the trick, but I suspect in your case there is more going on." He continued, "So what I would like to do is get you fitted with a halter monitor. It is essentially a walking EKG machine that will record everything your heart does for the next 24 hours."

Once again Sharon spoke up, but this time with surprise in her voice "Andy will be discharged today then?" She was a bit surprised given how serious things seemed a few hours ago, but even she had to admit his color had improved and he seemed back to normal. She figured that she was a bit nervous to bring him home, should another attack happen - not that she would ever admit it.

The doctor nodded, "Oh, yes. I'm waiting for this mornings fasting labs to come back, but I believe those will come back negative. You should be out of here by noon. I'll have the nurse get you hooked up to the halter monitor and go over your discharge paperwork. Then I'd like to have you come to my office on Monday to review the results of the halter monitor. We'll go from there."

This news seemed to improve Andy's mood. "Okay Doc thanks. So I can get back to work tomorrow?" He asked with a small degree of trepidation knowing that it would be doubtful.

Dr. Goodman shook his head, "No, I'm not clearing you to return to work until we figure this out. Most cases of syncope are benign and nothing to worry about, however, given this latest episode and your history it would be prudent for you to lay low for awhile."

Andy immediately shot Sharon a look of frustration. For the second time in less than a year he was going to be sidelined because of a medical condition. She steeled herself, and hoped they would uncover the problem and be able to quickly and easily resolve it. _Keeping Andy at home is like caging a buffalo_. She looked heavenward for a moment knowing she was going to need the patience of a saint to get through this again.

Sharon leaned across the bed, finally releasing her grasp on Andy and shook the doctor's hand, "Thank you Dr. Goodman, we'll see you on Monday." Andy gave her another look, the I don't need you to take me and babysit me at the doctors look. Sharon chose to ignore it. He was going to need some help and she was there to provide it, _whether he wants it or not._

 **6 Weeks Earlier**

"Andy are you sure this is what you want to do?" They were standing outside the office and Sharon was being uncharacteristically fidgety which brought a curious smile to Andy's face. He enjoyed seeing new sides to her, but was admittedly a bit concerned at her current reaction to what they were about to embark upon.

He put an arm around her waist and pulled her close, "Yes, without a doubt. This is the right thing for both of us. After you." He pushed open the door to Father Espinoza's office and guided her forward with a hand at the small of her back.

The father was a tall man and when he stood up he noticeably filled the room. "Andy, Sharon. So good to see you both. Please take a seat." He said gesturing to his guests.

The pair stepped forward and Andy closed the door behind them. "Thank you Father." Sharon responded for both of them.

Andy and Sharon took a seat across from the Father's antique mahogany desk. His office was full of trinkets from his travels through Latin America. Neither were very familiar with the room having spent most of their time in the cathedral or the beautiful church grounds. "So I understand that you've come here today to discuss the annulment of both of your first marriages. Is that accurate?"

Sharon pulled up her large leather bag and reached for a pair of file folders they brought with them, "Yes Father it is. We've reviewed the forms and steps online and would like to get the process underway."

The Father gave a small chuckle. Anyone who knew her would know she would have thoroughly researched everything before coming to his office to discuss the matter. "You've both given this a great deal of thought I take it?"

They both nodded and Andy was the first to respond, "Yes we have Father. This is something that we both feel to be important and necessary for us to have any possible long-term future together." Andy turned to Sharon and squeezed her hand.

Father Espinoza turned to Andy with a serious expression, "You understand what this means, for both of you? The scrutiny this will place on your past relationship and what might happen if the tribunal does not grant one or both of your annulments?"

This time Sharon squeezed Andy's hand and replied on their behalf, "Father it is only after great counsel with one another, our children, and God that we decide to proceed with nullifying our prior marriages. We are of course hopeful that the tribunal will grant us both annulments after careful review of our respective cases, but we are prepared for whatever outcome we may face."

Andy jumped in to add, "Listen Father, I know that this isn't going to make me look rosy. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I've owned up to those. I've asked for contrition and done my level best to repair the damage I've done to those I love. This process may serve as the final act of repentance for everything that happened before. I know it isn't going to be easy, but I want to do this for myself, for Sharon, and for our family." His speech came out a bit more hurried than he intended, but he too was feeling nervous about all this. It was an ending of sorts, but also the beginning to something that he was hopeful would bring them both great joy.

The Father nodded. Sharon and Andy were fixtures at the church, known well by all the clergy. Andy wasn't as always a regular as Sharon, but the conviction of the his words could be trusted. "I have faith that all this will work out for the best." He opened a file folder that he had begun for the annulment process and handed them each a set of documents,

"I need you both to fill out the following forms. The first is a Formal Petition, that allows us to understand your respective marriages through the view of the church teachings. The second is the Application for Annulment. Please be as thorough as possible sharing your background on the entire relationship from dating all the way up to the civil divorce. We also require copies of your Baptismal Certificate, Marriage License, and your Divorce Decree. You are welcome to provide us with any other documents or reports as evidence in your case for annulment. If you ever attended counseling you can also provide us with a summary of those sessions. Finally, we ask you both to put together a list of witness that can testify on your behalf. The tribunal will use their testimony to gain a picture of your marriage and why an annulment should or should not be granted."

The Father paused for a moment, "I know this can be a lot to take in. We ask that you wait a few days after filling out the required forms to think it over."

Sharon and Andy glanced at one another and back at the Father and nodded. "We understand, and thank you for taking the time to go over all this with us," replied Sharon.

He took a sip of tea before continuing, "Of course. Do either of you have any questions at this time?"

The look on the Father's face was one of mild surprise when Andy immediately spoke up, "What's the timeline on this sort of thing?" Andy asked thinking back to their case a few years ago where the priest died and the Catholic Church wanted to wait 70 years before letting them review the man's diary entries. "Uh, not that I'm in any hurry of course." He said turning to Sharon realizing that came out a tad excitable. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea, he had told her multiple times that they were in no rush to get married, that _he_ was in no hurry. That said he didn't want to wait 20 more years to marry the love of his life, his best friend.

The Father couldn't help but chuckle. Sharon knew why he was smiling at them, she was familiar with the response. If they thought they were hiding anything from anyone they were definitely misinformed. The love between them was apparent. The nonverbal language between them was mystifying to watch, but carried the weight of their compatibility. "It varies. I imagine it is a bit like your business in that what usually delays the process is getting a hold of witnesses and waiting for their statements. In general it can take anywhere from two months to a year. I know that doesn't really narrow it down for you. I will say that after all the testimony has been gathered and the case has been reviewed a decision is made within 15 days. It's really all the leg work up to that point that can slow it down."

Sharon nodded and spoke up before Andy could put his foot in his mouth, "We are certainly familiar with that Father."

He smiled back, "Any other questions?"

Sharon returned the file folders back into her bag, she knew she probably didn't need them for this initial meeting, but wanted to be fully prepared. She looked back at Father Espinoza, "Not right now, perhaps as we review the forms." Sharon looked over to Andy and then back to the Father, "Can we reach out if we run into any issues?"

The church bells sounded loudly and provided a closure to the meeting, "Of course Sharon. Feel free to give me a call or stop by my office and I would be happy to go over anything else with either of you."

All three stood up, Andy shook hands with the Father, "Thanks again."

MCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMC

AN: Once again thank you to my beta blacktag189 and to my reviewers. I am hard at work on chapters 5 and 6, but they may be delayed for a little Halloween one-shot surprise story that I'm working on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **5 Weeks Earlier**

Andy leaned into Provenza as they headed up the elevator to the hotel room that they were using for the stakeout, "You know this is a pretty nice hotel."

Provenza gave him an incredulous look, "Well of course it is, they charge $300 a night! You think for that much they would give you the champagne for free."

Andy shook his head at his partner, "Always thinking about your wallet aren't you? I'm trying to say this is a really romantic place."

He looked at him annoyed, "Yes, so romantic we are here to catch a high priced call girl that may have killed her John. Real romantic Flynn. Geez! Will you get your head out of your pants and focus on this investigation so I can go home already?!"

Flynn opened the door to their room, "Alright, alright." Buzz was waiting for them with all the surveillance equipment setup and ready to go. Andy decided to let it go, but he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he and Sharon should have a little local staycation get-away. With their jobs it was hard to get time off, let alone take it and leave the city. It might be a nice change to the condo, not having to worry about whether the Kid might show up.

"Flynn it's show time!" Shouted Provenza as the very attractive woman approached Lt. Tao in the hotel lounge.

XXXXX

Sharon walked into their condo surprised not to find Andy at home. Most nights Andy would wait for her to finish up the last of the paperwork before heading out together, but tonight he seemed anxious to get out of there.

"Andy." She called out, but found no response. Sharon walked down the hallway to their bedroom and found a note laying on the bed.

 _Sharon -_

 _I have a surprise for you._

 _Go down to the lobby, your ride is waiting._

 _Love,_

 _Andy_

 _P.S. Check the closet, and take your time._

Sharon found herself feeling a bit caught off guard. She was expecting a quiet night in with just the two of them, but it seemed Andy had something else in mind. She walked over to the closet and as she opened the door she found a garment bag from Bloomingdales hanging on the rack. What is he up to? She wondered as she unzipped the garment bag and found a beautiful crimson and creme knee length dress. It was a Naeem Khan cocktail dress that had to have cost a fortune. Gavin must have had something to do with this. She looked at the time it was already 6:45 and she didn't want to keep Andy waiting too long, considering the dress he certainly had something in mind. She pulled her hair up and hopped in the shower to rinse off the day. After a quick touch-up to her make-up and pulling her hair into a bun she went back to the beautiful dress hanging in her closet. She took it off the hanger and laid it down on the bed. She went to her dresser drawer only to find yet another surprise waiting for her. A matching set of new lingerie, also in crimson like the dress. Sharon's mind began to wander as she dressed, she certainly knew what he wanted, but what was she going to do to him. She paired the dress with her nude pumps and headed for the door. When she stepped out of the elevator she found a town car with a driver waiting for her, she could barely keep from giggling. No one had ever gone to such lengths to take her on a date since her high school prom and it had her feeling a tad giddy.

"Ma'am." The driver said as he opened the door for her.

"Thank you." Sharon gracefully slid into the backseat of the town car and he closed the door behind her. Before the driver pulled away he turned around and handed Sharon another note with a small box.

 _Sharon -_

 _Tonight is all about you. Three years ago without realizing it you stole my heart. Please keep this safe and close to your heart._

 _Love,_

 _Andy_

 _P.S. Don't interrogate the driver, he knows nothing._

Sharon set down the note and opened the box. Inside she found a necklace made of a thin gold chain and hanging from it was a small solid gold key. Her eyes began to well up. She took the necklace out of the box and placed it around her neck. She didn't usually wear a lot of jewelry, in her line of work it was something that usually got in the way, but this wasn't ostentatious or showy. She slipped the chain underneath the dress and a smile came to her face as she felt the cool metal key fall above her breast. She turned her head to look out the window, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see miss." The driver said with a smile.

Fifteen minutes later they pulled up to the hotel. The Kimpton Hotel Wilshire had a roof top pool with cabanas and a gorgeous view of the city and Pacific Ocean. It was near all the great shops and restaurants of Beverly Hills. Sharon immediately realized where she was, she and Andy had attended a charity event here a year ago. It was early into their official dating relationship, it was a rare moment where they could be Sharon and Andy and not Captain and Lieutenant. It was one of the first times when she realized that maybe they could make this work, that they could have a personal and professional life together.

The car door opened and the valet offered his hand to her as she slid out from the car. "This is for you." The valet said handing her another white card once she was out of the car. Sharon nodded a thank you and moved towards the hotel lobby.

 _Sharon -_

 _Please join me in the Melrose Suite on the 6th floor._

 _Love,_

 _Andy_

Sharon walked into the room and found the lights had been dimmed and there was music playing. The room was huge with a large sitting area. When she opened the double doors into the bedroom, she found Andy standing on the balcony with his back turned looking out at the city lights. She continued walking across the room until she reached the sliding glass door when Andy finally turned around. His eyes went wide and a grin began to form. He picked out the dress knowing it would look good on her, but imagining and seeing the real thing were two different things. She always managed to take his breath away. Sharon blushed, she knew she wasn't unattractive, but after years of being married to Jack she was still surprised that a man could look at her the way Andy looked at her. It was as if he was seeing her for the first time. It didn't seem to matter than she was 56 and had given birth to two kids, he seemed to find her to be the sexiest creature on the planet. He reached out for her and pulled her close. He kissed her softly, "Thank you for coming."

She smiled, "Of course Andy. It was a wonderful surprise."

He brought her out to the railing and held her close as they took in the view together, "I thought that we needed some us time. Away from the office and the house-hunting and the annulment. Just us."

"Thank you Andy. So what did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, well that's for me to know and you to find out. But I can say that we have the room for two nights and you can turn off your phone because we are officially off the clock for the next 48 hours." She looked at him skeptically. "No, really. I put in the time off requests myself and got the approval. For the next 48 hours we are Sharon and Andy."

She gave him a look of surprise, realizing that he had really given this some thought and planning. "Okay, but if I come back on Monday to a mountain of paperwork I'm enlisting you as my desk monkey for the remainder of the week."

He smiled and kissed her, "Deal." Spending time with Sharon was never a form of punishment, even if it meant helping her read Provenza's incomplete reports and Sanchez's chicken scratch.

They stood out on the balcony enjoying the view until they heard a knock at the door, "Room service."

Andy turned, "Wait here." Sharon's curiosity was piqued and she followed him. He turned around, knowing she was following him, "Troublemaker."

"Rule-follower," she threw back with a smile.

Andy opened the door and let the hotel staff in and waited with the door open as they set up the meal in the living room. He took his wallet out and offered up a few bills as a tip as the man made his way back out of the room. Sharon walked toward the impromptu restaurant for two that was just set up in front of her.

"Dinner is served, m'dear." He said with a grin, pulling the chair out for her to sit.

"Why thank you darling," she said with a mischievous smirk on her lips.

They sat enjoying their dinner as they reveled in a rare moment to be alone together. At work they were all professional and at home they were constantly juggling romance with a 20 year old still living at home. Conversation between them had always been easy, it often felt as though they had known each other all their lives. When they finished, he pushed his chair out and offered his hand to her. He pulled a remote out from his pocket and turned on the stereo. Soft jazz music began wafting throughout the room as he pulled her close, "May I have this dance?'

She smiled up at him and nodded, she was constantly surprised by the endless lengths this man would go to all in the name of romance. She regretted any past thoughts she had comparing him to her ex-husband, they may have had similar histories, but were indeed polar opposites. Suddenly the bars to a familiar song began playing and she grinned at him widely with misty eyes, it had become their song. It played the first time they ever danced together, at Nicole's wedding. They began to sway back and forth together as she curled her hand into his and rested it on his shoulder and he pulled his arm around her waist.

Andy leaned in and whispered into her ear along with the song, "My love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song."

She looked up at him and he placed a chaste kiss to her lips as they continued to rock back and forth across the room. They continued to sing along to the song together. Kissing each other again as the song came to a close.

They walked back out to the balcony, hands intertwined, shoulders pressed together. "I love you, Sharon more than you can ever know." He pulled her hand up and kissed the back of her wrist and it sent a shiver down her back.

"I love you too," she looked at him with her deep green eyes and he felt he could drown in her the way she consumed him, "So what other surprises do you have in store for this mini-staycation you've planned?" Her eyes changed to match her cheshire grin.

"Ah, well that's why they call them surprises sweetheart. If I gave away all my tricks you wouldn't have any reason to stay." He said with a chuckle.

She slapped his arm lightly, "You know that's not true!" He pulled her back into his embraced and kissed her again, deepening it as they felt all the stress melt away.

He pulled away for a moment and shared the next clue for the evening, "Are you a bath or shower girl?"

She looked up at him with a curious expression, "Hmm…depends am I alone?"

"Never, unless you want to be."

"Never."

He pulled her away from the railing and back into the room. Excited to see the look on her face when she realized that the room had a rainforest glass shower and a two person jet tub. He had other plans for their weekend, but wasn't sure if they'd ever make it out of the room to find out.

"Come here" she said in a low gravely voice as she pulled him close and closed the door behind them.

 **Present Day**

Sharon made her way through the traffic packed streets of downtown LA headed home. It was strange to roll-out to a crime scene without Andy, she could sense she wasn't the only one that felt it. She stopped at the light at Wilshire and Crescent, looking up she saw the hotel that she and Andy had shared a very memorable weekend at. She chuckled to herself knowing that her ears were probably turning red as she thought back to the late night in the two-person tub. She never saw herself as particularly old-fashion when it came to sex, but she had to admit that being with Andy made her want to be more adventurous. Her hand reached up to the delicate chain and the key attached that hung around her neck. She thought back to his words, Sharon I love you and I want you to know that you have my heart. I'm not sure what the future has in store for us, but you are the key to my home, to my happiness, and to my heart. She didn't see herself as a blubbering romantic, but she found his words so moving that even now she teared up at the gesture. The sound of honking cars jarred her back, seeing the light had turned green she continued to push her way through the traffic back to Los Feliz.

"I'm home." Sharon said as she closed the door behind her and set her things down on the entry room table. She looked around but didn't see Andy in the living room. As she moved closer to the kitchen she took in the smell of delicious food being prepared, "Oh that smells so good!"

Andy turned around he had a towel over his shoulder and he was flipping something in a frying pan on the stove, "Hey!" He turned his focus back to dinner, "Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes. Thanks for letting me know you were on your way."

"Of course, but Andy you really didn't have to go through all this trouble. You should be resting. I could have picked something up on my way home." She said as she sat down at the bar and watched him. She enjoyed watching him cook, she found mixing Andy and food was a sensual part of their relationship. She smiled thinking about how it usually led to them falling into bed at some point in the cooking/eating process. She continued staring at him as he moved about the kitchen and felt the heat rising up her chest. She moved towards him intent to wrap her arms around him, but caught herself. Her lips turned downward when she realized that wouldn't be happening tonight. He's still recovering, he needs to rest.

Andy turned off the stove and reached for the plates. When he turned he saw Sharon standing behind him, catching the sad expression on her face, but as quickly as he noticed it, it disappeared. She was great at schooling her expressions, it made her a great interviewer, but it was definitely a downside to their relationship. He had an idea what it was about, intent on enjoying their evening together he decided not to press the issue.

Andy served out the shrimp alfredo he was tossing a moment ago, onto two plates before him, "Dinner is ready, m'dear." He handed her the plate and then prepared his own and moved to sit next to her.

Sharon let out a small groan and some audible mmm's as she took a bite of pasta, "Oh Andy, a girl could get used to this." He felt a twinge in his groin responding to her little sounds. He swallowed deeply trying to push down his desire, knowing that nothing could come of it tonight. Sharon looked up and saw the expression on his face and immediately felt guilty for not being more sensitive, she knew he found her audibles irresistible.

He picked up his fork and took a bite all the while staring at her, "I'm glad you like it. There's not much else I can do right now, until we hear back from the doctor, this is the least I can do." His mind drifted back to the other things he wished he could do to her, for her.

She stopped eating for a moment to focus on him. While he was smiling at her his eyes seemed distant, "Andy, that's not true. This is just a momentary blip. We'll get the results back tomorrow and proceed from there. You'll be back to work, annoying me," she said with a playful grin, "in no time."

He turned away from her and looked down at his food pushing it around on his plate, avoiding eye contact as he spoke, "I don't know Sharon, I feel like the Pope might try and force retirement on me this time. I mean two medical leaves in the span of one year, it doesn't look good."

Sharon placed her hand atop his as she tried to reassure him, "Chief Pope isn't going to do any such thing. He knows you're a valuable member of the team and with the power vacuum in place with Chief Taylor gone," her voice broke before she recovered, "he isn't going to be looking to add any other significant changes in the foreseeable future. It'll be fine."

"That's all fine and good, but it's been five days already and we haven't heard back from the doctor yet. So I don't think we can say it's going to be fine." He realized that his words came out more harshly than he intended, but he was growing frustrated with the lack of information on his condition.

She sensed his frustration and decided to let it slide for now, "Andy, the doctor said he would call at the end of the week with the results. Tomorrow is Friday, I'm sure we'll hear something very soon and I'm confident that we'll be able to work it all out." She tried offering him some reassurance despite her own worries about what that phone call might mean.

Andy nodded, he didn't agree. Sharon could at times be a bit of an idealist, always hopeful and seeing the best in people. It was one of the things he loved about her, and was mystified by. In their line of work they consistently saw the worst in people, it was hard not to be a pessimist, but she managed it. "We'll see," is all he muttered returning to the pasta before him.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence, a quiet that made Sharon feel a bit uncomfortable. She was use to their easy conversations, how they could talk about anything. She enjoyed his company and certainly was fine with their relaxing, quiet evenings, but this didn't feel like one of those. As Andy rose and removed their plates headed to kitchen she finally broke the silence, "I can do that Andy, you cooked. It's the least I can do."

He continued into the kitchen with his back turned, "Sharon, it's fine. You were up at 4am for a case. Why don't you just go sit on the couch and relax. I did nothing all day."

"But…" Sharon started.

"No buts. There aren't that many dishes anyways. Why don't you go shower or change into something comfortable, and I'll meet you on the couch in a little bit." He turned the water on and began working away.

She wanted to argue with him, but she could see it would do no good. "Okay, I'm going to take a quick shower. Thank you again for dinner Andy it was lovely." She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek.

As she stood in the shower she enjoyed the feeling of the hot water pounding at her back. It had been a long day, and although she was loathe to admit it Andy was right she needed this. As she applied the conditioning treatment to her hair her thoughts began to drift again to the night they shared at the hotel. The shower was huge. It had wall jets and even a steam function - not that they needed any help steaming up the bathroom that weekend. Andy had leaned her over the granite bench while using the hand held shower head to massage her clit. When she came, her legs nearly gave out from the power of her orgasm. The thoughts made her feel wet and hungry again. It had been more than two weeks since they last had a free moment to themselves, where they weren't exhausted from the case or grief to share that level of intimacy and she was feeling needy. Her hands began to wander over her breasts and down her stomach causing her to shudder. She surprised herself with how ready she was as she slipped a finger inside, using her other hand to brace herself against the shower wall. The water pounding on her head, down her back.

Andy closed the dishwasher setting the delay start, so Sharon wouldn't lose any hot water. He wiped down the counters and put the leftovers in the fridge. He made his way to the living room and turned on ESPN. The baseball playoffs were underway and about the only thing he felt happy about at the moment was that the Dodgers made it in, despite their best attempts to fuck it up. As they went to break he turned the volume down and looked at the clock, Sharon had been gone awhile and he could hear the shower still running. He knew from past cases that if she felt like crying she usually did it in the shower, while he respected that he also wanted her to know that he was there for her. He got up and made into the dark room, the bathroom door was ajar and light spilled into the bedroom. He walked to the door and heard sounds coming from the shower. I wish she would have told me they were working a rough case. He was about to push open the door when he realized that those weren't sobs but moans. He peered through the door and saw her touching herself. He felt his cock twitch again, pulling him towards her but he stopped himself. As much as he wanted to help her he knew he couldn't. Moments later he heard her cry out softly, it was a sound he was intimately familiar with, one that he enjoyed causing. His frustration was boiling up feeling both worked up and helpless. He moved away from the door as he heard her turn off the shower, moving back to the couch and waited for her to come out.

As Sharon stepped out the shower she couldn't shake the feeling that Andy had been with her. She knew how much she wanted to be with him, wanted it to be his fingers and not hers. She shook her head, I'm losing it. She dried her hair and changed into her yoga pants and one of his shirts and made her way to the couch. He moved a pillow over and made room for her, "Did you have a nice shower?" He asked unable to help himself.

"Yes, you were right. I needed it." She snuggled up next to him, tucking her feet underneath her.

You clearly did. "Good I'm glad." He put an arm around her.

They sat together watching tv for awhile until Andy began to drift off. "I think it's time we go lay down. We both know how uncomfortable this couch can be to sleep on." She said pulling him up from the couch.

He nodded and followed. He turned on the light to the bedroom as she folded down the bedding, "Oh I almost completely forgot, but Father Espinoza called and left a message today. Apparently they've schedule the witness testimonies for next week!" She exclaimed.

Andy didn't immediately respond. Sharon looked at him waiting for him to say something. Seconds ticked passed. "Oh right. Well that was quicker than we expected I guess."

Sharon bowed her head, plugging in her phone, hiding her disappointment from Andy, "Yes I suppose it was." She wasn't sure what to say to response, it certainly wasn't the excitement she was expecting from him. It almost felt like he had forgotten about the whole annulment thing entirely. Andy turned out the lights and settled into the bed next to Sharon. She rolled facing the wall and let him snuggle next to her. Moments later she heard him lightly snoring as she lay awake. What was that about? Is he having second thoughts? She didn't want to jump to conclusions, but after everything that had happened to them she thought hearing that the annulment proceedings were moving along would bring him some happiness, it would mean they were one step closer to sharing their lives together fully in the eyes of God. She laid staring off into the darkness, listening to him breathe which usually made her feel relaxed, but tonight even that couldn't fend off the restlessness of her mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: Song is "At Last" by Etta James.

Sorry for the long delay in getting this chapter up, between real-life and major writing issues with this chapter it took longer than I anticipated. I hope you enjoyed the latest installment - it went through two major re-writes. Thanks to blacktag189 for the support and not letting me post a weak sauce chapter. Also thanks to the fans sticking with it. I hope to have Chapter 6 ready in the next two weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry for the long break in this story, this is a short chapter that is leading us somewhere - I promise. Chapter 7 is in the works and I hope to have it up next week. Thanks for the encouragement - oh and this chapter is borderline M ;)

 **Chapter 6**

 **Present Day**

"Sharon, I'm headed in. If lightening strikes me down when I enter this place I _will_ come back to haunt you!"

Sharon was walking around the kitchen preparing breakfast while Andy showered, "Gavin, you'll be fine. Thanks again for doing this, it means a lot."

"No problem, I'm happy to do it even if I don't understand the _why_. Ta Ta."

She shook her head in response before setting her phone down.

"Who was that?" Andy asked as he entered the kitchen.

"Oh Gavin. He's headed into to give his testimonial and is worried about God striking him down. Basically the usual." She said with a smile as she leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek.

"Ah, well that does sound like something Gavin would say. I was lured out of the shower by the smell of you cooking something. I thought I was the new resident short order cook." He asked pulling up to the counter.

"Yes, well I had the morning off, so I thought I'd make us an egg white omelet before I take you in for that test." She turned back towards the stove making sure that breakfast wasn't burning.

He smiled, she was wearing jeans and a burnt orange cashmere sweater that he ached to touch, "Hmm well that sounds healthy."

She turned back around and waved the spatula at him, "Yes, well I'm glad you've made the move to vegetarian but we need to watch your cholesterol so if you give up the yokes you get more of me." Her eyes were sparkling and he was glad to see her in such a happy mood. Things had been a bit tense between them over the last few days, but this morning he felt the frustration ebb away.

Her comment made him get up from his chair and move towards her, "Well in that case I will happily give up the yokes." He pulled her waist closer to him and leaned in to kiss her. He hadn't meant for it to turn into anything deeper, but when she immediately respond to him by parting her mouth he couldn't help it. She let out a moan as his hands moved down her waist and cupped her butt. This is the most intimate they had been since the "episode" and they both felt that twinge of excitement. Andy pulled her closer as her free hand wrapped around his neck to deepen the kiss. Sharon knew she needed to put a stop to this before it got out of hand, but was having a hard time bringing herself to do it. She thought back to her hand job in the shower a few days earlier and felt herself growing wet.

"Are you sure you aren't trying to kill him?" asked Rusty as he turned the corner into the kitchen and saw them making out. He was no longer weirded out by their occasional displays of affection, but did enjoy teasing them about it.

Sharon was the first to move away, trying to collect herself she turned back towards the stove. Andy stayed focused on her, needing a moment to become presentable before he could return to the table. "Well kid it would be one hell of a way to go." He replied which caused Sharon to turn around and give him a Darth glare. "Fine fine, I'll get the plates and eat your yoke-less veggie omelet." He replied with a smile.

"So Rusty, what classes do you have today?" Sharon asked trying to change the subject off her personal life.

Rusty took the hint, "My Elections, Media, and Strategy class is today and a psych class. Mostly though I'll be at the library working on my senior thesis, I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow to check in."

"Will you be home tonight?" Sharon asked. Rusty was half living at home and the other half he was at Gus's apartment. She had suspected that that two might be thinking about moving in together when Andy's health scare happened. It seemed that Rusty felt the need to stick closer to home, Sharon appreciated the sentiment and that he was finally embracing what family means and that Andy was indeed part of that family; however she didn't want him putting his life on hold. She hadn't broached the conversation with him, but was hoping to say something to him soon.

"No Gus doesn't work on Mondays, so we're going to try and catch a movie later." He finished his breakfast and moved over towards the sink to rinse his plate. "You don't need me home do you?"

Sharon immediately realized what he was getting at, "No, that's fine just wanted to know if I should wait on dinner is all."

"Oh, okay. Well I'm off. Good luck with your appointment Andy."

"Thanks kid." Andy replied as Rusty left. He sat quietly and watched their exchange and picked up on the subtext. He and Sharon talked about whether or not Rusty might move out before they find a house together, but quickly picked up on the vibe between the two about _Flynn-sitting_. He hated thinking about that phrase and even more about the notion that Sharon thought he needed to be watched over. Deciding to continue and enjoy their nice morning he opted not to question it. He was feeling a bit anxious about the upcoming test, while the doctor briefly described the procedure he still wasn't sure about this whole tilt-a-whirl or whatever that he was going to be subjected to.

"We should get going soon too," Sharon said looking at her watch, "I'll just clean up and finish getting ready."

"Sharon I got it, please. I've said it a hundred times I can manage the dishes. Besides what's two plates and a pan. Please go, I got it." He said grabbing her plate and setting it on his.

"Ok, ok, I'm not trying to be difficult just you don't have to…" Andy cut her off before she continued, "I know and I appreciate it. Now go, I know it'll take you five minutes to pick out which boots you want to wear with those jeans!" He said giving her butt a light swat and push in the direction of the bedroom.

"Just for that I'll wear flats," she shouted back.

"You wound me, don't do that!" He yelled back as he got going on cleaning up the kitchen.

A few hours later, Sharon and Andy drove in silence as they left the hospital. She reclined his seat and helped in, he was still feeling weak from the tilt table test. He passed out when they administered the drug and tipped him upside down. She took this to be a positive sign in that they might finally be getting somewhere with all these tests. The halter monitor results were inconclusive, like the EKG readings in the hospital they were unable to detect the irregularities. She hated that word, inconclusive. _Why not just say positive or negative?_ The thought brought a wry smile to her face, it wasn't like her to think it such black and white terms, that was more of Andy's thing than hers. She understood that the world was largely shades of grey.

Her phone began to ring and she looked down at the caller ID hoping to just let it go to voicemail, Chief Pope. _Dammit_ she muttered to herself.

"Hello Chief, what can I do for you?"

"I'm technically off today, I'm just leaving the hospital with Andy."

"No everything is fine, just some tests."

"Yes sir, I understand, I'll be in an hour."

She hung up and cursed again. She didn't want to leave Andy at home by himself, but she knew Rusty would still be at school. _Dammit_. Sharon had no interest attending another meeting with Chief Pope to discuss filling Taylor's position. She was interested and had tried to make that point abundantly clear, nonetheless it appeared she had no choice but to make a show of "vying" for the job.

She glanced over at Andy, he was still asleep. She hated to wake him, but they had arrived at the condo and whether she wanted to or not she needed to change and leave for the office.

"Andy, we're home." She said giving him a little shake on the shoulder. He shook his head and took a minute to orient himself before they stepped out of the car. He still felt a little weak and was definitely tired, so he didn't object when she offered to let him lean against her as they took the elevator up.

She got him settled into bed, "Pope called, I have to go in for a meeting. I should only be gone a few hours. Do you want me to call Patrice?"

"No Sharon, I'm fine really. I just need to sleep for a little bit." He said rolling over into the pillows.

"Okay, call if you need me. I'll be back as soon as I can." She gave him a kiss and brushed her fingers through his hair before heading back out.

 _Is it too much to ask to just want to stay home and hold onto my boyfriend_. She thought to herself as she left the parking garage. _It's moments like these that make me reconsider retirement._

 **4 Weeks Earlier**

Sharon needed to feel alive. She needed to feel him. The explosion at the warehouse had shaken her. Her whole team was outside of the command center, out in the danger while she sat in the post watching the ensuing gun battle and mass explosions. Andy was out there. He had left her side to go assist the others and in that moment all she could think about was whether or not he was okay. The world stopped for a moment and everything moved in slow motion. She wasn't sure how she found herself outside the command post or why she was running towards the scene. Sensing her presence Andy turned around and saw her coming towards him. Time instantly sped up again as their eyes met and he gave her a nod. _Okay, he's okay_ she told herself. Sharon took a deep breath and looked around to assess the situation, wanting to be sure that everyone else was also okay - she was fiercely protective of every member of her team.

Everyone had to remain at the scene for several hours as they waited for EOD to clear the area and FID to come take everyone's after action report. Sharon looked around at her team, everyone had come through unscathed but completely unsettled. As Taylor had mentioned this was just the beginning. With a million dollars worth of guns missing and Neo-Nazi's gone rogue they were in for a tense few weeks.

She was exhausted when they arrived back at her condo. Andy sensing her mood tried to offer words of encouragement, "Hey, everyone is okay. We all made it out and there are two less scumbags walking the planet."

She tried to smile back at him, she knew he was trying to help, but something was pulling at her gut, "Yes Andy, but it feels like we've walked into something without knowing what we've gotten ourselves involved in. These aren't the usual 'scumbags' as you say, that we come across. I can't help but feel there's more to come."

He pulled her into him, "Yeah I know and you're probably right about that, but we can't worry about what we don't know. We focus on today. We hold each other."

They stood together for awhile, frozen in a deep hold until Sharon began moving her hands up and down Andy's chest. Feeling his heart beating was making her feel alive again. His hands began to follow suit and move down to her hips. She looked up at him and he kissed her deeply. Within minutes they began haphazardly removing clothes from one another, both getting annoyed when they had to break apart to take off a shirt or kick off shoes.

Andy began pulling her towards the couch as he simultaneously was grasping at the clasp of her bra. Growing frustrated he turned her around and released the infuriating barrier and pulled her back up against him. Her warm skin touched his chest and he let out a deep sigh, this is what they both needed. His hands moved up towards her breasts as his lips moved to her shoulder. He kissed lightly before nipping at the soft flesh causing her to moan.

Sharon could feel Andy's excitement building, pressing against her backside and it made her push into it making him groan into her hair. She turned around, her nipples grazing against the hair on his chest making them grow hard in an instant. Reaching down she tugged at his waistband, hooking her fingers she pulled them down. He pulled her closer, pushing himself into her stomach enjoying the feeling of her skin against the tip, it made him shutter with anticipation.

Andy let his fingers drift down between them and felt the heat, the dampness despite her lace panties making him twitch, "Your already so wet," he grunted into her ear then took it into his mouth nibbling on the lobe. Her hands scratched at his back, "Andy, please," she choked out as his fingers grazed her clit causing her hips to buck. This wasn't about romance, they both needed this, they need to feel each other, to feel alive. He yanked off her panties and pushed her down onto the couch. Then in one thrust pushed inside her causing her to let out a scream - a mix of both pleasure and little pain. She was ready, but surprised. He paused for a moment before they began moving together. It was fast and animalistic. Their hearts were racing. Their bodies were glistening with sweat as the excitement built. It didn't take long for Sharon to feel her orgasm coming, as much as she enjoyed the slow tantric build up she loved the fast, dirty quickie and right now Andy was only too happy to oblige. He saw the blush rising up in her cheeks and down her chest and knew she was almost there. He lifted up her hips and pushed in faster. She grabbed onto the cushion and screamed into the pillow. Her whole body shook. As her walls pulsates around him Andy felt his own orgasm starting, he buried himself deep and let out a groan as he came.

He collapsed onto an elbow next to her on the couch as they both lay panting, together. Finally feeling alive, their hearts beat in rhythm together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 **3 Weeks Earlier**

The sound of gunfire was still ringing through her ears despite the silence of the bedroom. She lay still, motionless on the bed. Despite multiple showers she could still feel the spray of blood on her face, the smell of gunpowder on her skin. She glanced over and looked at the clock _2:23am great_. It wasn't that she expected to get any sleep tonight, no she had no illusions of such peace, but she had hoped that time would speed up that morning would come swiftly so they could get back to the case.

Andy lay next to her facing the door, the left side of the bed had become his side. Even after Jack left she couldn't bring herself to sleep in the center of the bed, always preferring the side furtherest from the door. In some ways it made it easier to share her bed with him when the time came, she wasn't fighting with him for space - although he was a pillow thief some how he managed to steal all the pillows and by morning she'd find them strewn across the floor. She rolled over and watched him breathing, the rhythm of his body rising and falling with each breath. Her heart broke, in one second that rhythm could end as it had to so many today. She didn't mean to let out a deep sigh, and winced hoping Andy hadn't heard. Seconds later though he rolled over to face her, eyes open brushing a piece of hair from her face. "Can't sleep?" He asked. She nodded in response. "I kinda figured. Do you want to talk about it?" He replied.

"What's there to talk about?" She said almost emotionless, surprising Andy.

He pulled himself up to lean against the headboard, "What do you mean what's there to talk about? You killed someone today. We lost a colleague. I think there's plenty to talk about."

"Exactly. _I_ killed someone, but it didn't matter Taylor still died." She said flippantly.

Andy shook his head, "Yes he did, but not because of anything you did. Just think about all the other people that were in danger. Think about all the people _you_ saved today." He cupped her cheek tenderly tilting her face up to meet his eyes.

"Yes Andy, I understand all that, but it doesn't change the fact that I killed someone. I took someone's life. I'm responsible." She ducked her eyes down again.

"Sharon, listen to me. He was a dirt bag, he deserved to die. I'm sorry that you feel bad about it, but it had to happen. You had to take him out. You did the right thing." He tried to pull her into his chest to comfort her, but she resisted.

"Andy don't you get it. That's the problem I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything." She pulled back from him waving her arms in frustration.

"Okay," he paused, "are you going to meet with the psychologist again?" He asked tentatively.

"I already told you, I passed behavioral I don't have to see him again." Her voice sounded annoyed and Andy got the sense that she was spoiling for a fight.

"Okay, I understand that you are cleared. That doesn't mean you can't talk to him again if you feel like it would be helpful." He tried to keep his voice calm, to be helpful without spooling her up.

Sharon looked at him with a hand on her hip, "Do you think I need to talk to someone?" The tone of her voice had risen up a notch, "I told you I'm cleared to work. I'm fine. Just drop it."

Andy felt his patience wearing thin, he knew she needed to talk to someone even if that wasn't him, "Sharon, honey, you aren't fine. If you were you wouldn't be acting like this at 2 in the morning."

Sharon moved from mild annoyance to fully pissed, she got out of bed and moved to grab her robe, "Acting? How am I acting Andy?" Her voice was shaking with anger.

Andy slowly got out of bed and moved towards her, putting his arms around her. She fought against him, he pulled her closer. Her hands moved up to his chest to push him away, he squeezed tighter pinning her arms against him. She continued to squirm trying to break free as he slowly "Shushed" in her ear, rocking her back and forth. "Sharon, you're safe." He kept repeating it until the dam finally broke. For the first time all day she allowed herself to sob. He knew she was feeling confused about everything, but she needed to let some of it out. It'd be a process, but he knew what it was like. Dangerous to keep it all bottled up, going through the motions. He held her awhile longer until her sobs turned into soft whimpers. He pulled back a little brushing a hand against her forehead as he held her. "Better?" He asked. She gave a tiny nodded and he pulled her back into bed with him. The exhaustion finally hit her and she closed her eyes, it wouldn't be restful sleep, but it would be something. Andy snuggled against her and waited for her body to go slack before he closed his own eyes.

 **Present Day**

He pushed the door of the medical building open and let her pass through, "I don't see how wearing this thing is going to help? I mean we already tried this and they got nothing."

She stopped and turned towards him, "Yes, but now that they have the data from the tilt table test you did he wants to give this a go. At least he thinks he knows what he's looking for now." She gave him a hug in encouragement, "Please be patient."

"I am being patient Sharon. I've been patient for three weeks now. I don't think you have any idea how cooped up I am in the condo. I'm going stir crazy. I'm not allowed to do anything. SO forgive me if I'm annoyed that they want to hook me up to these electrodes again when we got nowhere the last time." He waved his arms around in frustration, he felt his blood pressure rising. It wasn't that he wanted to be frustrated with her or even himself, but the whole situation was beginning to reach the limit of his patience and his nerves.

"Andy, it's going to be alright. So they didn't get enough information from the first halter monitor test, let's have faith that this longer term one will work out. The doctor is confident that he'll sort it out, just a few more tests." Sharon said patting him on the arm as they left the doctor's office. Andy was fitted with a new monitor, an event recorder that he would have to wear for the next month. He couldn't believe that this would mean that he'd go another month before even thinking about getting back to work. He was beginning to feel stir crazy at the condo, and the frustration was building.

"Sharon, I appreciate that you're trying to be encouraging, but I don't think you realize that the longer I'm out the harder it's going to be to get approved for full duty." Andy said through gritted teeth, trying not to let his frustrations get the best of him.

As they walked back to the car, Sharon went for the driver's side, on auto-pilot. Andy grumbled at her actions. "What?" She asked sounding a bit annoyed at how he had been behaving since the doctor left.

"Nothing." He said opening the passenger's side door.

"It's obviously not nothing, so what's going on?" She pressed.

Andy thought about it for a second, he was trying to just let it go, but the words began to spill out before he could stop them, "You know I'm capable of driving right? I'm not an invalid."

Sharon looked at him surprised and it took her a second to respond, "I know that, why would you think that I would assume you were an invalid?" She reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away.

"Because you're constantly trying to wait on me. _Don't lift that. Let me do this for you. Why don't I drive."_ His voice was shaking, he was full of anger and it was spilling out.

"I've just been trying to help you Andy, you gave us all quite a scare two weeks ago. I know you're anxious to get back to work and probably feeling frustrated being all cooped up, but I just want you to get better." She said trying to keep her voice calm, she was no stranger to Flynn's occasional bursts of angry rants and could see it building.

"Yes, I know Sharon and I'm sorry for scaring you and yes I'm tired of being cooped up. I'm tired of them not having any answers. I just want things to go back to how they were, back to work, back to _being_ with you." He replied trying to show some appreciation, he was of course grateful for all her help.

"Oh Andy, you are with me. I come home to you every night. I am with you." She said trying to draw his eyes up to hers.

"I saw you." He said softly.

"What?" She asked confused not sure what he could be alluding to.

"In the shower, the other day. I wasn't trying to spy on you, but you were gone for awhile and I thought maybe you were upset. You know how sometimes you cry in the shower. When I heard sounds I almost rushed in, but instead I saw you," he paused for a second. Sharon's eyes went wide with shock she knew exactly what he was talking about, "I saw how you had to help yourself. To relieve the frustration."

A little, "oh," escaped her lips not sure what to say in response to that.

"I hate that you had to do that Sharon. That I couldn't, that I can't help you feel good like that."

"Andy," Sharon started to say when he went to interrupt her, but she put her hand up to stop him, "please let me finish. I don't want you to feel bad about that and I'm sorry that you had to see that. You're right I was feeling frustrated. I wanted you. I do want you. But please don't feel bad."

"Why shouldn't I feel bad Sharon? I can't make love to my partner. I can't be there for you!" He exclaimed. "I'm letting everyone down. You. The team. It's just so damn frustrating!"

"Andy you are with me. You're not letting anyone down, least of all me. And as for the team they all understand and know you'll be back to work soon. Don't worry about us, we can hold down the fort until you're better. Detective Nolan has been a huge help, so please just focus on staying calm and everything will sort itself out soon. I promise." She said again trying to be encouraging, she had her own concerns about his health and lack of answers but she was pushing them to the side, trying to be positive for both of them.

"Oh right, Wes, of course you're doing just fine!" The second the snarky remark left his lips he regretted it.

"What is that supposed to me?" She asked surprised by his sudden change in tone, she knew he was feeling frustrated but she wasn't sure why the conversation had taken this sudden turn.

The word vomit continued, "Just that you've managed to find a replacement, who seems to be working out _sooo_ well with the team. Maybe you aren't worried about whether not the doctor lets me back to work because the team is doing just _fine_! And why should you, got a young new officer to lend you a hand." Andy's voice shook with anger. He could feel his blood pulsing in his neck.

"How dare you! Are you seriously accusing me of apathy for your health situation because my team is doing fine without you? Do you know how worried I've been the last three weeks? Do you know how many nights I lay awake listening to you sleep, watching you breath because I'm terrified that if I close my eyes when I wake up you'll be gone?! I've done nothing but try and be helpful and understanding of your condition over the last several weeks. Do you think I _enjoy_ not knowing what's wrong with you? Do you think I _enjoy_ not being able to make love to my partner? Up until now I tried to be sensitive to your frustration and patient, but you are pushing the limits of my compassion - calling my love for you into question. Am I happy that the team is stable right now yes, yes I am. Because it means one less thing for me to have to worry about! In no way does that mean that I don't want you back or that _Detective Nolan_ is in some way your replacement. Do you seriously think that I would be interested in sleeping with Nolan? I can't believe you could even think that. I'm annulling my marriage - for you - and you sit there and think that I could for one second think of being with someone else? Really? You know, between these damn interviews with Pope and you being on leave the last several weeks have been almost unbearable. It's not like my life has been a walk in the park recently." The words spewed out of Sharon, she hadn't intended to tell him just how worried she was, but she found herself incapable of holding it in after he accused her of being so disinterested.

Andy turned and looked at her stunned by her blunt and honest response, he wasn't sure what to say. He once again felt bad for the position he had put her in, for what he had said, but his anger hadn't subsided it was merely turning to guilt - a vicious cycle he had been on for weeks now. Everything she said was true, and it had been a rough few months for all of them, but her in particular. He wasn't sure there was anything he could do at this point to fix it expect to maybe give her some time away from him. It seemed he was at the heart of so much of her anguish. "Maybe I should stay with Provenza for a few days, give each other some space." He wanted that to sound softer that it had, but instead his voice just growled.

She looked up at him surprised by his response, but quickly cooled her face, "If that's what you think you need to do." She replied in an equally harsh tone.

"Yeah well," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I think it might be a good idea." He didn't really, he wanted to take it all back the minute the words left his mouth, but he couldn't.

The rest of the drive back to condo was filled with a stony silence. This blow-up rivaled some of the arguments they had back in her FID days, but this was their first one as a couple. She wasn't sure what to think about it. Sure they had had arguments before, disagreements, but nothing as serious as this. The doubt she had felt from the last several weeks came flooding back to her. His reaction about the annulment moving forward. The delay in looking for a house. And now he wanted time away from her. _Maybe he is having a change of heart, maybe this isn't what he wants any more. Maybe I'm not what he needs._

Andy packed his bag silently while Sharon sat in the living room. She stopped herself from going in there to try and change his mind. _If he wants to go, I need to let him_. Andy swore to himself as he zipped up his gym bag and picked up his coat from the back of the chair. It was like he was watching everything happening in slow motion unable to stop it, unable to do anything about it.

He walked back into the living room and saw her sitting on the sofa staring and the black screen of the TV. "Okay, well I guess I'll see ya." He said moving towards the door. Sharon couldn't bring herself to turnaround and look at him, "I guess that all depends on you." He nodded and walked out.

The second the door closed Sharon pulled a pillow into her chest and began to cry. Everything seemed to be spiraling out of control lately. Ever since Andy moved in things became challenging. She knew that it wasn't him moving in that caused the whole sequence of events to begin, but it certainly had a butterfly effect feeling to it all. Maybe she wasn't meant to be happy, that all this was her penance for living in sin. She couldn't be sure, but in that moment with Andy gone her heart broke and she felt a pain in her chest that was nearly unbearable. _What do I do now?_

 **AN: Okay so I realize that my "past" timeline conflicts with the present day since we are continuing to move forward in time. That said I thought it would be too complicated to follow if I kept changing how far we were going back in time. I think I've made the episode tags clear enough that everyone should know where we are at, and we are nearly caught up to "present day." There will be one more going back in time chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Quick note, there's no flashback in this chapter, I needed us to have this present day action happen first. The next chapter will deal with the post-shooting confessional and a continuation of the present day angst. Thanks for all the RR. Also all mistakes are my own, currently working without my beta. Also sorry for the formatting issue!

 **Chapter 8**

 **Present Day**

Andy stood at Provenza's door, waiting for someone to answer. He didn't call in advance. A lecture was coming, he knew it but wanted to put it off for as long as possible. Patrice came to the door,

"Andy," she said with some surprise, "Louie is at work right now. Was he expecting you?"

Andy rubbed the back of his head, "Uh no. Actually, I was wondering if I could stay with you guys for a few days." His eyes turned to the ground.

Patrice looked at him quizzically, but didn't press, "Um sure, c'mon in." She moved aside to welcome him in. "The guest room is down the hall as you know."

Andy finally looked up at her, "Thanks Patrice." His voice was soft and full of guilt. He walked down the hall and set his things down. He was in no mood to talk. The drive over was hard, at every stop light he considering turning back around wanting to try and fix things. He wasn't sure why he didn't, why he opted to press on. Initially, he told himself he just needed to cool off but he knew that was a lie. He had calmed down by the time they reached the condo. He thought about going to a meeting, but it wasn't a drink that he felt like he needed it was her. _It was always her_. He laid back on the bed and feel asleep, the whole day had been exhausting he just wanted to forget it even happened.

Several hours later, Patrice lightly knocked on the door,

"Andy, I've made some dinner if you're feeling hungry you're welcome to join me."

Andy turned and looked at the clock on his phone it was after 6, he brushed a hand down his face surprised he slept so long, "Uh sure, I'll be out in a minute. Thanks." He unlocked his phone and checked his messages, nothing. He didn't expect there to be anything, but part of him was wishfully thinking, hoping that she might have sent him something. He debated about sending her a note, letting her know he made it to Provenza's but quickly deleted it.

"That smells great Patrice," he said finally emerging from the guest room.

"Thanks, it's just almond crusted tilapia and some boy choy. I know you're a vegetarian, I wasn't sure if you ate fish or not." She said hesitantly.

Andy did on occasion, he wasn't a strict vegetarian on principle more out of an attempt to maintain a healthy lifestyle, "This is just fine, thanks again."

"Well, Louie won't be home until late. The guys went out for a drink, so it's just you and me." She said handing him a plate and sitting down at the table.

Andy nodded, hearing what his partner, what his team was up to was hard to hear. It was like his whole life was on hold, everything else was moving forward, on without him.

They made small talk as they ate, Patrice much to Andy's surprise avoided bringing up his health or Sharon. They talked about their kids mostly. For the first time since his crisis, he felt lighter he couldn't remember a meal in which he didn't have to talk about any of the heavy, stressful things going on in his life. It was a welcome change.

"I'll clean up," Andy started to say when Patrice interrupted, "Nonsense, you're our guest."

"No, no. You made a lovely meal and you're letting me crash in your spare room. I can manage the dishes. That was always the rule with Sharon, the one that cooks doesn't have to clean." He paused as he carried the plates to the sink, it was the first time her name was mentioned. He hadn't meant anything by it, it just came out so naturally. Thankfully Patrice didn't comment on that muttering a simple, "Thank you" instead.

As Patrice made a plate for Louie and packed up the leftovers Andy handled the dishes. The two moved about the kitchen together with a quiet ease. His hands finally busy with a job he finally spoke, "It was my decision," he paused as he felt her turn and look in his direction, "I mean I'm the one that suggested it. It wasn't like she threw me out or anything." Patrice merely hummed in response, letting him continue if he wanted.

The water continued to run as he scrubbed the pan, "We had a huge argument when we left the doctor's office this morning. It was my fault, I said somethings, well I was an idiot. Anyways I said maybe we should take some time apart."

"I see," replied Patrice.

"It wasn't really what I wanted, but by the time it was all said and done I couldn't take it back. So here I am." He said setting the pan on the rack to dry.

"Does she know where you are?" She asked.

Andy caught her drift, knowing his past he could see why someone might worry, "Yeah I told her I was coming here."

"Hmm, well that's good. At least she knows you're safe." She replied moving across the kitchen.

"Yeah I guess. I mean, I suppose that's one less thing for her to have to worry about, not _another_ burden about me to carry around all day." He said closing the dishwasher door a little harder than necessary.

"I don't think she thinks of you as a burden Andy, she loves you." She paused waiting to see if he would respond, "Have you talked to her since?"

"No, I'm not sure what to say. I mean a simply _I'm sorry_ isn't going to cut it. We both said somethings, well let's just say we both had plenty to be upset about. I dunno maybe the stress of the house, and the annulment, and how this," he said tugging at the halter monitor, "is too much for our relationship to bear." His words trailed off, there was much more to say, but he wasn't sure it should be said.

Patrice sat on a bar stool across from Andy who remained at the sink, "Do you still love her?"

Andy whipped his head around to look at her, "Yes, of course I love her!" He said more vehemently than necessary.

"Okay," she paused, "So then why do you think you guys aren't going to weather this storm? Do you think she doesn't love you anymore?" She sat with her hands crossed and spoke patiently.

"I think she still loves me, I mean I know she certainly cares about me that was evident in what she said when we fought. But just because you love and care about someone doesn't mean you can overcome these big issues, somethings are insurmountable." He placed his hands firmly on the counter across from Patrice as if in an effort to stabilize himself physically and emotionally.

"Yes, well sometimes that's true. But do you think what's going on between you both is insurmountable. What is the big issue? If you both love and care about each other then I can't imagine the issue would be that big." She said softly trying to sort out exactly what the problem was between her two friends.

Andy looked up and felt the word vomit bubbling up again he tried to swallow it down, but for the second time today he couldn't. His voice trembled as he spoke, but was no longer full of the anger it once carried,

"I'm the issue Patrice. I'm the burden. The doctor's haven't figured out what's wrong with me. I'm still on leave and I don't know when or even if I'll be allowed back to work. Even if they do let me come back it'll probably be on permanent desk duty. She thinks I can't do anything because my heart might give out. Who knows maybe that's true. I sit at home and stare at the walls, waiting for her to send a message saying she's on her way, so I can make dinner. The highlight of my day. I'm not a patient man," Patrice let out a small chuckle, "but I've tried to be for her. I want to be the man that she hasn't had in her life before. You know actually there, and now I'm not. I'm not there to watch her back at work. I'm able to really contribute around the house. Hell I can't even make love to my girlfriend!" He let out exasperatedly with his head down. "And now I've gone and yelled at her for caring about me. Accused her of replacing me at work and wanting to be with someone else. I've done nothing but make her life harder, made it worse by being around. There's nothing I can say or even do to try and fix it. She would be better to just move on without me." He said finally reaching the point of sobbing. Patrice got up from the bar stool and moved to his side and pulled him into a hug.

"Andy, it's okay. We'll figure something out. Trust me, it'll all work out you just need to give it some time. Maybe it was a good idea for you guys to have some space, just for the moment while you sort through some of these feelings. Give you a clearer head." She said looking at the broken man in front of her.

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Across town, Sharon stood out on the balcony watching the sunset. It was October in Los Angeles, the air was warm and dry from the Santa Ana's blowing through. The lights across the city were flickering on and her eyes began to adjust to the growing darkness. She spent the first hour after he left on the couch trying to collect herself. Then several hours cleaning and scrubbing the house. She needed something to do, to keep herself busy. Cleaning was her go-to upset coping method. With the house sparkling she moved outside, feeling trapped inside but not feeling to leave the privacy of the condo. The glass of white wine she poured was nearly empty, but she had no interest in filling it. She heard the front door open in the distance, and she spun around hoping that maybe it was Andy. Her heart sank for a moment when she saw Rusty and Gus move into view. She turned back around and focused on the hills in the distance.

The slider opened, "Sharon?"

"Hmm," she hummed in response.

"Just stopped by to pick a few things up, I'm staying with Gus tonight," he paused, "remember?"

"Hmm, okay. Drive safe." She said keeping her back to him.

Rusty was about to close the slider but paused, "I didn't see Andy, did the appointment go okay?"

She took a breath and spoke in a professional sounding voice, "He's with Provenza tonight. The appointment was fine, their doing another test."

Rusty recognized the voice and thought about pressing her, but wisely opted to keep his thoughts to himself, "Oh okay, well I'm glad it went okay," he paused again trying to gauge her reaction, getting none he finished, "Call if you need anything."

"Mmm hmm." She replied as he pulled the slider shut. She knew he could sense that there was more going on, but was grateful he didn't push her. It really wasn't any of his business and she didn't trust herself at the moment to stay composed if he had asked what was going on.

A few minutes later she heard the door close and let out a deep sigh of relief. She loved her son, but there were times like now where she was grateful for the space - missed having the place all to herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Andy excused himself to the guest room after his confessional speech to Patrice. He knew Provenza would be home soon and didn't feel like dealing with the confrontation. Once again he checked his phone and was elated to find an email notification pop up. He swiped and opened it,

 _Hey Dad,_

 _The boys are going to be performing in the school talent show this Friday night, as part of back to school night. They'd really like it if they're favorite grandpa was able to make it. I know Sharon might have to work, but we'd love to see her too! I've attached all the info._

 _Love,_

 _Nicole_

Andy felt tears return to his eyes, they were happy and sad all at the same time. His heart felt so full knowing how much his relationship with her had improved over the last few years, and he really did love his grandkids to pieces. But he wasn't sure what to say about Sharon. For a moment he thought about forwarding the email to her, but decided to hold off. He had hoped the message was from her and felt a twinge of disappointment that it wasn't. He pulled the drop down to refresh the page several times, still hoping that maybe it just hadn't come through yet. He finally opted to send Nicole a quick text message,

 _Got your email, I'll definitely be there!_

He couldn't bring himself to mention anything about Sharon to his daughter. _Maybe we can sort all this out by then_.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sharon heard her phone chirp, she thought for a moment that it could be Andy checking in. She thought maybe he would have sent her a message earlier letting her know that he made it to Provenza's, but he hadn't. She thought about asking, but given his outburst earlier about her hovering she thought it was best not to.

 _Hey! FYI Boys are dancing in the school talent show on Friday. Sent Dad the details. Hope to see you! Hugs Nicole!_

The message brought a smile to Sharon's face. She loved spending time with Nicole and her family. She adored the boys and loved watching them dance. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't hesitate to respond with a "Definitely!" or "Yay! So excited!" but after everything that happened she wasn't sure where she and Andy would be by Friday.

Sharon quickly typed a response, _Thanks for the head's up!_ She figured it would be generic enough not to be questioned further, and left her attendance ambiguously open. Certainly if they didn't have a case and they were on better footing she'd be there in a heart beat, but now…she wasn't so certain.

She finally moved inside. Taking a quick lap making sure everything was locked and turned off she moved to the bedroom to take a long hot shower. She felt exhausted, but had no allusions that sleep would come easy tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Andy heard Provenza come in as he laid in bed with the lights out. No doubt Patrice would have given him a head's up about their unexpected overnight guest, but thankfully he hadn't called or texted him about it. He heard Provenza's voice grow louder and move towards his room, he could barely make out what they were saying.

"What do you mean he told her he needed some space? What the hell does the idiot think he's doing?"

"Louie calm down, I talked to him about it and I think maybe it wasn't such a bad idea."

"You can't be serious! He's going to wreck this whole thing and then it's going to blow up in all of our faces!"

"We don't know that. So why don't you just leave it be for now and let them sort it out."

"Well I'll leave it for tonight, but tomorrow morning I'm going to give him a wake up call!"

The voices moved away from the room and Andy realized that Patrice must not have mentioned anything to him until he got home. He smiled for a moment, grateful for Patrice she had managed to give him a quiet evening, one that he desperately needed.

He picked up the phone it was almost 10, he knew she would be taking off her make-up and getting ready for bed about now. He closed his eyes and imagined her moving through her nightly routine. The thought brought a smile to his face, she was nothing if not a creature of habit. He looked the message icon, in all the time they had been together they had always said goodnight in one form or another.

Sighing he slowly moved his fingers across the keyboard typing out a message. Despite their fight he couldn't stand not saying something before she fell asleep.

 _Goodnight, sweetheart. - A_

He kept it simple hoping the sentiment would be appreciated. He saw the "delivered" pop up and closed out the app. He laid there for awhile hoping to see her response. As the time continued to tick away the more he grew doubtful that she was going to say anything. _She's clearly pissed._ He took her silence at face value. It was nearly midnight when Andy finally fell asleep, his phone on his chest still waiting to hear from her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 **Present Day**

Sharon awoke from her fitful sleep five minutes before her alarm, as usual. It didn't seem to matter that her body hadn't gotten enough sleep, her brain was awake. The sun was just beginning to pour through the curtains. For a second, she forgot she was alone, until she stretched and felt the cold empty pillows next to her. With the exception of his brief stint in the hospital in September, they hadn't slept apart since June when they decided to move in together. She was no stranger to sleeping in an otherwise empty bed, but just because she could do it didn't mean she wanted to do it. She pulled herself up and leaned against the headboard grabbing her glass of water as she put on her glasses. She enjoyed taking her time getting out of bed, given the many nights when she was called out for a case she endeavored to savor all the mornings that she wasn't. Lazily, she reached over and grabbed her phone off the charger. She was a bit surprised last night when her phone chirped as she slid into bed for the evening. Unlocking her phone she expected to see a reply from Nicole or perhaps a message from Rusty, instead it was Andy's name that popped up on the screen. It was a short message wishing her goodnight. She was glad to see that despite his anger towards her earlier that he still knew that they always said goodnight to each other. On the flip side she was still upset about the whole thing, angry with him and frustrated with herself. She gave herself pause before typing out a reply, _I hope you sleep well. - S._ Before turning off her phone and shutting off the lights.

When she slid her phone open this morning she was disappointed, no new messages. It wasn't that she expected him to reply nor did she imagine he would be up yet to say Good Morning, but she was finding this "space" business a challenge. It brought back feelings of Jack and worries of whether or not he would ever come home to her. She let out a sigh and set her water and phone back down, pulled back the sheets and climbed out to get on with her day. _Hopefully work will be the distraction I need today_. She thought as she made the bed and headed to her closet.

As she climbed into her car, the phone rang, "Captain Raydor." She swiftly replied not bothering to check who was calling.

"Hey Mom," a smile erupted on her face. It wasn't often that he called her that, but it warmed her heart when he did, "So Gus's boss is giving him an opportunity to prepare the sauces, or like something, on Friday night and he wanted me to invite you and Andy to come to the restaurant."

Sharon went to respond with a gleeful yes, when she realized all the recent complications that might make that difficult, "Uh, well Nicole sent a note yesterday. The boys are in a talent show on Friday."

Rusty let out a disappointed, "Oh."

Sharon could tell that Rusty wanted them to come, even if he wasn't thrilled that Gus was putting cooking ahead of school he was proud of him in his own way for making a life out of nothing here in LA. She didn't want to disappoint either of the boys, "Maybe we can come by afterwards." She grimaced once the words left her mouth, the way things were left between her and Andy made any of these plans ambiguous at best.

"Ok, yeah that would be great. Let me know what time you think you could stop by and I'll put our name on the list." Rusty replied with as much enthusiasm as the boy ever showed.

Sharon let out a hmm, "Ok, I need to run. I'll check in later. Love you." The phone clicked off as she scrunched her face again. They could still go do these family functions, it wasn't as if they had broken up. _Or had they_?

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Across town, Andy tossed and turned. Nothing felt right. The mattress was too soft. The sheets were scratchy. The room was too warm. The electrodes dug into his skin. And more importantly the bed was otherwise empty. Every time he turned over he blindly reached out for her in his sleep only to be met with disappointment. He finally gave up on sleep and sat up. The clock on the nightstand said 6:04am. _She would be getting dressed right now_. He thought to himself. He reached for his phone, but it wasn't laying on the table. Pulling back the blankets and moving around on the bed his hands searched out for his phone. He vaguely recalled falling asleep with it, but couldn't find it. He flipped on the light and peered under the bed, finally seeing that it had fallen during the night. He grabbed it and flipped on the screen, the battery was low 3% - _Dammit!_ He fumbled through his bag looking for the plug, but couldn't find one. Frustrated he opened his email and checked for messages - nothing important. He checked his messages and was sad to see none. He clicked on Sharon's name just to double check and saw no reply to his message the night before. He wasn't sure what to think about that. _Maybe she fell asleep and didn't see it?_ He hoped, but he knew even if that was the case she would have seen it this morning, but had chosen to not say anything. The phone went black as the battery finally gave out, "God dammit!" He cursed in frustration. He looked all around the room, but couldn't find his charger. _Maybe it's in the car_. He threw on his sweats, grabbed his keys and headed out.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Provenza growled as he caught his partner _sneaking_ out of the house.

"I need my phone charger," Andy replied through gritted teeth.

"Uh huh," he paused as he moved out of the kitchen and towards the entry way where Andy was now standing, "So you didn't want to call me and tell me you screwed up? Just thought you'd invite yourself over and leave it to Patrice to tell me?"

Andy was in no mood to deal with him, between the lack of sleep and his frustration of not hearing from Sharon he was liable to snap again, "No I didn't call you because I don't want to hear it. I know I messed up, just leave it alone Louie."

"Leave it alone? Why on earth would I just leave _it_ alone? So you messed up, get in the car drive over there and fix it!" He shouted waving his hands up in irritation.

Andy flipped back around, "It isn't as easy as all that. Would you just let me deal with this my way?!" He shouted back, and started again to head to his car.

Provenza let out a sarcastic laugh, "Right your way, that'll fix things. Your way is how you got into this mess in the first place!"

In five steps Andy was in Provenza's face, "You think you know everything don't you - six wives makes you an expert at relationships I see. Well excuse me for not being interested in taking advice from you on the subject." Andy could feel his heart racing and discomfort building in his chest, despite his anger he turned and walked out again, on his best friend. He took some deep breaths trying to calm his heart back down. He didn't look back, but he knew Louie wouldn't follow him out this time. He knew that Provenza would drop it for now, but he had no allusions that it was the last he had heard from him on the subject. Instead of getting his charger and going back inside he opted to go for a drive, he needed to get his temper in check. In less than 24 hours he had lashed out at the love of his life and at his partner. _Maybe it's time to hit a meeting_ he thought as he turned the car out of the neighborhood.

 **1 Week Earlier**

Andy sat in his car out front of the diner that was down the street from his AA meetings. He had gone to several over the past few days, between losing Taylor and the scare he had of losing Sharon during all the gunfire he was a mess. He was trying to put on a brave face for her and for the team, but it shook him to the core. When he took this job he knew the risks that came. He had seen fellow officers get gun down before, people he knew, people he cared about; but never before had someone he loved been in the same room as him when the shooting began.

His mind replayed the events over and over again. Years earlier when he realized he had feelings for her, long before Sharon had any idea, he worried about how he might react in that situation. A moment where he would have to decide between trying to protect her or doing his job, he wasn't sure how he would react and it was a concern. Something that he spoke about extensively with his sponsor. As it turned out his training and instincts kicked in. In the split section where he needed to react he had done so pushing innocent people to the ground, trying to get people out of the room as he pulled his weapon out. Sharon had stepped forward into the aisle and eliminated the threat before he had a chance to realize where she was in the room and the danger she was in. It was in that second moment, seeing her face splattered with Taylor's blood that his heart finally began to race. They trained you in the Academy to keep your heart rate low during these kinds of moments and his years in the force had ensured he had done just so, but once the threat was gone new feelings of panic filled him. It was an unfamiliar feeling and nearly knocked the wind out of him when he realized it. In the third moment he pulled himself together to both do his job and provide quiet comfort for Sharon, it was a challenge but something he knew he needed to do for her.

Andy knew that this was different for him than her. He had shot and killed suspects before and while he did care about what that meant - it wasn't as though it didn't take a small piece of him to take a life - he always knew it was justified. It was the thing that kept him from being destroyed by it. Sharon saw everything in shades of grey and he agreed with that, but knew that if he allowed himself to see that, to feel that he would be consumed by it. For him, to do this job it had to be black and white. It had to be good guy, bad guy. If it was anything more he couldn't do the job.

His fingers tapped on the steering wheel as he check the time again. He knew he was just killing time before going home. Sharon had been acting off since the shooting. It was obvious to everyone that she was having a hard time processing everything, but what had surprised him was her reluctance in talking to him about it. It seemed over the last few days there was a big invisible wall that she had put up between them, a silent distance that had come to loom over them. He tried holding her, talking about it, not talking about it and nothing seemed to help. Every night had been the same since the night after the shooting. She set her stuff down, make a cup of tea and sit on the sofa staring at the same spot on the wall. It didn't seem to matter whether he was there or even Rusty she'd sit in the same spot until someone made her eat something. Then she'd shower and go to bed. Andy had hoped that when she had opened up, sobbed in his arms after Taylor died that maybe they'd reached a new level of intimacy. However as it had been with her since day one, one step forward two steps back. It was a familiar, if not frustrating dance.

When Andy got home that night he was surprised not to find Sharon keeping vigil on the couch. He checked around the house and saw no sign of her. For a minute he thought about sitting and waiting for her, but he had an idea where she had gone. It hurt to know that he wasn't the one that she turned to in these moments of need, that he couldn't help her find the absolution that she was so desperately searching for - needing. That's how he found himself in front of the diner, killing time. He wanted to give her the space she seemed to want, but was worried about being pushed away - pushed out of her life entirely. He didn't want this one act, that horrible day to take another life, a beautiful relationship.

A tap on the window made the decision for him, Tom stood outside his car. He turned the key and stepped out and headed into the diner with his sponsor. They both knew today's chat had nothing to do with keeping him from drinking, this was more life support. Sharon got her absolution from God, it was never anything he sought to have and struggled to even understand. "Hey Tom."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: I borrowed the name Tom from ilovedesserts and her absolute mess story. Kinda thought it would be a fitting name for his sponsor.

Also, I really wanted to explore some of Andy's emotions during White Lies Pt 2. While I loved how they delved deeper into Sharon's faith and her struggles with the shooting, I thought we missed out on the opportunity to see the impact of that on Andy and their relationship. Mary's comments in the WWSRD podcast #7 helped a bit in that understanding. You could tell when the priest mentioned "tell Andy I said hi" that Sharon had an odd reaction - not one of immediate love and joy, but one that showed a fracture between them. That will continue to be explored in the chapters to come.

As I mentioned in my other story, I'm dealing with a lot in my personal life at the moment so I'm not sure when I'll be able to provide another update to either one of these stories. I know many of you will be upset with the way I've left things hanging at the moment, but unfortunately that's just where we are in the story and what I have time to write. Please hang on and be patient. I do plan to finish this piece - the remaining 6 chapters are mapped out just not written. thanks for the r&r


	10. Chapter 10

Apologies for the short chapter, time is a challenge at the moment. No past flashbacks this chapter.

 **Chapter 10**

 **Present Day**

Two meetings, several cups of a coffee, and an afternoon of aimless driving had Andy finally coming out of his frustrated fog. It wasn't that he didn't already know what was bothering him, but he didn't really get it. He thought about going home, making dinner and waiting for Sharon so they could talk about things, but as he drove past the condo and saw the lights off he thought against it. He knew from the whole Darnell business that Sharon often needed time and space to process things when life got messy and complicated. Instead he turned his car back towards Provenza's house. Awhile later as he pulled into the drive way he winced, he noted that his friend's car was not outside so he could avoid the awkward confrontation, but he knew at some point he'd have to talk to him and he wasn't looking forward to it. The lights were off in the house as he let himself in, he called out Patrice's name but got no response. He made his way to the guest bed room and plopped down. The irony of feeling all alone once he finally had the space he felt he so desperately needed wasn't lost on him. As he rolled onto his side he heard and felt the crinkle of paper, as he moved off the bed he found a sheet of yellow legal pad paper folded into quarters. He didn't need to flip it over to know what it was, in his own hand was her name "Sharon" scrawled on the outside.

He gently unfolded the paper and saw the words he had so carefully written to her nearly a year ago. In the chaos of that day and the days that followed he had forgotten he had given Provenza the letter to hold on to. The man had made no promises that he would give it back, and he had chosen this moment to do just that. Andy hadn't told her the words when he woke up from surgery, even though they were on his mind, but a few days after once he was home with her and feeling settled again he wrote them once more - on a card. He was grateful for all her love and support and while a thank you card seemed trite all things considered he didn't want to put her on the spot to reply the sentiment, but he knew in his heart he needed her to know.

As he re-read his hospital letter a well of emotions came flooding to the surface, all the fear, the hurt, and even the pain began to stream from his eyes. Andy wasn't a man that felt emasculated by crying, but admitted it wasn't something he did often. Even now he could only remember a handful of times, when his sister was diagnosed with cancer, his father dying, Nicole getting married, and now. As Andy sat focused on the letter letting the emotional bubble out he felt the momentous stress of the last month and half begin to ease. While things with Chief Taylor had never returned to the friendly terms they once had the anger had long since gone, his death hit home. _That could have been me_. He thought to himself. _I could have left her alone, picking up the pieces_. In a flash of clarity as he held his letter to Sharon in his hands, Andy finally realized in that moment what was really bothering him. He jumped out of bed and began opening drawers looking for sheets of paper. He finally knew what he needed to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Sharon looked up from the stack of papers on her desk and realized the sun had gone down and her office was growing darker. Through her blinds she could see that most of the team had already gone home, save for Provenza. She wasn't sure whether that was because of her or because of Andy. For a brief moment she thought about asking him about Andy, but shook her head and thought better of it. There wasn't any need to bring him into their personal mess. She clicked on her desk light and returned to the time sheets that needed signing.

"Goodnight Lieutenant," muttered Sanchez as he threw on his coat and headed out for the night.

"Night," he responded. With everyone finally gone he stood up and made his way to her office shaking his headed. He rose his knuckles to the door and gave a light tap before opening the door.

She was startled, but not surprised to see him in her doorway, "Come in Lieutenant. What can I do for you?" It was a formality, she was pretty sure he didn't come in for professional reasons.

"I believe that something that belongs to you is occupying space at my house. And as you might recall last year that one's personal effects should not end up in someone else's condo I think you should come and collect your property." He spoke sarcastically.

She found the reference amusing and let out a small smirk, "He doesn't belong to me." She replied.

"Oh so when he's bad he's mine and when he's good he's yours? Is that how this custody arrangement is supposed to work?" His voice sound annoyed, but was nonetheless light.

"Hmm, something like that," she paused turning serious, "He's welcome to come home whenever he would like. I didn't kick him out. I am sorry that he has brought you and Patrice into this," she said gesturing between her and Andy's respective desks.

"Listen, I know that the man comes off all strong and overly confident but you and I both know that's just a show. You are twenty times stronger than he is, well then any of us is. He knows he messed up and I can assure you that he has no clue how to fix it. You need to give him some encouragement," Provenza waited to see if she would respond and when she didn't he continued, "Have you spoken to him since…" his voice drifted off.

Sharon leaned back in her chair, thinking about how best to respond. It took her a few hours, but she finally caught her mistake. Last night she turned her phone off too quickly after sending the message - it never went through. When she finally clicked on Andy's name and brought up their message history she saw his and hers with a ! showing it was undelivered. He never got her reply. She wasn't sure what to do, re-send it, delete it, send a new message. Instead she froze closed her phone and buried herself back in her work. She felt Provenza's eyes glaring at her, waiting for a reply, "No. No we haven't spoken since he left on Monday." She dropped her eyes into her lap, partly out of embarrassment and partly in an attempt to pull herself together. She realized once she said the words that it was the first time that the two had gone 24 hours without speaking - ever. Not even after the second Nutcracker debacle did they go this long in silence. A shiver ran down her spine as the weight of that realization sunk in. "I'm not sure if I can fix it this time," she muttered surprising herself for saying it out loud.

She looked up at Provenza and she could see the shock in his eyes at her revealing such a personal feeling. The two remained silent for a little while longer before she finally spoke again, "If there's nothing else I should really get back to these time sheets." She could tell that he wanted to say something, but thought better of it, "Yeah okay, goodnight Captain." And he walked out of her office. Once she saw him leave the murder room she picked up her phone again, for the millionth time, and checked it for emails, voicemails, any messages whatsoever. There was nothing. She wasn't surprised, but it still hurt. _How can you be so upset when you didn't even have the decency to reply back to him_. She admonished herself. She quickly signed the last of the forms and placed them in a To Chief Howard folder and packed up her things. Glancing at her watch she knew she had time to swing by the church on the way home. As much as she wanted to go to confessional and get spiritual help on the matter she was afraid of what it might mean to the annulment review. _Is that even relevant now_? She wondered. Confession or not, sitting in the pew, lighting a candle, just being there might give her some clarity on the matter.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Andy laid in bed, lights off, as he heard Patrice and Provenza come home. He glanced at his phone it was nearly 10:30. He hadn't heard from Sharon all day, and wasn't sure if he should bother sending another goodnight text to her or not. She hadn't told him to fuck off, not that she'd use those words, but she hadn't replied like she cared. He took a deep breath and typed out a new message, "Goodnight Sharon." He kept it short knowing he could be easily tempted to write a small novel via text if he wasn't careful. He saw the delivered pop up on the screen and turned off his phone. As much as he wanted to see if she wrote back, he knew he could be up all night obsessively checking his phone. No, he would turn it off, go to sleep and think hopeful thoughts until the morning that they could work this out. That he could dig himself back out of this mess. That they could fix this downward slide they were on.

Across town, Sharon pulled back the comforters and removed the pillows from the bed when she heard her phone vibrate on the night stand. She had a pretty good idea who it was from given the hour as she picked it up. She swiped the screen open and her heart swelled for a moment when she saw his simple message. It wasn't much, but in that moment it felt like everything. Perhaps, they hadn't completely fallen apart just yet. She thought for a moment about how best to reply. There was so much she wanted to say, needed to say that she was tempted to just type it all out, but pulled herself out of that temptation. _Andy went simple, so should you_. She typed out, "Goodnight to you too, Andy." This time she sat and waited to make sure that her phone delivered the message. Satisfied that it finally went through she crawled into bed and pulled his pillows into her chest. It was the second night she was sleeping without him and her body ached for his presence. Breathing in his scent she let out a sigh, she lay like that for awhile before finally drifting to sleep.

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AN: Thanks for all the personal and story support. We have begun the process of hospice for my family member, so I'm not sure when updates will happen. Writing and reading is cathartic for me, so as I'm able I will get to it. I almost ended this on a super angsty note, but figured that would be a bit mean. As an aside who else (raises hand) went bonkers from that del Arco pic that showed Sharon/Mary wearing a wedding ring?! Since clarified that it was Mary's actual real-life ring since they weren't filming in that moment, but hey wishful thinking!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **1 Week Ago**

Sharon knew that with the loss of Chief Taylor a power vacuum would appear soon, but she had hoped to stay on the fray of it all. For once, she wasn't looking to climb, move, or maneuver anywhere. For the first time in both her career and her personal life she felt comfortable and content with exactly where she was in life. She mused back to the conversation that she had with Brenda about advancement several years ago, and suddenly understood what she meant by not wanting to go anywhere. This truly was a special team. That said, there was no denying that she had wanted, nay coveted the Commandership that she had been promised five years ago, but she found the trade off of having a team who both loved and respected her to be worth it. As she sat in the RACR room with Assistant Chief Howard waiting for everyone to get in position, she looked around at her team. Provenza was seated beside her backing her up every step of the way, a notion that five years ago would have seemed impossible. A slightly more mild Julio was also at hand, preparing for the separation of his young ward, despite the difficulty she knew it was something he was now equipped to handle. On the monitor she could see Tao standing at the ready with Officer Nolan, a team that once rejected outsiders was now welcoming working with others. Eager to please Amy had finally grown into her shoes, she had found her voice and learned to stand behind her own ideas an inconceivable notion when they first met. And Andy, she had no words to say about him just a mass of emotion. He was a man that lived in the moment and moved on, something no doubt he learned in AA. A concept she struggled with, but appreciated that he brought that piece into their relationship.

As she sat and listened to Wildred and Martin's argument a subtle smirk crossed her face. If you removed all the murder and other criminal acts from this case it boiled down to age old arguments between parents. She didn't doubt that on some level they loved each other, but they each loved something more than the other - Wildred and her son, Martin and his money/reputation. It was an illicit relationship full of secrecy and agenda that consumed everyone around them. Sharon's expression immediately changed as she sensed the woman's demeanor change. She went for the drawer. Sharon quickly picked up the radio, "Code 3, Code 3. Gun in the office!" Shots were fired. Martin's body jolted and fell backwards. Wildred fired several more shots. The blood began to spill from Martin's body as the hidden camera silently watched over his dead body, before her team finally breached the office. It was over. It was finally all over. But to what end. The Chief was still dead. She still killed someone. The men who committed all these acts are dead. She and Wildred would be left picking up the pieces in their own way. They both killed someone in this case and yet one was going into booking and the other was going home tonight. None of it seemed fair, or even rational, but it's the way the system worked. A system that she tried to put all her faith and belief into, if it didn't hold up then her universe would crash down around her. It almost had a week ago.

Sharon walked through the halls of PAB with Provenza and Howard to rejoin the rest of her team. She knew a hearty congrats or good job wasn't really appropriate today. There was no question they had all performed above and beyond the call of duty, to say so would belittle the action. A congrats seemed undermine the loss they had all endured. Her mind settled on a simple thank you, it wasn't enough, it would never be enough, but it was genuine and what she could give at this point. Howard and Provenza's discussion about the filling of Taylor's post jarred her out of her pensive thoughts.

"I think there may be quite a few candidates for this office."

Sharon whipped around, his tone was all too suggestive, but he continued, "But don't discount yourself entirely."

"I don't think I can maneuver around the bureaucracy like Taylor. So far it's all been balancing out competing interests and trying to decide who gets what without everyone blowin' up at me. I like runnin' SOB." Replied Howard.

"And I am very happy where I am." She added on emphatically.

They moved into the murder room where she found the team slowly packing up case files and photos. As usual she found herself drifting closer to Andy. Even before they had officially begun dating, in fact long before Sharon acknowledged friendly feelings towards Andy to herself, she often found herself within his orbit. His presence was comforting, even if they weren't in a warm embrace or even touching just being a few inches apart brought her a sense of peace. In the dark moments of this job and the challenging cases she had come to realize that while she could do this job without Andy she wouldn't want to. If he retired or transferred out it would never be the same. Yes, he was a great detective and a valuable asset to the team on all those levels his ability to work so seamlessly and in the unspoken spaces of her mind made them a powerful team. When he began fidgeting with his left shoulder and snaking his head around to loosen the muscles she could sense something was wrong. If she hadn't been so distracted the last several days she probably would have seen the growing tension in his body. He had been displaying these jerky movements for several hours, but she only just took them in and processed what they meant.

"Andy, you ok?" She inquired.

"Yeah, um, I think Mr. Nolan shoved me a little hard the other day. And you know I think I pulled something getting out of the van." He replied.

Her eyes never left his body, she sensed it was more than that, but once again her attention was torn by the team. "Oh hey, Can I announce that Dr. Joe is still alive? Should make his family pretty happy to visit him." Amy asked.

Sharon went to reply when she noticed Andy stutter step towards the wall of her office. The color was draining from his face and discomfort appearing in his eyes. She quickly closed the distance between them kneeling on the ground as he slid down the wall. Vaguely aware the team was suddenly all-around them she rose her hands to his face, eyes meeting as she called his name. For once all the compartmentalization went out the window. Her ability to multi-think and multi-task was gone. She wasn't barking orders or running around trying to do something. She was on ground holding the face of the man she loved. _Why didn't I notice sooner?_ She yelled at herself as Andy's eyes closed and his body went limp.

 **Present Day**

Friday had finally arrived. Sharon turned off her alarm and rolled over to once again observe the empty space next to her. It had been six days and five nights since Andy left - since she let him walk out of the condo. They still hadn't spoken, nothing beyond the goodnight messages it was something, but certainly not enough. She flopped back in the bed when she realized the other impact this day brought with it. _Dinner._ Gus and Rusty were expecting them both to come tonight. She hadn't mentioned it to Andy and now she realized that he might not even be free - if he even wanted to go. After a week if not speaking to each other the notion of sitting down for a dinner and enjoying each's other company seemed like an impossible task. She thought about not saying anything to him at all. _I can just show up and tell them Andy wasn't feeling up to it_. She shook her head, she hated lying but she really didn't want to tell her son the truth. She pulled out her phone and typed a quick message before jumping in the shower.

At Provenza's house Andy awoke to hear the grumblings of his partner. His voice was meant to appear like a hushed whisper, but was anything but, "How long is he gonna be here?"

He couldn't hear Patrice's response, but sensed that she was calming him down. Andy knew he was overstaying his welcome. It was time to do something. Either go back to the condo and work things out with Sharon or pack up and look for a new place to live. Deep down he knew he couldn't move out on his own accord, not unless he sensed it was what she really wanted. He rubbed his face and let out a frustrated sigh. _How do I always get myself into these messes?_ He pondered when his phone dinged. The screen showed a reminder - Talent Show - tonight. _Oh right_. The immediate feeling of happiness was pushed aside by anxiety when he realized that he hadn't told Sharon about the event, nor did he know if she would even want to go, and oh yeah that once again he hadn't said anything to his family about him and Sharon.

He opened up his email and pulled up the message Nicole sent with all the details and forwarded it to Sharon. He debated about what to say, if anything before sending it on.

 _Sharon, sorry I didn't send this sooner. I honestly thought we would have spoken by now. Nicole invited us to both go tonight. I understand if you don't want to see me, but if you can bring yourself to put up with me for an hour the boys and Nicole would really appreciate seeing you. Love, A._

He pushed send before he could change his mind. Setting the phone down on top of the letter he wrote to Sharon a few days earlier, he gathered his things and hopped in the shower.

Several hours later, Sharon looked at her watch. "Shoot!" she shouted at herself. She was running behind schedule, she wasn't going to have time to go home and change before going out. Letting out a deep sigh in an effort to calm herself she grabbed the jacket off her coat hook and put it on. Grabbing her purse and stuffing files into her bag she flipped off the lights and closed the door of her office. In her haste she nearly bumped into Provenza in the hallway, "Where are you off to in such a rush?" He grumbled.

"I'm meeting Andy, and I'm late. Sorry." She said twirling around and getting into the elevators.

"About damn time. _Idiots_." He mumbled under his breath.

Parking was a nightmare as it often was on back-to-school night. Cars were parked up and down the street. She didn't even attempt to check the main lot. Picking the first spot she saw she put her heels back on and quickly walked towards the gym where the email had said the talent show would be taking place. It was a longer walk than she anticipated and when she pushed the door to the gym open the room was dark, but she could tell it was packed. Knowing she was late she found a spot against the wall to stand and watch the performances. _I'll find them when it's over_ , she said trying to catch her breath.

A few minutes later, the principal came on to introduce the next act, "Next up are our very own principal ballet dancers - brothers no less - The Dancing Duo." The two boys walked out on stage wearing baggy jeans and floppy caps getting into position before the music came on. Sharon smiled when she finally saw them start to dance. They had choreographed a little mash-up of Bach and The Weeknd and were doing a contemporary dance that was great. When they finished she saw a row towards the front stand-up and cheer, she figured that's where Andy was and made a mental note for when the show ended.

Thirty minutes later, feet and back killing her, she was relieved when the house lights came back on and the show finally ended. Sharon made her way up towards the front when she was struck in the side by two boys yelling, "You came!" "Did you see us?" The startle quickly wore off when she realized that it was Andy's grandsons clinging to her legs.

"I did and yes I saw you dance. You did wonderful! I'm so proud of both of you!" She said giving them a squeeze. They finally let go of her legs and ran over towards Dean and Nicole who she noticed were approaching her.

"Sorry," Dean said apologizing for the loving assault.

"Don't worry about it. I love the boys and their hugs, I just have to remember to keep my feet planted and knees bent when I'm around them." Sharon replied with a smile. It was the first genuine smile she had given in nearly a week.

"Sharon," Nicole exclaimed pulling her into a hug, "I didn't think you were coming."

Sharon enjoyed the warmth she felt from hugging Nicole, she was a lot like her dad and giving hugs was definitely one of those ways. She pulled people in tight and held them like there was nothing else in the world, it was a wonderful feeling one she found herself missing. "Sorry I was late, got caught up at the office. Where's Andy?" Sharon said looking around, having just realized that she didn't see him anywhere.

"Well he's not here," replied Nicole cautiously.

Sharon felt puzzled, "What do you mean he's not here. He sent me the email this morning."

"He called me this afternoon and said that he couldn't make it there was somewhere else he had to be. Something about Rusty. He apologized for canceling." Nicole spoke lightly sensing there was more going on than her dad told her.

"Uh, um," Sharon was caught off guard by Nicole's response. _He didn't come? What could have been more important than this?_ Suddenly she felt herself more concerned than ever about what was going on with Andy.

"Is everything okay? With you guys I mean?" Nicole asked.

Seeing Nicole's questioning glance Sharon pulled herself together, "Crossing our signals this week, sorry for the confusion. I'm glad I got to see the boys and I'm sorry I missed it. I better get going, but we can catch up soon." Sharon gave her another quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and said her goodbyes before turning and leaving.

Andy pushed open the door to the trendy new restaurant that Gus worked at and checked in with the hostess. "Hi. Reservation for Flynn." He felt nervous, he knew he was a few minutes late. He had to swing by the condo on his way over and didn't account for the added traffic coming from Los Feliz.

"Ah here you are. You're the first of your party to arrive. If you'll just follow me I'll seat you now." The young woman replied as she gathered two menus and walked towards the back of the restaurant.

Andy sat down facing the door, wanting to keep an eye out for the arrivals. His knee bounced up and down and he checked his phone several times, feeling nervous. He chuckled he hadn't felt this nervous to be out with Sharon since their first date over a year ago. A few minutes later Rusty showed up, "Hey Andy."

"Hey Rusty." He shook his hand and waited for him to seat. "Some place, eh?" He said gesturing around the room.

"Yeah, I haven't been here to eat. Just to pick up or drop Gus off at work. The food is supposed to be great - or at least that's what Gus has been going on and on about for weeks now. Something about the chef being a genius, and wait until you try the bacon fried brussel sprouts." Rusty said with a heavy note of sarcasm.

"Hmm, well even though I'm a vegetarian I've never been able to get into the brussel sprout phenomenon. It's like there every where," He replied nervously hoping Sharon would arrive soon. He and Rusty had spent time together, but they'd never gone out anywhere just the two of them and it was being to feel a bit awkward.

"So, I was surprised to get your message this morning," Rusty said taking a sip of water.

"Why's that?" Andy asked feeling out of the loop.

"Well, just because…" he was interrupted when Gus stepped out of the kitchen.

""Hey you made it!" He leaned in and gave Rusty a kiss and shook Andy's hand.

"Of course Gus! We're very proud of you and excited to try this new fancy sauce of yours." Andy responded.

"Well, it's just after Rusty called I assumed you weren't coming so I'm just surprised. But yeah, thanks for coming. Hey I've got to get back but try the Dover Sole it's the special tonight and it's amazing - and not just because I made the sauce!" He said walking back to the kitchen.

Andy wanted to ask Rusty what Gus meant but the waitress chose that moment to come to their table, "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water is fine." Rusty replied.

"Still or sparkling?" She asked.

Rusty looked over at Andy for help, "Still" Andy replied for him and Rusty nodded in agreement and in thanks.

"I'll have cranberry and soda please."

The waitress ran through the specials and left to give Andy and Rusty a moment to look over the menu.

"Well I think we have to get the fish," Andy said closing the menu and looking towards the front door for the fifteenth time since he sat down.

"I know he made the sauce, but I hate fish," Rusty replied, "I think I'm going to just get the braised beef." He took a sip of water and they sat in silence for a few minutes, "Thanks for coming Andy, it means a lot to Gus - - - and me."

Andy returned his focus to the "son" sitting in front of him, "Of course Rusty. I'm happy to be here. I'm not sure why your mother isn't here yet, but we should probably wait a few more minutes before we order." He said checking his watch.

"Uh, about that, um, she isn't coming" Rusty paused, "I thought you already knew that."

Andy's mind became a flood of questions, "What do you mean she isn't coming? Gus sent both of us a text this morning with the address."

"Oh, I didn't know Gus had your numbers," Rusty pondered a side topic, "Yeah she sent me a message this morning saying that she couldn't make it because she was going to the boys talent show tonight with you. She mentioned it to me when I called her about coming out for dinner and she initially thought she could do both, but this morning she said she was feeling stretch for time and didn't want to overcommit." Rusty paused and looked at Andy who was speechless, "Why are you here and not there by the way?"

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AN: Thanks for all the reviews and the kind words about my RL situation, it is appreciated. Apologies for the continued Angst in Shandyland, but on a positive note we are all caught up on the flashbacks and moving forward the chapters will all be in present day. A few more chapters to go. I had a goal of finishing this story before the hiatus ended, I'm not sure if that will happen but I will try my best to get us there or close to resolution by the 22nd.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Some reviewers have expressed disappointed with the amount of angst and "teenager"-ness that our couple has been enduring of late. I want to take a moment to just lay a few things out as far as my story and understanding of the characters goes. Neither Sharon nor Andy has ever had a normal, healthy relationship. They've both said and done things in their prior marriages that weren't healthy or effective. Jack royally screwed up Sharon. Andy is living under a constant cloud of self-doubt and loathing for past mistakes. Neither has ever had another successful long term relationship. SOOO yes I think it's fair to say they aren't handling this situation well. They're both falling into old patterns, as I'm sure we all do in similar situations. Also, it's only been a week of not talking, I don't think that's too much outside the realm of reality considering they are on the crux of "will this relationship work" moment. Lastly, if you don't like the story you don't have to read it - angst is my deal but so is real life and I'm trying to portray my understanding of both life and the characters to the best of my abilities. To those who have continued and provide positive feedback thank you it is greatly appreciated.

Without further ado, here is the next installment it picks up right where we left off - remember we are back in real time now no flashbacks. All mistakes are my own.

 **Chapter 12**

The meal had been an awkward affair without Gus or Sharon there to help carry the conversation, Andy and Rusty stared at their plates. "I'm sorry if I caused some kind of issue between you and Sharon?" Rusty said quietly as he pushed the mashed potatoes around on his plate.

Andy finally looked up at Rusty realizing what was going through the Kid's head, "No, no Rusty. This isn't your fault. It has nothing to do with you. I, uh, I messed up. Like always I suppose. I don't seem to know how to manage my life when things are going well. Call it self-sabotage. But never for one second think that anything that is happening between Sharon and I has anything to do with you or any of you kids. We love all of you - whether we are together or not." He said keeping eye contact. He had never actually told Rusty that he loved him, or cared for him on that level. It wasn't that he didn't - in fact he had for a long time, even before he and Sharon were officially a couple. It was just the two weren't close, and Rusty was very shy when it came to expressing those kinds of emotions he never wanted to push himself on him. Andy wasn't _trying_ to be his dad, but in his heart he certainly felt that way towards him.

Rusty blinked several times at Andy's honest words, "Uh," he paused unsure how to respond, "Thanks Andy." Was all he could come up with in the moment. "So if it isn't about me, what, uh, what happened?"

Andy looked back down at his plate, feeling ashamed to be talking to Rusty about any of this, but he didn't feel like sharing it with Provenza and at the moment his heart was bursting - he had to say it to someone. "Well you remember how after that little dust up with the car, I had a hard time staying with you guys at the condo?" Rusty nodded. "Well, since my little heart episode it's been like that again." Rusty gave a more confident nod understanding where Andy was going with this. "It's just been hard not knowing what's wrong, not getting cleared for work, house-hunting has been stalled, the pressure of the annulment proceedings, I guess it all just kinda built up. And well as usual I handled things poorly with your mom, said we needed some space and well here I am at dinner with you. No offense." Andy added waving his hands around hoping that they made more sense than his little rant.

Rusty was quiet for a moment waiting to see if Andy was done before speaking, "That sounds like a lot of stuff. But which feeling is worse sitting here with me or apologizing to Sharon?" Rusty said sarcastically, throwing a Sharon-ism back at him which caused them both to chuckle.

"You're right - or rather she's right. She's always right. The problem is we haven't spoken for days and I'm not sure how bad the damage is between us now." Andy replied honestly to which Rusty only nodded in reply. The two returned to the silence of their meal feeling the awkwardness returning, it was more than either man had shared before and while Andy felt some relief in verbalizing the situation, but he knew he needed to talk to Sharon and soon.

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Sharon left the school and headed over to Provenza's hoping to catch Andy, things were really reaching a critical level if it was impact their family. They needed talk, tonight. As she pulled up to the house she noticed that Andy's car was missing. Putting the car into park she got out and knocked on the door. Patrice answered, "Sharon."

"Uh Hi Patrice, I'm sorry for coming over unannounced but is Andy here by any chance?" She said a bit nervously, feeling very uncomfortable for having to come over to her Lieutenant's house to track down her boyfriend.

"No, Andy isn't here. He left about an hour ago I think." Patrice replied.

Sharon started to turn around, "Um, okay thank you Patrice. Again sorry for the interruption."

Patrice reached out and touched her arm, "Why don't you come in? I'm not sure when he'll be back, but you can wait here with me."

Sharon shook her head, "No, no. It's fine. I'll just send him a message to get in touch with me."

Patrice swung the door open, "Come on, it's no imposition. Louie is out tonight and I'm just trying out a new recipe. Keep me company and maybe you can tell me how this sauce turns out."

Sharon reluctantly agreed, she and Patrice weren't very close. They had gone on a few lunches together, but mostly their time was always shared with significant others or the rest of the team. She didn't really want to go home and sit in the condo waiting for Andy to return her call, "Okay, just for a little while."

Patrice led Sharon to the kitchen and gestured to the bar stool, "Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? A glass of wine?"

Sharon took off her coat and set it and her purse on the chair next to her, "Um, yes I guess a small glass of wine would be nice. Thank you."

Patrice went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine and poured them both a glass, then went back to her cooking. The two made small talk for a little while, the unusual amount of rain they'd been having, the poor performance by the Rams since moving to LA, and their kids. Mostly safe topics. Then it got quiet. Patrice wasn't going to push Sharon into talking about what was going on, but was hoping that she might open up about what was troubling her. Several minutes passed as Sharon twirled the wine in her glass. She had only taken a few sips feeling disappointed, she didn't need the wine she needed Andy. No amount of wine was going to make her feel any better, it didn't even take the edge off. She set the glass down, "Thanks for the wine and the company Patrice, but I think I ought to get going." She moved to get off the chair and collect her things.

"It was no trouble," she paused turning down the stove before moving towards Sharon, "If it means anything he's been miserable here without you." She said the words softly.

Sharon's eyes flashed wide for a moment, she hadn't asked about him or how he was doing and suddenly felt guilty about it. Patrice continued, "I understand, you're a very private person and no Andy hasn't really shared any details about what happened between you, but I do hope you both work this out. I think he feels bad about it, and like most men probably has no idea how or even where to begin to fix it."

Sharon nodded, she felt the tears well up. It had become a common occurrence this week, something she was unfamiliar with - well at least since she _really_ mentally separated from Jack. Sharon put on her coat and grabbed her purse and whispered, "Thank you." It meant more than just the company, but she couldn't say anything more without risking the flood gates opening. Patrice nodded and walked her out.

Half an hour later she pulled into her parking garage. Her body slumped into the car. She was exhausted and tense. Every muscle in her body was seized up, tight. Taking a deep breath she pulled the keys from the ignition and dragged herself from the car up to condo. She stepped into the elevator and before the doors closed a young couple stepped in. Their hands were wrapped around one another, kissing and petting. They were inseparable and oblivious to the fact that she or anyone else might be in the elevator. The lift jerked in motion and she drifted towards the back wall trying, but failing to ignore the couple. She, personally, wasn't a fan of such public displays it seemed crude and unnecessary. This wasn't to suggest she was a prude, but the world didn't need to see two people dry humping in an elevator. Or more to the point she didn't need to see it. It served as another reminder of problems in her life. She realized in that moment that it had been almost a month since she and Andy had sex - let alone kissed that passionately. She felt the pang and longing shutter through her body. It wasn't just the sex and release that she missed, but the intimacy that she and Andy had built together. Sex with him was so much more than just fucking, even when it was a hard and fast quickie there was always a deep emotional connection. The elevator dinged jarring Sharon from her thoughts and the couple moved themselves out into the hall and she was once again left alone.

The condo was empty and dark, not that she expected anything less - but she had hoped for more. For one silly moment as she went to unlock the door she imagined Andy on the other side making dinner for them, or standing out on the balcony waiting for him to join him. But there was nothing just silence. She hung her coat and purse on the stand, set her badge and gun on the table and flipped on a light letting out a deep guttural sigh. _Maybe I should turn on some music and just take a bath_. Today had been a catastrophe and if Andy wasn't going to be here then she needed to go back to taking care of herself. She moved towards her master bathroom and began filling the tub. Tying her hair up into a bun she slowly threw her clothes into the bedroom, missing the white envelope that lay on her pillow. She flipped open her phone and checked for messages as she poured the bergamot scented bath bubbles. She inhaled deeply before closing the lid. It was one of her favorite scents, it was one that Andy bought for her when he found out how sensual she found it. Satisfied, or perhaps dissatisfied, with her investigation into phone messages she flipped on iHeartRadio and tuned into a local Jazz station. The sounds filled the bathroom and she slowly felt herself relaxing. She dipped a toe into the water testing the temperature before sinking down. Sharon needed to relax in order to regroup. She was sure that most people would have called Andy a hundred times by now or drove all across town looking for him - wanting to have it out then and there. But Sharon wasn't most people. Yes she wanted answers to a laundry list of questions: Why did he bail on Nicole? What was so important? Why did he think space would be a good idea? Did he want to break up with her? But tonight, right now in this moment, she needed to pull herself together and figure out what she wanted and what she was going to do about it. She needed to answer her own questions - _Why did I let him leave? Why haven't I reached out all week? Do I want this relationship to end? Am I pushing him away? Why?_ She shook her head knowing that she would need to go through things point by point.

Jack did a real number on Sharon over the years, and as much as she had pushed Rusty to get help from Dr. Joe she had never taken her own advice. _If he wants to leave then I should let him leave_. She tried to rationalize to herself. _After all Jack didn't want to be around me, why would Andy. Why should I try and keep him here with me if that isn't what he wants. No, I did the right thing by letting him go, because that's what_ ** _he_** _wanted._ She crossed that point off her list, and moved onto the next. _I didn't reach out because he specifically said he wanted space. To me space implies no contact. I responded to his text messages each night, but he never tried to call or text, so he wanted and felt like he needed the space._ Satisfied with her rationale she moved on to the harder questions. _Well, no I don't want us to end. I love Andy in a way I never thought possible. But if he doesn't want to be with me then maybe it should end. I don't want him to stay with me just because that's what I want. He'll be miserable and resentful._ She stopped thinking for a moment feeling the emotions boiling up inside. Emotions are never helpful when she was going through her lists. She took a deep breath and pushed the feelings aside and continued moving through the questions she posed, debating the points like the fine lawyer she would have made.

Her phone chipped pulling her from her thoughts, she reached up for it feeling confused by the hope that it was a message from Andy. Instead it was a FaceTime request from Emily. She sent off a quick text -

 _I can't talk right now. Can I call you back in a few minutes?_

Emily replied - _Yes, I'll be up._

Sharon rubbed her fingertips together and felt the wrinkles forming, the bath had helped loosen her muscles some but not her mind. She was feeling so torn. Her brain was telling her that she was doing the right thing, protecting herself, but her heart was arguing the exact opposite. It was something she struggled with most of her life and compartmentalization only got her so far. She unplugged the tub and pulled her robe off the hook and moved out of the tub. The mirror was fogged up from the heat filling the room. She could barely make herself out in the mirror, but could tell her skin was flushed with warmth. She wiped the mirror and stared at herself for a moment. For a moment she was taken aback by the sadness in her eyes. Her heart was aching, she couldn't deny it as she looked at herself. She wanted Andy back, she wanted him home. The tears began to form again, but she shook her head. Emily was waiting for her to call her back, she could break down later. Now she needed to put her mom face on and box up those other feelings.

Sharon moved back into the bedroom, feeling disappointed with the coolness in the air as the steam escaped out of the bathroom as she walked to her dresser. She threw on some yoga pants and one of Andy's old baggy Dodger t-shirts and picked up her phone.

"Hi Darling"

"Hi Mom!"

"How are you? What's going on? It's awfully late for you to be calling - even for a Friday."

"Yeah, rehearsals ran late tonight, so I just got home a little while ago. Things are going well. Excited for opening day in two weeks, I wish you could be here!"

"Well, maybe I can wiggle out some paid time off, goodness knows I have enough in the bank. I would love to see you too sweetheart, I miss you."

"I miss you too Mom," Emily paused, "So I hear that things haven't been going to well between you and Andy. What happened?"

Sharon was completely caught off guard, she hadn't said anything to any of the kids about their blow-up a few days ago or that Andy had temporarily moved out, "Really, where did you hear that from?"

"So you don't deny it."

"It's none of your business."

"Mom, this is the man that you're going to marry some day. The man that treats us like we're his own kids. Of course it's our business - he's part of the family. YOU made him part of the family. So what gives?"

Sharon was surprised by Emily's remarks, not the directness she was always direct, but how she felt about Andy. She knew her kids all liked Andy and were supportive of their relationship, but didn't realize that they felt so strongly about him being part of their family, "We had an argument yes. Couples have disagreements. It's nothing."

"If it's nothing then where is he, I want to ask him myself."

She was calling her bluff, "He isn't here," she replied honestly.

"Hmm, so it wasn't just nothing. It sounds serious."

"Emily, darling, I'm glad that you are so fond of Andy really and truly, but you don't need to worry about it."

"Mom, I spoke to Rusty. I already know, I just wanted to give you an opportunity to fess up yourself, but since you won't I guess we will go at this the hard way."

"What do you mean you spoke to Rusty. What does he have to do with this?" She thought quickly, what would Rusty know about her and Andy and then suddenly everything made sense. Nicole mentioned that Andy canceled to do something with Rusty. She canceled their dinner with Gus. _He must have gone_.

"Rusty had an interesting dinner with Andy tonight. He was pretty upset from what I gather."

"Hmm, is that so…" Sharon was beginning to feel herself getting upset. Andy had no right bringing the kids into this and was growing impatient with her daughter butting into her personal life. "Well if he's that upset then I suppose he will have to come talk to me about it, not your brother. Now if you want to talk about you or anything other than Andy I'm happy to sit and chat with you. Otherwise, I've had a long day and I think I'm going to call it a night." She said sternly.

"Ok, just know that Andy isn't dad. He's a guy and I'm sure he screwed up, but he isn't Jack. I love you. Night."

"I love you too."

They hung up and Sharon angrily tossed her phone onto the bed, she hated when her kids started poking around in her personal life. Sharon knew that Emily was right of course, which made her all the more pissed. It was then that she noticed the envelope next to her pillow. She could tell that it was Andy's writing, but it didn't stop her visceral reaction of shaking anger to come out. She grabbed the letter and was about to start ripping it when she heard a knock at the door. Letter in hand she stormed down the hallway and looked through the peep hole, shocked at the sight of the person on the other side.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Andy had rehearsed his apology speech to Sharon several times on the drive back to the condo. Words weren't his thing, but he wanted to get this right. He even jotted down a few points on a napkin and stuffed it in his pocket just in case. Before he went to dinner with Rusty he stopped by to drop off the letter he wrote her on Tuesday - well he started the letter on Tuesday and then re-wrote it on Wednesday then added to it on Thursday and well by Friday he knew if he didn't give it to her he would chicken out. In the envelope he stuffed the letter he wrote to her in the hospital, he knew it would be an awful lot for her to process, but it seemed important to share both moments with her now. A medical crisis was a key part of the early months of their _official_ relationship and now once again it was an integral member of team Sharon/Andy. He hoped that seeing the same loving sentiments would help make things clear to her and that she would be receptive to his apology. He was torn when he entered the condo earlier between wanting to see her and wanting to just leave the note in solitude. When he walked in their bedroom the scent of her perfume almost overwhelmed him, it was a calming, sensual, and all-around pleasurable fragrance. The room looked different in the low evening light, the bed was made (naturally), nothing out of place no sign that they had been apart for five days.

Now as Andy walked down the hallway towards the condo once again he felt a nervous excitement. He wasn't sure if she was even home, but decided this time he would wait. Sitting with his son at dinner the impact of his decision to walk away on Monday began to sink in. The realization that he wasn't just running from Sharon, but from his family frightened him. The notion that even without booze coursing through his veins he was falling back into bad habits was unsettling. As he gave Rusty the 30,000ft view on what happened he realized how trivial it was to walk away, to risk everything that had begun to build together just because he was frustrated with himself. When he found out from Nicole that Sharon had gone to the talent show he wasn't surprised, it was just like her to be there for his kids, no for their family despite some argument that they were having. One he figured she had no clue what it was even all about, he felt even more guilty about that. It was one thing to get in a fight and walk away when both parties understood what it was for, but it was another thing entirely when the other person was left in the dark.

He nervously reached the door fiddling with his keys, when he decided to knock. _If she's home I should knock_. Andy could only imagine her state of mind and didn't want to invade her space without some kind of warning. He raised his hand and rapped his knuckles lightly on the door. He paused for a moment, listening. He knocked again a little more loudly this time, just in case she didn't hear him the first time. He paused again. As he rose his hand to give it one more try before using his key he heard footsteps approaching the door and lowered his hand. The footsteps stopped and he knew she was staring at him through the peep hole, he intuitively could feel the Darth Raydor glare. Suddenly a wave of doubt filled him, _What if she doesn't open the door? What if she doesn't want to talk to me?_ Before he could continue into a mind death spiral the door swung open - her eyes were wide, he saw his letters in her hand, and she seemed upset. He opened his mouth to say hi, but Sharon pounced.

Sharon felt her blood boiling with anger, hurt, frustration, and sadness and she wasn't sure which was going to come out first when she spoke. All her emotions were swirling around as she opened the door and saw him standing in the hallway, "What are you doing here?" She let out in a low tone through gritted teeth. It wasn't what she was going with initially, but her normal composure had seemingly gone out the window. She was at that point where she couldn't hold in her feelings anymore and frankly she wanted answers - if he didn't want this relationship she wanted to know and she wanted to know tonight - now - so she could move on with her life. Find away to get over him, if that was even possible.

Andy's mouth was still agape he knew she was upset, but wasn't expecting that response from her. He quickly pulled himself together, the hand in his pocket was fingering the napkin reminding him why he was here, "We need to talk." He said softly, trying to keep his tone light and approachable.

"Oh, so now you want to talk. I get nothing but a daily goodnight message from you all week, and now you want to talk!" Sharon wasn't one to shout, but she raised the low timber of her voice.

Andy continued to stand in the doorway, she hadn't moved aside or gestured to let him in, "Sharon, can I please come in. I'd like for us to talk about this," he said gesturing between them.

Startled for a moment Sharon realized that the door was still open and she was literally airing out her dirty laundry for all her neighbors to hear. She moved aside and allowed him to step in before walking away from the door. Andy quietly pushed the door closed and took a few steps following her towards the living room, but giving her some space. Andy had limited experience with this version of Sharon, she was usually in complete control and put together. It had been a long time since she had been that undone because of him, it was unnerving. As cliche as it sounded he knew better than to make any sudden movements, or to speak first she could be quite the hell cat and it was best to just let her proceed under her own direction.

Sharon paced back and forth in the living room trying to gather her thoughts, but when she looked up at saw Andy standing several feet away the anger came bubbling up with a force she couldn't stop, "Well," she said throwing her arms up in the air, "you said you wanted to talk SO talk."

Andy waited a moment before responding, "Well, I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read my letters," he said gesturing to the envelope that was still in her hand.

Sharon interrupted him, "You mean this," clutching the envelope tightly in her fist she began waving it around, "real nice Andy. No I haven't read it, I was getting ready to tear it up when you knocked." The sarcasm and bitterness dripped from her voice.

For the first time since he walked away from her, Andy had a real pang in his heart that he might not be able to fix this, that she was really done. _She doesn't even want to read it_. He felt surprised and hurt. Sharon saw it flash across his eyes before he quickly steeled himself against her rage, and for a moment she felt bad. She wasn't one to say the thing that she wanted to say, the thing that was on her mind, but would otherwise be censored. "You didn't read it." He said, it was more a statement than a question.

"No." Her voice was soft for the first time since answering the door, "I didn't read it. I don't want to read it, Andy."

He was puzzled, he couldn't understand why she was saying that, "Well, um, I guess if you don't want to read it then you don't want to hear what I came here to say. So, uh, well, um, I guess I'll go get a few of my things and go." He turned around and moved towards the hallway, "Uh, maybe you could let me know when is a good time when the condo will be empty and I can uh, get the rest of my stuff out of your hair."

Sharon was stunned, she couldn't believe what he was saying he was about to walk out again - for good and she was rooted to the floor. Seconds passed as he disappeared into the bedroom when finally she called out for him, "Andy!" She moved towards the bedroom.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving? Do you really want to go?" She said sternly, needing him to say the words to her. She needed to hear him say that they were done.

"What do you mean why am I doing this?" His voice was full of hurt, he felt dejected and bewildered that she was asking him these questions when it all seemed so clear to him.

"Just what I said, I want you to say it. I need you to tell me that you're leaving me." She spat out.

Andy flipped around suddenly feeling his own rage resurface, "Leaving you! You want me to go, you're practically pushing me out the door right now!" His hands were shaking as he yanked open the dresser drawer.

"Me, I'm pushing you out the door. You've got to be kidding me! May I remind you who walked out the door to begin with!" She challenged.

"Yes, I left Sharon. I'm sorry. I needed some space to think, to calm down - but that didn't mean I didn't want to come back. But now I'm not so sure. The way you're acting it doesn't seem like you want me here and I've spent enough of my life being in and around people that didn't want me there that I don't need to live out the rest of my life, however, long that may be" he said yanking at the monitor attached to his belt clip, "With someone that doesn't want me to be there." He turned back to the dresser the fuming anger was beginning to transition into hurt.

"You think I'm acting like I don't want you here, are you serious?! Who has been taking time off to go to doctor's appointments with you and scheduling time to review the annulment. Who has been by your side with your family and helping you study for the Captain's exam?! Who has made breakfast for you and gone to dinner with you and spent time with you for the past year and a half - do you think I just did that for no reason?! How can you say that I don't want you here with me, I made space in my closet for you!" Sharon knew that last jabbed wasn't the most powerful thing for her to say, but a woman's closet was almost as sacred as the bathroom. Her point was that she had made room for him in her life, not just in the literal sense but in the emotional and spiritual sense. "Andy, I've filed to annul my marriage - for you - to be with you. Do you understand what that means?" This time her words fell more softly, the anger finally beginning to subside.

He kept his back turned to her, he couldn't face her, "Then why Sharon, why would you rip up the letters I wrote you without even bothering to read them? If you care so much about me, how could you do something so hurtful, something so inconsiderate?"

Sharon took a step further, his words sinking in. It dawned on her that because of her her anger the message was muddled, he hadn't gotten it, he didn't get why she was so hurt by his gesture. "Andy, you don't get it do you?" Silence.

"No Sharon, I don't get it. I don't get how you could be so disinterested in hearing about how I've been feeling and why I started the argument on Monday. How I'm sorry for handling things so poorly. How I just wanted to apologize and find some way to make it up to you." His voice rose as he spoke, turning around to face her, "No Sharon I don't understand. I don't _get it_. I must not get you like I thought." He was hurt and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying anything he would regret. He didn't want to lash out at her, but she was pushing the limits of his temper.

His temper was infamous, and while he had mellowed greatly over the last five years Sharon knew it lay dormant just beneath the surface. She decided to wait a minute before responding, she needed to collect herself and thought he might need the time to calm down. She was wrong. Andy took her silence to mean that he was right. He grabbed the bag that he had been throwing clothes into and brushed by her in the door way. When she realized what was happening she reached out and grabbed him by the arm, "Andy wait."

"Why?" he asked seething.

"Andy it's Jack —" she started but Andy whipped around, "JACK! What the fuck does Jack have to do with any of this Sharon? Are you fucking kidding me, your **ex-husband** is the reason why you won't let me apologize, why you won't let me fix this - fix us?! And why is that - are you still in love with him?" He knew it was uncalled for and in his heart he knew she wasn't "in love" with Jack but she had brought out the green-eyed monster of jealous by bringing him into all of this.

Sharon wasn't expecting that reaction, although in hindsight she shouldn't be surprised. Jack was always a touchy issue between them. She knew he compared himself to Jack, and doubted himself and why she would be with "just another drunk." She took a deep breath, "No Andy I'm not in love with Jack — you know that," she paused looking him in the eye, "but yes he is the reason I was going to tear up your letter without reading it."

Andy looked at her puzzled, "Sharon you aren't making any fucking sense. And I'm not sure I'm up to standing here listening to you talk about your ex and why he's the reason that we're breaking up." He pulled his arm from her grasp and moved towards the door.

His words broke her heart - _we're breaking up._ Sharon realized that she needed to stop him before this was destroyed forever. She moved down the hallway and blocked his way, "Wait, please let me finish. If you still want to go — If you still want to break-up," her voice cracked, "after I've explained then I won't stand in your way, but please if this is the last time we are together I need you to understand." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes making her vision blurry as she spoke.

Andy nodded, he didn't honestly want to break up with her. He knew that once again his emotions were getting the best of him, he was making knee-jerk decisions that he would come to regret. He couldn't speak, he didn't trust himself to not say something else to do further damage - so he nodded.

Sharon gestured towards the couch and they slowly moved to the living room. She sat on the couch while he sat in the orange chair closest to the door. "Andy," she took a deep breath, "before I explain can I ask you why you wrote me a letter. You know instead of calling or coming and talking to me."

Andy looked at his feet while he wrung his hands together furiously. His jaw clenched as he responded, "You know I'm not great with my words. I wanted to be able to clearly express myself to you and not say the wrong thing." He took a deep breath, "And I remembered how you suggested to Rusty to write a letter to Gus a few months ago to apologize and explain things to him after their argument. And I dunno, I kinda guess, I thought it was a good idea," he paused, "but I guess not."

Sharon's eyes widened as she listened to him speak, "Thank you for telling me Andy. I had forgotten that conversation with Rusty." Sharon took a few deep breaths, she didn't share this with anyone. She rarely talked about how things were with Jack, but now she realized she needed to - at least with Andy because it was impact them. "When I saw the letter from you on my pillow I had a visceral reaction to it, one that had nothing to do with you." She hoped that he would look up at her, but he didn't, so she continued anyways.

"The first time Jack left Emily was 8 and Ricky was 6. I was still working patrol, the awful swing shift. The kids went to an after school program during the week until Jack could pick them up on his way home from work. I got a call at 6:30 that they were getting ready to close and that Ricky and Emily were still there. They had tried calling Jack several times, but couldn't get a hold of him. I told them I would be there as soon as possible. I tried calling Jack dozens of times. But just like the daycare no one ever answered. The kids were fine, no worse for the wear by the time I got there. I brought them home and was going to ask the neighbor to come stay with him until Jack got home, so I could resume my shift. But when I walked in the house there was an envelope with my name written on it sitting next to the phone in the kitchen. It was from Jack. I won't go into specifics, but it was his attempt to explain why he was leaving me, leaving his family." Sharon shuttered at the memory and took a moment. Straightening her back and tensing her muscles she continued, "Four months later Jack came back. We tried to make it work. I said I forgave him and we went on 'playing house' for six months until he left again. Like before there was no warning, just a note saying he was sorry but couldn't stay right now. This happened several more times before I finally filed for legal separation days after he missed Emily's 10th birthday. Whenever Jack comes blowing through my life, hurt and destruction are left in the wake — and a note." She stopped for a moment and brought her eyes up from her hands to look at Andy who was now looking at her for the first time since they sat down.

Andy couldn't believe what he was hearing, he could feel all the anger he felt dissipate from his body and it was leaving him with a strange feeling. He remained quiet not wanting to interrupt her while she shared this very personal experience with him. He gave a slight nod encouraging her to continue.

Sharon gave a small smile, "Do you remember when Jack came here two years ago?" The question was rhetorical, "And after things fell apart with that Bronson case and he left? Well when I came home that night everything was put back as it was before he came, except for a plain white envelope sitting on the end table," she pointed to her left. "Once again Jack wanted to try and explain his behavior. Explain why he was leaving. To say he was once again sorry for everything…It wasn't the first time I decided not to read one of his letters. I had stopped reading them several years ago, but for some reason I held onto them. I guess as some evidence or proof - of what I'm not sure. But that night for the first time I decided not to hold onto it, not to read it, but to rip it up and throw it away. I wanted to rid myself of all his excuses, I didn't want to enable him even in some small way by keeping them anymore. Then when he came to the house drunk - you remember when Julio was mixed up in that case - well I told you that he came to the station to try and apologize and make amends. I told you that he wanted to give me some payout, but you and I both know I'd never take any money from him. Well I didn't tell you that he brought the envelope with him. He tried handing it to me. I don't know if it was just money or if there was another letter inside - but I didn't take it. Thanks in part to our friendship I had found new strength to just walk away and not look back." She gave a small smile at the end of that last statement. She meant it, and hoped he knew how important he was to her back before they were ever a couple.

Andy remembered that day, it was an all around terrible, horrible, bad day. He had wondered if there was more to the story with Jack and his visit then what she shared with him later that night, but knew better than to press her about it. He returned her small smile and once again nodded, staying quiet in case there was more that she wanted to say.

"Well, I guess, I had walked away and wasn't looking back in the literal sense, but clearly it's still there with me. When I saw your note Andy my mind went immediately back to Jack and all those letters, all those apologies and excuses and promises. All those bad memories. It took me to a place that had nothing to do with you — I know that, now. I'm sorry that I reacted that way and said I didn't want to read your letters Andy, please know you did nothing wrong and you couldn't have known that it would cause this reaction." She said gesturing between them and the tension that filled the condo.

Sharon sighed feeling some relief in getting that out, sharing that with Andy - with the man she loved. She hoped that he understood and would accept her apology.

Andy felt like an ass. She was right in that he couldn't have known that she would react that way to a letter, but he didn't have to lash out. He didn't have to jump to asinine conclusions, making things even worse. He shook his head frustrated with himself. He dug his hands into his pockets and once again felt the soft napkin at his fingertips and pulled it out. The paper was scrunched and starting to tear at the edges, but he could still make out his bullet points. In re-reading them his speech came back to mind, all the love and sad feelings began to replace the anger, hurt, and jealousy he had felt moments ago. This wash, this change, this transition of feelings made his heart speed up. He felt a bit weak and his hands were tingly. "Sharon, thank you for telling me. And I'm sorry for triggering something so painful, but thank you for sharing that with me. I honestly just wanted to try and help. I'm sorry for everything. For leaving. For not explaining why I was upset. All of this medical stuff has really been weighing on me lately. I'm tired of feeling useless, of not being able to work, for not being able to be with you - intimately. I love you and I don't want to break up with you, you're my person, my everything." He stopped for a moment and smiled lifting his shirt, "You probably don't find this very sexy" he said gesturing to the tangle of leads and wires covering his chest. "Anyways, I just wanted you to know all that and that's basically what the letters said anyways." He pointed at the envelope still in her hand. He knew he was starting to ramble as he often did when he got nervous, so he opted to close his mouth and just pray she would accept his apology. He felt a metallic taste filled his mouth and he began to see flashes of light in his peripheral vision. "Sharon can you please forgive me?" He asked knowing that he was likely to lose consciousness at any moment, but needing to know that they were going to be okay. He fought the growing feeling as he waited for her to respond.

"Yes Andy," her voice was soft. Andy's hearing had begun to muffle. He could see her lips moving, but couldn't hear what she said. Sharon spoke again, "Yes, I forgive you. I love you too." He still couldn't hear her voice, but figured the teary-eyed smile she was giving him meant she had forgiven him.

Andy moved to get up and sit next to her. He wanted to be by her desperately, "Sharon, I'm not uh, feeling — I think something is wrong." Andy lost consciousness thankfully sinking back into the chair and not falling completely to the floor.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion for Sharon as she watched him crumble she was still trying to process what he was saying to her. She got up and rushed from her spot, moving to his side. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" she exclaimed.

"Andy can you hear me?" She felt up for his pulse, it was weak and thready but there. She grabbed the phone from her desk, keeping one hand on Andy and called 911.

"911. What's your emergency?"

"Yes, this is Captain Sharon Raydor of the LAPD. I have a 59 year old male with a heart condition that has just collapsed. He has a pulse, but it is weak. Please send an ambulance to Los Feliz Towers 11th floor."

Forty minutes later, Sharon sat in an all too familiar place waiting for news on Andy. She called Nicole who was on her way and sent a message to Provenza. As she paced the halls she looked down at her hand which was still clutching the letters that she had been holding onto all night. The letters from Andy, from the man she loved. She collapsed onto the floor and stared at the white envelopes, now grateful that she hadn't torn them to shreds, but unsure if she could open it.

Tears formed and began to stream down her face as the enormity of everything hit her, she had almost lost him today because she let her fears and past come between them and now once again she was sitting in a hospital worrying whether or not she would lose him in an entirely different way. Taking a deep breath her fingers traced the letters of her name before she turned the envelope over and slowly pulled up the fold opening it and removing the folded sheets of legal paper inside. She smoothed out the paper and noticed there were two different letters, one dated the day before his blood clot surgery. The realization caused her to gasp as she began to read _._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Sharon sat next to Andy's bed watching him sleep. She had been there all night holding vigil. He told her to go home and get some rest _"I'm not going anywhere," he said. "Neither am I," she replied_. It was becoming an all too familiar scene, him in a hospital gown hooked up to monitors and her curled up into a chair beside him. A few times she began to nod off only to wake up with a fitful start. Her hands clutched the letters he had written, now for an entirely different reason than a few hours earlier. She had read and re-read both several times that she had nearly memorized the words, however she felt the need for the tangible connection to the words. For the first time since Jack left his first note, she saw and felt the symbol of love protected in the confines of a crumpled white envelope. They didn't have rings or children together, this was the first tangible proof of commitment and love and she held onto it for dear life.

 _Sharon_

 _Well Provenza's just revoked my entire life with all these forms, if it comes down to it I know you'll step in and keep him from killing me. Anyways, I asked him to do me favor and he handed me this pad of paper instead. I guess that's better in the end, that you hear it from me, or rather read it, than from someone else._

 _The past two years with you have been some of the best of my life. Your friendship has meant more to me than I think you could ever know. The help you've given me in fixing my relationships with my kids, well there's no way I could ever repay you. The last six months being with you, exploring the future possibilities well that's been a dream come true. I never thought in a million years I would find love again, or that you would ever consider being with someone like me. But that's exactly what's happened and while I've been nervous to say it to you, I didn't want to scare you off or make you think I was moving too fast - but now because I may not get a chance to say it again and I need you to know, I love you Sharon with all my heart. I have for quite sometime and I'm grateful to the universe for all the time we've had together, I will always wish it was more - that we had an infinite amount of time to be happy and in love - but since that's not possible please hold that feeling in your heart._

 _I know the coming days and weeks will be hard, but you are strong - the strongest person I know really and you'll be okay. Lean on your family, lean on the team they are all here for you and love you just the same. I'll be waiting for you on the other side, waving from the bank of the river eager to see your face once again._

 _An Eternity of Love,_

 _Andy_

Sharon thought back to the moment when they wheeled Andy down the hall towards the operating room. She knew at the time that they both thought about saying the words, they both wanted to say it but something was holding them back. They did say the words after. The wave of relief and elation after his successful surgery allowed the words to pour out, unobstructed by fear or worry. He didn't mention the letter and had forgotten that he had given it to Provenza to hold on to.

The waiting was always the hardest. Waiting for the doctors to stop by, for the nurses to check stats, for the lab to run tests. Sharon wasn't an impatient woman by nature, but after five trips to the hospital she felt herself wanting to say "but I must go first." She looked over at the EKG monitor and was pleased to see he was resting comfortably and everything seemed to be okay for the time being. She looked back down at the envelope in her hand and opened it pulling out the letters to read again.

 _My love_

 _I'm an idiot. I can't believe how close I've come to screwing this all up. I promised myself when I discovered I had feelings for you that I wouldn't act on them, that I wouldn't pursue you if I thought I would mess us up. Your friendship means so much to me that the idea of not only losing you romantically but as my best friend breaks my heart._

 _I'm not looking to excuse my behavior, but I think you deserve to know why I walked away, why I had the outburst after the doctor's appointment. I hope after reading this letter we can find away to talk, for you to let me fix this, because Sharon I love you and I never want to spend another day apart from you ever again. Please allow me to make amends._

 _The last several weeks have been very stressful for both of us, so full of change - some good and a lot not so good. As excited as I have been to sell my house, move in with you, and start the annulment process it has brought out certain insecurities I thought I had let go of. I know to most I seem cocky and self-assured, a confident guy but when it comes to you it's all a facade. With you I find myself feeling nervous and insecure, I worry that I'll never be good enough to deserve you, that when you begin living with me full time you'll see who I really am and hate that person, that I'll mess it all up - as I just did. I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve having you in my life and every day I live to be a better man for myself and for you. Then all that crap went down with the Nazis and that brought more stress and strain onto our relationship. I wanted to be there for you, to protect you - but as you've said many times before "that isn't what you need me for" so I struggled to find my place in the aftermath. How to be your person at home and your Lieutenant at work. Then of course my little incident at the office brought up all those fears once again - how precarious life is, the luck of it all. I knew you were scared as was I - once again I thought I was going to lose you that my eyes would close and I would never see you again. When I woke up in the hospital I was elated to be alive, to get another chance only to have it pressured by the unknown. We have no idea what's wrong, what's going on inside me. Neither of us can do anything about it and I find it so damn frustrating. I feel like my sense of self has been stripped away I have been able to be a copy, a friend, a partner - a man. That night I saw you taking care of your needs both enraged me and broke my heart. I'm supposed to be your person, I'm supposed to be the one there to take care of all your needs. What does it mean to be alive, but not feeling like you're actually living - what's the point? That's what happened after the appointment, all of that fear and anger that I had been trying to manage for weeks came exploding out. Instead of talking to you and sharing this with you I tried to protect you, I was worried if I shared my fears it would make you more worried. I'm sorry Sharon, for everything I said, how I said it, for walking away, and most of all for not trusting you - us - enough to share all this with you before._

 _As I said before Sharon, I'm not looking to make excuses here, but I didn't think it was fair to you to walk away without giving you an opportunity to know why - why it was all happening. Trust me when I say I see the error in my ways, I regretted it the moment I walked out of the condo, but didn't know how to fix it. When Provenza gave me the letter I wrote to you before surgery I finally realized that even if I didn't know how that I still needed to try. Everything I wrote a year ago remains true. I love you and I will to the end of my days. I'm sorry for being an ass and I do promise to do better in the future, to work on communicating with you instead of hiding. I want nothing more in the world than to be with you Sharon, to share our lives and families together. I hope with time you can forgive me and we can work on being together again._

 _Yours Always,_

 _Andy_

When Sharon read his letter the first time suddenly his behavior leading up to the big fight, him walking away, all of it made sense. She felt bad for not seeing it before, for not realizing the impact all this was having on him. Sharon often forgot that Andy wasn't as strong as stoic as the man he presented to the world. His past had done a number on him, it made him doubt himself and the love of others had for him. She vowed to remind him every day to not just tell him, but to show him how much he meant to her, how much she loved him. Five years ago Sharon never thought that finding love and companionship, a real partner was in the cards for her. She was happy enough, she had a job she loved, kids she adored, it would be enough. Then Andy came along and opened her eyes to an entirely new possibility, a new way of living - it was a life that she didn't want to give up. Holding these letters in her hands she knew that he was worth fighting for - they were worth it.

Sharon finally dozed off having found some peace. It wasn't restful sleep, nor was it comfortable by any means, but it was rest. Something she would need in the hours to come. A knock at the door woke her up as the doctor walked in. Sharon squeezed Andy's hand and gave him a little shake to wake him up - they both needed to hear what the doctor had to say.

The man closed the door behind him, "Well Mr. and Mrs. Flynn, some of the lab results taken last night have come in and we now have a pretty good idea what's going with you."

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AN: My family member passed away late last night, I dedicate this chapter in part to him. I probably won't be able to update for awhile, please understand and refrain from the hate mail on the cliffhanger. I can assure you I'm not killing Andy, so you can all rest easy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"So what does this all mean? He has to have surgery?" Sharon asked nervously squeezing Andy's hand. The word tumor made a chill run down the length of her body.

"Yes, we are scheduling Mr. Flynn for surgery. This isn't an _urgent_ procedure, but it is something that we need to take care of sooner rather than later. I'm looking to have our surgical team in place to operate tomorrow morning."

"No offense to you Doc, but how did everybody miss this? I mean a tumor, geez!" Andy asked with frustration.

"Honestly, this condition isn't very common. Looking for this would be like searching for a zebra among a herd of horses - it just isn't what we look for when someone comes in with your age and history presenting with heart attack like symptoms. Medicine is a science, but it isn't an exact science. I know you're frustrated Mr. and Mrs. Flynn, but this is a good thing. We know what the problem is and more importantly we know how to treat it." Replied Dr. St. James.

"Ok, so what can we expect…after the surgery?" Sharon was almost afraid to ask the question.

"Expect a full recovery. Once the tumor is out your hormone levels should return to normal and all the effects you've been feeling should subside. In fact, you may find you don't even need to take the high blood pressure medication - but that's something for you and your cardiologist to discuss."

"So all this," Flynn said gesturing to his body, "has been caused by a aldo-whatsamacallit, and once you take it out. I'll be fine?"

The Doctor chuckled, "Yes primary aldosteronism." Here let me show you. The doctor pulled out a marker and began drawing on the white board. "These are your kidneys here. These small black dots above your kidneys are your adrenal glands. They are responsible for releasing cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine - your fight or flight stress hormones. In your case," he began drawing a small tumor above the left adrenal gland, "a benign tumor began to grow on your adrenal gland causing it to miss fire if you will. Letting too much hormone out when it wasn't supposed to."

"So that small thing caused all my symptoms - the headaches, high blood pressure, all of it?" Andy asked still surprised by the news.

"Yes, it doesn't take much epinephrine to wreck havoc on our systems - it's a powerful hormone. You do have a minor irregularity in your heart rhythm but it isn't a cause for concern. The arrhythmias, fast heart rate, and everything else you've been feeling has been brought on by this little pest. Once it's gone there is no reason to assume you won't go back to feeling how you did several years ago." The doctor replied positively.

"Okay, so then we shouldn't worry that it's cancer?" Sharon inquired cautiously.

"No you shouldn't these types of tumors are almost always benign and there are no other signs in the blood work to suggest that this case is any different. I'll have the nurse come in with some paperwork you'll need to fill out and once we have the OR booked I'll drop back by. I know you're going to worry, it's only natural, but this is all good news - it is completely treatable." He nodded at the couple and stepped out of the room.

"Oh Andy," Sharon moved to embrace him tears of joy filling her eyes, "we have an answer." She muttered into his shoulder as they held each other.

"I'd rather not to have surgery again, but if this is going to fix the problem, fix everything then let's make it happen." He whispered into her hair.

"I know," she chuckled. She pulled back and stared at him, "I'm just so happy."

"Hey, hey, why are you crying? This is good news."

"I know, I know, it's just all been so much. I really thought I was going to lose you Andy. I only just found you and I was going to lose you. After every appointment and every test I got more concerned that the news was going to be bad. That you'd never be able to work again. That you wouldn't be able to be with me." The tears were flowing. The dam had finally burst, and all the worry and emotion she had been holding in for weeks was finally being released.

"I'm not going anywhere Sharon. I love you and I'm glad that we found each other too. I want to be here with you for as long as God will let me." He pulled her in close and just let her cry, knowing she needed to let it out.

After several minutes her breathing calmed and the tears began to stop. She felt Andy rubbing his hand up and down her back, sighing as she felt the comforting weight of his hand. For the first time in weeks it seemed like there was something to be hopeful about that maybe life was going to get better. It had also been too long since he had last held her like this and she missed it. She sat up slightly and brought a hand to her face to wipe away the tears, "You're gown is all wet now," she said with a little chuckle.

"Is that your way of trying to get me out of my clothes?" He replied flirtatiously causing her to swat his shoulder laughing. He loved watching her life, she had a beautiful smile - a sight he had missed for some time now.

"Hmm…well that gown is quite becoming on you. Really brings out your eyes." She said giving a smart ass remark back. This joking banter had been sorely missed, she couldn't recall the last time they had engaged in their playful dialogue. She took another deep breath enjoying the feeling of life coming back to her.

Andy laughed at her response, "Well had I know all I need to where was one of these gowns I could have saved myself a whole lot of money on all those suits and ties you claim to like so much."

"Perhaps we could add the tie, I do miss having something to play with," she said rubbing her hand on his chest. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss. As she began to move back Andy pulled her closer, kissing her deeply for the first time in over a week.

"Oh geez, you guys?! You're in a hospital for god sake," Rusty said as he pushed the door open.

"Way to go dad," responded Nicole as she followed Rusty into the hospital room.

The pair pulled back and smirked, but didn't make any move to separate from one another. They had spent too much time apart already, they weren't eager to put any more space between them.

"So I take it you're feeling better?" Nicole questioned.

"I am. The doctor just stopped by and gave us an update." Andy replied.

"What's the verdict? Do they know why you keep having these episodes?" Rusty asked from the back of the room, giving everyone space not really knowing where his place was in the room.

"Yeah actually they do. I need to have a small procedure tomorrow, but that'll fix the issue and everything should go back to normal." He gave a smile and a peck on Sharon's cheek. They were both looking forward to things going back to normal.

"What kind of procedure dad?" Nicole asked moving closer to her father.

"Well, and don't freak out, but I have a small tumor on my adrenal gland that's been causing all this," he waved around the bed, "and once they take that out. Everything goes back to normal."

"Dad! A tumor! How are you being so calm right now? Will you have to do chemo or radiation? Oh my god! Have you let Charlie know?" She said pulling her phone out. Rusty moved closer to Flynn out of concern.

Sharon finally moved off the bed and walked over to the kids. She placed her hand on Nicole's phone, "It's not cancer Nicole. Your father is going to be just fine. It's a benign tumor." She paused to give the two a second for it all to sink in, "We haven't called anyone yet, the doctor only just left."

Hours later, the kids were gone, the nursing staff had changed, and the hospital became quiet. The room was dark except for the one light across the room that glowed. Sharon sat next to Andy on the bed, a post she hadn't moved from for most of the day. Unlike past times this wasn't born from fear or worry, it was out of a need to just be close to one another. After weeks of tension, arguments, separation, and misunderstandings they needed to be near each other. The TV was on, playoff games were on.

"Do you think the Dodgers will make it this year?" She asked brushing the hair above his ear.

"Hard to say, but Kershaw has been doing better and the team didn't collapse this summer without him. I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't be sad to see the Cubbies do well. We've had a drought, but they've had a plague brought down on their house." He let out a little chuckle.

"Hmm, well I'll be sure to keep that comment to myself. Wouldn't want the boys to hear that, they might think you're changing your allegiances. Chasing the team on top." She deadpanned, knowing she would get a response from him.

Not failing, "Hey now, I'm a Dodgers fan through and through. I'm just saying if my guys don't pull it off I wouldn't be upset it the Cubs won. I mean it's not like i'm talking about the Giants or something!"

They both chuckled and eased into one another as they continued watching the game.

"I'm glad you're going to be okay Andy," she spoke so softly Andy almost didn't hear her.

"Me too." He pulled her hand up to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Then flipped it over and opened her palm and placed another kiss inside.

"I read your letters Andy. Thank you. Thank you for writing them to me." She whispered again.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry they brought up bad memories for you Sharon, I didn't mean to hurt you more. I never want you to hurt, but especially not because of me."

"Oh Andy, you didn't hurt me. I wasn't hurt because of you, I was hurt because of Jack. I can see now that I need to work on separating the past from the present. Just because Jack did or didn't do things that hurt mean doesn't mean that you're trying to, and I need to remember that." She took a second to breathe before continuing, "If, if, uh, you could just be a little patient with me. I promise to work on it."

Andy reached up and touched her chin getting her to turn her head to look him in the eyes, "Honey, look at me. I know patience isn't my strong suit, but I will wait for you however long it takes. You're it for me. Why don't we promise to both work on letting go of the past and living for the here and now."

Sharon nodded feeling herself choking up. He placed a kiss to her nose, then to her forehead, and finally to her lips causing her to smile. "I love you Sharon."

"I love you too Andy, and you're it for me as well."

"Are you planning on staying the night?" he asked.

"Not trying to send me home?" She looked at him quizzically.

"Never, I've already gone a week without you in my bed I'm not eager for that to ever happen again. I sleep better when you're around. Besides, I know better than to tell you what to do." He let out a laugh when he saw the shocked look on her face, "Don't look so surprised. I've figured you out - well at least parts of you that is."

"You certainly have Mr. Flynn, you certainly have. Oh I've been meaning to tell you but, everything got crazy, and" they both nodded acknowledging the unspoken, "Father Espinoza called me and said they wrapped up the testimonials. The council will now meet and review our case and we should get word in the next two weeks whether they will grant our annulments or not."

"Sharon, that's wonderful news. I had almost forgotten that that was going on amidst all this," he said gesturing to his heart, "but I couldn't be more thrilled."

"You are?" She asked, the feelings of uncertainty she had a few weeks ago bubbling to the surface.

"Of course I am. Sharon, honey, I'm committed to us. I know we can't guarantee that we will granted one, let alone both annulments but I can guarantee that I hope they do. This is everything I've ever wanted. You. Me. The kids. All of it. Your faith is part of who you are and it is important to me. I want this for you, and for us." His voice was strong and full of sincerity that Sharon had nothing to say in response. She pulled him into a tight embrace, trying to convey all her emotion through their touch. She felt him nod in understanding.

"Sharon, I know this isn't the time, nor the place, but I do hope that some day _soon_ you would do me the honor of being my wife. Of being my partner in life and in death. Until then, know that I love you and you are my present and my future." He kissed the top of her forehead and pulled her down to lean on his shoulder.

The game ended and the announcers came on for their post game analysis. The evening nurse came in and turned the TV off and dimmed the light across the room. The pair lay snuggled beside one another sleeping peacefully for the first time since all hell broke loose. The air had finally begun to change, fall was officially here.

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AN: Happy Valentine's Day readers, our couple is alive and not fighting anymore! We are nearing the end, but unfortunately with life stuff going on I won't finish the story before the premier which was my original goal. But I did want to get this medical part up before the episode airs since I doubt this is what happened. Thanks to everyone for their support and kind words, the loss has been hard on my family but we'll get through it.

AN2: The medical stuff primary aldosteronism is usually diagnosed after finding High sodium, low potassium, and high blood pressure. 1/3 cases are due to benign tumors called adrenal incidentaloma they also cause muscle weakness, fast/irregular heart beats, sweating, shaking, paleness, and headaches. I thought it would be interesting to delve into this side of medicine, a lot of people don't realize how hormones can impact our bodies, but it's key and unfortunately these conditions tend to be overlooked. A lot of different hormonal conditions can actually cause cardiac symptoms. Everything in our bodies is intertwined.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 Part 1**

Sharon watched as the surgeon took off his scrub cap and walked down the long hallway towards her. She immediately read his reaction - she didn't need to hear him say the words, it was written across his face, in the way he carried his body as he moved. She collapsed onto the floor. When the doctor reached her he knelt before her and spoke, the words were muffled as if her ears were ringing. She looked up at him as he spoke again, trying to will her brain to hear him speak. His lips were moving and she tried to decipher the message, all she got was "He's gone."

She shot up, breathing heavily as a cold sweat dripped down her body. It was dark. As she looked around she realized she was in her own room, in her bed. Turning to check the clock beside the nightstand she noted that it was 2:50am, an ungodly hour. She'd never get back to sleep now. She threw aside the comforter, quietly moved off the bed and crossed the room to the chair. Sitting down she pulled the blanket around her and settled in as she stared at the bed. Concentrating on the subtle rise and fall coming from her love. This was the fourth night in a row that she had woken up like this, at the same hour, at the same spot in the nightmare. Each night she had taken post in the chair to watch him sleep. It seemed to be the only thing that brought solace to her racing mind, to watch the mesmerizing rise and fall of his chest, the occasional twitch of his right leg, and a soft and periodic snore.

Not being entirely sure why she was having the nightmares, she hadn't brought it up with Andy. He was still recovering and didn't need the worry of her not sleeping well. Before the alarm went off each morning she would crawl back into bed beside him, cuddling up close as she would normally do before the buzzer went off. He'd stretch over and pull her close and they'd lay like that together for a few minutes before going about their day. It had become a ritual, a private moment that would often be the only intimate moment they'd get all day. It became a thing to be treasured. As Sharon, sat in the chair and allowed the hypnosis to set in she felt herself calm down - breathing returned to normal, the sweat went away, and her brain shut down. Her mind tried to process the dream, these images of his death - everything went smoothly (for once) according to plan. She replayed the whole day over and over again, trying to figure out what she missed. The tumor was benign, as anticipated. Surrounding tissue was healthy and otherwise unremarkable. Within a few hours of the procedure he was up and walking, not long after that he was eating again too. His hormone levels returned to normal within 24 hours of the operation and he came home, with little fanfare or difficulty. With the exception of the stitches still waiting to be removed, he was fine. In a week he would be cleared to returned to duty and their lives would once again return to normal, to what they once were before - before all this nightmare began.

As the minutes ticked by, Sharon felt herself grow drowsy and fell asleep in the chair. The light of dawn began to shine through the curtains waking up Andy, before the alarm - an uncommon occurrence. He reached beside him and felt cold, empty bedsheets. Rolling over he realized that Sharon was gone. Puzzled he gently propped himself up and saw her resting in the chair across the room. Her neck was bent in a particularly uncomfortable position and most of the blanket had shifted onto the floor. Sighing as he realized that she must have been there for quite awhile he got up and padded across the room, pulling the blankets up around her He placed a soft kiss to her head as he brushed the hair around the frame of her face. He paused to admire the sight before him. Andy had always found Sharon to be the most stunning first thing in the morning. The way the light hit her face, the lack of make-up, and the fuzzy sleepy expression she often wore was rare and adorable. It was a side he knew no one else got to see, would ever get to see. It was an intimate portrait that she revealed only to him.

"Sweetheart," he spoke softly kneeling down beside her.

Sharon began to stir and immediately let out a strained whimper as she moved her stiff neck. Blinking her eyes several times trying to focus, the haze began to fade as she realized that she had fallen asleep in the chair and didn't make it back to bed.

"Sweetheart, did you sleep here all night?" He asked quietly.

"Mmm, no just for a little while. Didn't mean to fall asleep," she replied with her husky morning voice.

"Did you have trouble sleeping? You know you could have woken me?" He replied.

"No. I mean yes I did. But no I didn't want to wake you. Why should both of us go through the day with too little sleep?" She answered.

"Well, maybe because I will be home all day and can nap when I need to - you on the other hand can't." He took her hand into his and brushed his thumb along her knuckles, "Why did you have trouble sleeping?"

Sharon looked up at him, hesitant to respond, not sure whether she should give him the real reason or not. Andy saw her hesitation, "Sharon, it's okay if you don't want to tell me right now, but I wish you would. You know you can trust me."

"I know I can Andy, it's just you don't need to worry about me right now. I need you to get better and worrying won't help anything." She said looking away.

He reached up and tilted her chin to look at him, "See what you don't realize is I always worry about you. Whether you want me to or not. Whether I have a legitimate reason or not. So why not get it off your chest. It'll make you feel better, and I promise it'll make me feel better knowing what's going on in your head. Trust me when I say my imagination is worse than anything you could actually ever say to me." He added with a smirk.

She gave a little smile back, "It's just," she paused, "I think all of this," she waved around the room, "has finally caught up with me. The reality of just how close I came to losing you hit home, and now that I know I'm afraid." Sharon took a deep shuttering breath trying to keep herself together before she continued, "Andy, I've been thinking a lot over the last four nights. About your medical crisis, our fight, Chief Taylor, Wildred Darrnell, all of it really and I think I've finally come to some sort of conclusion."

"And what's that," he said pulling her hand up to his lips and placing a chaste kiss.

"Andy, I want to marry you. I want to be your wife, for you to be my husband. I know we are still waiting to hear back on the annulment, but I don't care anymore. If it's granted wonderful, if not so be it. I don't want to wait for my happiness any longer. We may not have another moment together on this Earth and if that's the case I don't want to spend it not being with you, fully committed to you - in body, mind, and soul. You're my person Andy, as crazy as that may have sounded a decade ago - you've brought air back into my lungs, and love into my heart when I least expected it." She took both of his hands into hers, "Andy will you marry me?"


	17. Chapter 16 Pt 2

**Chapter 16 PT 2**

Sharon stared at him for a long moment, unsure of what to say to fill the silence. Her eyes began darting around the room, it felt like it was collapsing on her, and she just wanted to runaway from there. She couldn't understand how she misread the signs. They had discussed marriage many times over the course of their relationship, it seemed like a forgone conclusion that once the annulment process was completed that the subject would be revisited with the ultimate goal of matrimony. But now - now his silence was deafening and her mind began to race that maybe it was too soon, or that he changed his mind about marrying her, or worse that after all this he didn't want to be with her. That the near-death experiences they had both faced made him reconsider whether they belonged together.

Andy realized he had been silent too long. Sharon began pulling her hands away from his in a desperate attempt to flee. He still wasn't sure what to say, so he gently pulled himself up and walked across the room. He turned around and gestured for her to stay put, he knew once his back was turned there was a good chance she would bolt. Despite her deep urge to get out of the bedroom she stayed, she wasn't sure why.

Opening the bedside drawer, he lifted a few magazines and reached into the back and pulled out a small suede pouch. He tilted the bag open and poured the contents out into his hand. Setting the heirloom cufflinks on top of the table he walked back towards Sharon. Kneeling again with a slight wince from the surgery, he held up a smaller grey velvet pouch.

"I've had this for awhile," finally feeling the ability to speak come back to him, "I kept it hidden in the pouch with my grandfather's cufflinks, knowing you wouldn't be suspicious of anything." He slipped two fingers into the velvet pocket and pulled out a stunning, yet simple silver band. It had a small round diamond with several smaller diamonds surrounding it.

"The ring belonged to my mother. Originally, after my mom died, it was given to my sister. A year ago, after my dust up with the car, she brought this with her when she came to see me. She said that after all the years of listening to me go on and on about 'Sharon' and knowing the impact you've had on my life, she said," he paused getting choked up thinking back to the conversation with his sister. Sharon put her hands on his giving him support to continue when he was ready, she realized now that there was no rush, no need to run. Andy coughed to clear his throat, "She said that you were the one that my mother was always waiting to come into my life, the one she had hoped I would end up sharing the rest of my life with. She said that even though mom left her the ring, she thought it was just meant to be for safe keeping, waiting for the right time to place it onto the hand of the new rightful owner."

Andy clasped Sharon's left hand and delicately slid the ring onto her finger, "Sharon, yes I will marry you. I will be your husband, partner, and lover in this life and the next. I can't imagine taking one more breath without you beside me. I am now and will forever be committed to you, faithful to you, and dutiful. The only thing I could ever wish is that we have an endless number of days together. I love you." He lifted her ringed hand to his lips and placed a kiss and finally looked up at her. Tears were streaming down Sharon's face, but a smile appeared and she pulled him into a deep embrace.

Moments later the alarm began to buzz causing them both to turnaround and give a glaring chuckle at the offensive noise that cut short their intimate moment. Andy got up and crossed the room to turn off the beeping. While Sharon wiped away the tears from her cheeks, she caught him staring at her.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing, it's just I love the way you look in the morning. I love knowing that I'm going to get to see you like this every morning for the rest of my life." He replied with a smile.

Sharon felt the tears well up again, "You're gonna make me cry," she whispered.

He moved back to the chair and pulled her up with him, "I never want you to cry, love."

She looked up at him, "Not even happy tears?"

"Hmm, well let me think about that. Happy tears? Happy tears?" He said with a smirk.

Sharon swatted his bicep and smiled up at him.

"Yes, well I suppose I can accept tears, but ONLY if they are due to your extreme and utter happiness." He said happy that she was smiling again.

Andy pulled her into an embrace, wrapping his arms around her as she placed her hands on his chest and leaned her head against his shoulder. He rocked them gently back and forth as she stared at the ring he had just given her. It was beautiful, classically elegant and full of a rich family history. It was perfect.

"Some of the surrounding diamonds had fallen out over the years. Turns out the setting had a crack. I got the diamonds replaced and had it fixed, resized, and polished up. It shines the way it did the day my dad gave it to my mom." He said reading her mind.

She let out a soft hum as they stood together, she hadn't felt this safe and loved in weeks. She hadn't noticed that Andy had slowly rocked them over to the sliding glass door. He pulled open the curtains letting the morning light shine through completely filling the room. The warmth hit her body instantly and she felt herself coming alive, her heart was full.

"Andy?"

"Hmm?"

"When did you know that we would end up here?" she asked quietly, unsure of why she was even asking the question.

"Well, uh, I guess I didn't know, not for certain. I hoped, oh, I hoped for a very long time that we would end up here like this one day. I guess if you want to know the truth, of when I first allowed myself to dream, it was a month after Nicole's wedding." He said honestly.

Sharon pulled back slightly and looked at him somewhat surprised, "Really? Why that moment?"

"The pictures." He said matter-of-factly assuming she knew what he meant. When he noted the puzzled expression on her face he elaborated, "You see it was about a month after the wedding that Nicole sent me some digital copies of the professional photos from the wedding. I flipped through them and noticed one of you and I dancing. It was a candid shot, and I don't think we were actually aware of anybody else at that moment. By the time I got the pictures we had gone out a few times for dinner during our non-dates, and I guess I just knew then that if I could manage it that we would one day be dancing again at a wedding. I suppose that's when I first allowed myself to dream, if even for a moment, about the possibility of what the future could have in store for us." He looked down and saw Sharon's eyes welling up again, "Are those happy tears?"

She smiled, "Yes, very, very happy." She pulled back into his embrace, inhaling his scent deeply, "Thank you for telling me Andy, and thank you for making me so very happy."

They held each other for a few more minutes basking in the warm glow of the morning sun. They heard the water begin to run in the bathroom, knowing that Rusty was up, life was beginning to trickle back into their private reality.

"Andy, do you mind if we keep this to ourselves for now?" She asked.

"Of course, are you worried about the kids or about work?" He inquired knowing either was a strong possibility.

"Not worried about the kids, although I would like us to discuss how to share the news with them. I think they will all be happy," she said with a huge grin.

Andy interrupted, "Yes, and I'm sure our girls will be flooding our inbox with bridal magazines the moment you do."

Sharon squealed in response, "Hmm yes, well that will be a nice thing to do with them together. But no, I'm just concerned about work. Not the team mind you, I know they're all fine with."

He stopped her again, "Yeah probably betting on that too."

She glared, knowing it was probably true, "I'm just concerned about all these damn promotion interviews. You know I'm not interested in the job, but I think until that mess gets sorted we need to be careful. Davis is all over me, well us right now, and I don't need to give her any more below the belt ammunition."

Andy stepped back and met Sharon's eyes, "It's fine. This thing" he gestured between them, "is between you and I, and then between our families. No one else. If you don't want to bring it up right now I'm okay with that. I know what we have and where we are going and that's good enough for me. Besides, it isn't like you wear a lot of jewelry around the office anyways."

Sharon thought about that for a second, "You know maybe I could wear it on a chain or something for now. I do want it with me Andy, I really do. And if it can't be on my finger at work right now, maybe it can lay near my heart instead?"

Andy nodded, words getting caught in his throat at the touching compromise Sharon had come up with, "I think that's a great idea." He managed to get out.

Sharon went into her closet and rifled through her jewelry box pulling out a long silver chain, she hesitantly removed the ring and placed it onto the chain. She walked back into the bedroom and turned around offering Andy the ends of the necklace. He fixed the clasp and caressed the back of her neck before she turned around. Her hands immediately going up to feel the ring laying on her chest, "Perfect" she whispered. He pulled her in for a kiss, when her phone began to ring.

Sharon walked to her end table and picked it up, flashing the screen to Andy, "Duty calls." He smiled, "until tonight." She nodded, answering the phone while aimlessly playing with the ring. Andy smiled as he moved towards the bathroom to shower, he wasn't going to tell her but he had a busy day ahead of him - this was cause for celebration.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 **Songs: Turn Me On, by Nora Jones Miss Ghost by Don Henley**

 **Rated M for Mature Audiences - Sexual Content**

Sharon walked into the condo later that evening, the room was dim and music was playing softly in the background. Her senses were soon overwhelmed by delicious smells coming in from the kitchen. She kicked off her shoes and set her things down in the entry way, "Andy?"

Andy walked out of the kitchen and met her in the living room, wearing a steel grey button down with a purple tie and slacks. In his hand he held out a single pink orchid. She lifted a hand to her cheeks and felt them redden, "Andy what is all this?" She asked as she took the beautiful flower from his hands.

"After this morning's events, we needed to celebrate so," he gestured for her to follow him out onto the balcony, "I've made us dinner for two at the best restaurant in town. Known for it's one-of-a-kind views and brilliant chef," he said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, Andy this looks lovely, but you didn't have to go through all this effort you're still recovering from surgery."

"Sharon, I'm fine really and truly. I feel great, for the first time in months really my energy levels are back to normal and seeing that ring on your finger this morning has me walking on the clouds." He said with a smile giving her a peck on the cheek.

Sharon gave a slight tug to the chain around her neck and pulled the ring out from her blouse, "I loved having this with me today Andy, knowing that we are taking our commitment to the next level has me feeling like I'm on cloud nine today as well."

He pulled her into a hug, "I'm glad sweetheart, it makes me happier than you could ever know to hear you say that. Now, while I finish getting dinner together why don't you change into something more comfortable."

After another minute of holding each other they reluctantly pulled apart and Sharon headed to the bedroom, surprised to see a package left for her on the bed. She carefully pulled the lid off the box and moved the tissue paper aside letting out a small gasp as she looked at the beautiful dress folded inside. It was a stunning purple cocktail dress with a boat-cut neck and 3/4 sleeves. The dress was simple, but sophisticated definitely something that she would pick out on her own and she felt impressed in Andy's abilities to shop for her. She stripped down and stepped into the shower to quickly rinse off the day before changing into a set of matching black lingerie and slipping on the new dress. She debated about whether to wear shoes, or not and if so which ones. Finally deciding that this was a romantic night-in, above the town, her black heels were called for. She removed the ring from the chain and replaced it back on her finger, checked herself in the mirror before applying a quick coat of lipstick and heading back to Andy.

When she returned to the living room, she saw the balcony door opened with Andy standing next to her chair, pulling it out. "M'lady."

"Thank you," she said scooting into her chair.

He leaned down and kissed her before pouring her a glass of wine, and sitting down across from her. "You look beautiful tonight Sharon."

Sharon's cheeks blushed, "Thank you for the new dress Andy, you did good," she said with a smile, "And you look quite dapper yourself."

Dinner passed with an easy comfort, whether they were quiet or very chatty, being together was always comfortable. Andy stood up and moved to pick up the dishes as Sharon tried to follow. "No, you stay here. I'll be right back with the dessert."

He pulled the creme brûlée out from the fridge and topped it with the fresh berries he bought at the market. It wasn't a dish she often ordered because she despised the calorie count, but deep down he knew she loved it. Dessert would be a rare treat, for a rare romantic evening alone, with an even more rare woman. When Andy returned to the balcony he found Sharon standing at the railing looking out towards the city skyline. He set the small white round ramekins down and turned towards her wrapping his arms around her waist. She hummed in response, and tilted her neck to the side as he swayed with her.

"It's a lovely night," he whispered into her ear.

"It is," she replied with a relaxing sigh, "Thank you, for all this."

"Always Sharon, you're worth it. If I have to spend every day until my last day proving it to you I will. You are an amazing woman and I'm lucky to have you in my life," he placed a kiss onto her shoulder, "and soon to call you my wife." He smiled at the sound of the words leaving his mouth, musing that wife had a certain ring to it. He placed a kiss higher up her neck causing her let out another low hum. His arms held her tight, "I brought dessert."

She turned her head up to look at him and smiled mischievously, "You mean you aren't my dessert."

Andy chuckled, "Always, that's implied, you wicked woman." He kissed her on the lips, spinning around so he could embrace her fully. Her back pushed up against the railing as her hands made a mad dash into his hair to deepen the moment. Reluctantly, Andy pulled them apart, "As much as I'm enjoying this - and I am" he gestured towards his belt, "I wouldn't want all my hard work to turn into a puddle too soon." He spoke, hoping she got the pun.

She looked over his shoulder at the delicious creme brûlée, placing her thumb between her lips she responded in kind, "Oh it might be a little late for that Andy." She stepped aside and returned to her seat at the quaint bistro he had set up for them.

 _This woman will be the death of me_. Andy thought to himself as he took a moment to collect himself before sitting across from her.

"This is only the second time I've ever made this, so I hope it turned out to your liking." He said taking his spoon and cracking the caramelized layer. Sharon followed suit, enjoying the pleasurable sound that came as the sugar broke into pieces. She pushed them to the side, saving them for later, as she scooped a bite of creme brûlée onto her spoon. Her eyes closed and she let out a deep moan as it hit her taste buds, "Mmmm, Andy this is so good."

Andy wasn't completely unprepared for her response to the dessert. The first time she made these noises was at Nicole's wedding and he was completely caught off guard. Her finger swiped a bit of buttercream off the slice of cake and he watched her suck it off her finger. With each bite of white cake with berry filling she became even more unhinged with her satisfied sounds. Later that night was the first time Andy ever had a realistic wet dream about Sharon - the hums and mmm's seared into his acoustic memory. At the time, he wondered if that was what she sounded like in bed. Years later he discovered that those little sounds were only the tip of a large and wonderful iceberg of noises. Noises that he was diligently cataloging since their first time together. Needless to say, he always needed to drink a large gulp of ice water when watching her enjoy her dessert - only now he knew there would be some relief in his future.

"I take it you're satisfied?" He asked as he finally took a bite.

She finally opened her eyes and looked at him, "Oh yes, this is quite satisfying, but I don't think I am satisfied, just yet."

Andy felt himself twitch at her not so subtle double meaning, and found himself hurrying up dessert to get on to the rest of his plans for the evening. Sharon smirked when she saw him scraping his dish, "Someone's eager."

"So wicked…"

Sharon picked up the last raspberry and held it between her fingers until she knew she had his full attention before popping it into her mouth. She let her tongue push it up against the roof of her mouth squishing it and allowing all the juice to pour out into her mouth. She leaned across the table, gesturing towards Andy, he moved towards her unsure of what she was doing. She placed a kiss on his lips and pushed his mouth open allowing some of the red juice to spill into his mouth. Their tongues mingled for a moment before she moved back to her seat.

"So, so wicked…"

She smirked enjoying how easy it was to get him to respond to her. Andy picked up the rest of the dinner dishes and took them back into the kitchen, leaving her out on the balcony. He needed some space to collect himself after the berry stunt, but the dishes could wait. Feeling the blood return to the other parts of his body, he returned to the balcony. Stepping behind her he wrapped his arms around her. He pushed against her back, his legs on either side of hers, his hands moving up her waist to her breasts causing her to let out another low hum. Once again she tilted her neck and granted him access to kiss and nip at her flesh.

As his hands began to wander more feverishly she pushed her butt up against his crotch, feeling him harden, "I think it might be time to take this back inside," she whispered.

Even though he knew she wouldn't go for it he still had to ask, "Well, we don't have to go back inside."

While there was some small part, buried deep, that wanted the thrill of being out on display it was not for tonight, "Maybe another time."

Her lack of outright rejection to the idea caused Andy to push up against her backside letting out a growl, "Yes, definitely time to move this inside then." He tugged her back into the living room and closed the sliding door. He gave her a little twirl, pulling her close as he whispered the lyrics to the song into her hair, "I will love you until the end of time / Come what may…"

His hands ran down her back giving her chills, there was something that was so unique about being touched by Andy. He could simultaneously comfort her and make her toes curl. The first time she felt it she found it confusing, uncertain what was happening. After their first night being intimate she came to understand the sensation, it came from a deep seated trust and love in someone else. With Jack it had been passionate from the start and in hindsight she had confused with love and in turn with trust. There was no doubt of the passionate spark between her and Andy, it was evident in both their physical responses, but with him it was always more. It was a feeling she had come to treasure above all else.

"Are you sure you're up for this Andy?" she asked into his shoulder.

"For what? Being with you for the rest of my life - most definitely. For being with you tonight - yes I am. Don't worry you won't break me." He said reassuring her, as he kissed the top of her head and continued to rock her back and forth.

She decided to put an end to the slow burn working up all night, and gave him a look over her shoulder as she walked towards the bedroom. Sharon felt her confidence return. Andy was going to be okay, and they were going to be alright. As she walked backwards towards the bedroom, one hand slipping up her back to pull on the zipper of her dress. She turned around letting Andy get a glimpse of her exposed back, she bit on her finger and held onto the door frame as he came up in front of her.

"You know what that does to me," the words coming out more as a growl.

"Perhaps I do," she said noncommittally as his hands came up to her shoulders pushing the dress to the side.

Sharon stepped inside the bedroom, letting the dress fall to the floor. Andy loosened the tie around his neck following her into the room. As she stood in her matching La Perla lingerie set, she bent over to pick up the dress, not wanting the beautiful new garment to wrinkle. She heard a groan as Andy came up behind her, running his hands down her spine causing her skin to tingle. He pulled her hands behind her and pulled the tie off from around his neck and gently knotted it around her wrists.

"Let me get that for you," he said picking the dress up for her and draping it across the chair.

His arms once again went up to her shoulders as he faced her, placing kisses across her exposed collarbones and down the valley of her breasts.

Sharon knew she could easily remove the tie if she wanted to, it was a simple slip knot, but this was all part of their game, secretly giving her all the power.

"Tell me what you want," he asked continuing his lips exploration of her neck.

"Strip for me," she bit her bottom lip as he looked up at her, "you're wearing far too many clothes for this stage of the evening."

"As you wish," he responded, stepping back from her and unbuttoning his shirt. Tugging the ends out from his waistband. With the shirt off, he stepped behind her and placed it on her shoulders, stealing another kiss as he lifted her hair up from beneath the collar. Circling back around to her, he yanked his undershirt off and tossed it aside. "Like this? Is this better?"

"Hmm," she murmured, "getting there." She took a deep breath smelling his cologne on the shirt he wrapped on her. It seemed silly the first time he did that, why put on more clothes when they were trying to take them all off - but there was something in the act that turned her on more than being completely naked. In these moments when they were playing at their game, she was completely enveloped by him, even though he was feet away from her. The feel of his shirt on her skin never failed to make her panties wet.

Andy unclasped his belt and pulled it out in one fell swoop and let it drop somewhere across the room. As he unbuttoned his pants, he moved back to Sharon, "What would like me to do now?"

"Help me to the floor," she asked. He steadied her as she knelt before him steadying herself, with her hands still behind her back. Already knowing what she was planning on doing, he moved even closer to her, she looked up at him with a wicked smile and bit down on the zipper of his pants and gave it a long slow tug down. He slipped his thumbs into his boxers and pushed the sides down, stepping out of them and moving back to Sharon. She wasted no time placing kisses on his thighs and his lower stomach, paying no attention to his twitching erection. He wasn't fully hard yet, but knew it wouldn't take long with feel of her so close.

Before she could place a kiss on him, he pulled her back up onto her feet. He wanted the night to last, and that meant she needed to have at least one orgasm before he took her. He spun her around pushing her against the door, and putting one leg over his shoulder as he knelt in front of her. With her hands still tied, she couldn't touch him, couldn't run her hands through his hair or push his face closer to her throbbing center; it was torturous, and she loved every moment. His hands ran up her long taut legs, and slipped into her panties - finding they were already wet. He brought his fingers out and stood up, letting her suck and lick herself off his fingers. He kissed her hard and ran his hands along the lace bra still covering her breasts, causing her to whimper, "Later, I promise." He said in response, knowing she wanted him to take it off and play with her nipples, but for now he was focused on something else entirely.

Kneeling back down, he wasted no time removing her panties and tossing them onto the bed - he wanted to save those for later. His hands ran up her stomach as her legs parted for him, his lips placed kisses in the same places she had just done to him. Her body jerked in response, her hips thrusting up towards his face.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he said pausing his actions.

"I want you to kiss me while I feel your fingers inside me, curling up and hitting that spot deep inside," she responded confidently. Anyone that ever thought Sharon Raydor was shy or cold in bed was sadly misinformed. She knew what she liked and what she wanted, and Andy had no problem giving it to her.

His hands made it back down her stomach and began to play at her entrance as he placed soft kisses onto her clit. She hummed at the pleasure he was bringing, but let out a moan when he slipped two fingers inside. He kept them shallow initially, teasing her as he coated his fingers with her. Andy looked up at her and saw her eyes close, wanting her to look at him he thrust his fingers deep inside causing her to moan and look down at him - shaking her head - he knew there would be pay back for that later, but this was as much about her as it was him. He curled his fingers up towards him and began pushing as he moved his fingers back and forth, keeping them buried deep. She let out an "Ohhh…" and he knew he was forgiven. Sharon kept looking down at him as he stared at her. His mouth on her pussy, fingers inside as much as she wanted to close her eyes and enjoy the waves of pleasure she knew he wouldn't let her do that just yet, and truth be told the watching always made her hotter. They both knew that, which is why she could never be too mad at him for making sure she did watch.

The pleasure quickly built as his fingers kept up their quick pace, while his tongue continued it's slow spinning torture on her clit. Her legs began to feel weak and the distinct urge to pee let her know she was on the verge of exploding. Her moans got louder until they were nearly screams, her body convulsing against the door, hips thrusting up into Andy's face.

Andy stopped kissing her clit and slowed his fingers down, pausing before pulling them out. He enjoyed the feeling of her walls clenching onto him as she came down from her high. He leaned back from her, face covered with her juices admiring the flush that was running across her chest.

Sharon loosened the tie on her wrists, holding onto it with one hand and moved towards Andy. He knew it was his turn his cock throbbed in anticipation as she wrapped the tie around his eyes. She leaned down and whispered, "Thank you," in his ear before pulling him up to his feet. She guided him back to bed and laid him down on his back. Taking the massage oil out from the drawer she straddled his thighs as she poured the cool liquid onto his stomach. He flinched at the change, but immediately relaxed as he felt her warm hands spreading it across his chest. Her hands rubbed up his chest and up to his shoulders then down his biceps. He flexed for her as he felt her hands moving across his skin. His senses were in overdrive, he loved being blindfolded, anticipating her touch, the scent of the room it was all intoxicating. With each pass of his chest her hands moved closer and closer to his erection letting the inside of her arm gently touch the tip. Sharon angled her hips and lowered herself so that her breasts moved across his chest, her body slid down his until her hands reached the tops of his thighs.

Picking up where she left off she resumed kissing his inner thighs, moving closer to his balls. She held him between her two fingers and ran her tongue up his length causing him to buck his hips. Leaving his erection for a moment she slid back up his body and slowly dragged her breasts back down him again enjoying the feeling of the oil against her skin. When she reached him again she opened her mouth and slipped the tip in, moistening it before releasing it. The next time she took it a little further, and continued repeating it until he was all the way in her mouth. She twirled her tongue around him while her free hand pulled his balls taut with her palm, she could feel him getting harder and more ready with each pass of her tongue. She opened her mouth so the sides of her lips were no longer touching him, as her tongue held him up as she slowly, almost painfully so, let him slid out of her mouth. Andy let out a deep groan from the loss of contact causing her to smirk.

Sharon pulled herself up and positioned her his over his, pushing his erection against her lips and his groan of displeasure from the separation was replaced with a grateful moan. She rotated her hips up and back several times, letting her clit rub against him. She knew she was using him right now, but she couldn't help herself, she was going to take advantage of the situation and get off one more time before she buried him inside her. Andy's hands found her hips and held onto her as she continued rocking herself on him. The movement became hurried as she let out a moan that sounded a lot like his name, her body shook again as her clit brought her to orgasm again.

Andy pulled one hand up to his face and removed the blindfold, wanting to see the look on her face as she came down once more. Her head was still thrown back and her chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

"Glad I could assist," he said looking down at her hips and back up to her.

She smiled in response, "Always, you live to be helpful."

"Don't you know it beautiful," he said reaching for the panties he discarded earlier and brought them to his nose taking in her scent once more, "Every last drop of you is beautiful." His hands reached up for her breasts as he rolled her nipples in his hands, they hardened instantly beneath his touch. "Looks like someone is ready for another go, already." He smiled up at her, his ego swelling that he could bring her to edge as often as he did. Most of the young women he had ever been with could never hold a candle to her, let alone keep up with her once she got going. She had an insatiable appetite, he had learned early on the need to pace himself in order to keep up.

"Hmm, I might be ready for a ride," she murmured into his ear as she bent down towards his chest, letting her hard nipples scrape across his chest. His hands moved up to her butt and squeezed. Holding onto her tightly he quickly flipped them over so she was on her back.

"A ride you say, what kind of ride?" He asked as he positioned himself between her legs.

She looked up at him with a touch of surprise, not expecting his role reversal, but she quickly pushed the feeling aside when she came up with an alternate idea. She leaned over to the nightstand and pulled out the bottle of lube and drizzled some across her and Andy before pulling him down to her.

"Well, I see you had a different ride in mind for this evening. Could I perhaps tempt you into reconsidering?" She whispered into his ear as she bit down onto his shoulder and wrapped her legs around him. He teased at her entrance and pushed in an inch, enjoying the feeling of pushing her lips apart.

She whispered into his ear and he immediately sat back giving her space to move.

"I take that as a yes," she said turning around and moving onto all fours. Her hands reached out for the headboard as she looked at him over her shoulder. Once she was comfortable he sat back up and positioned himself outside her, hands moving down her back and to her hips. He slowly pushed himself in, enjoying the feeling of finally filling her - for the first time in weeks they were completely in sync with one another. Her butt pushed back against him when he paused to long, he smiled knowing she would quickly grow impatient in this position. He pulled three-quarters of the way out and slowly pushed back in. His thrusts were deep and slow, wanting to savor every second of this moment with her. As he felt his orgasm building his motions became less measured, his fingers digging into the side of her hips to get better leverage. She arched her back up to improve the angle for herself as she felt him nearing his own release. Pushing back against him he drove into her deep once more and came. He continued thrusting, knowing she would follow soon after, his hands moved up to her breasts and played with them as she angled herself up even more, finally getting the spot right she felt her body shake and quiver as she found her release for a third time. Their movements slowed and they eventually collapsed onto the bed together.

"You know you're spoiling me," she said as she curled herself up against him.

"How's that?" He was fine with the idea, but wasn't sure what she meant.

"Three orgasms in one night, a girl could get used to such a thing, even a bit greedy for that many in the future," she said kissing him in appreciation.

"Oh well, darn, I guess I'll just have to find some way to keep you happy in the lifestyle to which you've become accustomed then. Some job really," he said kissing her back, "I'm happy to be the one to make you feel that good Sharon, really I am. And if you can have twelve orgasms in one night, without breaking me of course, I would help you."

She laughed, "What is it with men, just because we can have more than one doesn't mean we can reach double-digits in one sitting, as it were.

"Oh well, I guy can dream I guess. Anyway, I'm just saying if you could I'm your man."

"That you are Andy, that you are."

The room stilled with the scent of sex lingering in the air. Their breathing returned to normal and their bodies were finally relaxing in the bliss of such a wonderful evening.

"Thank you for tonight Andy, and I don't just mean this. All of it. It was really and truly a wonderful day." She said finally breaking the silence.

"You're welcome and if I can make all your days this wonderful in the future I will because you're worth it. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you Sharon." He replied.

Sharon said as her fingers aimlessly played with the little hairs on his chest. "I got a call this afternoon from Father Espinoza. Our presence is being requested this Saturday to review the annulment findings and decision."

"Good, well at least we will finally know one way or another," he replied letting his voice drift off. There was no need to complete the sentence they both knew what it meant, they also knew the odds.

"I meant what I said this morning Andy, no matter what the verdict is I'm committed to you - to becoming your wife. Whether that is with the church or without, I'm with you." She said pulling herself up onto on of her forearms and turning towards him.

Andy turned to face her, "I know Sharon, thank you." His fingers stroked her face as she laid back down into the space between his shoulder and chest, "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too Andy."

They laid together enjoying the silent company of each other and the room, when it was disturbed by the sound of her phone beeping. She reluctantly moved over to check her messages,

"Dammit," she muttered.

"Such language," he said with a soft chuckle, "It must be Davis."

"How did you know?"

"Well, there's usually just two people that make you swear me and Provenza. Since I'm here with you and I'm pretty sure any swear words you would use on me would describe the wonderful moment we just shared - I think I can safely say it's not me. And recently with all this Chief business you've been extra wound up," he said placing a kiss on her shoulder, "So my deductive skills led me to Davis you see."

"Uh huh," she said disbelieving him.

"Really, it was a toss up, just got lucky sweetheart," he said with a smile, "So what does the Cylon want?"

"I'm not sure, but Provenza says I need to get down to the scene ASAP - my diplomacy is being requested. Either way it doesn't bode well." Sharon got up out of bed and moved to the bathroom to get ready for a long night.

"I wish I could go with you, but wouldn't you know it my doctor says I gotta stay home until Monday, it's a real shame," he said sarcastically.

"Laugh it up, just wait until you get back to the office - desk monkey," she threw back as she turned the water on and got into the shower.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: Apologies for the long delay in getting this chapter up, but I hope it disappoint. I wasn't originally intending for it to be so long, but well our couple just seemed to demand the attention. If this wasn't enough or you have a burning desire for something a bit more charged check out Bean Bag Musings or The Other Drawer :)


	19. Chapter 18

"Thank you for coming today," Father Espinoza gestured for the couple to take a seat in his office.

"Well we were glad to get your phone call, and a bit surprised that the process has come to a conclusion. I know sometimes it can take eight months for everything to be reviewed and decided." Sharon set her purse on the floor next to the chair as she sat down beside Andy.

"Sharon, you made it easy on us. Both of your files were complete and your witness were prompt. I wish all our annulment reviews went as smoothly as yours." The father poured himself a cup of tea, "Can I offer you anything to drink?"

"No thank you, Father." Andy replied for both of them.

The father pulled the case file out from his drawer and sat down at his desk, "I'll go over each case individually, why don't we start with yours Sharon."

Sharon looked nervous and reached out towards Andy to squeeze his hand, "Okay."

"Your request for annulment from your marriage to Jack Raydor on August 9th, 1981, is granted. Based on the documentation you provided about Mr. Raydor's infidelity, gambling and alcohol addictions, and many abandonments for the family unit, we have deemed your marriage invalid. This does not mean that your children are illegitimate or unable to take part in communion."

Sharon let out a strained cry. The judgment by the Church passed down gave her a sense of validation, that the divorce had not. Deep down she knew this didn't absolve her from her part in the failed marriage, nor did it make her feel any better about that chapter in her life.

"So, this means, in the eyes of the Church, I am allowed to enter into marriage with someone else," she looked up at Andy expectedly and placed a hand to her chest where the ring dangled from its chain.

"Yes, it does. Assuming the person you marry is also free to do so, there will not be any challenges made by the Church regarding the legitimacy of your marriage. It also means you would welcome to partake in communion."

Sharon and Andy both knew she had a strong case to make for an annulment, but she still felt a wave a shock at his words. "Thank you Father." She wiped the tears from her face and looked back towards Andy feeling elated that this would all work out.

"You're welcome," he replied. Setting Sharon's case file aside he pulled out the folder with Andy's information, "Now, about your request for annulment Andy." The Father looked down at the piece of paper and gave a frown that didn't go unnoticed by the couple.

"What is it?" Andy spoke up.

Father Espinoza set down his glasses and looked at them, "We have come to a decision regarding your case, but there was a complication."

"What do you mean there was a complication? I filled out all the forms and provided you with my list of witnesses. What happened?" The frustration in Andy's voice clear.

"Andy," Sharon spoke softly trying to get his attention to calm him, "I don't think he's saying you did anything wrong. Why don't we let him finish?"

He felt her hand on his arm and leaned back in the chair letting the Father continue.

"You did provide us with all the necessary information. But, the issue was with one of the witnesses—"

Andy cut him off, "If Provenza screwed this up for us, so help me—" He jumped to his feet.

The Father put his hands up, "No Andy, it wasn't Provenza." He paused knowing the real reason might make him fly off the handle, he wasn't unaccustomed to the man's temper, "It was your ex-wife."

Andy was quick to respond, pushing back from the seat where he was leaning "What does Vicki have to do with this? I can't imagine she would have said anything to hurt my case, in fact it would probably help it. She hasn't had a positive thing to say about me in twenty-five years."

"Well, unfortunately that is part of the issue." He removed his glasses, setting them on his desk and looked at the couple, "Her testimony had a significant impact on the tribunal's decision."

"Father, can you please tell us what they decided about my case," Andy couldn't help the frustration in his voice.

"The tribunal has decided to impose a vetitum."

"A vit-a-what?" Andy asked, his knowledge of latin never went beyond the basics.

Before the Father could respond Sharon spoke, "It means a prohibition." She couldn't help the fallen expression from forming on her face. It was possibly worse than a rejection of annulment.

"A prohibition of what? What aren't you saying?" Andy jumped up from his seat no longer able to hold in the emotion.

"Andy, it means that the Church has granted you and your wife an annulment —"

Andy cut her off before she could finish, "Well, that's great! That's what we wanted to hear."

Sharon reached her hand out to him, gesturing for him to sit back down next to her. She tried to force a smile, "Yes, I am glad that the annulment was granted - for both of us. However, the vetitum means that you are prohibited from getting married again, in the eyes of the Church." She couldn't help but show her disappointment as she watched the realization wash over Andy.

"Prohibited? From getting remarried?" He sank back into the chair next to his fiancé, an irony that wasn't missed on either of them.

The Father finally spoke up, "Yes, unfortunately Sharon is correct. I tried to argue on your behalf that they grant the annulment with a monitum - or condition, but unfortunately the tribunal felt that more serious measures needed to be taken before allowing you to remarry."

"Ok, so it's not a never just a not right now?" Andy was still trying to wrap his head around all of this new information. He thought an annulment was a simple yes or no, not with all these caveats.

"Yes, that's correct. Once the prohibition has been served to the satisfaction of the Church, the tribunal will reconvene to lift the vetitum." He pulled out a pamphlet from his drawer with information and handed it to Sharon.

"Okay, so what is the vetitum that I have to do, and why?" He still felt confused. He didn't understand why any of this was happening.

"Well, again, the imposition of the vetitum had to do with your ex-wife's testimony - about your past. Specifically, the addiction and abandonment of your family. She brought documentation showing your failed attempts at rehab, lack of spousal and child support for a period of nine months, and missed visitation with your children. Because of these issues the Church had reservations about your stability and potential for being a good husband that creates a healthy home that abides by the Church's teachings."

As Father Espinoza spoke Andy felt his blood pressure rising. He didn't deny any of those things, in fact he mentioned them in his application summary for annulment, but he never expected this outcome. "I've been sober for over 20 years. I made all my payments to my ex, and once I was sober I saw my kids as often as I was allowed by the courts."

He nodded back at Andy, "The tribunal reviewed all the information you provided as well as your own witnesses that spoke to your character and dedication to your sobriety. As you know, AA is by its nature anonymous unless you were under court mandate there is no way to verify your sobriety. The Church is concerned about your past pattern of behavior and what it might mean for a future marriage."

"Past pattern of behavior, you're making it sound like I'm a criminal." His voice was louder than he intended.

"No one is —" Father started to reply, but Sharon held her hand up, "Andy, Father Espinoza isn't suggesting that you're a criminal. Let's try and focus on the positives here. We were both granted annulments-"

"Positives? Sharon c'mon. I'm not asking for anyone to forget about my past or what I've done, but how about some forgiveness. Isn't that a key principle of your teachings, Father?" Andy stood up from his chair and began pacing, "Ok, so just tell me what I have to do to get off this probation so I can actually marry my fiancé!"

Sharon's face turned red in embarrassment, they hadn't told anyone about their engagement yet. She did not want the Father knowing that they were already engaged prior to the resolution of the annulments. They were waiting until after their meeting with Father Espinoza before breaking the news to the kids. They wanted to know what kind of wedding - or rather what kind of marriage they would be entering into before telling anyone.

Andy immediately realized his slip and turned towards Sharon, "Honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blurt that out. I'm so frustrated by this situation, once again my ex is making my life harder than it needs to be." He pulled on his ear lobe trying to calm down for Sharon's sake.

She was thankful that the doctor's had already resolved his medical issue, because this without a doubt would have caused him to have another episode. She stood up and moved towards him placing a hand on his chest, "Andy, we'll figure it out. We weren't going to rush down the aisle, so why don't we find out what steps you need to take to resolve the vetitum. Then we can decide whether that's something we want to move forward with or not."

"Yeah you're right," he replied. Sharon gestured that they both return to their seats once Andy had calmed down.

"As I mentioned the tribunal is aware that you say you've been sober for sometime, however, they want to ensure that your substance-abuse issues have been fully resolved. In order to lift the imposed vetitum, you and your partner, Sharon, need to attend a mandatory six sessions of counseling. They would also like further documentation about your addiction recovery— "

Sharon interrupted, "The Church wants to review the private medical records of Andy's stays in rehab, am I understanding you correctly?"

"They would like to review summary statements from his time in rehab, nothing personal in nature, only their recommendations and notes on potential for maintaining sobriety. They also want signed statements from your sponsor(s) and anyone else that has worked the program with you for a length of time to confirm your commitment to your sobriety." The Father said trying to clarify himself.

"But that was over 20 years ago, isn't the fact that I'm still sober proof enough of my potential to remain sober?!" Andy yelled.

"Andy, I understand all that. I know you, remember that, but the Diocese that reviews these cases they don't. They are concerned that if there are any underlying issues, the same issues that led to the failure of your first marriage that they will destroy any subsequent marriage. They want to ensure if the bless a second marriage - between you and Sharon - that it won't end for the same reasons."

Andy didn't know what else to say, there wasn't anything else to say at this point. Either he took these steps to get the prohibition lifted, or he didn't. That would be a conversation for another time, between him and Sharon.

"Father, it was my understanding that our cases were being heard separately. There should be no reason for the Diocese to factor me, and my own past, into their decision about Andy's previous marriage. That seems quite prejudicial." Sharon spoke up trying to wrap her head around an obvious miscarriage of justice.

The man nodded in understanding, "While the tribunal works in similar ways to our own judicial system, it is not a legal proceeding. The Diocese is allowed to take any information they see as pertinent to the situation and weigh it into their decision."

She looked over at Andy who looked visibly upset and knew it was time to leave. The Church made their decision and now they needed to make one of their own.

Sharon stood up and shook his hand from across the desk, "Thank you Father, for everything. We will be in touch about our decision." Sharon replied for them both, as if she had read Andy's mind. They had a lot to discuss.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more," he said sadly to the couple. He knew they would work, he could see it in their eyes, in the way their bodies stood together, the touches they shared.

"Uh thanks Father," Andy said pulling himself up from his seat.

He placed his hand on Sharon's lower back as they walked out of his office. They walked to the car in silence, still whirling from the news. Sharon thought there was a chance that they would rule in favor of the monitum. She didn't mention the possibility of it to Andy, figuring he would be happy enough to hear they could get married. She hadn't expected them to issue a prohibition on remarrying. It was worse than a rejection of annulment. At least if the Church said no, they could always refile and have their case reviewed by a new tribunal. This decision left them in limbo. It meant waiting for Andy to please the Church's mandate before granting permission.

Andy opened her car door and waited for her to climb in before getting into the driver seat. Andy surprised her when he was the first to break the silence, "Why don't we go the pier and talk?"

Sharon nodded and gave a soft, "Yes."

The ride across town to Manhattan Beach was quiet and had less traffic than either expected. Sharon held Andy's hand, biting her bottom lip as she thought through the various options. _Option 1: Ignore the Church's decision and get married anyway. Option 2: Complete the required counseling and wait for the Church to "clear" him. Option 3: Request a re-review, challenge their findings._ None of them seemed like great options.

Andy's mind was reeling. Once again his ex-wife was thwarting his chances at happiness. He never denied that he was a royal fuck up, but he had moved past that why couldn't she. Now the Church was saying that they still thought he could be an asshole husband. It's a fear he's buried inside, but hearing a panel of clergy agreed made him feel worse. He knew, obsessed at times, of the similarities between him and Jack. He knew what Sharon was risking to be with him, and for some reason she still wanted him. That didn't stop Andy from worrying about how he was going to mess it all up.

Andy pulled into the underground parking lot on Manhattan Beach Blvd, "Do you want to eat first?"

It was lunch time, but Sharon didn't feel hungry. "No. Let's eat after our walk?"

They walked out of the parking garage and held hands as they headed down the steep incline towards the pier. The sun was shining, but it wasn't very warm anymore. Fall was settling in and the air felt crisp. The weather didn't seem to stop tourists and surfers from coming out. They found a bench near the aquarium at the end of the pier at sat down watching the waves.

After a few minutes Andy squeezed her hand, "Sharon, let's do the counseling and I'll do all the other stuff — for you. So we can clear up this issue and get married in the Church like you want."

"Like I want? Andy this marriage —this wedding—isn't just about me, it has to be about what we both want. Are you saying that isn't what you want?" She asked feeling concerned about his response.

Andy sighed this wasn't coming out how he wanted, "Sharon that's not what I mean. I know how important the Church is to you, and it is important to me as well, but I don't need the Church to bless us to get married. BUT I know you do, so I'm willing to go through all these steps to get us there."

"Willing?" Sharon shook her head, "Andy wasn't I the one that said I would marry you either way? No matter how the annulment proceedings turned out that we would still become husband and wife?"

"Yes, I know what you said. I guess I didn't think you meant it," Andy stopped himself knowing that was the wrong thing to say, "Sharon, what I mean is that deep down I know you want the Church wedding. If they didn't grant my annulment at all then I think this would be a different conversation, but they did I just have some extra hoops to jump through."

" _WE_ have some extra hoops to jump through. This isn't only about you Andy, we have to attend counseling sessions together to meet the Church requirements. And I don't see this as a different conversation, they are prohibiting you from getting remarried, which be default it's prohibiting me from getting remarried. The issues are one in the same. We are entirely at their mercy to clear you - clearing you of an issue that doesn't even exist." She stood up from the bench and looked out at waves, feeling upset that the Church could have come to the decision they did based heavily on the words of his ex.

He stood up next to her and he leaned into him before continuing, "We don't have to go through all these hoops. Technically, the tribunal did issue us both an annulment. We could still have a civil service and get married. There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, I mean if they didn't granted an annulment at all we would still be getting married. This verdict doesn't have to change that."

Andy's eyes watered hearing Sharon's words, the selfless act she was making so they could be together, "Sharon, I know how much your faith means to you. Not being able to take communion because of me, because we get married when we aren't supposed to, I don't know if I can live with that."

"Andy, I can live with that. In the eyes of God we would be wed, husband and wife. The Church can't take that away from us now, because they won't bless us. We don't have to decide right now or even this weekend, but I want you to think about it. I'm not going to force you to go through all of these steps because your ex decided to seek out a little extra revenge. I love you, and I want to be your wife, no matter how that happens just so long as it does."

Andy pulled Sharon into an embrace, "Thank you, and I love you too." He pulled back and kissed her passionately. Her response wasn't what he expected. Andy assumed, and knew, she would want the Church wedding, the pomp and circumstance. It wasn't that he had a problem with counseling, or pulling up all his addiction records, but it felt like a slap in the face. It seemed like the Church was ignoring the twenty-years he spent making amends and asking him to start over again.

This was a conversation he knew needed to be revisited once they had some time to think about it more. He didn't like the idea of her stepping away from her faith because of him. Her beliefs were so intertwined in her identity he worried what long term damage it might cause. Andy knew that his baggage already set them up for possible failure, he didn't need to add this one to the list. _Maybe going to counseling wouldn't be such a bad idea after all._

The pair remained on the pier until the sun began to set, "C'mon let's go up to Rock N Fish and get some dinner before we head home." Andy wrapped his arms around her they got up from the bench.

"We'll figure this out Andy," she leaned into him, "we will." Sharon was trying to keep calm, but deep down she felt anger bubbling. She was upset with his ex and the Church this didn't feel like a fair verdict and she couldn't help how that made her feel.

"I know. I love you Sharon," Andy kissed the top of her head and made their way back up to the boulevard towards the restaurant.

She shook away the feelings trying to stay focused on Andy and enjoying the rest of their Saturday. They would figure this out she knew they would, together.

Before they walked into the restaurant Andy stopped them, "I think we should hold off telling the kids - you know just until we decide what we are going to do about this whole situation."

Sharon's heart broke, she knew it was the rational thing to do, but hiding the engagement from their kids still hurt. It felt like he wanted to keep them a secret, and not so they could enjoy this time together—for themselves. She nodded, "Okay."

Sensing her concern he tried to offer words of support, "It's just for a few days Sharon. We talked about waiting until we knew the outcome of the annulment, and well it still feels like things are a little bit up in the air. I want to make sure that whatever we tell the kids about us getting married is the right thing."

Sharon bit the inside of her cheek schooling her face, "Andy, I understand. We will wait." She wasn't sure what was left to decide, as she had told him several times know, they would get married no matter what. She began to worry if maybe he was questioning whether they would get married at all. "You know the prohibition on remarrying is the Church. That isn't me."

There were those words again. Prohibited from getting married, he hated the way they sounded. He didn't care that it was only a Church mandate, it felt more like a chain, telling him that he shouldn't marry Sharon. That he couldn't be a good husband. Andy gave a fake smile, "I know, thank you."

"How many?" The hostess asked.

"Two please," Sharon replied as the hostess took two menus and walked them inside. The conversation was over, for now they were sitting on opposite sides of the issue.

"What looks good?" Andy asked desperate to change the topic to something else.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: I did do a lot of research into annulments and all the terms used are real. I may have taken a little liberty, but it is in the realm of possibility that the Church would require counseling before blessing another marriage. The next chapter will continue to explore the fall-out from the Church ruling and their inner demons.


	20. Chapter 19

**AN: Thanks for the reviews, especially to murphycat for the mass reviews I discovered in my inbox. Also thank you to those that have mentioned how they find my depiction of Sharon and Andy to be accurate and fairly portrayed. I not trying to write drama for drama sake, I want honest characters going through honest life situations. This is a short transition chapter, enjoy.**

 **Chapter 19**

Andy sat at his desk flipping through a list of counselors Father Espinoza gave him after mass on Sunday. He combed through the list of candidates, covertly checking them out, something he knew Sharon would frown upon if she found out. In their line of work you could never be too careful. They would be discussing sensitive things and if thirty plus years on the force taught him nothing else it was not to trust the privacy of someone just because they had a license. He found one reason or another to cross all of the names off the list. He didn't think Sharon would be comfortable talking with a male therapist, although he hadn't asked her, she was still on the "we don't have to go through all this" soap box. Not to be agist, but he didn't think some thirty-year old had enough life experience to be of any help. One just gave him the creeps with their new age philosophy and another reminded him of Sister Agnes which would require a whole different line of therapy. He was getting discouraged, there were only two names left on the list. _Maybe Sharon is right, maybe this is a some kind of sign._

"What ARE you fiddling with?" Provenza asked as he came over to his desk.

Thankfully things had been quiet the last two days at work, although without the distraction of a case his mind was obsessing over the whole annulment situation.

"None of your business," he shot off knowing that it really wouldn't do any good. If Provenza actually cared, he would tell him.

Provenza looked over his shoulder at the list, "Marriage and Family Therapists? You aren't even engaged yet and you already need to go to counseling?! You know Flynn, that's what we'd call a red flag."

Andy looked over his shoulder to make sure no one else had heard Provenza talking, "Would you keep it down! I don't want the whole office to know about my personal business."

"Yeah, yeah. So what gives?"

Checking to make sure Sharon hadn't slipped back into her office, "Well, we met with the Church on Saturday. They granted Sharon her annulment —"

Provenza cut him off, "Well, that's great news. Not surprising that even the Church would find Jack lacking as a husband. So what's with the therapy? Need to get some images of her with Jack out of your head?" He said with a chuckle.

"What?! God no! Geez, why did you even say that. Ugh now I've got that image in my head. No, no. The therapy is for us. It's well, uh, a mandate if I want to get remarried in the Church. They granted my annulment as well, but leave it to Satan aka Vicki to sabotage the whole thing."

"Uh oh. It's always the ex, isn't that what I always say? What did she do this time?" He asked taking a sip of his coffee and leaning up against the desk.

"She convinced them that I was a horrible husband and father and that I may still have lingering addiction issues which may destroy any future marriage. Basically, they think I will be a lousy husband the second go-around, just because I made some mistakes in my past." Andy put his head in his hands, frustrated about the entire situation.

"Ah, well that would do it. So the Church said you need couples counseling. What's the big deal?" Provenza shrugged, "Go to a few sessions get a piece of paper signed and get yourself hitched."

He looked up at his partner, "That's what I said, but Sharon she wants to forgo the whole thing. Just have a wedding somewhere and be done. She is upset that the Church is listening to Vicki on this and thinks it is ridiculous to make me go through all this to prove my commitment to sobriety."

Provenza stroked his chin with a puzzled expression, "Now that does not sound anything like the Captain."

"I KNOW!" He pushed back his chair with a little more force than he intended, "That's what I keep telling her, but she is digging in her heels. I'm beginning to wonder if it is less about the Church thing and more about the therapy thing."

"And you don't want to just go along with her. I mean your a lazy Catholic, do you really care if you get married in the Church for the second one?" Provenza inquired.

"Normally I wouldn't care, and not just to keep the peace and let her always have her way, but this just doesn't feel right. Her religious beliefs and faith are part of who she is, I don't get why she is willing to just turn her back on all that because of a few therapy sessions. I don't want to start a marriage off on the wrong foot and have this be something she holds over my head for the next ten years." Andy shook his head feeling concerned over Sharon's reaction to the situation.

"Hmm, well is she willing to go to therapy with you if that's what you want to do?"

"She hasn't really said no that she wouldn't come, but she isn't interested in looking through the list of people with me," Andy says holding up the piece of paper, "So I'm trying my best to find the right person on my own."

"It looks like you're not having much luck with that," he said looking over Andy's list of names.

"Yeah, there are only two names left. I hope one of them works out. These are the ones the Church recommended. I'd rather not go with someone else, it might make getting this probation deal taken care of even harder." He set the list of names back down on his desk.

Before either man could say anything else Sharon walked back in the room. Provenza scurried back to his desk, while Andy blindly reached out for a file to cover up what he was really working on.

"I'm headed across the street to the DA's office to meet with Andrea on the Hastings case," she announced to the team as she went into her office to get her purse and the case files.

Andy stood up and followed her in, "So lunch later?"

She didn't bother turning around, "Uh, no, Andrea is ordering sandwiches. We will probably be at it for awhile."

Andy scratched the back of his head, "Oh, uh, okay. I was thinking about picking up some Mahi Mahi on the way home for dinner. That sound good?"

Sharon turned around, "Uh yeah I guess. Keep it warm for me, I'm not sure when I'll be in tonight."

Andy looked out the window making sure no one was in ear shot, "Sharon, you've been avoiding me since dinner on Saturday. We need to sit and talk about this."

"Andy not here, I understand you want to discuss this again, but this is not the time or the place." She said moving towards the door on the opposite side of her office.

"I know that, I wasn't suggesting that. I just want sometime alone with my fiancé to discuss the future of our marriage. I guess I would have thought that was something you'd want to talk about too." He said moving back towards his desk.

Sharon shot him a look, "It is Andy, it's just I feel we've talked the issue out. It's time to make a decision and move on with it."

Andy was surprised by her response, "Okay then, I'll make a decision. I'm calling one of the names on the list and making us an appointment for this week."

Sharon's eyes widen feeling caught off guard by Andy's brazen decision. She wasn't sure how to respond and decided to just nod and head out of her office. Therapy wasn't something she was looking forward to. She was a fiercely private person who took her time getting to know someone before she let them in. The whole notion of therapy, baring your soul after just a few sessions made her uncomfortable. Even after years of going to confession with the same priest, she still wasn't comfortable sharing certain fears. _How am I going to do it with a stranger AND Andy in the room?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later Sharon's phone buzzed.

 **Andy: Appointment set. Wednesday 3pm.**

Sharon let out a groan causing Andrea to look up, "What's that all about?

"It's Andy," she let out with a sigh.

"Since when is that a bad thing? I thought you two were all lovey-dovey again now that he's back in good health?" Andrea asked setting aside the case files for a moment to talk to her friend.

"We were, or are, or…I don't know at the moment. It's complicated." She said leaning back in the chair.

"When has it not been complicated? You work together. You're his boss. His past. Your past. I mean c'mon Sharon, it's not like either of you come without any baggage." Andrea said passively interrogating her.

Sharon reached her hand inside her shirt and pulled out the thin chain, "This kind of complicated." She held up the ring for Andrea to see.

"Oh. My. God! You got engaged? When did that happen? Wait did you say no is that why this is complicated? Why isn't it on your finger?" Andrea flooded her with questions.

"Funny story actually. I proposed. Then he gave me the ring his mother wore. He had it repaired and was holding on to it waiting for the right moment to ask me. We didn't want to tell anyone, so I've been wearing it on this chain for over a week now." Sharon replied matter-of-factly, looking down at the ring oblivious to her friend "girling out" over the news.

Andrea got up and crossed the room enveloping her in a hug, "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. Oh this is so exciting."

Sharon pulled back from the hug and responded softly, "Thanks."

"I'm sensing a but," Andrea gently prodded for an answer to Sharon's melancholy demeanor.

"Well you know that we've been waiting to hear back on the annulment filings. They came in. We met with Father Espinoza on Saturday to discuss the rulings. Mine was granted without issue, but Andy's came with a pretty sizable caveat." Sharon got up from her chair and absent-mindedly played with a small round sculpture Andrea had on her bookcase.

"Okay, what kind of caveat?"

Sharon remained standing with her back turned away from Andrea. "Well even though they annulled his first marriage, he is prohibited from remarrying in the Church unless he complies with some of their mandates. Namely, therapy."

Andrea stayed seated, it was best to give Sharon her space when she needed it. "Okay. Well that doesn't sound too bad. I mean prohibited sounds pretty strong, but I guess if they annulled his marriage that's at least a start. So once he takes care of their requirements he would be allowed to marry you in the Church like you wanted?"

"That's just the thing. When I proposed it was before we knew about the annulments. I told him that I would marry him regardless of the rulings. That I loved him and I didn't care whether it was in a Church or the Courthouse, just so long as we were together." Sharon said finally turning around.

"Wow," Andrea said with a shock, "I guess I'm kind of surprised. What did Andy say?"

Sharon stood hands still fiddling with the piece of cool marble, "At the time he seemed thrilled, but we didn't really talk about it. The afternoon after I proposed I got the call saying that the rulings were in. We decided to wait and tell the kids about the engagement until after we heard what the Church had to say, and I guess decide what kind of wedding we would have. But after we got the news things just got awkward between us."

"How so?"

"Well, I told Andy that night that I didn't care what the Church said, I still want to marry him. I think it is ridiculous that they are making him go through all this because his ex wife is still spiteful after twenty years of divorce. He's been sober for over 20 years. He's already done rehab and counseling, what more does he need to do to prove to the world that he can do it?" Sharon let everything out in one exasperated breath.

"I tend to agree with you, but you know how I feel about religion. But Andy wants to do it? To follow the Church mandates?" Andrea asked delicately.

"Yes," Sharon said softly, "He does. I don't understand why. He keeps saying it's because of me. Then I tell him it's alright we don't need to go through all that. The conversation just goes in circles. Today, before I came over here, he tried to bring it up again. I shut him down, because were were in the office, and said we just needed to make a decision and move forward. So he made one, and now it would appear I'm going to therapy at 3 o'clock on Wednesday." She collapsed back into the chair in a huff.

"You're going to therapy? I thought Andy was the one that had to go?" Andrea asked confused by her latest remarks.

"Oh, no, _we_ both have to go to therapy - together." Sharon couldn't hide the sass from her voice.

"Oh," Andrea simply replied finally understanding what was bothering her friend. "I guess that's not really a bad thing. I mean, maybe you'll find it'll help you both. Gavin swears by his therapist, he's been going to him for what ten years?"

Sharon didn't immediately respond. She knew therapy could be helpful, and was glad that people who really needed to outlet had the help. It was one of the reasons she pushed Rusty into it, she knew his issues went above and beyond anything she was equipped to handle. Her other kids also saw someone for a little while when they were younger and she was going through her separation with Jack. At the time Sharon felt like she had enough support from her parents and friends not to seek out therapy for herself. She saw the department psychologist when required for on-the-job incidents, but having written the questions she knew what to expect and how to answer. She never had to attend more than two sessions. This time though she wouldn't know the answers, she wouldn't know what to expect and it frightened her.

Sharon finally broke the silence, "I'm not sure I want to open those wounds again. Talking about Jack and our failed marriage. Listening to Andy talk about his. How is reliving the past going to help us move forward? I don't understand why Andy won't go along with my desire to get married outside the Church."

Andrea paused before responding, "I think, it's because he actually knows you. Maybe better than you know yourself. And maybe he wants to prove to you that he can do it." She got up and moved back to her desk, picking up the file she discarded earlier.

Sharon didn't respond and Andrea knew she wouldn't. The topic was over and the fleeting moment of personal discussion was over. They resumed their case preparation in silence.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Wednesday came sooner than Sharon was hoping. She knew it was wrong, but she kept checking her phone hoping that they would get a roll-out today. It wasn't easy for them to both duck out for two hours. Davis was sniffing around for any reason to rattle Sharon's cage and they knew the team suspected that something was rotten in Los Angeles. They managed to keep things professional and thankfully case prep had kept them apart for most of the week, but it didn't take a detective to see the tension between the normally happy couple.

The rode to the appointment together. Sharon sat in silence with her hands folded in her lap as Andy drove them the five miles towards the therapist's office. When they arrived they were both handed a clipboard with a few sheets of paper for them to fill out. Initially it seemed like standard things, privacy statement, emergency contacts, and insurance information. When Sharon turned to the last set of pages she found a whole series of questions for her to answer. It seemed like a personality test and at the bottom of the back page there was a space to fill out "What you want to get out of therapy?" _I want to get out of going to therapy_. She thought to herself, feeling frustrated that Andy was making her go through with this. She looked over at Andy sitting across from her he was quickly circling and answering the questions with ease. _Perhaps all those training classes I sent him to sunk in or at least how to answer these silly questions._ She shook her head and slowly worked her way down the form. She left the bottom box empty, partly she was out of time but mostly because she didn't know what to write.

An older short woman came out from the hallway, "Sharon? Andy?"

They looked at each other and nodded at the woman. Andy responded for them, "That's us."

"It's nice to meet you," she shook their hands, "Why don't you come on back. We will be in the office to your left."

The office smelled of lavender and pine. There were relaxing pictures on the wall of what looked like Big Bear or Wrightwood. Sharon wondered whether the woman had taken the photos herself or if they were just some stock images she bought to fill her office. There was one couch, two chairs and a coffee table in the middle. "Please take a seat wherever you feel comfortable," she said closing the door behind them.

Andy sat on the far end of the sofa and Sharon opted to sit next to him. She wanted to sit in the chair closest to the door, but knew that would immediately set off the wrong vibe. She watched as the woman grabbed her notebook and cup of tea and moved to the corner chair. Sharon took the clipboard from Andy's hand and stacked it with hers, "Here's the paperwork you wanted" she started to say.

"You can set it down on the table, I'll look it over later. Thank you for taking the time to fill it all out, I know there's a lot of forms." She said gesturing to the coffee table.

Sharon thought it was odd that she wasn't going to at least review the paperwork first, make sure they even filled it all out, but did as the woman asked.

"I'm going to give you a 60 second summary about me and then we'll go ahead and get started. My name is Trisha Allen. I've been a certified marriage and family therapist for nearly twenty-five years. I'm married with two daughters, both grown and now have children of their own. Originally I'm from the San Diego area, but I've lived here ever since I started my practice. I specialize in medical induced depression, family counseling, and childhood trauma. While I normally don't mention my religious beliefs I know from speaking with Andy that it is important to the larger discussion. I am Catholic, my family and I have been going to the Immaculate Heart of Mary Church for decades. Now enough about me. What brought you to my office today?"

Sharon was familiar with the Church, it wasn't one she attended, but she knew it had a good reputation. She was glad that Andy found someone that had not only an understanding of the Church but held it's beliefs. She assumed that would be the case since Father Espinoza gave him a list of therapists to look into, but she appreciated the confirmation. Andy looked at her and she realized that she hadn't responded to Trisha's question, so he spoke up.

"I'm Andy Flynn and I'm an alcoholic." He said with an anxious smile, "Just like AA. Sharon and I are both police officers with the LAPD and we happen to be engaged. Unfortunately, we are both divorced. We just went through the annulment process and I was told that in order to be free to marry again in the Church we would need to attend counseling. I also have to do a few things related to my sobriety. So I guess that's why we are here. We want to get this all cleared, so we can get married." He looked up at Sharon for confirmation of what he was saying, she gave a nod.

"Thank you for that brief summary Andy. It's also helpful to know right off the bat that addiction issues exist in the relationship dynamic. Sharon is there anything else you'd like to add?" Trisha asked.

Sharon looked at her, still not wanting to speak up, "No, I think that about covers it."

"I sense that you are uncomfortable. Is it the idea of therapy? Or is the reason for the therapy?" Trisha asked.

Sharon shifted in her seat, she was unaccustomed to having someone be so direct and call her out like this. There were few people in her life that ever managed to do it, and this woman would be added to the list. Andy looked over at her expectedly, also wanting to know her answer. She wasn't sure what to say, it was both things really and she wasn't prepared to get into either.

"Should I take your silence to mean I hit a sensitive spot?" Trisha asked.

Sharon was surprised, she didn't think that a therapist would be so bold and pushy in a first session, but maybe that's how it worked. She remembered Rusty talking a little bit about his experience with Dr. Joe. _Therapists are like cops I suppose, excellent interrogators._ This woman really knew how to read Sharon and it unnerved her, how quickly and easily she could sense Sharon's hesitancy and correctly guess the reasons why.

She sat up straight and decided to take the offensive, "Since you bring it up, both. I don't have a problem with therapy, and I think what you do is a noble profession, it's just not something I've ever desired to seek out for myself. As to the reason why we are here, yes I have an issue with it. As I've mentioned to Andy several times, I don't care that the Church has issued this prohibition on him remarrying, I'm committed to him and our relationship. I am perfectly happy to have a civil service. I think the hoops they are making him jump through to prove he would be a good husband is ridiculous. That being said, this was important to Andy so I'm here for him."

Andy looked at her feeling confused, she normally wasn't so open with strangers. He figured it would take all six mandated sessions to get her to say what she just said in the first ten minutes. He knew what she was doing though, he was very familiar with her playbook and she never wanted to be backed into a corner. Before he could stop himself he replied to her remarks, "So you're only here right now for me. Not for us?"

Sharon's head snapped towards Andy glaring at him. Andy knew he was pushing her buttons, but he knew something was bothering her. She had been acting strangely ever since they met with the priest and he couldn't get the real reason out of her. He decided to take advantage of the situation and see where it led. Andy continued to face Sharon but let his eyes dart towards Trisha's for a moment, she seemed to catch on and added, "Sharon, I think Andy raises a valid point. Therapy only works if the person is fully committed to working on their issues. If you're not then it doesn't matter whether you are here for Andy or not this won't help anything."

Sharon immediately felt like she was being ganged up on by both her fiancé and her new therapist. Once again deciding to play offense she focused on the therapist, "There are no issues to resolve. We are here because the Church tribunal has dictated the sessions in order for us to marry in the Church. I'm here for Andy and not myself because I think couple's therapy is unnecessary for us at this point in time." She turned towards Andy, "AND I am here for us because as I previously stated I am committed to this relationship."

"So there are no issues in your relationship. You have a perfectly healthy, happy, and stable relationship. You've never felt like the other person doesn't understand you, can't help you, won't be there for you?" Trisha asked of the couple, but the remarks were clearly directed at Sharon.

The two paused and looked at each other. Their recent fight and subsequent separation came to mind.

"I'm not suggesting we are perfect. We do things that upset each other and then we work them out." Sharon replied sharply.

Andy thought more about the therapists questions and once again decided to probe Sharon while he had the opportunity, "Well, she has a point. The whole thing with Dwight…" His voice trailed off. He knew he didn't need to finish his thought, Sharon would know what he was talking about.

Sharon's mind ran down the list of things Andy could be thinking of in reference to Dwight. _The confession_. Her eyes went big as she looked at Andy, "Why are you bringing that up?" She didn't want to talk about Dwight or anything related to that case. She hoped that by raising a broad objection he wouldn't pursue the line of inquiry she thought he was going down.

"I bring it up because it's relevant Sharon, you know it is," he replied softly and looked away from her. The whole aftermath of Dwight was still fresh in both their minds. The way she handled herself during that investigation raised concerns for Andy. He didn't have a chance to address them with her because they were thrown into the wild ride of his medical crisis. Now though all that was behind them and he was resolved that if they were going to have to spend an hour once a week for six weeks to take care of the Church that he would get to the bottom of what bothered him. It wasn't that she needed something else, something other than him. He went to AA, talked to his sponsor, everyone has someone else in their lives to help when times are tough. That wasn't what bothered him. She had the Church and he was glad for that. But she never circled back to him. Sure they had a nice chat the evening after she went to confession, but then all hell broke loose again with the case. If he was her person then at some point he expected her to feel comfortable with confiding in him - she didn't.

The room fell quiet. Sharon didn't want to answer Andy. Andy wasn't sure how far to push. Trisha broke the silence, "Who is Dwight?"

A loud sigh came out of Andy's mouth as Sharon jumped off the couch and move towards the window, turning her back on the others in the room. When Sharon didn't answer Andy realized he would have to give Trisha the back story.

"Dwight. As in Dwight Darnell, nazi-loving mass murderer. You may have heard about in him in the newspapers. Shot up a courtroom killed a two cops and several others." Andy waited to see if Trisha responded, when she nodded that she followed he continued, "Well it was a rough case. Sharon was the one that shot and killed him to stop him from killing anyone else."

"I see," Trisha finally replied, "What about Dwight is relevant to your relationship?"

The room once again fell silent. Andy looked down at his feet and wrung his hands. Sharon continued to stand at the window staring out.

"So it would seem that we have found an issue that's worth discussing. Sharon, would you please come back and join us - if you feel comfortable to do so." Trisha asked in a quiet tone.

A few minutes went by before Sharon moved away from the window and sat back down on the couch. No one said anything. The clock ticked away.

Andy realized he would need to speak up, it was clear that Sharon was uncomfortable and wouldn't do it on her own. "Dwight is important because everything that has happened between us since has been part of the fall out from that case." He reached out for Sharon's hand, for the first time since they sat down in the office. "We haven't been in sync since that case."

Sharon looked down at their hands. She knew he was right. Everything was off between them. She thought it was just her, that only she noticed that they were having trouble reading each other, knowing what the other needed or meant. They blamed everything on his medical crisis, but really it began before that. Andy's heart issues only exacerbated an already delicate balance.

"Sharon, do you agree with Andy? Do you think that things have been off between you lately? If so, do you think the Dwight case is the cause?" Trisha asked.

Feeling vulnerable she was hesitate to open her mouth and instead nodded a yes.

"Okay, well we are almost out of time for today. I would like you both to spend the next few days thinking back to that case and all the things that happened. Write down what you did and why. Then I'd like you to ask yourself if you could have made a different decision, would and what would it be. I want you both to think about how this case has impacted your relationship and why it continues to effect you both so deeply. Bring those notes with you to our next session and we'll pick up where we left off today." Trisha picked up her cup of tea and stood up. She opened the door to her office and moved towards her desk.

Sharon looked at the open door and felt strange. After spending the entire session wanting to get out of the office, now that the door was open she didn't want to leave. The open door felt disconcerting. She was being asked push the pause button on these thoughts that she was just asked to open up about.

"So should we try for the same time next week," Trisha asked breaking Sharon away from her thoughts.

"Well, given our jobs it'll be hard to keep to a regular schedule. If we catch a case we both can't leave in the middle of it," Andy responded standing up and moving towards the open door.

"Okay, well why don't we put it in tentatively for now and we can always move it if need be. Will that work?" She asked penciling the pair into her calendar book.

"Yeah. Sharon?" Andy asked looking for confirmation. Sharon nodded, still lost her thoughts.

Trisha got up from her desk and moved to the door, "Normally I offer my patients a hug before they go, but I never like to assume that's a welcome thing for everyone."

Andy put out his hand, "How about we stick with a handshake?"

Trisha laughed, "Works for me. Sharon?" She turned towards the couch where Sharon was still sitting.

"Hmm?"

"A hug. Would you like one?" Trisha asked.

"Thank you for the offer, but no." Sharon finally broke her silence and realized that everyone else was standing. She got up and moved passed Andy, anxious to get out of the room to get back to work where she felt more like herself.

"We should be getting back to the station," she said to Andy and gave a goodbye nod to Trisha as she stepped out of the office.

Andy turned and shook his head at the therapist who gave him a little knowing smile. By the time he caught up to her she was nearly at the elevators.

"You ok?" He asked, knowing very well she wasn't and that she was going to blame him.

"Sure, fine. One down, five more to go. Right?" She said sarcastically.

Andy was surprised by her response, this wasn't the usual Sharon he was used to. The therapy session really seemed to rattle her.

"You know it's okay not to be fine. Would it surprise you if I said I wasn't ok?" He said curious if he might get a response if he showed his own vulnerability.

"Are you ok?" She immediately put a hand to his chest thinking about the stress of the session and what it might have done. She mentally kicked herself for not considering that sooner.

"Sharon, my heart is fine. I'm fine - well medically speaking. What I meant was that I'm not okay because we aren't ok. We haven't been for weeks now and it's making me concerned. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, but lately I feel like we are living in two different worlds." The elevator dinged and they stepped out into the parking garage.

Sharon silently followed behind him as they made their way back to the car. She knew he was right, they were both right, but she wasn't sure how to deal with that knowledge.

They rode back to the station in the same fashion they left - in silence. This time there wasn't frustration in the air. Those feelings were replaced by a sense of sadness.

Andy pulled into Sharon's parking space, since they were in her car, and put the car into park. Before Sharon could unbuckle her seatbelt Andy grabbed onto her hand. She turned to him and he kissed her, "I do love you. I hope you know that." He let go of her hand and got out of the car. Sharon sat stunned by his actions. He circled that car and opened the door. She forced her thoughts aside and got out. Andy followed behind her this time as they made their way back to the elevators. He knew she would need some space in order to switch gears, to become the confident Captain again.

For the first time since he decided to pursue the Church mandated therapy did he think that this might be a bad idea. This could push Sharon away. If she didn't want to deal with these issues he was certain they would break and there would be no way for him to fix it. He knew it wasn't that she didn't _want_ to deal with their relationship, but whether she could was a definite question.

Sharon closed the door behind her when she stepped into her office. She pulled the blinds closed, something she rarely did, and put her purse in the cabinet. She rubbed her temples as she sat in her chair and stared out the window. She loved the view it was one of the nice perks of moving up to this office from IA. The view of the city was lovely and always seemed to calm her. Being up on the 9th floor afforded her enough of a sense of being part of everything without seeing the detail. From that height everything was a little fuzzy and made it all seem perfect.

She thought back to Andy's comments after they left Trisha's office. She knew he was right, she was worried too. Fixing it was a mystifying prospect to her though. It wasn't that she couldn't talk about Dwight or that she hadn't shared those thoughts with Andy. It was the realization during that case of how different they were, how the responded to situations and handled the aftermath. She wasn't so naive to be unaware of their differences between them before they started to date, but it didn't seem like a problem before the Dwight case. The fact that they were such opposites was one of the things she loved about their relationship, it was one of the reasons she thought they worked so well together in the office and out. How 60 seconds in a courtroom could change all that was the question she couldn't answer. Why was it suddenly an issue for her now?

Before she could ponder that thought any further her phone rang, "Hello?" "Yes Chief, I'll be right up."

She sighed as she hung up the phone. Pulling herself back together she re-applied her lipstick and grabbed her things, leaving out the side door of her office. Sharon needed to get back into Captain mode and she knew she couldn't do that if she walked by Andy's desk or by the team for that matter. _Thank goodness this day is nearly over_. She thought to herself, but then remembered Andy would be driving her home tonight - back to their home.

Her phone buzzed as she stood out front of Pope's office waiting for his secretary to give her the okay to go in.

Andy: I think I'm going to hit a meeting tonight. I'll leave you the car and have Tom swing by and pick me up and bring me back to the condo. I'm sure you wouldn't mind a little alone time anyways. Hugs Andy.

Sharon felt her eyes mist up as she smiled at his text. Some how even when she was uncertain about her, him, them, us - he seemed to know what she needed and made sure she got it.

She quickly typed out a message as Pope's secretary opened the door for her, "You can go in now."

Sharon: You always know what I need, sometimes before I know it myself. Thank you. Kisses Sharon.

She slipped her phone back into her pocket and stepped into Pope's office. Andy's message had not only made her feel better about them, but also helped her get back in Captain mode.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?" She asked, steeling herself for whatever conversation she was being summoned to the 10th floor to have.

"Yes, please take a seat," Pope gestured to the chairs in front of him as he closed the door behind Sharon.


	22. Chapter 21

AN: In my story universe there's no Wes Nolan. I love the guy on the show, but don't want to try and weave him into the story. Also I'm maintaining most of the other current canon story lines, but without the 4 month time elapse we experienced during the last hiatus. So we are currently in November for those wondering.

 **Chapter 21**

Sharon left Pope's office and headed to the ladies room on the 10th floor, wanting to avoid running into anyone that she might know on her own floor. It wasn't that she actually wanted the job, she didn't. She was happy right where she was, but the fact that _that woman_ was still in the running for the position was mind-boggling. Sharon couldn't figure out what Pope was thinking, what Davis could have said to him in the interview that would have made him think that she could ever replace Taylor. Taylor wasn't a perfect boss by any means, but over the years they found a way to work together. He mostly left her alone and she was grateful for the space to work. Davis on the other hand liked to meddle and micromanage. Working under her would be intolerable - assuming she and the Major Crimes team even stayed together.

She sat in an empty stall for a few minutes gathering her thoughts. Pope assured her that the Major Crimes division wouldn't be going anywhere as long as he was Chief. Despite the rest of her team being worried about that, it was never a real concern to her. Major Crimes was Pope's baby, it was the vision he created 11 years earlier and its successes outweighed the hiccups it experienced. No she was confident the division wouldn't be dissolved, but Pope couldn't guarantee that if Davis were selected that people wouldn't be shuffled around or even transferred.

Sharon wasn't surprised that Deputy Chief Howard wasn't in the running. She thought it had less to do with his former FBI status and more to do with his relationship status with Brenda. It was a well-known "secret" that Pope never stopped loving Brenda, and never warmed up to Fritz. She was disappointed, out of everyone in the running she thought Howard would do the best job. Besides, she liked the idea of working with him, they always had an ease to their relationship that would have made her work life pleasant. Now her hopes, and possibly the rest of her career, rested on the shoulders of one Commander Mason. She thought about going down to the 7th floor to speak with him, or congratulate him, really it would be to remind him of the deal they made. You protect my squad and I'll protect yours.

The door opened and Sharon realized it was time to get back to work. She stood up, took a deep breath and made her way back to her office. As she rode down in the elevator she found herself wishing that the team would get called out on a case. She needed something more than trial prep to occupy her mind right now. Between the wretched therapy session and this Chief business her brain was in hyper analyzation mode. When she reached the murder room she was a bit surprised to find it mostly empty. Checking her watch she realized it was nearly six, without a case everyone was working more regular hours. Only Amy and Andy were left at their desks, and they both looked up in her direction as they heard the sound of her heels fill the quiet room.

"Hi Captain." Amy said as she gathered up her things.

"Headed out," Sharon asked, pausing at the younger woman's desk.

"Yeah. Coop is off today so we are taking advantage of a rare moment to have date night." Amy replied with a smile.

"That's nice. It's certainly hard to coordinate things like that when you both do this job," Sharon said looking in Andy's direction.

"Very true. But to be honest things have been a little strained between us ever since that business with Hickman. I think we really need a night to reconnect." Amy said with a shrug as she closed her laptop and placed it in her bag.

"Hickman has a way of leaving a mark on people and relationships. I'm glad you guys are going out tonight. Have a lovely time." Sharon said patting Amy on the shoulder and moving towards Andy's desk.

"Night ma'am, Lieutenant." She shouted as she walked out of the murder room, leaving Sharon and Andy by themselves.

"Hey," Andy said quietly apprehensive of her mood. She disappeared for nearly an hour after they returned from their therapy appointment and wasn't sure what that meant.

"Hi," she said softly.

Andy reached up for one of her hands, "So, everything alright? I know it got a little rough today."

Sharon leaned up against the edge of his desk, "Not really, and things probably just got a little bit more complicated or at least tense."

Andy's fingers rubbed across her knuckles, "How's that?" He wasn't sure if she was talking about them or something else.

Sensing his confused concern, she put a hand on his arm, "Not about us. Well it might impact you and I in a few ways, but not about the wedding or the therapy."

Andy knew it wasn't something she wanted to talk about in the office. Sharon was always good about keeping those emotional conversations out of the workplace, well most of the time. He decided to let her off the hook for now, "Well why don't we table that for now and grab some dinner. I'm sure you're starving, you didn't eat much for lunch."

Sharon's eyes went wide, "How do you know I didn't eat much?"

Andy smiled, he loved moments like these, "Because I know you. I know you were anxious about the session this afternoon, and when you're anxious or stressed you don't eat."

Sharon bowed her head down partly out of shame, "I see."

He raised his hand to her chin and tilted it up to meet her eyes, "I may have also seen you toss a half eaten salad before we left. Detective remember?" He added with a smile. He knew she was uncomfortable if not surprised when she realized how well he understood her. Jack never paid attention to those details, not that he was around enough to even try. She wasn't used to someone noticing, or even wanting notice her habits. Deep down she knew it was endearing and a sign of love, but it didn't stop the feeling of shame from coming up. A shame that she let someone see her that vulnerable or exposed. The feeling was less frequent than when they first started their non-dates, but it was certainly an area she knew she needed to work on. _Add that to the list of items for therapy_.

"So what do you say? Let's get out of here and swing by Tender Greens for dinner?" He said standing up, using his body language to encourage her into leaving the office.

"Just give me a minute to check my email and we can go," she squeezed his arms and he smiled at the non-verbal thank you she was giving him.

"Ok, I'll hold you to it." He sat back down at his desk as she returned to her office.

Opening the lid of her laptop, she quickly scanned through her emails to see if anything required her urgent attention. Most of them were unimportant things. or at least things that could wait until morning. Just as she was about to close the lid she saw an email from Mason. The subject line read "Deals." She clicked it open.

Sharon:

I assume you've heard. Our deal still stands. Don't worry. I don't want it, you know, but wish me luck.

-M

Sharon smiled as she read the very short and somewhat cryptic message. Mason read her mind and with a few words brought some ease to her mind. From what she knew of the Commander, he was a man of his word, she didn't doubt him but appreciated the reassurance. She would do all she could as former women's coordinator to push support in his favor, now that she was out of the running and could do so. Satisfied that she took care of everything that was absolutely necessary for today, she gathered her things, turned off the light and shut the door.

"Ready?" Andy asked having heard he moving around in her office.

"Yes, let's get out of here. I know you said something about grabbing dinner, but how about we just have some leftovers. I just want to be home - with you. No people." She said.

Andy figured that she might be in 'home body mode' and was fine with the change in plans, "Not a problem. Assuming Rusty hasn't raided the fridge again. That boy must have a tape worm the way food disappears from the kitchen."

Sharon let out a chuckle, her first all day. It felt good. Unlike Jack, Andy was always able to make her smile if not laugh. "Ricky is the same way. They both eat like they'll never see food again."

Andy put a hand on her back and guided her out of the murder room towards the elevators, "Well just wait until their metabolism catches up to them, or rather doesn't." He patted his own tummy, "They'll be in for a rude awakening."

She laughed again, "Yes. Those burgers will eventually make them pay a price." Sharon patted Andy's stomach, "But I hope you don't think I mind this." The elevator doors opened as Sharon's hand still rested on Andy's shirt.

"Captain?"

Sharon looked up and to her horror the shrill voice belonged to Davis. She immediately removed her hand and steeled herself for the snide remark that was most certainly coming her way.

"Chief."

"I was just coming down to talk to you. I assume you've spoken with Chief Pope?" Davis inquired with a smirk.

"I have and as you can see I'm on my way out for the evening, so unless this is urgent we can speak tomorrow," Sharon said widening her posture while Andy shifted slightly behind her.

"No not urgent. It seems you have more important things to do tonight instead of working," her eyes drifted to Andy and back to Sharon, "I guess that's why you're out of the running. Have a nice evening Captain, Lieutenant." Davis moved out of the elevator and passed the couple.

Andy managed to keep the look of surprise off his face at Davis' words. Sharon shot him a quick look as they moved into the elevator, "Later."

The walk to the car was quiet. Andy waited until they got into the car before he spoke, "So is Davis the new Chief?"

Sharon let out a deep frustrated sigh, "No. Well not yet at least. I was going to tell you later this evening, but Pope called me into his office. The short of it is that Howard and I are out of the running. Davis and Mason are still in consideration. It sounds like Pope is planning to give both of them an opportunity to prove, in action, how they would manage the divisions. So we will probably have to deal with Davis in our squad room in the near future, but hopefully not in a permanent capacity."

"Wow." Andy was stunned. Given Davis' reputation he didn't think that Pope would seriously consider her. It made him wonder what dirt she had on the man. "Did he offer up a reason why you were cut?"

"There was concern about my previous role in IA, the mistrust that the other divisions had or still have with anyone from Professional Standards. Once a rat, always a rat is what I believe Provenza would say," she said with a shrug.

"That's a stupid reason. Besides no one thinks of you like that anymore." He said trying to be encouraging, but knowing that there was still probably a good number of people that might have an issue with it. "There's got to be more to it than that."

"That was the reason I was given, but you're right I'm sure there's more to it. But Andy you know I didn't want the job in the first place. I'm not upset about it, so please don't be upset for me." She squeezed his arm as he navigated them back towards the condo.

"Fine I won't. I guess I better go to Mass with you this weekend." He said

Sharon turned her head towards him utterly confused, "Why is that?"

He looked at her and smiled, "So I can pray for Mason to get the job of course!"

She laughed, "I don't think God has anything to do with that decision, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

When they arrived at the condo, Sharon kicked off her heels and shed her coat. "I think I'm going to take a bath. I need a long soak after today."

"Okay. Do you want company?" He asked hoping she would say yes.

"Normally I would say yes, as you know I love having you wash my back, but tonight I think I want a little alone time. Is that okay?" She replied hesitantly worried he might be upset with her response.

"Of course that's okay sweetheart. You know I love spending bath time with you, but I get your need for a little 'me' time too. No worries. I'll watch a little of the baseball game while you soak. Holler if you need anything." He kissed the top of her forehead and moved towards the kitchen.

Her eyes watered at his response. It wasn't the first time he showed such understanding towards her, but it never ceased to take her breath away.

Once the tub was filled she disrobed and sunk down into the steaming hot water. Her muscles didn't really ache, but the heat still felt good. Taking a deep breath she slowly felt herself begin to relax away from the prying eyes and minds of everyone else. Her mind drifted back to the therapy session. She was disappointed in her behavior, she wasn't sure why she acted the way she did. Trisha wasn't asking anything out of line or even inappropriate and yet Sharon felt defensive for the entire hour. It wasn't true that she didn't want to get something out of these sessions, and certainly if jumping through this hoop improved things between her and Andy that would be a positive. However she couldn't shake the feeling that they were stirring up something that was best left undisturbed.

"Everything alright?" Andy asked from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yeah, um do you think you could bring me a -"

Before she could finish her sentence Andy walked in, "Glass of water?" She always got parched after sitting in the bath.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Not a problem. Besides it gave me an opportunity to see you naked," he leaned down and gave her a kiss.

She felt her cheeks blush at his comment, but before she could reply he stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

An hour later when she emerged from the bathroom she found him laying in bed reading. "I thought you were going to watch the game."

"I was they were up 10-4, I figured it was safe to come lay down. Besides I want to finish this book, I've been at it for a month now."

"Oh, well I'm glad the Dodgers are up that always leaves you in a good mood. And don't feel bad about the book, you know I've been trying to finish 100 Years of Solitude for three months now. Every time I get interrupted I have to go back and re-read several chapters to remember what's going on and all the various relations." She said with a smile moving towards her side of the bed.

"So did the bath help?" He laid the open book down to his side and removed his glasses to look at her more clearly.

"Yes and no." She pulled back the covers and slipped in next to Andy.

"Care to elaborate?" He said turning towards her, "Talk to me Sharon, please don't shut me out."

"I was just thinking about our session today. I'm sorry for the way I behaved," she plugged in her phone and turned of her light not feeling like reading tonight.

"Sharon there's nothing to apologize for. You were uncomfortable and anxious, there's nothing wrong or strange about that. It's therapy it's meant to make you feel those things. The important thing is that we keep talking." He reached for her hand and placed it on his heart.

"I love you and I want us to work, but that means we need to work through this. I know you aren't crazy about going through with all the Church mandates but it's important to me, and I think deep down it is important to you. Maybe you just aren't ready to admit it yet." He kissed her on the cheek, "Just promise me that you won't shut down, that we'll work at it together."

She closed her eyes and kissed him on the lips, "I promise."

Satisfied with her response he picked his book up and began reading again. Sharon rolled onto her side and curled up against him, closing her eyes and listening to his breathing. Andy wrapped his arm around her and ran his hands through her hair, caressing her temple. It was a gesture he knew calmed her down, it was almost like a hypnotic trance. She needed sleep and while he wanted more than that, he wanted to take care of her other needs tonight.

Sharon let out a few hums as she felt his hands running through her hair and the thoughts of Davis and therapy and confessions began to slip away from her mind as she fell asleep. Andy felt her body grow heavy and slack next to his and he knew she was asleep. He continued to read, trying to quiet his own mind from the nervous thoughts he was having about Sharon and their relationship. His gut was screaming that dark clouds were coming, but he kept trying to push the thoughts aside. Normally, he would listen to his gut when it came to work it rarely steered him wrong. In his personal life, well that was a different matter. His vision was always clouded by his self-doubts and notions of inadequacies. Going back to therapy with Sharon was making him feel more nervous than it did to go with his ex-wife and kids.

His eyes grew heavy, fighting to follow the words on the page. Closing the book he turned off the light and moved to his side. Sharon moved against him, pushing herself up against his back, still asleep. He smiled at the feeling of her so close to him and let that feeling stay with him as he tried to let go of the restless, anxious thoughts.


	23. Chapter 22

**AN: Thank you for your patience as I've worked through some family issues and a massive writer's block. Big thanks to blacktag189 for helping me through the corner I wrote myself into. All mistakes are my own.**

 **Chapter 22**

The following weeks continued in quiet tension. Their last therapy session continued as the prior two had, Sharon sitting quietly in the room as Andy spoke of his addiction and previous marital issues. Trisha would speak up periodically asking probing questions, trying to get Sharon to engage, but she seemed to be an immovable object. She wasn't as combative, but it was abundantly clear that she wanted to be anywhere else for that one hour, once a week. As they sat in the car headed over to their four therapy session Andy felt a sense of unease wash over him.

Andy looked across to Sharon who was staring out the window, avoiding eye contact as she always did when they were headed to and from therapy. "Sharon?" He said softly trying to pull her out of her reverie.

"Hmm?" She asked without turning.

"Everything alright?" He inquired.

"Yes, I'm fine." She replied in a monotone voice.

Andy didn't believe her, he could tell something was wrong. "I didn't ask if you were fine…I asked if everything was alright."

That made her turn her head, "Yes. Everything is alright." She drug out in an annoyed tone.

He caught her attitude and decided to call her out on it, hoping that riling her up before therapy might make a difference. _We can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results_ he thought to himself. "Sharon, I know that you're annoyed about going to therapy every week, so you don't need to lie and say everything is alright when I know it's not."

Her eyes went wide, surprised that he was pushing her this way, "I wasn't lying to you. Everything is alright. I just don't feel the need to mention every week that I don't like going to therapy." She stared intently at him challenging him to say something.

Andy nodded his head and let out a hum, but didn't say anything. His body language said enough. Sharon felt her annoyance bubble up, "Hum, what? What did I say now that's wrong?"

Taking a second to pause and decide on the best approach he turned back to her, "It wasn't in what you said Sharon, but in what you didn't. I know this makes you frustrated and uncomfortable and I'm just surprised that you feel the need to keep those feelings to yourself is all."

His voice was almost too calm and made Sharon feel slightly unhinged, "As I said, I don't see how me repeating myself ad nauseam is going to help you, me, or this situation. Talking about how I hate therapy isn't going to make the therapy go away." She huffed.

Andy saw his window to drive home a point and ensure that she was sufficiently enraged before going in for their appointment. He pulled into the parking spot, but before he got out he turned to her and spoke softly, "Well maybe talking about it at therapy would help, and you know I'm worried that if you don't start saying something the report Trisha gives to the Church will ensure that we can't ever get married. Have you thought about that Sharon? About how in your frustration over the lack of fairness in our annulment rulings you might just cause us to jump through more hoops or worse be denied permission to marry? Maybe you just don't care about that anymore." With that he stepped out of car and left a stunned Sharon sitting in her chair.

The quietness in which he spoke was really what caught Sharon off guard. The Andy she was used to would have yelled and shouted something this upsetting, but the fact that he spoke so calmly about it all really made her worried. When she finally came out of her thoughts and turned to respond she realized she was sitting in the car alone. She turned and looked out the windshield and saw Andy stepping through the doors. Unbuckling her seatbelt she found herself annoyed that he left without her, hadn't opened her door like he normally does - not that she needed a man to do that, but she came to like it. She yanked her purse from the floor and jumped out of the car to go after him. Catching up to him at the elevators she grabbed his arm, "Why did you leave me back there?"

Andy touched her arm to remove her hand, "I wasn't sure if you were coming in or not. Since you don't want to be here and you certainly don't feel to participate what reason would I have to assume that you would be coming in with me for today's session?"

The elevator ding and the doors opened. Andy stepped inside and Sharon stood with her mouth open only for a second before stepping into the elevator with him. The ride up two floors was quiet, but Andy could see that Sharon was shaking. He had succeeded in putting her off balance, now he needed to hope she was amped enough to participate today.

When the elevator door dinged Andy stepped out and looked back, unsure if she was going to follow him or not, so he prompted her, "You coming or staying?"

She shook her head, but didn't respond. He pushed the door of the waiting room open and let her pass through. As they sat down he heard her mumble something, but couldn't make it out. "What was that?"

"Nothing," she gritted out between pursed lips.

The door to Trisha's office opened and he saw the patient before them step out. Knowing that Trisha would be out any moment to usher them in he decided to push one last button, "Doesn't seem like nothing. Really Sharon, you seem a bit off today are you sure you're up to just sitting around in Trisha's office today?"

Sharon whipped her head around him, but before she could respond Andy stood up and saw Trisha approaching, "Ready?" The woman asked.

"I am," Andy replied, "Sharon?"

Sharon took her purse and haughtily made her way to the office leaving Trisha and Andy behind. Andy stopped Trisha before following, "I may have poked the bear a little before we came. I hope your idea works."

"Me, too" Trisha said with a nodded she and Andy made their way back to her office.

Before the door was fully closed a pacing Sharon turned to both of them, "I can't believe you think that I don't care about us getting married, just because I hate having to come to these therapy sessions."

Andy turned to Trisha and gave the woman a knowing look, "Sharon, how could I believe anything else with how disengaged you've been the last four weeks? What am I supposed to think? It isn't like you've told me why—"

Sharon cut him off before he could finish, "I have told you why. I think it's utterly ridiculous that the Church considered our cases jointly and made such absurd requirements without really taking all the work you've already done into consideration."

"Yes you have told me all that many times before. But what I was going to say before you interrupted me was — you haven't told me the real reason why you hate coming to therapy with me." He challenged and finally moved away from the door towards the open sofa. "Is this about you going to therapy or you going to therapy _with me?"_ He added as he sat down.

Sharon wasn't expecting that question and she honestly didn't have an answer. Trisha remained standing near the door, but in between Sharon who was still pacing and Andy who was sitting comfortably. "Sharon, why don't you come take a seat and we can talk about this?" She said gesturing towards the oversized chair that she normally sat in.

Sharon shook her head, knowing that she was too full of anger to sit down right now.

"Okay, that's fine. If you prefer to stand, if that's more comfortable you can do that too," Trisha offered.

The room went silent for several minutes before Andy spoke up again, this time addressing Trisha. "Where did we leave off last week?" He could tell Sharon was done and felt disappointed he was hoping to get more out of her before she shut down.

Trisha and Andy continued speaking as if they were in a session alone for another forty minutes, "Looks like we're out of time. You'll call me next week if we need to make an adjustment to the schedule?" She asked of Andy.

"Yeah, it seems to be working out but the holidays are here and that always brings out the best. Family drama and carving knives are never a good combination," he said with a macabre chuckle.

"Sadly that's too true," she said with a light smile. "Doing anything fun for Thanksgiving?"

"Ah, yes. Well Emily can't make it, but Ricky is coming down and we're all headed to my daughter's for Thanksgiving this year. We're on call, so it didn't make sense to have a meal dependent on us being there to cook it." He said with a smile, looking forward to the time with his family.

"That sounds nice. I'll be out of town as you know, not that I expect you to need to get a hold of me, but just a reminder." She said moving towards Sharon who was still standing by the window.

"Have a Happy Thanksgiving Sharon," she said putting her hand on Sharon's shoulder. The physical contact jarred Sharon out of her silent confessional.

"Hmm yes…uh you too." She whispered.

"You ready?" Andy asked when Sharon made no move to leave.

She nodded and moved towards the door. Andy walked out of the room and Sharon turned to Trisha sharing a dark realization she had come to in the last hour, "I don't hate therapy because Andy is here, but I don't like that he's here."

Trisha took a step forward, "I know." She paused, and handed her one of her business cards, "I know you probably have this somewhere, but put it in your purse if you need me just call. I'll answer."

Sharon nodded took the card and put it into her purse. She gave another sad look to the therapist before leaving.

Andy stood at the elevators waiting for Sharon, not sure what was taking her so long. When she reappeared he took note of her pensive look and worried if he had pushed her too far. "Ready to get back to the station, Captain?"

Her body immediately stiffened and regained composure at hearing her title. Andy knew she needed to reign it in before getting back to the office. It wasn't lost on him that the last several weeks, various parts of Sharon's life were slowly being stripped away of her control. He really hoped that Trisha's suggestions wouldn't backfire in the coming days.

"Yes, let's get back to work Lieutenant." She replied confidently as they stepped into the elevator, Sharon once again wrapping herself up in the _Captain._


	24. Chapter 23

**AN: Apologies for the long absence from this story (and others). Real life has been a real *itch lately. It also didn't help that I wrote myself into a corner and needed some help finding my way - big thanks to blacktag189 for talking it through with me - more than once. Also, a thanks to those who've stuck with the story despite the spotty updates. A special thanks to the reviewers who have been appreciative of the "reality" I'm showing with the therapy/couples counseling. It is my hope that both the story events and characters ring true to not just the show, but real life. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 23**

Sharon's hands fiddled with the pockets of her coat when she felt a thick piece of paper move between her fingers. Pulling out the card she realized that it was Trisha's business card, she stuffed it in her jacket when they left the appointment. It didn't dawn on her this afternoon when she was getting ready that this was the same coat she was wearing a few days earlier. It was dark, but the light from the moon reflected onto the white paper making it clear enough to see her contact information. She flipped the card around in her fingers a few times wondering whether she should call her or not. The sound of buzzing next to her jarred her from her thoughts. Picking up her phone she saw another text message from Andy. _Where are you? Just tell me you're okay._ It had the same sentiment that the other ten messages and two voicemails, anxiety and concern. Taking off at the end of a family dinner, a holiday one at that, was certainly out of character for her. She knew he was worried, she imagined her kids and his for that matter were also confused by her actions this evening.

 _Three hours earlier…_

Standing outside the hallway of their condo Sharon shouted, "Rusty are you ready to go?"

The young man stepped out of his room with his tie in hand, "Basically, I still need to tie this. Do I really have to wear a tie? It's just dinner with Nicole and everyone?" He bemoaned.

"Yes, Rusty. It's Thanksgiving and our first holiday with the entire family all together. Please don't be difficult." She said reaching for her coat, "Shoot." She looked down and noticed a small stain on the sleeve. "Rusty, put your tie on while I grab a different coat and then we are heading out. Can you text Gus and let him know we're leaving and will be by to pick him up shortly?"

Rusty mumbled a reply as he got to work on his tie. Meanwhile, Sharon disappeared into her walk-in closet looking for another coat to match her burgundy dress. Knowing she didn't have time to try on a several options she grabbed her trusty black Valentino jacket, putting in on a giving herself another once over in the floor length mirror.

"Why are you being so fussy over this dinner Sharon?" Rusty asked as she re-emerged from her room.

"I'm not being fussy Rusty. Andy is hoping to take a few family photos today and we just want everyone to look nice. It's really not a big deal. Ready?" She asked grabbing her keys and opening the door.

"Yeah," he responded, "Are you sure it isn't just your overactive sense of occasion?"

Sharon shook her head as she locked the door and made their way towards the elevators. She decided to stop engaging with Rusty's sardonic remarks. Her son, while not getting to the real reason had not unsurprisingly caught onto her nervous behavior. It wasn't nerves so much as just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the idea of having "his and hers" kids all together for the holidays. They've met each other and she knew that Nicole and Emily did talk on occasion, but this was different this was the first real attempt of blending their families. When they get married, this is what holidays with the family will mean and it was making her anxious. She wanted everyone to get along, to have a nice meal, and most of all _feel_ like a family.

The ride over to Gus' condo was quiet. Rusty smartly kept any further comments about his mother's behavior to himself. When Rusty ran up to get Gus, Sharon took a moment to shoot off a quick text to Andy.

 **Sharon: Picking up Gus. Should be at Nicole's in 20 minutes.**

 **Andy: Okay. Charlie is running late, but Ricky just got here.**

 **Sharon: Everything else going okay?**

 **Andy: Yeah, Dean and I managed to get the turkey into the smoker this morning. Mostly we've been trying to keep the boys out of Nicole's hair. (smile face emoji)**

 **Sharon: Always a good plan. See you soon. XO**

 **Andy: Drive safe. XO**

"Happy Thanksgiving Sharon. Thanks again of inviting me and picking me up," Gus offered as he slid into the backseat of Sharon's car.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too Gus. We're happy to have you with us today. Ready?" She asked as she headed back towards the freeway to head towards Nicole's house in Woodland Hills.

Twenty minutes later, traffic was crawling at a snail's pace along the 101 freeway. "Rusty, can you send Andy a text and let him know that we're still another 10 miles away? The way the traffic is moving it could take us another half an hour to get to Nicole's," she let out with a frustrated sigh. She hated being late, not that they were late per say, but nevertheless she wanted today to go well and being stuck in traffic was not part of the plan.

By the time they past the three car pile up on the southbound side of the freeway the traffic broke up and they made it to Nicole's by 1 o'clock. It was nearly an hour later than she wanted, but when she saw her soon to be step grandsons run out with Andy in tow to greet her, she felt some of her frustration wash away. Joey and Ben opened Sharon's door before she could even turn off the car.

"Grandma Sharon!" The boys chanted loudly. The phrase brought a warm smile to her face, she loved the idea of being a grandma and couldn't wait for her own kids to start having kids.

"Boys, freeze!" Andy shouted from a few feet away. The boys immediately stopped what they were doing. "Let Grandma Sharon get out of the car before you start to maul her."

Sharon chuckled as she watched Rusty and Gus both get out of the car and move up the driveway. When she finally got out of the car, she felt both boys wrap their arms around her legs, "Happy Thanksgiving Grandma Sharon!" The yelled in unison.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too," she said giving them each a hug. She tousled their hair as they held onto her coat and walked up to Andy.

"Hey mom," Ricky said stepping out from the front porch, "looks like you've made some new friends." He laughed as he saw his mother with the two kids practically attached to her hip like additional appendages.

"Yes, I do. Two very good friends," she smiled and pulled him into a hug, "I'm glad you could come. How was the drive?"

"Not bad, it would seem I made better time coming from San Jose than you did coming up from Los Angeles," he said remarking on the wretched traffic that represents the valley.

She let out a frustrated groan, "Don't even get me started. I'm just glad we finally made it."

"Me too," Andy said coming up behind her and placing a kiss to her temple. "C'mon let's get inside and see whether those silly Green Bay Packers can manage to crush those pesky Detroit Lions."

"Silly?!" Sharon smirked, "I beg your pardon —"

Andy put his hands up in apology. Ricky gave him a pat, "Andy you're either a very brave man or a very foolish one to try and come between mom and her Packers. You better watch you she might leave you for Aaron Rodgers." He chuckled at the older man and headed back in the house.

"Probably a little bit of both Ricky. I live on the edge," he patted his soon-to-be son on the back and ushered everyone inside.

Dean and Nicole's house was filled with noise as the boys ran around the house, adults grazed on snacks, and the football game played in the background. They didn't have a table long enough to fit everyone, so Nicole set up two smaller card tables in the living room. As Sharon walked through the rooms she took in the festive table decorations and name placards. She smiled as she noted that would be sitting with the younger boys. _That should prove entertaining_. She smirked. Rusty and Gus and Charlie and his new girlfriend would sit at another table and the "adults" at Nicole's small but nice hardwood dining room table.

Nicole rounded the corner from the kitchen into the dining room and spotted Sharon, "You're here!" She wiped her hands with the towel in her hands and pulled Sharon into a warm embrace.

"We are, so sorry we are late. Traffic was awful coming out of Sherman Oaks." Sharon shook her head still feeling annoyed at not giving herself more time to take that into account.

"Oh don't worry about it, besides you're not late. Dinner hasn't been served yet! Charlie is still caught up in traffic himself. Apparently getting out of Orange County has been a nightmare. He and Alicia are probably still another hour away based on the last text message I got. I'm pretty sure Charlie must be driving, the messages seem to calm to be from him. I'm sure she's filtering his remarks," she chuckled and gave Sharon a knowing look. The Flynn temper against trivial things like traffic and lines was well known to all.

"The table looks great, thank you for agreeing to host. There's no way we could all fit in the condo," Sharon remarked wanting to change the subject.

"Oh not a problem. It actually makes life easier on us with the boys. Between the backyard and toys in their rooms it ensures they are well entertained, leaving us a bit more freedom to catch up. I can't tell you how anxious I get every time I go to my mother-in-law's house. I flinch every time the boys run through the house, one of these days they are going to break one of those glass dishes she has laying out." Nicole shook her head incredulously.

Sharon gave a light chuckle, thinking back to family dinners at Jack's mother's house which was a similar experience. She never understood how oblivious grandparents could be about not childproofing their homes before the kids showed up, "I know the feeling Nicole. You just have to brace yourself for the melt down when it happens, and it will. One of these days remind me to tell you about the time Ricky and Emily decided to fill up a pair of latex gloves they stole from my purse with water and play toss in Nana's house." Sharon shuddered at the memory causing Nicole to laugh, appreciating the moment of shared motherhood experiences.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sharon asked taking a look around the kitchen. She felt a little restless after her time in the car and needed something to do.

"Not really. Dad and Dean are all over the turkey. Ricky helped peel the potatoes. Everything else I prepped yesterday, so we're just waiting for things to get a little closer." Nicole responded with a shrug.

Sharon smiled at the woman's organizational skills, something she admired and shared with Nicole. She was disappointed not to have something to do, but was grateful that the afternoon seemed to be going smoothly for their first holiday as a family. She and Andy planned to FaceTime Emily later and share the news that they were officially engaged. Her hand unconsciously wandered up to the neck where the ring dangled on its chain. She kept it beneath the neckline of her dress, not wanting to draw any attention to it. The boys would never notice or if they did they wouldn't think the ring meant anything, but Nicole would. Sharon was sure that she would recognize the family heirloom and connect the dots. Even though the annulment situation was not yet full resolved, they talked about it after their second therapy appointment and agreed it was time. They were both initially concerned about how they could keep this news to themselves, but between their caseload at work and the fall out from the annulment ruling it turned out to be easier than expected. Now that they were halfway through the required sessions and steaming ahead into the holidays they felt it necessary to share their impending marriage with their kids, together. It was another reason why Sharon wanted everyone dressed up, she was hoping to get some nice images of everyone after they find out that they will soon officially be a family.

Her hands felt clammy as she began overthinking the whole day, worrying that she was putting too much pressure on herself and unknowingly on the rest of the family to have a perfect holiday. Just then Andy walked in and noticed her fidgeting for her pockets and sensed that she was spooling herself up. He moved behind her and pulled her into a hug. Sharon was caught off guard but immediately relaxed in his arms.

"You okay?" He whispered in her ear.

"I am now, thank you." She whispered back to him.

"Don't stress, they're going to be thrilled. You'll see." He gave her a kiss behind her ear causing her to hum lowly in response.

"Andy, can you help me rotate the turkey? I think we're nearly there." Shouted Dean from the sliding door.

"Yeah, you got it." Andy let go of Sharon, "You want to come inspect our work?"

"Nah, I trust you. When it comes to you and your turkey I know better than to get in the middle," she replied in a sassy tone.

"Suit yourself," he threw a wink in her direction and made his way into the backyard with Dean and the boys who were playing on their swing set. Sharon looked around and found Rusty and Ricky playing with the boys' Xbox 360. Gus was talking to Nicole about some culinary technique. Her heart filled with warmth at the sight, she didn't even mind missing out on football.

As Nicole guessed, an hour later Charlie and his girlfriend Alicia finally arrived a bit worse for the wear.

"Ugh, traffic was absolute hell on earth!" He exclaimed as he made his way into the house.

"Language Charlie!" Nicole quickly shot out not knowing where the boys were. Like Andy, she had to stay on top of her brother's language to delay, but not avoid, the boys repeating things like "idiots" and "bastards" at school.

Alicia gave him a jab in his side and he covered his mouth, "Uh Sorry Nicole."

"Just be careful okay," she said pulling him into a hug, "dinner is nearly ready. You can set your things down in the spare room, and wash up. Dad and Dean are bringing in the turkey now."

Charlie looked at his watch, "Wow already? I didn't realize that we were running so late. I hope you weren't waiting for us."

"No, just good timing all around. Hi Alicia. It's nice to finally put a face to a name. We've heard a lot about you." Nicole smiled and shook the young woman's hand.

Charlie had given everyone a head's up that she wasn't much of a hugger, so to try and avoid being awkward. Sharon appreciated both the head's up and Charlie's thoughtfulness, given Rusty's background it was something she felt much more mindful of now. In the past she would have given everyone who came over for the holidays a hug, she came from a very affectionate family and that's how she raised her kids. When she brought Rusty home, she came to quickly realize that affection was not always a comfort to others.

"I've got to get back in the kitchen, but please make yourselves at home and I'll holler when it's time to get to the table." Nicole said as she turned and made her way back to the gravy production.

Sharon moved in an introduced herself, "Hi Alicia. I'm Sharon, uh, Andy's uh girlfriend." The phase always felt odd to use at their age, but now it just felt wrong since they were engaged.

"Nice to meet you," she shook her hand.

"Charlie, good to see you again," Sharon touched his arm and smiled. She and Charlie had only met each other recently and the time they've spent together had been limited. Given the delicate and tumultuous relationship Andy had with Charlie, she tried to keep her distance.

"You to Sharon," he leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek catching Sharon by complete surprise.

"Well, I'll let you guys get your footing for a minute before dinner. Once the boys realize you're here you'll get no relief." Sharon gave a last smile at their exchange and walked back towards the kitchen.

After several tense minutes over who would carve the turkey, the whole family was finally gathered together at the three tables for dinner.

"Before we get started," Andy gave Sharon's hand a squeeze before continuing, "We would like everyone to go around and give thanks. It doesn't need to be long or anything, but we think it would be a nice tradition and set a good example for the boys."

There was a little grumbling from the little boys who were eager to eat, but with one look from Dean they quickly sat up straighter and waited for their turn.

Andy started it off, "I'm thankful every day for my family, my job, and for Sharon giving me a chance at having happiness again. I'm also grateful that this year I get to enjoy my turkey at home and not from a hospital bed!"

Everyone shook their head's thinking about his macabre remark, "I'm thankful for that too, no more health scares. I'm grateful to have all of you in my life. I can't imagine it being anymore full than it is right now. Nicole and Charlie thank you for letting me join your family. Ricky and Rusty, thanks for being great kids." Sharon stopped herself before she got too teary and emotional as the happiness she felt in that moment surged.

Nicole followed, "Well I'm thankful to have you all here today for my first ever time hosting Thanksgiving. And to no longer be Dean's boss!" Everyone gave a chuckle.

"I'm also grateful that my wife is no longer also my boss at work! And for my two beautiful sons and lovely wife," he leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"I'm thankful that I've final figured out my career path, and for having you all and Rusty in my life." Gus said causing Rusty to blush at the attention.

"Well, I'm really grateful that Andrea has agreed to consider me as an intern next semester as I look into law school. Really thankful to my mom for guiding me and for my new baby sister," Rusty said still feeling embarrassed at having people looking at him.

"Baby sister?!" Charlie spun around to Sharon and Andy, "You're pregnant?! How?! What?" His chair flew back causing everyone to jump. "You guys got us all here together to tell us that? I can't believe the nerve. And aren't you guys too old to have any more kids anyway!"

Alicia reached up to try and calm Charlie down, but he just yanked his arm away.

Andy stood up, but thanks to Sharon a bit more slowly than he might have done in the past, "Charlie knock it off!"

Rusty and Ricky also jumped up in their mom's defense. They both knew there was no way Sharon was expecting, and that it was his other mother he was referring to with his comment.

"Sharon, my mom had a baby," Rusty spat out thinking that would help to clarify things.

Charlie turned towards Rusty, "What?!" He turned back to Sharon, "You already had the kid! Well where is it?" He asked dramatically checking under the table and looking around the room, "Just forgot to mention that _dad?!"_

Andy moved from his spot towards his son, "Charlie, you're completely out of line."

Sharon got up and put a hand on Andy's shoulder, "It's just a simple misunderstand—"

"Don't try to explain yourself. I can't believe I let myself think that you were good for him, good for us." Pointing to his dad, "You just wanted to get yourself a new family. Right? You fucked up with us and so you went out and found yourself a couple of knew kids," gesturing towards Ricky and Rusty, "and apparently a baby too. And why not? Give yourself a blank slate, no one that knows about your screw ups."

He couldn't hold it in any more, in two strides he was in his son's face, "You don't know what you're talking about son. No clue."

"Sure I do, I was there. I lived it," he spat back.

"That may be, but on this point you're completely wrong. I haven't gone out and found a new family, I've added to the one I have —" Andy replied sternly.

Before he could finish Charlie interjected again, "Added alright, babies do that. So how long do you think it'll be before you walk out on this kid too?" He shook his head and started to walk away from the table.

Nicole got up, "Charlie wait!"

"Nicole, I'm sorry. Maybe you've forgiven him and don't mind these replacements, but I can't sit here and listen to this. C'mon Alicia." He headed towards the spare room to get his things.

The rest of the room turned towards each other stunned. They couldn't figure out how everything took such a turn. Sharon walked towards Andy, placing an arm on his trying to help calm him down. She didn't want him to say something he regretted, something that might further damage things between he and his son. Andy shook her off and gave chase to his son. Alicia stood up and looked at both Nicole and Dean, uncertain of what to say or do.

"Sharon is not pregnant. Not that if she was I would have to explain our decisions to you," they heard Andy shout from the hallway.

"Right. I've heard enough. You and your _girlfriend_ can make whatever decisions you want, but leave me out of it," Charlie replied as he got into Andy's face before stepping towards the front door. "Alicia c'mon let's get out of here."

The girl stood frozen and before she could move Andy came back into the room, "She's not my girlfriend, she's my fiancé. And you owe she and I, in fact everyone in this room an apology."

Sharon's eyes went wide as she heard Andy let slip their engagement, afraid to turn around and may eye contact with anyone else in the room.

"Oh and when were you going to tell us about that dad? After you celebrated your ten year wedding anniversary? Geez, first you keep a baby from us and then a wedding—" Charlie said as he stormed back to the dining room table to get Alicia to move from her spot.

"Well we were going to announce our engagement tonight, after dinner, since you asked. But since our plans of having a nice family dinner have been ruined, I suppose that doesn't matter anymore." Andy's body shook with anger and disappointment. When he turned in finally saw Sharon he also felt the sadness he saw on her face. Their dream of having a big happy, blended family seemed to be blowing up in their faces.

"And not that you're going to listen to anything any of us has to say at this point, but Rusty was referring to his biological mother. _She_ just had a baby." Andy rubbed the back of his head and walked out of the room towards the backyard, he needed to get some fresh air.

Charlie didn't seem to register what his dad had just said and instead pushed Alicia towards the door. Nicole got up and followed them out, while Dean took the boys into their room to distract them from the fighting. Gus went to the kitchen to make himself useful while Ricky and Rusty got up to tend to their mother. Sharon shook them off and nodded, "I'm fine."

She started to walk out of the dining room to go after Andy. "Did you know they were engaged?" She heard Ricky whisper to Rusty, "No, not a clue." She knew she would need to speak with them all about what they just heard, they would surely call Emily and share all the gory details with her, but for now her concern was with her soon-to-be husband.

She pushed the slider open, "Andy?"

It was dark already, but the moon shown brightly and she could make out Andy's dark shadow pacing back and forth by the swing set. She approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him as he sorted through his anger, "Andy?" She repeated softly.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry. This, all of this, just got way out of hand—" he put his hands in his hair and let out a guttural groan.

"I know they did, and there's nothing for you to be sorry about. Adult children need to accept responsibility for their own behavior and actions. I'm just sorry that everything got so out of control, so quickly." She shook her head feeling tears threaten to spill over.

"Me too. This is not how I wanted our family to find out about us either. I'm sorry for blurting it out." He pulled her to him, trying to express all his sentiment.

"I know, me either. This was definitely not what I had envisioned when we discussed sharing the news with the kids. But what's done is done, it's out now and we have to figure out how best to address it," she replied matter-of-factly.

"Address it? What do you mean address it?" He asked confused.

"Well, we still need to sit down with the kids and explain to them about the engagement and annulment, like we talked about," Sharon said unsure of what Andy was suddenly so confused about.

"Yeah about that, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea anymore. I mean, the annulment, therapy all that stuff it's really between us. Besides I don't think I can handle anything else tonight," his voice still shook from the anger he felt earlier.

Sharon felt her frustration and anxiety from earlier return and bubble to the surface, "I agree that the specifics are between us, but I think after what we just saw tonight the family could do well with some relationship clarity. It might help them understand everything if they have some of the facts."

"I get that Sharon I really do. I'm just saying for right now that I don't think that's a good idea. Tensions are running high and given the struggle we've had in therapy, maybe we should just be a bit vague for right now," he replied resuming his pacing.

Her feelings of anxiety and frustration were quickly supplanted by an anger that she found unexpected, it seemed to rise from her belly out of nowhere, "Struggles? In therapy?" She choked out.

"Well you know what I mean," he said trying to backpedal.

"I'm not sure I do," she spat back at him.

"Just that you don't really want to participate in the sessions. Maybe that's because of me. Because I'm there. Or maybe you just don't want me —"

Sharon stopped him before he could continue, "Are we really going back down this argument again?" It was her turn to pace, but she found it lacking. Her emotions were gaining the best of her and she wasn't sure what to do. All of these feelings were foreign. All the stress and worry were spilling out in her mind. She felt her breathing hasten and her palms grow sweaty again. She had to get out of here, she needed to breathe and she knew she couldn't do it here.

Andy could see the change in Sharon and became worried, he had never seen her this frazzled before. He was concerned he pushed her too far. Trisha had suggested that he not backdown from her, to challenge her on the therapy and annulment issue so they could get to the root of the problem, but this wasn't what he was expecting. "Sharon?" He reached out an arm to try and bring her back.

"I'm going for a drive. I'll see you back at the condo," she turned on her heel and made her way out of the backyard.

Andy stood staring at the love of his life walk away from him. He wasn't sure if he should follow her or give her the space she was asking for. Ultimately he decided to follow Trisha's advice, let her come back to him and then try and sort it all out. He shook his head and sat down on the end of the slide. _How on earth did this all spiral out of control? All I wanted was to have a wife and a family, and for us to be happy._ Andy looked skyward. _Is that really too much to ask for? Am I really that big of a fuck up that you have deemed me undeserving of these things_? He felt tears well up in his eyes as he felt emotional debris raining down all-around him.

Sharon made her way through the house swiftly, grabbing her coat and purse while avoiding making eye contact with anyone. "Mom where are you going?" Ricky asked with a tone of concern.

"I'm going home. Andy will give you, Rusty, and Gus a ride a little later. Okay?" She turned and gave the best smile she could muster. She didn't wait for a response before she walked out of the house and jumped in her car. She wasn't sure where she was going to drive, but she knew she needed to get away from here if she was going to be able to breathe again.


	25. Chapter 24

Song: Nico Vega "Iron Man"

 **Chapter 24**

After checking on the boys Nicole went out to the backyard in search of her father.

"Dad?" She called out as she closed the sliding door behind her. The soft sounds of crying could be heard across the yard and she followed them to the boy's swing set.

When she reached him she knelt before him, "Dad? Are you alright?"

Andy didn't know what to say. The last few months had tested the strength of their relationship and at the moment he wasn't entirely confident in saying it was going to make it to the other side of all this mess. He nodded at his daughter and cupped her cheek in his hand giving her a weepy smile.

"I'm sorry about Charlie. I can't figure out what got into him tonight." She shook her head still spinning from everything that happened twenty minutes earlier.

"Nicole, there's nothing for you to apologize for, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry for bringing this mess into your house. How are the boys?" Andy asked feeling immediately concerned for his grandson's after having witnessed this massive family argument.

"Dean's with them. When I checked in on them a few minutes ago they seemed alright, they were all playing with the legos you got them for their birthday. I don't think there's any fallout to worry about Dad," Nicole replied catching on to her dad's fears.

"That's good, I'm glad sweetheart." He moved to stand up, "Can I help you clean up?"

Nicole took a step back to give him some room to get up, "Actually it appears that the guys took care of everything. All the food has been boxed up in Tupperware containers and in the little to-go boxes I had for everyone to take leftovers home. Dean and I can manage the dishes, I'm sure you're eager to get home and check on Sharon."

Andy gave a small smile, hearing that the boys had stepped up to help made him feel a little better about leaving Nicole's, "I do, although I'm not expecting to find her there when we get home."

"Oh," Nicole muttered, "You know dad, even though the news didn't come out in the best way it's still _good_ news," she bumped his shoulder getting him to look up at her, "I'm really happy for you, for both of you."

Andy pulled his daughter into a big hug for the well wishes about the engagement, "Thank you Nicole, you have no idea how much that means to me. And to Sharon."

"I'm not sure what happened between you guys after Charlie left, and I don't need to know, but I hope you're able to sort it out. Don't let all this stuff with Charlie, or mom, get in the way of you finally getting to be happy. You've been paying penance to us, and to the world for almost twenty years now I think it's okay to move on. You've earned it and more importantly you deserve it." She hugged her dad back and walked back into the house.

Andy looked towards the sky once more and wondered how much more odd the evening could get. He never thought that he and Nicole could ever reach this point of acceptance in their relationship. Pulling out his phone he gave Sharon a call, he wasn't surprised when it rang through to her voicemail. "Sharon, honey, I know you need sometime to sort things out. I just want to know that you're somewhere safe. I also wanted to let you know that Nicole has given us her blessing, she wants us to be happy. I love you and I hope to see you when we get home tonight. Be safe." He hung up, took a deep breath and moved back into the house.

Gus, Rusty, and Ricky stood in the kitchen loitering, unsure of what they should be doing if anything at this point.

Ricky was the first to speak, "Andy, why don't I take Gus and Rusty back to LA. You can go check on mom."

Andy looked up at his other "sons" trying to read their faces. Ricky seemed okay, but he could tell Rusty was feeling upset. He knew the kid would feel guilty about the fight thinking it was all his fault. It wasn't of course, but Rusty still struggled with these kinds of issues. "It's up to you. I can take Rusty back with me since your hotel isn't far from Gus's place then you don't have to do extra driving on top of all you've already done today. But whatever feels right to you three."

Gus gave a glance towards Rusty and decided to make an executive decision, "That works for me. Ricky?"

Rusty was clearly surprised, but gave a grateful nod to his boyfriend. The three grabbed the leftovers they packaged earlier and made their way to the front of the house to get their coats and say goodbye. "I'll just be a minute Rusty. Why don't you get this stuff in the car?" Andy suggested while handing him the keys. He figured giving the kid a task wouldn't be a bad idea at the moment.

Andy went into the boy's room and apologized to Dean for the outburst and arguing his family had brought into his home. After giving the boys a big hug and promising to come and see them in their school play "A Christmas Carol" next month he got back in his car. Rusty gave him a nod and then drove off into the night.

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Sharon sat in her car at some park she came across while driving aimlessly through the valley and held her therapist's card in her hands. Alternating between sobs and beating her fists on the steering wheel, she found herself feeling utterly lost. Not since Jack left, the first time, had she been so overwhelmed with the feeling of being adrift. This time she knew she wasn't alone and while that should have given her comfort, in that moment it actually made the feelings hurt more deeply.

It was the strangest sensation she's ever had to feel so alone even though she had never been more connected to someone else. When Jack left she was certainly alone and technically, legally still connected to him, but it wasn't the same as this. Despite wanting her marriage to work, trying to keep her family together deep down she knew that once Jack decided to choose alcohol and gambling over her and the kids that she had lost him forever. This relationship now with Andy though opened up a flood gate of memories. Some brought out happy thoughts, but mostly she found herself sinking from the tidal wave of fear. She really thought she had put these issues behind her, moved on, but her heart was clearly telling her something different.

Taking a deep shuttering breath she slowly dialed the numbers to Trisha's cell phone, unsure of what exactly she was going to say, but feeling like she needed to reach out to someone. She knew she could call Gavin or her sister, maybe even her mom but right now she needed someone who was without agenda. As the phone began to ring she pulled it back and was about to disconnect the call when a voice came through, "Hello?"

Sharon didn't respond.

"Hello?" Trisha repeated.

Sharon replied, but her voice got caught in her throat and a whisper came out instead.

"Sharon? Is that you?"

Sharon nodded, as if the woman could see her, surprised that she could have guessed that it was her calling on Thanksgiving evening, "Uh, yes, it is."

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm not sure. Um what I mean is, uh I shouldn't have called you on a holiday. I'm sure you must be with your family. We can talk another time, I'll be, uh I mean I'm fine really." She stumbled out.

"Sharon, I can tell that you're most certainly not fine, and if I was too busy I wouldn't have answered my phone. Everyone here is in turkey coma anyways, so why don't you tell me what's going on."

Sharon let out a mirthless chuckle that came out more like a strained sob, "Are you sure? I mean this can really probably wait until our next session."

"Sharon it's fine. If you're calling me then I know there's a problem, so why don't you stop deflecting and tell me what happened?"

Sighing she shook her head, she had no idea where to start. The whole day had been a disaster from the moment she got out of bed right up to her leaving Nicole's — alone.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Trisha prompted.

Sharon proceeded to recount the day's events back to Trisha. As she spoke in short ramblingly sentences she felt her anger towards the situation return and rise, once again she was surprised by her reaction.

"…And so I left. I went for a drive and finally stopped at this park. I found your card in my coat pocket and well I'm not sure why I called you really, but here we are." Sharon let out a breath as she finally paused from telling the story.

"That sounds like an awful lot, but you know I didn't hear you say anything about how any of that made you feel. Why is that?"

Her jaw dropped as she looked around in her car feeling astonished. After everything she just told Trisha and she asks that question, couldn't she tell how she felt? "What do you mean? I think how I felt was pretty obvious."

"Was it? To whom?"

"You know maybe this was a bad idea after all. I really should get back home my kids are going to wonder where I am." Sharon said reaching for her keys to turn the ignition on her car.

"And Andy? Do you think he's wondering where you are?" Trisha pushed.

She dropped her head into her hands, knowing that of course Andy was wondering about her, he's the one that sent a dozen text messages and several missed calls.

"I'll take your silence as a yes. Why didn't you mention him?"

Sharon felt the simultaneous build of tears and anger bubbling up, threatening to spill out, "It's his fault! He's the one that pushed for this annulment, he's the one that had the damn heart scare, he's the one that made us go to therapy, he's the one that blurted out to everyone that we're engaged, he's the one that didn't come after me!" Her entire body was shaking as this revelation escaped her lips. She quickly put her hand on her mouth shocked by what she just said, "I didn't…I didn't mean that."

"I think you did, and that's okay. You've been thinking these things for awhile now, burying them deep down and you needed to let them out."

Tears and snot were running all down her face, her voice a near whisper "Why would I say those things?"

"Let's start with why you're upset that Andy didn't come after you tonight. Why did you think he would or rather should chase after you?" Trisha asked avoiding giving Sharon the answer she already knew.

"I guess I just assumed he would, especially after that last big fight we had. We said that we would talk and not run away from each other." Sharon managed to say after a few quiet moments.

"Uh huh, and who ran away tonight?" She inquired.

Sharon paused, knowing the obvious answer to her question, "me" she answered softly.

"You didn't want to stay and talk tonight. You told him you needed some space and he is trying to give you what you asked for, even if that isn't what he wants."

"He's always doing that," Sharon stated almost forgetting that she was saying it aloud.

"Doing what?" Trisha pressed, wanting Sharon to come out and say it.

"Doing what I want, or at least trying to." Her voice sound resigned and sad at the meaning behind her answer.

"And yet you're mad at him. Why would he think that he would be welcomed if he did come after you? Have you ever told him that's what you want, or rather need?" Trisha inquired.

Sharon let out an annoyed sigh, "He would be welcomed, but I can see how he might think otherwise."

Before Trisha could ask another probing question Sharon continued her train of thought, "Perhaps I'm still more closed off than I thought. Being too self-protective and not open enough with Andy. I didn't really think I was scared about moving our relationship forward, but maybe I am."

"Sharon, I don't mean this to come off to harshly, but you are. I saw the fear emanating from your body the first minute I laid eyes on you." Trisha's voice softened as she continued, "I think you convinced yourself that you were being open and receptive to Andy and your relationship, and perhaps in some ways you have, but in the big ways the important ways you haven't."

"Trisha, what am I going to do? I can't go home and face him tonight. I don't know what to tell him about all this. How do I tell the man I'm engaged to that I have cold feet?" Sharon shouted into her car feeling her anxiety swell once more.

"Sharon, I want you to take a few deep breaths. Giving yourself an anxiety attack isn't going to help. Ok? Good, in and out, in and out." Trisha repeated the words a few more times until she heard Sharon's breathing begin to even out. "Tell me, do you love him?"

"Yes, with all my heart," Sharon replied without hesitating.

"Then you don't have cold feet. You have some issues from your past that need resolving, some healing and self-care to do, but you and Andy will be just fine." Trisha said reassuringly.

"How do you know that?" Sharon asked not meaning to have a chuckle slip out.

"Because I do." Trisha laughed back, "I've been in this business a long time. I can tell. Probably the same way you can tell when someone is lying or guilty of a crime. You just know. I can also say that because I know how much Andy cares for you. Besides after reading your assessments you two were destined for each other!"

Sharon laughed a bit more confidently, "I'm not sure you would be saying that if you met us ten or fifteen years ago!"

"Touche, but in all seriousness Sharon two people who care for each other as deeply as you and Andy — that doesn't develop overnight. This connection between you has probably been there since day one. It might have been buried underneath other things and covered through thinly veiled flirtation that appeared to be arguments, but it was there. I promise you that." Trisha said with no hint of jest or sarcasm in her voice.

Sharon didn't respond, she wasn't sure what to say. Trisha's comments were a bit of a revelation on top of everything else that had already come up this evening. Her brain was feeling overtaxed, her eyes were heavy and she knew she still had a drive ahead of her.

"Sharon, I know you're feeling tired, you probably will for another day or two. The level of emotional energy you've felt the last few days and exerted today is going to leave you feeling exhausted. Let your body and mind take the time to rest. Go home to Andy and your kids."

"Wha, What do I say to Andy?" Sharon repeated her earlier question.

"Right now, tonight, you don't need to say anything. Sharon, Andy already knows all this—" Trisha was cut off by Sharon's interruption, "He, what? He knows —" the panic evident in her voice.

"Sharon, breathe, calm down. It's all going to be okay. He may not know everything or all the specifics, but he knows you Sharon. As I said, you two are connected. You know when the other is hurting or happy or even hiding something. It's probably the reason he's waited for you, and why he's been pushing for you to go to therapy with him. He cares about you and he knows something is wrong." Trisha stopped to listen to Sharon's breathing which seemed to be slowing again before she continued, "Send him a text to let him know you're safe and that we talked. Then go home to him and your kids. He won't push you Sharon, he's not Jack—" Her words filled the silent car as Sharon listened.

Trisha's words carried weight and clung around her _he's not Jack_. She's heard those words from many people, herself even, but coming from Trisha they felt different, even sounded different. Sharon wasn't sure why or even what that meant, by now she was too fatigued to contemplate it any further. She muttered, "Ok" to Trisha. She had nothing left to give tonight.

"Ok. Call me if you need to Sharon. I'm here for you as much as Andy is, and I'm glad you called tonight. I'll see you next week and we can figure out where to go from here. Get some rest and enjoy the rest of the time you have with your family. Goodnight Sharon."

"You too. I will. And uh thank you Trisha." Sharon replied and hung up the phone. She spent a few minutes staring out her windshield at the darkened neighborhood that surrounded the park.

Clicking open her messages she read through her missed texts from Andy before sending a quick reply.

 **Sharon: Heading home. Probably 25 minutes.**

Sharon turned on the ignition and backed out of her parking spot, when her phone vibrated. She wasn't surprised that Andy replied so quickly. She put the car in park for a moment to read and reply.

 **Andy: Okay. Are you okay to drive or do you need me to come and get you?**

 **Sharon: No, I'm alright. Tired but fine. I spoke with Trisha.**

 **Andy: Good I'm glad, I'll wait up for you.**

 **Sharon: I love you Andy.**

 **Andy: I love you too. Drive safe.**

She set her phone back in her center console and began the drive home. Her eyes were heavy and her body felt parched from the rare emotional outburst she experienced. As she got onto the freeway she thought of a comment Rusty made a few years back about not freaking out, _Guess I do freak out now and then._ Merging onto the 101 heading south she relished the only positive from the day that there was no longer any traffic to come between her and getting to her family.

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AN: Thank you for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter. It was emotional to write this one and the last one, and it would appear from the comments it was just as emotional to read.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

The four days between the catastrophic Thanksgiving dinner and their next appointment with Trisha passed with a great strain on each individually, and as a couple. As they sat anxiously in the waiting room, both found their eyes searching out artwork on the walls and book titles on shelves to keep them occupied. It came as no surprise that when the door to her office opened, they both jumped up from their seats, standing not-so-patiently to be beckoned. To be ushered into a place where they could once again speak to each other, beyond the general "Do you want coffee?" or "We are out of milk," conversations that filled much of the weekend.

Trisha gave a slight nod and gestured the pair into her office. This time when the door closed, it was Andy who chose to remain standing by the window. It took all of his patience to not question Sharon about where she went, or what happened after Thanksgiving. Patience, and about eight meetings. Sharon meanwhile shrugged off her coat, and edged into the corner of the sofa. Despite their initial fervor to get into her office, neither one seemed keen to start the conversation off now that the door was closed.

Trisha stared at the pair for a moment before deciding to get things going, "So, it would seem that we have an awful lot to cover in today's session, hmm?"

Andy started pacing at the window, "Indeed," was all he could get out. Sharon merely nodded, she still felt drained from Thursday. How was she going to get through another emotionally-driven conversation, especially, now that it would be taking place in-person and with Andy in the room.

"Andy, I know you've got a lot of pent up energy, but can I ask you to come sit down next to Sharon? It's important that you're both _here_ together." Trisha waved her arm in front of her gesturing towards the sofa.

Andy let out a sigh and reluctantly moved away from his post at the window. It wasn't that he didn't want to be next to Sharon, or even here with her, but he wasn't sure that _she_ wanted him there.

Trisha smiled, "Thank you Andy. Now, I've heard from Sharon that things didn't go so well at the first Flynn/Raydor family Thanksgiving. I don't think we need to rehash anything from the dinner itself, but I do want to discuss what happened after - between the two of you. I want to go through a few exercises. This may seem silly, but just have a little faith and trust."

She opened the drawer beneath the coffee table, and pulled out a few 3x3 sheets of scrap paper and miniature pencils and handed them to both Sharon and Andy. "Okay, the first thing I want you to do is write down three things from your past that you wish you could go back and change. They can be anything, big or small."

The couple looked up at Trisha and gave a curious look before taking several minutes to jot down their thoughts. When they were done Trisha gave them the next task, "Good, now on the second sheet of paper. Write down the three things you wish for in the future. Again they can be as big as world peace or as small as wanting to go to more movies."

Once again they took a few minutes to ponder what they could possibly want from their future, before setting their pencils down signaling that they were done. Trisha jumped in with the final prompt, "Okay, now I want you to write down what you would change or wish for in the other person."

Andy interrupted, "What do you mean?"

"Well, if you could change one thing for Sharon or give her one wish — what would it be, why do you think that might be what she would want or even need. Does that make sense?" Andy gave a nod of understanding.

After a few minutes of silence Sharon spoke up, "Is that one of each or?"

Trisha gave a chuckle, "Yes, why not one past and one future."

It didn't take long for them to finish, Trisha asked for them to hand the sheets to her to hold onto for now. "The reason I asked you to do that, is to help you see what isn't an issue. That may sound odd, I know, but I can tell that both of you spent the last four days pouring over all the _evidence,_ trying to figure out what the issues are between you. I'm afraid that the answer to that question is simple, but fixing it won't be. In a way you've gotten partly out of sync, out of rhythm with one another. Every time you try and do a course correction to get yourselves back on track you push beyond the limits and the problem worsens. You're at the point where, whether you'd openly admit it to yourself or even aloud to someone else, you're questioning the survivability of this marriage."

That remark caught both Sharon and Andy off guard and caused them to look at each other and back at Trisha with stunned faces. Trisha held up a hand and continued, "But here's the thing, you only think you're out of sync — deep down in all the ways that count and matter, you've never been in more perfect rhythm."

The room went silent, as Trisha let them hang on that last sentence. Sharon's head was spinning, trying to make sense of what seemed to be a riddle. Andy broke the quietness, "So you think we're out of sync or not? I think I'm confused."

" _You_ think you're out of sync. I know that you're not." Trisha replied.

Sharon finally spoke for the first time since entering her office, "How do you know that we aren't, as you say, out of sync with each other?"

"Easy, by how you each responded to these questions," Trisha held up the assessments they took weeks earlier, "And because without even reading your responses to the prompts earlier, I know what they will say."

"And how do you know that," Andy asked suddenly feeling a bit concerned at the ease in which Trisha seemed to be taking all this.

"How do you know when a suspect is lying Andy?" She asked the same question she asked of Sharon several nights ago, but she didn't wait for a response, "Experience. Experience, and getting to know the two of you over the last month. We're both in the business of reading people, and I can tell when something is working and when it isn't. _This_ isn't working, but the two of you will always work."

Once more the room fell silent as she gave them a chance to digest this revelation. It was Sharon that spoke next, "Will you tell us what those say?" She pointed towards the scrap paper they wrote on earlier.

"Yes, but you're going to read what the other wrote. This way you can see for your own eyes that you as a couple aren't the issue." With that Trisha handed back the notes. "Sharon why don't you start. Read first what Andy would change from his past."

Sharon picked up the paper and began reading what he wrote, "I would never have chosen the bottle over my family. I would have taken more time off to be there for my family, my kids - going to games and dances. I would have never trusted one of Provenza's schemes that always get me into trouble." The last point made Sharon laugh for the first time in days. The sound brought a smile to Andy's face.

Trisha nodded and turned towards Andy, "Now Andy, you read aloud what Sharon wrote."

"Okay," he put on the glasses he rarely wore, "I would have divorced Jack the second time he left. I wouldn't have put my life and happiness on hold for so long. I would have reprioritized work commitments to make more time for my family." Andy set the note down and looked at Sharon, her eyes were glassy with tears as she listened to Andy read her thoughts aloud.

"Was there anything in there that was a surprise to either of you?" Trisha inquired.

Sharon shook her head, "No, that sounds just like Andy."

Andy spoke up, "I'm surprised. I mean I guess I'm not surprised that you wouldn't have changed everything with Jack, because of the kids and all, but I thought you would have wanted to change more than just timing of the divorce."

She looked at her hands as she replied, "You're right, as awful as most of my time with Jack was, there were good times, and he gave me Emily and Ricky. What I think I've learned now is that I gave him more chances than he deserved. I was putting more into us than he was willing or even able."

"Why wait until he left again to file?" Andy asked reaching for her hand, wanting some connection with her.

The touch caused Sharon to turn towards him, "Because I believe in giving people a chance. Our family deserved me not just completely writing him off when he left the first time. We were young and foolish, poor and raising a family. Life was hard, and while I didn't run away from my responsibilities that isn't to say I hadn't thought about it." Sharon averted her eyes, feeling ashamed of the admission she just made, having thought about abandoning her family, even if it was in fleeting moments of utter desperation.

"The difference Sharon, is that you didn't leave. You ran _towards_ your responsibilities, you didn't let it swallow you whole. Like I did," Andy put his head in his hands.

"But I did Andy. I let what happened with Jack define me, as hard as I tried not to, I did. I let it swallow me up by staying married to him, not seeking out my own happiness. I buried myself in my work and my kids' lives. If I died five years ago, what would I have to show for my life?" She stopped herself, getting choked up at the thought.

Trisha stopped the interlude before it could spiral downward, the conversation had begun to open their eyes but it needed to be controlled. "Why don't we move onto the second prompt, wishes for the future." She paused, knowing that Sharon needed a moment to collect herself she spoke again, "Andy why don't you go first this time?"

"Right, uh ok." Andy picked up the second sheet of paper in front of him and put his glasses back on. "Wish number 1: For all the kids to be happy, healthy, safe, and kind." Andy looked up at Sharon and smiled, her mantra of _be safe, be kind_ was well-known to him by this point and it was no surprise that she would want that for her kids. He continued, "Wish 2: To grow old with Andy, surrounded by lots of grandchildren to love and spoil." He quickly interjected, "They better get on with the program then because we are certainly getting older, but I'm not seeing any little kiddos!"

Once again his comments got Sharon to laugh and smile, causing Andy to smile even wider than before. Sharon nodded in agreement, "Marriage first."

"Of course," he replied and continued with her last wish, "Wish 3: To travel the world, seeing and meeting all the goodness that still exists in the world." He took his glasses off and set them and the note on the table while he contemplated her last wish.

"Sharon your turn," Trisha prompted.

"Firstly, I wish that someday my family will forgive me for my past mistakes and accept me back into their lives. Secondly, I wish that when it's our time, we go together so neither of us has to live even a day apart." Sharon had to stop as she read Andy's words, feeling the emotion rising up from within. She took a deep breath before continuing, "Lastly, I wish that someday I can take my grandchildren and perhaps great-grandchildren to see the Dodgers play."

Andy reached for Sharon's hand again, after she set the paper down, "I mean it." Neither had to ask for clarification on what he meant, it was something they knew already. They could speak without speaking, it was wonderfully handy at work, but personally they found it deepened their relationship in ways they never expected. They could intuitively think and feel and sense for the other and respond without having to vocalize. It wasn't something either had ever experienced in another person, let alone in another relationship.

Trisha observed the silent interchange, "This right here is how I know you two are still in sync. I know that there have been a few radio frequency issues," that got a chuckle out of the pair, "but we will work those out. I promise. Our time is nearly up, but I want us to finish the sheets before I give you your homework for the week. Sharon, why don't you read what Andy wishes for you."

Taking a shuddering breath Sharon picked up the last sheet before her, "For your past, I wish I could go back in time and take all the pain and heartache away, all the horrible things that were ever done or said to you - things I said included - and let you be infinitely happy."

Sharon was about to comment on Andy's wish, but Trisha stopped her, "Hold off on saying anything just yet, Ok?"

She nodded in reply and continued reading, "For your future, I hope that I can be everything you need, everything you want, everything you love." Tears began falling down Sharon's face. She couldn't put the paper down, her fingers clutched onto his words as if her life depended on it for survival. It was such an Andy thing to say, the most selfless and devoted thing anyone had ever written to her — that more importantly she knew to be true.

He hated seeing her cry, and couldn't tell if the tears were happy or sad. Andy went to reach for Sharon, wanting to comfort her, but Trisha stopped him. "Andy—" she prompted him to read the final note.

"For your past, I wish I could chase away the inner demons filled with self-doubt and self-loathing that drove you to drink. For your future, I wish that I can show you all the joy and love and family that you missed out on for so many years." Andy set her note down and stared at the words scrawled on paper before him. He felt overwhelmed as he took in everything she said to him, about him in.

Trisha clapped her hands, which startled the pair out of their introspection, "Very good. Thank you both for sharing. I know it was tough, but I find it to be a good exercise to re-center us. The last thing I want you to do, and this will be your homework, is to think of one question, only one, that you want the other to answer. Ask the question now, and over the next week I want you to each write out a thorough and thoughtful response. We'll then share those in our next session. I'll give you each a moment to think of the one thing that you want, or rather _need_ to ask the other. This should be something that you think must be answered, or rather known before you could get married."

Once more the room went quiet as Sharon and Andy pondered the list of possible questions they could ask. It was as if, they were being given a carte blanc opportunity to get to know all about the inner workings and hidden thoughts of the other person. The nerves of asking the wrong question were building up. They weren't sure what the right question was or even what a wrong question would look like, but the more they sat and thought the more they felt anxious that they were going to mess this all up.

Trisha looked at the clock, "Times up. Andy turn to Sharon, Sharon do the same. Now Andy you go first, tell Sharon what one question you need to know before you could marry her."

Andy's faced dropped, feelings of being called on in class to answer a question he wasn't paying attention to flooded back, "Errr, uh, Why do you run away from me, physically and emotionally?" He blurted out. Andy wasn't even sure where that thought came from and tried to pour the words back into his mouth, to get a chance to ask again. He couldn't of course the question had been asked, the words spoken, it was in the ether for all to hear.

Sharon looked at him in surprise, wondering why he asked her that question. She was expecting something about Jack or her job. Feeling thrown for a loop, her brain went on auto-pilot and responded with her remark to Trisha from days ago, it was the only thing she could pull out of the jumble that was now swirling around, "Why do you always wait for me and do what I want?" Her hands went up to her mouth, like Andy trying to claw the words back.

Trisha stood up, "Well that's all the time we have for today. Please give those questions some serious thought and I look forward to hearing the answers next week."

Andy and Sharon looked at each other and back at Trisha, feeling bewildered by what just happened. Sharon stood and turned toward Trisha who was moving back to her desk, "Wait, can I change my question?"

Trisha looked at her with a mischievous smile, "No, but don't worry. I think you made the right choice."

Sharon grabbed her coat, while Andy stood and moved over to Trisha. He spoke softly, "Um, how many words does this have to be?"

Trisha laughed, "Andy this isn't a high school English essay. There's no word limit. Use as many or as few as you _need_. Type it or handwrite, whichever is easiest for you. And before you ask spelling and grammar mistakes aren't a big deal. It's the content that matters."

"Um ok. Thanks," Andy muttered.

As the two made their way out of their therapist's office, they once again went through their ritual to become Captain and Lieutenant. By the time they stepped off the elevator and into the parking garage they would set this all aside, until they returned to the privacy of their condo. It would continue to weigh on them in that compartment of their minds where they allowed it to be while they carried their badges and guns. Before the elevator doors opened they turned to each other there fingers barely touching and whispered "I love you." There were more words filling the elevator, escaping as the doors opened, things unsaid but still understood. They didn't know where the answers would lead them, and while they hadn't discussed the things they expected to talk about, they felt buoyed by the other's presence. The words drifted to the car and echoed the garage, saying "It'll be enough for now."

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AN: Thanks to all the reviewers who've hung onto this little story that could...I know updates are few and far between, but I do intend to finish this piece. Not unsurprisingly all this emotional therapy stuff is a challenge to write, and sucks a lot out of me. If only Harry Potter chocolate frogs did the trick in real life. Anyways, I hope this update didn't disappoint. For those keeping track this was therapy session #5 out of the required 6...Stay tuned for the big reveal - how did they answer those tough questions?!


	27. Chapter 26

AN: I live in Southern California, so please don't send hate reviews about the fire bit described. I know that Sharon wouldn't risk burning down the building or for embers to spark a wildfire - so please suspend belief for dramatic affect.

 **Songs: Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling featuring Lzzy Hale**

 **Chapter 26**

Once again Sharon and Andy found themselves in a familiar place with a familiar feeling. They each held their folded pieces of paper in their hands, tightly, uncertain of what the other wrote, worried about what it all might mean. Truthfully, they were both concerned that once they revealed their answers there might not be a wedding to plan, or a marriage for that matter.

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Over the last week, there hadn't been a lot of time to really reflect on their last session, or even think of an answer to the question they'd been asked. Coming into the holiday season, the department was inundated with the all to tragic and becoming far to frequent family murder/suicides. They were straightforward cases, but still required investigation, and while they weren't usually rolled out — the frequency in December required an all hand's on deck mentality. By the time the team began taking down the pictures of the four young children and placing them into the murder book it was late Thursday night. Everyone was off on Friday, but on call. Sharon knew she couldn't keep putting off the task. She needed to sit down and write out an answer to Andy, before the inevitable happened and another case was handed down. _I owe him at least a thoughtful and considerate answer._ She watched Andy get up and collect his things to go to his Thursday night meeting, and knew it was now or never. There would be quiet for a few hours, silence to be filled with her thoughts. It wasn't a journey she was looking forward to, her past was a painful one that she wasn't eager to relive — nor recount to anyone.

"I'll see you at home," Andy said standing at the doorway to her office.

She gave a meager smile, "Ok, be safe."

"Always," he replied with his usual grin.

Sharon couldn't understand how Andy did it. Despite the horrors of this case and the therapy letter situation looming, he could still give a smile that would light up a room. Or in her case her world, her heart. She might be a genius compartmentalizer, but she really had nothing like his ability to shake it off and move on. Shaking her head at the envy she felt, she collected her folders and things and headed out. After dropping off folders to Chief Howard she headed for the car. Initially, she thought about changing her mind, driving somewhere else to try and write out her response, but ultimately she steered the car towards the condo. Knowing that this was going to be an involved process she didn't want to lose track of time and frighten Andy by not being home when he returned.

Traffic was light, but as she sat at the stop lights she hit on her way her brain drifted to autopilot. Repeating Andy's question to her over and over again in her head. _Why do I run away?_ Sharon never thought of herself as much of a runner, emotionally. She stood and fought, it was what she was trained to do. She stayed home with her kids when she could have run away when things got too difficult. _No, I'm not a runner — Jack, Jack is the runner_. Horns honked and Sharon moved along still mentally chewing on the question. With the exception of Thanksgiving's outburst she had never once run from a situation, so why did Andy think that was the question that needed to be answered before they could get married.

When Sharon finally arrived home, she found herself eager to procrastinate. She spent a few minutes cleaning out the dishwasher and moving loads of laundry. She flipped on the news, but quickly opted to put on music instead. The world was a depressing place, tonight she didn't need any more reminders. After nearly an hour of doing anything but writing, she finally sat down at her desk and pulled out a few sheets of stationary paper she had tucked in the drawer. Looking down at the monogram she felt her heart drop. On top of the page was a large scripted R with embellishments around the sides. A painful reminder of so many things. The monogramed stationary was a wedding gift from an aunt who was now deceased. Neither often wrote letters, it was the 80s and everyone was moving to these new word processing machines. For several years, she forgot she even had the paper until Jack left. The first letter she ever got from him was written on this stationary. The letter was full of apologies and excuses. Almost every letter thereafter that was left on her doorstep, or coffee table, or even worse still her bed, was emblazoned with this large red R. Every time she saw it she felt like she was being pinned with the Scarlet letter, the big R of REGRET, of REMORSE, of REPENT. Despite having ripped up his last letter, Sharon knew that it was on the same stationary. He would have gone through the drawer looking for money, or anything else that could be useful to him. Aside from the computer paper in Rusty's room, there wasn't anything else for him to use — no it would have been on the monogramed paper. Jack was, if nothing else, a creature of habit.

Now as she sat back at her desk with this same paper staring back at her she felt frozen. She couldn't write an answer to Andy, to respond to a question that held the balance of their future on paper that held such a history. Answering this question was her future and the stationary was her past. She yanked all the paper out of the drawer and went out on the balcony. There was a small gas fire pit in the corner that she lit and watched the flames rise from the blue crystals. It was a moonless night, and despite only being 7pm it felt like midnight. The flames reflected off the glass surround and glowed on her face as she held the sheets of paper in front of her. Slowly, one sheet at a time she dropped them into the flames and watched the red monogramed R curl and disappear. It took several minutes to go through the entire stack of paper, but with the release of each sheet into the flickering flames she felt an odd sense of relief wash upon her. There was a weight, almost haunting her that was floating up and away into the night sky. As she dropped the last piece of paper into the fire she felt the tears begin to stream down her face. Before she realized it, or could think to stop it, she was crying uncontrollably.

After several minutes of letting thirty years of regret and turmoil escape into the evening air she slowly began to regain her composure, control really. She waited several minutes to make sure the last of the paper had burned completely before feeling satisfied with her endeavor and turned the fire pit off. The stone and glass continued to radiate heat back at her, as she sat and watched the lights twinkling across the city skyline. When she finally returned into the house she realized how much time had passed and that Andy would be returning from his meeting soon. She wouldn't be able to write anything this evening, it was probably for the best as she felt the familiar wave of emotional exhaustion sweep over her body giving her chills. _I've broken down more in the last two weeks than I did during the years Jack was gone_ , she thought shaking her head. It was a befuddling notion, one that frustrated her to no end. Why was she crying so much? Why did she feel so discombobulated now after everything she, they had been through?

Sharon left the light on above the stove for Andy and turned everything else off as she made her way to the bedroom. While a hot bath sounded divine after the sour turn of events the day and evening took, she opted for filling the room with steam from a hot shower. Letting the water pound on her back and through her hair, hoping that it could further wash away the hurt and bring some clarity to her mind — or at the very least peace.

It would take Sharon another two days to be able to find both the time and mental space to sit down and write her answers to Andy. When she finished putting pen, to new stationary that she picked up from Paper Source, she looked back at the rambling words. _I don't even know if this makes any sense._ There wasn't time to rewrite or reconsider her responses with their appointment the following afternoon, it would have to do. She hoped, prayed that it would be enough.

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Andy looked over at Sharon, taking in her nervous form. He had never seen her as fidgety and wound up as she had been over the last week. For his part, he did his best to give her the space he thought she needed. He was no stranger to her process, she needed time to think and mull things over before she'd voice them aloud. One thing he hoped would come out of these sessions is for her to find away to include him, even a little bit, in her process. Andy was not a man that liked being kept in the dark, he would accept whatever outcomes came from her process, but he didn't like being blindsided or surprised by the results. Really it came down to trust, communication of course was at the center, but at the heart of it all was him feeling like she didn't trust him to be let into the inner sanctum of her mind.

Andy looked down at her hands and saw the neatly folded paper clenched between her hands and smiled. While he was anxious to hear her response and rightly worried about the outcome of today's session, he was also looking forward to claiming that sheet of paper as his. He made a habit out of keeping a few meaningful birthday cards or holiday letters from family and friends over the years. When Sharon started sending them to him it was quite the surprise. He still had the first one she ever sent, it was very short and simple. It had a picture of her and her kids at Park City, Utah on the front and inside it said "Thanks for the ride. Happy Holidays, Sharon." It certainly wasn't a love letter for the ages like Napoleon wrote to Josephine, but in hindsight it was the start of thaw between the two. Ultimately, it opened the door for them to work on repairing the friendship they had ages ago, when they were both happily married and raising kids. Every year after that first card, Andy got one each Christmas and surprisingly for his birthday. Initially, he wondered how she even knew his birthday, but after the years of carrying around his personnel jacket for numerous IA investigations he figured remembering his birthday would have become a force of habit. Just like those early Christmas cards, the birthday ones were short and sweet. Usually there was a funny cartoon on the front that would make him laugh. One year she even managed to find a Wizard of Oz themed card, which he kept in his office drawer, beneath a little red bean bag. As their friendship grew into a relationship the cards got more sentimental and the messages longer. He was always happy to see the soft, but determined swirls of her handwriting. This letter he knew would be more personal than anything else she ever wrote to him and he wanted to hold onto it forever, regardless of what happened between them in the future. It was a piece of her — mind and soul penned in her own writing.

Shifting in his seat he looked down at the marginally crumpled piece of paper he had in his hands. It spent the better part of a week in his pocket. He wasted no time sitting down and writing his thoughts to Sharon. While it took several attempts to finish it because of life interruptions and the case, he never once doubted what he was going to say it was all a matter of having the time to say it. When he pulled out the ruled notebook he always carried around, an occupational requirement, at a diner he used to frequent when he was a patrolman he sat with a cup of coffee and easily wrote down the simplest answer to her question. It was a question that even now surprised him, it seemed so obvious and easy to him that he couldn't understand why Sharon was even asking it. He was expecting something about his sobriety or womanizing past, not a "why do you wait for me" question. Over the week in between sessions Andy felt himself getting worked up over the simplicity of both her question and his answer. Over thinking led to worry which led him to frustration and then to an extra meeting on Saturday. Their marriage hung on the balance of their responses, and her question he came to realize when he finished writing in his notebook challenged the very essence of their relationship. In his mind, the foundation they built a "we" and an "us" together was entirely predicated on his love of her. If she was asking him why he was waiting for her, then she really had no idea how deep his affection ran. The thought scared him when the realization came, which drove him to the meeting on Saturday night. _How could she ever doubt, ever not know how much I care?_

Before Andy could muse any further on the subject the moment of reckoning had arrived with the wave of an arm from Trisha's office - they were being summoned. He took a deep breath and heard Sharon do the same as they stood together. Sharon took a step forward heading to the hallway when Andy reached out and stopped her.

"No matter what happens in there, know that I love you." He said and placed a kiss to her temple.

She squeezed his Andy, "I love you too."

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AN: Not my best writing I know, but I needed an in between chapter before we actually get to them sharing the letters. Thanks as always for the wonderful reviews, I'm glad so many of you are finding this to be a true and real-life experience.


	28. Chapter 27

Songs: Heavy in Your Arms, by Florence and the Machine; Clean Bandit, by Rockabye feat Sean Paul & Anne-Marie; Counting Stars, by OneRepublic; Fall with Me, by Meredith Lockwood

 **Chapter 27: Letters**

Trisha held the door open for the pair and gestured towards the sofa, "Please take a seat." She shut the door and took her place across from them. "I see you both brought your letters with you," she pointed at their hands clutching the scraps of paper, "but before we get to that I want to ask you how this last week went."

Trisha was met with silence, "Andy?"

"Uh, yeah, well we had a rough case this week. Murder/suicide of an entire family. Kids and all," his voice trailed off for a moment, "I guess like many of the cases we work it puts things into perspective."

She gave a nod, "And how did you find the process of writing your letter? I know initially you were concerned about word length and grammar, I hope you were able to relax your mind and just focus on the content."

Andy looked up at her and gave a nod, "Yeah actually it all came out pretty easy. I sat down right away and most of it just came right out. It took a little bit of time to finish it. With the case and all —"

"And how did you feel after you finished?" Trisha followed up.

"Hmm, well I guess better. Initially I thought the question was odd," he quickly amended his statement when he felt Sharon shift next to him, "not odd, just unexpected I guess. I figured she would have asked a million other questions, but once I got past trying to understand why she asked me this one it was easier to write."

Trisha hummed softly before turning to Sharon, "And what about you Sharon?"

Sharon moved nervously in her seat, she was a bit surprised to hear Andy had such an easy time writing his letter and immediately felt bad for all her procrastination. "Hmm yes, well like Andy mentioned we working that emotionally difficult case for a few days which regrettably pulled my focus away from this," she held up her letter, "But when I did sit down I guess I had a really difficult time with it."

Andy turned to her and reached out for her hand. He had no idea that she had had such a hard time with it. Sure, he knew she was processing it all and figured she would have a hard time being so exposed, but to hear her say it made him wish he could have consoled her through this process.

"How so?" Trisha prompted.

"Well, first it was the paper I went to use. I ended up getting rid of it and then got something new. And I guess I was really puzzled by Andy's question and I couldn't figure out how to answer it." She looking down she fiddled with the paper in her hands.

"The paper?" Andy asked before Trisha had an opportunity to ask a follow-up question.

"Uh yeah. It brought up some old memories, bad ones, and I had to get rid of it." She replied expecting the room to understand what she meant.

Andy turned towards her, "I don't think I'm following Sharon. How could some pieces of paper be upsetting? I mean I just used some lined paper from my notebook that I carry around."

Sharon continued to look down at her hands, "Well it was some monogramed stationary that I had in my desk drawer for a long time. I really should have gotten rid of it years ago. And well I couldn't use that paper to write you this letter."

Andy was trying hard to follow her line of thought, but for once he didn't seem to be able to read her. He looked at Trisha for help, not wanting to make Sharon feel any worse by asking the wrong questions.

"I think what Andy is asking Sharon. Is _why_ that monogramed stationary holds bad memories. Is it because of who gave you the paper or something written to you on that paper?" Trisha asked hoping to clarify things.

A light bulb suddenly went off in Andy's mind when Trisha asked her question, he understood now. "Jack" he said softly.

Sharon looked him in the eyes and gave a small nod, "Yes."

Andy put his head in his hands, he should have known that this whole letters thing would bring up these memories for Sharon and now he felt like a jackass for not realizing it sooner. For not saying something sooner. Hell they had a massive fight over letters only a few weeks ago and now once again they were sitting talking about the same thing.

Sharon saw Andy's reaction to the revelation and placed a hand on his shoulder, she knew he would be beating himself up over this even though there was no reason for him to do so. "Andy, its okay. It isn't your fault."

Trisha spoke up, "I think I might be missing a few details here. I gather Jack, your ex, wrote you something with this stationary and that's what brought up some bad memories when you came across it this week?" She asked trying to follow along.

Andy went to speak on Sharon's behalf, to spare her from repeating it all over again, but Sharon touched his arm and stopped him. She let out a deep sigh before beginning, "When Jack and I got married his aunt got us a monogramed stationary set. Complete with paper, envelopes, thank you cards, and even a nice red ink pen. There was a big large scripted R for Raydor on all of it. The cards and envelopes have long since been used and even the pen died a many years ago, but a few sheets of the paper remained in my desk drawer. In fact I had forgotten it was in there until a few years ago. When I sold the house and moved into the condo I sealed up the drawers and had it moved, I didn't pack the contents into boxes first. Although if I had I could have avoided this all ages ago." Sharon looked up and realized she had digressed a bit, "Anyways, to answer your question yes Jack often wrote to me on this stationary. Nearly every time he left me, or me and the kids, there would be a letter."

Sharon noticed Trisha nodding, understanding where Sharon was going with all of this. "So after a series of remorseful or angry letters I eventually stopped reading them. The reason Andy is sitting here beating himself up, is because we got into a big fight several weeks ago and things spiraled a bit after he wrote me a letter. Not knowing any of this history. Not knowing how I feel about letters."

Trisha broke her silence, "Ah, I see. I wish you mentioned this to me Sharon. I could have come up with a different exercise to avoid adding to your emotional stress. But I'm glad it is out now and perhaps it is something that we can work on in the future, should either of you wish to continue our sessions." She paused for a moment, "As you may know this is our last mandatory session to comply with the Church's mandate."

The pair nodded. They knew this was session number six, but were surprised how it snuck up on them so quickly.

"I probably should have said something about it sooner, but honestly I didn't think it was a problem. Until I came across the sheets of paper." Sharon replied to Trisha's earlier remark.

"That's the thing about emotional trauma Sharon. I know that both of you already _know_ all of this from the jobs you have, but it's different when it impacts you directly. Just when you think you've forgotten it, or gotten over whatever the issue was something happens to trigger that flood of memories and the intense feelings that come with them. You'll never be able to stop the memories from coming, but with time and some therapy you can control how you feel about those memories and more importantly the intensity of those emotions." Trisha stopped for a minute to let that heavy concept hang in the room before continuing, "Once you overcame the situation with the stationary how was the actual writing process for you?" She inquired back to her original question.

"It was hard. I had trouble understanding the question and figuring how how I should respond. Where to even begin. I feel like it rambles all over the place actually, I'm not sure any of it will make any sense." She replied.

"That's fair. Which is one of the reasons why I wanted to have you exchange these letters together, in this room, so we can work through any questions or confusion here and now." Trisha said trying to alleviate any anxiety the two might be feeling about what they wrote. She looked up at the clock and noted the time, "Okay, I think we've arrived at that moment where we need to exchange the letters and have you each read them allowed."

The anxiety in the room rose to a palpable level as the pair reluctantly let go of their words and handed them off to the other.

"Do either of you feel comfortable having your letter read first?" Trisha asked.

Knowing that all of this had made Sharon so uncomfortable Andy volunteered, "Sharon can read mine first."

Trisha gave a nod to Sharon, "Go ahead and read it aloud." She picked up her notepad to jot down anything important that might come up as they went along.

Sharon cleared her throat and began reading.

 _Sharon, my dear sweet Sharon, you've thrown me for a bit of a loop with your question. Of all the questions under the sun you could have asked me that one I wasn't expecting. I figured you'd want to question my sobriety or my past relationships, dig into layers of trust and all that. Never once did I think you'd question the level of my love for you. I know, before you stop reading this let me explain. TO me the heart of your question about why I wait for you and do what you want comes down to how much I truly love you._

 _We've talked about this a little bit before. Mostly after that second mishap at the Nutcracker, but let me try and explain it all now. I still don't think you get how long I've been aware of your presence in my life. How long I've waited to be here with you, to reach this point of committing myself to you, to God, to the State of California. I mean I've been committed to you for a very long time, but now we are on the verge of making that commitment official. I felt something change between us after I got stabbed outside that AA meeting. When I finally came to in the ambulance on the way to Saint Leo's I heard the paramedics talking about the boss lady who said "He better wake up." I knew they were talking about you, and despite the pain it caused it made me chuckle. It was such a Sharon thing to say. I know we had some words, or rather I had words for you, but when that case ended I knew you had my back all along. I couldn't figure out why, I was a major pain in your ass, and I honestly figured you were just waiting for the right moment, the right excuse to kick me off the force. I didn't understand why you would have gone to bat for me. So when that case came up at Christmas, I found myself wanting to follow you around, wanting to figure out what made you tick. Call it a professional hazard._

 _You may recall that silly little drug case that Provenza and I stumbled across with those flight attendants. Well that was a few months before my stabbing. After that case I realized that just chasing nameless women for a good time wasn't working for me. Then I got stabbed and started wondering about you. I went on a few dates while you were working the Chief's case before you joined Major Crimes for good. It was strange dating women that were older than the girls Provenza and I were hanging out with, but it was a good strange. These ladies could carry on a conversation and while none of them ever went anywhere I found that I couldn't go back to my old lifestyle. None of the dates ever turned into a relationship of any kind and I couldn't really figure out why not. A few months after you became our boss, and we kicked that Dunn character out of the murder room, I realized that the women I was dating had a lot of similarities to you. How they looked, the things they liked, and the way they carried on a conversation. That's when I realized I didn't want any of those other women that looked and acted like you, I wanted the real thing — I wanted you._

 _Never in a million years did I ever think we'd get to where we are now, if the only Sharon I could have in my life was the_ friend _Sharon I would have gladly taken it. Maybe it was wrong of me, and I probably should have backed off once I realized that I was madly in love with you, but I couldn't. I was like moth to a flame, you draw me in. I was shocked when you agreed to go out with me for real, and I'm still shocked that you want to be my wife._

 _All this is to say Sharon, that I love you with all my heart and that's why I wait. That's why I do things you want. You're worth it. I understand that your past relationships maybe never gave you that feeling, but if you'll let me I'll spend ever day of the rest of my life convincing you that you're worth all the love and time this world can give. It makes me happy to be with you. I don't care what we're doing or where we are as long as I'm with you. I want you to be comfortable and feel safe with me, so I wait. I know you've been hurt in the past and I never want to be the cause for further hurt in your life, so I wait._

 _After re-reading all of this a few days later, it dawned on me that maybe you think that I do what you want to keep the peace or something like that. Maybe you think I'll leave you because you're_ nagging _me. Well let me put your mind at ease babe, because I'm never going to leave you. I also think you know me well enough to know that I can't keep my mouth shut even to "keep the peace" as you say, so I don't think we need to worry about that. I don't feel like you're dragging us down or me down because I wait for you. There will be times that you'll wait for me - that you have waited for me. We're partners that's what we do we wait and want together._

 _I hope this answers your question and sets your mind at ease. At the end of the day just know that I love you._

 _Andy_

When Sharon finished reading, she looked at Andy with tears in her eyes. Deep down there was a small part of her that expected this response from him. That knew that was always going to be the answer to that question. But the larger self-doubt and traumatized past part of her couldn't be sure.

Trisha gave them a moment before breaking the silence that was filling the room, "Sharon, did Andy's letter answer your question? Did it address your concerns?"

Sharon gave a nod, afraid to speak because the tears would pour out and she wasn't sure she would be able to stop them. Given how emotional she's been the last few weeks, her sense of control over her emotions was a bit more unpredictable that she was used to. While frustrated by that, she reached a point after burning the stationary that maybe for right now she just need to feel and let it out.

"Okay, well let's move on to your letter to Andy and then we can discuss any lingering questions and thoughts at the end," Trisha decided.

Andy unfolded Sharon's letter and before he started to read he took a careful look at what it was written on, now understanding its importance to Sharon. "I like the paper," he remarked as he stared at the bold, block F that was watermarked in a light green on the page. Sharon gave him a feeble smile and appreciated that he noticed.

 _Dear Andy,_

 _I'm having trouble sitting down and writing you this letter. Not because I don't want to write to you, but I don't really understand your question. I don't run away, especially not from you. I would never do that to you, I know what it feels like after years of having Jack do it to me. So I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to answer something I don't understand. I'm not sure why you would ask me that, it certainly wasn't what I expected._

 _Maybe you mean something else? But I don't want to assume. I wish I could just ask you, have you explain what you mean instead of sitting here wondering what you meant. I don't want to screw this all up by not answering your question Andy._

 _I talked to Emily the other day. How's that for switching gears, sorry. Anyway, she wanted to know what happened at Thanksgiving, she got all the horrid details from her siblings and then later from Nicole. She asked me why I left. I guess her question surprised me as much as yours has. I know we haven't really talked about that night. I left because I couldn't breathe. Everything was spiraling out of control and I couldn't grab ahold of anything to stop it. I suppose in hindsight I could have grabbed ahold of you, you were there and not going anywhere — I think. But I didn't and I'm sorry for that. I should have stayed, I should have talked to you. I'm not used to having a partner Andy. It's been decades since I felt like I had one._

 _You might not have known about this difference between Internal Affairs and the other departments, but we work cases alone. Sure, we work together bounce ideas off each other much like we do now in Major Crimes, but we are rarely partnered up. Frankly there weren't enough of us and in most cases having two IA officers show up would make things even more volatile. I haven't had a partner since I worked patrol._

 _On a personal level, I think you're already well aware of that history. Even when Jack was home and things were good we weren't really partners. He was always the good cop, playing with the kids and bringing them gifts and I was the bad cop making sure they ate their peas and brushed their teeth. We rarely worked in tandem. It is one of the things that I love about us, for the first time in over twenty years I have someone that has my back personally and professionally. It's a strange feeling though and sometimes I forget that I'm not alone and act on instinct. It makes me do stupid things when it comes to you, usually pushing you away and for that I'm sorry. I don't mean to do it, it certainly isn't coming from a place of malice. I just don't know what to do with you, with your help._

 _After Jack left and I filed for legal separation I learned that I needed to find ways of taking care of myself. At work I kept my head down and relied on the support from my squad. At home I focused 100% of my energy on Ricky and Emily. If I couldn't handle something I turned to the Church, they helped me with everything back then. From tuition discounts and childcare, without them I'm not sure how we could have managed. But it was more than that. Once you asked me why the Church matters to me so much, their opinion on my life choices. I suppose it has to do with them having my back, they were my partner for the longest time. Going to confession took the place of emotionally intimate conversations with my husband. I guess it's why when things get rough I seek them out._

 _I'm not going to say that's wrong, because I don't think it is. But I think I realize now that I should also be turning to you. If we are going to be married, we are going to be partners, and I need to_ LET _you have my back. I tell you to talk to me and come to me with your troubles, but I'm not always good about doing the same. I know you have your meetings and I have the Church, but we have each other too._

 _Maybe that's what you meant by running away, that I don't talk to you as much as I should about what I'm thinking and feeling. If that is what you were driving at, then let me say I'm sorry. I need to work on that, and I hope that I can ask you to help me work on this. Don't let me shut you out just because it's what I've always done._

 _I love you and I see now that I need to let go of the past. You are my future and I need you in my life. Anyway, I hope this answered things for you. I'm sorry for being so difficult and I do hope we can figure this all out and move on together._

 _Love always,_

 _Sharon_

Andy set the letter down and stared at the words unsure of what to say. It mostly answered his question, and in hindsight it was the answer he expected to his question. He knew she was fiercely independent and equally stubborn.

Trisha clasped her hands together, "First off, I'd like to thank you both for taking this task seriously and writing such thorough letters to each other. We're almost out of time for today, but I want to know how you feel now after having had your question answered. Do you think you'll be able to move forward with marriage now that you've had a chance to clear the air a little during our time together?"

Sharon and Andy turned and looked at each other, both felt a bit emotionally worn and overexposed. Neither had gone into therapy thinking that there was any doubt that they would get married, it was just a matter of whether it would be with or without the Church's blessing. However, the last six weeks brought up a lot of other questions about their relationship, but largely about themselves, despite the letters, remained unanswered. But now it would seem the biggest question looming for them was the one that they had taken for granted, taken to be a certainty — was marriage still the goal?

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Sharon opened the bottom drawer of her jewelry box and pulled out the letter Andy gave to her a little over a week ago. Beneath it lay the ring he gave her, still attached to the chain they got for her to wear while at work. She set the necklace down on the dresser and opened the letter, rereading it for the twentieth time since it became hers. After she finished she refolded it and carefully slid it back into the drawer and lifted the chain. It was time, she knew, to finally take it off but she felt a little reluctant. There had been something nice about having it around her neck, resting above her heart. That wasn't its place now, not where it was meant to be. Her thoughts began to drift back to the end of their last session and the question that Trisha asked them about marriage.

Before she could get far down that mental road she heard a knock at the door, "Sharon, are you ready?" Rusty asked.

"Yeah, just one second and I'll be right out," she replied as she closed her jewelry box and grabbed a pair of heels from her closet.

A few minutes later she stepped out of the bedroom and met her son in the foyer, holding her coat, "We're going to be late."

Sharon glared at Rusty, "We'll be fine." She gave a quick look around the condo and followed her son out.

They rode down the elevator in silence. Sharon could tell that Rusty wanted to say something, talk to her about everything that had been going on since Thanksgiving but didn't really know what to say. She smiled at the boy, feeling proud of how far he'd come. It wasn't that long ago that he would have been oblivious to the entire situation, to focused on things happening in his immediate orbit. She tossed him her keys, "You drive."

"Are you sure? You hate it when I drive. Something about directionals…" he gave a light chuckle.

She smiled, "Yes I'm sure. Besides, I am quite confident that you'll be sure to use your signals all the way over to the restaurant."

The ride was relatively quiet. They talked mostly about Rusty's law school applications and his upcoming schedule for finals. Thankfully traffic was relatively light despite the rapidly approaching holidays and they made up a little time getting over to Gus' restaurant — well not _his_ but the one he was working at. In years past they always held a holiday party at the office, and it was much closer to Christmas. This year Sharon decided the team deserved a nice little break outside the murder room, to do that it had to happen earlier when they were less likely to get rolled out. A week before and a week after Christmas were when _all the crazies came out_ as Provenza liked to say, and there would be no rest for the weary or wicked. This year was also different because Sharon didn't plan to be home for the holidays. It had been years since she was last able to go to Park City and celebrate with her family, but this year after everything that happened she knew she needed to make the time, make it happen.

Rusty jarred her out of her thoughts once more as he pulled up to the valet stand outside Gwen, "Sharon we're here."

"Right," she collected her purse and stepped out of the car when the attendant opened the door.

As she rounded the car she saw Flynn standing by the entrance. Rusty noticed him as well, "Sharon I'm going to go check on Gus and see how it's coming."

She nodded and walked up to Andy, "Hi."

He kissed her cheek, "Hi."

It was the second time they'd seen each other, outside of work in a week. Trisha's words echoed in their minds.

 _"Before you answer, I would like to propose one final exercise. I want you to take a week apart from one another. I know you work together, so some contact will be unavoidable, but keep it strictly professional. No going out for meals together. No touching or kissing or anything else physical. And one of you should sleep somewhere else. Think of it as a break from each other. At the end of the week I want you to meet for dinner, a neutral place and decide together the answer to this question. Do you think you can do that?"_

Andy packed up a suitcase two days later after they agreed to follow Trisha's suggestion and got a room at a hotel nearby. They told Rusty because he lived with them, but otherwise kept it to themselves. They did as she suggested and limited their contact to work situations only. They didn't talk on the phone or text unless it had to do with a case. At the end of the night, Andy said goodbye and walked to his car alone headed to an empty hotel room while Sharon drove to the condo. The routine continued until last night when they met at a small cafe in Santa Monica, aptly named Love Coffee Bar. Originally, they were going to do dinner as Trisha suggested but once again work intervened. It was late and they didn't have either the time nor the inclination to sit through a long meal.

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"Hi," Andy said as he stood up and greeted Sharon when she entered the coffee shop.

"Hi," she gave him a small hug unsure if they were allowed to resume contact now that they were nearing the end of their week apart.

"I took the liberty of ordering you a tea, I know it's late and you probably don't want any more coffee tonight," Andy said pointing to the mug in front of her.

"You're right, thank you," she replied and picked up the warm mug and held it in her hands enjoying the warmth for a moment before taking a sip.

"So—" Andy muttered unsure of what they do now, and took a sip of his coffee to fill the space.

"So," she parroted back, "Trisha didn't really give us instructions on where to take this conversation, so I don't know where to begin."

"Me either," he replied grateful that he wasn't alone in the confused feeling.

"How have you been? Did you sleep okay?" She asked, hoping they could just talk for a minute before getting to the big question they were supposed to be answering tonight.

"The hotel was okay I guess. Bed isn't nearly as comfortable as ours is, but it was fine." He took another sip, "I missed you though. I woke up several times when I rolled over not sure why you weren't there then I would remember. You?"

She blew on the hot tea and steamed her glasses, "Me too. It's strange after twenty years of sleeping alone I would have assumed I would have been okay for one week, but I missed having you there. My feet especially missed you," she added with a mischievous grin.

"Ah yes," he chuckled, "Well I can say your icy feet on my calves weren't missed."

Silence fell between them as they enjoyed their drinks and being in each other's company again.

"So what do we do now?" Andy asked finally breaking the silence.

"I'm not sure. I know I love you and I've missed you, but beyond that I don't know what to say." She responded honestly.

"I love you too Sharon," he reached out for her hand, "I guess now we have to decide if marriage is still what we want. I suppose we could still be together even if we think that taking that step isn't what we want for us." He hoped that wouldn't be what she wanted, but once again was willing to accept that if it meant keeping her in his life.

"Is that what you want?" She asked a bit nervously.

"Sharon, my heart is yours. As you already read, I want you in my life. What form that takes, well I suppose that can be negotiated," he smiled hoping to break the tension a little and was glad to see her smirk back, "I want what you want Sharon."

She nodded, "I see." She took a moment to think about that before adding anything else, "How about this then, if you're leaving it up to me, let's make a deal."

Andy laughed out loud, "Of course a deal, only you would propose such a thing. Okay, go ahead give me your best."

She smiled back at him, "Since you're leaving the decision up to what I want, why don't I sleep on it one more night. We have our holiday dinner with the team tomorrow. We haven't told them about the engagement yet. If I show up with the ring on the chain we will stay committed to each other but forgo the legal and religious wedding. If I have the ring in hand then we can announce the wedding to the team, together."

"Okay, that seems fair," he quickly stated.

"But I want one more night apart to really clear my thoughts and make this decision. Is that okay? I know you were planning on coming home tonight." She asked feeling bad about making him sleeping in the hotel again.

"Sharon, if one more night away from you means that I may get to spend a lifetime of nights with you, then I will gladly do so," he lifted her hand and kissed her palm.

"Okay, thank you," the words came out breathlessly as the innocent touch reverberated throughout her body.

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Andy stood anxiously waiting for her to say something, or to catch a glimpse of her hands. He couldn't wait any more, "So—what did you decide?"

Sharon smiled at him and pulled the chain with the ring dangling on it out of her pocket.

"Oh," Andy's heart sank. He knew that is was a possibility that she would opt against marriage, but he was really hoping that wouldn't be the case.

She saw the downcast look on his face and lifted his chin with her finger, "Andy, I didn't want to put it back on my finger—"

Andy interrupted her before she could finish, "It's okay Sharon, I get it. Here let me help you." He reached for the chain to put it around her neck.

She pulled her hand back, "No Andy I don't think you understand me. _I_ didn't want to put it back on my finger because I wanted _you_ to do it."

It took a few seconds for her words to register in his brain, but once they did he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He whispered in her ear.

"Yes Andy, I want you. I want to be married to you," she took his hand and opened it palm up. She unclasped the chain and straighten it out letting the ring fall into his hand.

He held the band between his fingers, "Sharon O'Dwyer Raydor, will you do me the great honor of being my wife?" He repeated the sentiment from a few weeks earlier.

"Yes Andrew Flynn," she held her hand out for him to slip the ring back onto her finger, back to its rightful place.

He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her passionately, for the first time in weeks. When they finally pulled apart from one another they were grinning from ear to ear, and holding hands. His fingers twirling the metal band on her finger. There were still many unanswered questions, but the biggest one was met.

They walked into the restaurant and the hostess guided them to the back where most of the team was already gathered. Before they walked in Andy turned to her one more time and whispered, "Sharon deserves LOVE." Sharon smiled up at him and placed a kiss on his lips and whispered back, "Andrew deserves love."

Provenza popped their romantic bubble, "C'mon now, no one wants to see that lovey dovey crap! Now where's my glass of wine?!"

Andy shook his head and his partner's remarks while Sharon laughed.

"Should we tell them now?" He asked.

"Nah, let's see how good these _elite detectives_ really are and see how long it takes them to figure it out," she smiled and gave a wink before moving towards the two empty seats at the table.

"You really are a wicked, wicked woman! I'm glad we're on the same side," he chuckled.

"Yes we are, for always," she squeezed his hand as he pulled out her chair and they sat down among friends to celebrate a great many things.

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AN: Okay, phew, you have no idea how many gummy bears were consumed to finish this chapter. I hope the wait didn't disappoint. I honestly considering ending on the cliffhanger of Trisha's marriage question but decided that was too cruel and decided to include what would have been the next chapter. So really you all got a twofer. Oh and the whole deserves love comes from the coffee cups at Love Coffee Bar. P.S. Gwen LA is a real restaurant and the pictures match the scenes in the back half of episodes of season 5.


	29. Chapter 28

AN: While I await to hear news of possible fire evacuations I decided to go ahead and post this chapter. It can be skipped if smut isn't your thing, this chapter isn't critical to the story, but it was necessary for the final piece of healing for our couple. The final few chapters will be coming in the next few weeks as we approach the end of this story. There's a few loose plot threads to address before we can lick the icing off this piece of cake.

Rated M for Mature, NSFW

 **Chapter 28**

Sharon lit the Vanilla and Sandlewood candle as she waited for Andy to return from the kitchen. It was time to switch gears, to reconnect. She crossed the room and switch the stereo on, filling the room with the heated tones of Jesse Cook and the Spanish guitar. The lights were already dim, leaving just the candle flickering away on the nightstand to provide illumination. Sharon opened one of her dresser drawers and pulled out something to change into. As she stepped into the closet she found one of Andy's dress shirts and made a slight change in her plans. She quickly stripped down placing her items into the hamper and dry cleaning pile and pulled on a pair of her black cotton Calvin Klein underwear with the thick silver band. It wasn't her sexiest thong, but there was something about it paired with his button down that seemed to drive Andy nuts. She chose not to question it, and slipped on his white shirt, buttoning the four lowest buttons and rolling up the cuffs once. Flipping her hair out of the collar she turned the light off in the closet and stepped out into the room, just in time for Andy to return from the kitchen.

"Sharon —" his voice trailed off, losing whatever thought he had when he saw her standing bare legged in his shirt across the room from him.

She hummed in response, pleased that she could drive him to distraction. She crossed the room towards him, "Yes Andy?" She replied as she played with the buttons on his shirt.

"Uh, um," he let out. Feeling the blood begin to rush from his head he maneuvered them backwards to their bed.

When Sharon felt her knees hit against the back of the bed, she took advantage of Andy's distracted state to turn them around and push him into a sitting position on the bed. "I think you're entirely over dressed for the occasion."

Having sat down Andy found his blood pressure stabilizing and his hands moving up to her hips, "What are you going to do about that?" His voice returning.

Her hands moved to his tie which she gave a little tug on, "I think this can stay for now," but she loosened it a little to gain access to the buttons on his collar. She slowly began unbuttoning his shirt as she felt Andy move his hands down to her bare thighs causing her to shiver with anticipation. It had been far too long since they were intimate in this way.

The last several weeks filled them with such stress and emotional exhaustion that they had hardly touched each other let alone indulged in the nearly painful slow burn that they were building tonight. They both knew that if there were twenty years younger the main event would be nearly done by now. Clothes would be strewn across the room. The sex would have been hard and fast. There wasn't anything wrong with the quick and dirty sex, in fact on occasion Sharon found herself craving that, but tonight was something different. They weren't just looking to reconnect physically, but emotionally as well.

Sharon pushed his shirt off his shoulders and then tossed it on the other side of the bed before moving to his belt pulling it through the loops and letting it drop to the floor. "How's that?" Her voice was thick and warm next to his neck.

"Well you've certainly made progress, but it would appear that you've still have a ways to go," he turned his head and grabbed her neck with his lips giving it suck before letting her return to undressing him.

Sharon pulled at his tie again while biting her thumb as if she was trying to decide what to do next, when she caught the hunger in Andy's eyes. She knew how crazy it made him to watch her do that, and she drew it out for a moment longer before grabbing the ring of the tie and lifting it over his head and placing it onto her neck.

Before Andy could respond, she reached her hands underneath the hem of his undershirt and gave it a tug. He was tempted to be uncooperative, to make her work for it, but like her he had other plans for this evening than risking her mood. He lifted his arms and allowed her to slowly pull it over his head and toss it with his other shirt across the room. When her hands came back they went into his hair massaging his head as she made her way down his bare neck and finally to his chest. "Better?" she asked with a husky voice.

"Hmm, yes it would appear I've caught up, however I'm not sure I like you _adding_ clothing as you're taking mine off. I don't think that's how it is supposed to work Sharon," he added teasingly as he gave his own tie a tug as it hung on her neck.

"Well by my count you're still a bit overdressed compared to me, even if I did add the tie. However, I would consider that more accessory than clothing." Sharon knelt before him and removed his shoes and then his socks, looking up at him the entire time knowing that he was staring down the shirt hoping to get a peek of her cleavage - trying to determine whether she was wearing a bra or not.

She let her hands slide up his pant legs, resting on his thighs. She could see the growing bulge in his pants and licked her lips. Andy knew exactly what she was intending to do when he saw the look on her face, but he had something else in mind at the moment.

"Now we are even," he said pulling at his tie to bring her back to her feet. His hands slipped under the shirt and felt her bare ass and then the cotton thong she was wearing, "I see you have on one of my favorite pairs."

"These? Oh I didn't realize they were your favorite. Are they? That's good to know," she teased at him as he pulled her onto his lap, her legs straddling either side of him.

Andy grunted in response as she rocked her hips against him. Deciding to take the upper hand, he brought his hands back up from her ass and to the lower buttons of the shirt and began to undo each of the buttons, "Well I can't be sure until I actually see them."

Once he finished the shirt fell open and her pale white skin was exposed to him, he couldn't help but bring his hands up to her stomach running them down to the silver waistband. He felt her shiver under his touch and grinned, "Hmm the black ones, well those are my second favorite ones…"

Sharon looked at him in surprise, "Second?"

He nodded as his mouth moved to her neck, "Yep."

"And what pray tell is the first?" She asked as she angled her neck to give him better access.

"Hmm," he replied distractedly more interested in her skin than answering questions, "Maybe I'll tell you later."

"Maybe you'll tell me now," she bucked her hips into his.

"You don't play fair," he replied quickly.

"Sure I do, you just don't like my rules." She nibbled at his ear and moved her hips again.

"Hon, I love your rules but I have a few of mine own." His hands slid up her stomach to her breasts causing her to groan as a finger swiped across her nipple.

This time when her hips moved against his he knew it was for an entirely different reason. Andy's hands continued to move up her chest to her shoulders where they slipped once again under the shirt. He took a moment to massage her shoulders before pushing the shirt off and down her arms. He leaned back a little so he could she her clearly, "Now that's better." He took a few moments admiring her beauty, the light flickering against her skin, the dark tie laying between her breasts pointing at her black thong. It was a wonderful sight, more sensual than any negligee she could buy.

When she arched her back in response to his touch he let out a groan, feeling his pants grow even tighter. "I think this may be my new favorite tie," he whispered as he gave it a tug bringing her face back down to his.

Sharon's hands moved down his chest pausing at his nipples giving them a squeeze before reaching his stomach causing him to jerk towards her. She smiled, loving how responsive he was to her touch. She could feel how hard he was beneath her and knew she would need to move soon to help him find relief, but for the moment she continued to rock her hips against his reveling in the friction of her underwear and his pants against her clit. The feeling was causing her to get wetter and even more excited.

She felt Andy move beneath her, but before he could shift their position she, somewhat reluctantly, stood up and moved off him. They both groaned at the loss of contact, but Sharon's hands quickly moved up to his chest and pushed him against the bed as she moved down towards the button of his pants. Andy looked at her and saw a wicked grin slid across her face as she palmed him first and then undid the top button. She moved her mouth to the zipper and clenched it between her teeth as she gave it a tug. The teeth of the zipper began to slowly pull apart as her lips moved down. Andy stayed as still as possible, ignoring the undeniable urge to thrust his hips into her face. He tilted his hips up and let her shimmy his pants down leaving him in his boxer briefs.

"Flip over," she demanded.

Andy loved it when Sharon got bossy in the bedroom and made quick work of maneuvering onto his stomach. His hand reached to move his balls and cock into a more comfortable position before folding his arms up above his head. He had an idea of what she was planning on doing when he saw the lit candle, they had only done it once before but they both found the feeling thrilling. Sharon could feel Andy's anticipation as he lay before her. She moved on top of him, sitting just below his ass and reached for the candle on the nightstand. With her free hand she softly moved her fingers across his back, giving him a gentle nonverbal cue as to what was coming next. She noted the small nod of his head and proceed to pour the hot wax down his spine to the base of his back. She felt his body quiver beneath him as she returned the candle back to the nightstand. Leaning forward she blew on the area where the melted wax lay and began massaging it into his skin. She kissed his skin as she made her way down his back, sliding herself down until her hands had reached his hips. Taking the leftover candle oil she massaged his ass and rubbed her thumbs down between the cheeks causing him to flinch with excitement. She continued his ministrations for another minute before moving off him so he could flip back over.

"I love when you do that," he whispered pulling her back on top of him.

"I wasn't sure you'd like the wax thing," she said demurely.

"I admit, I don't think I would have tried it if you hadn't said anything about it, but it's nice I like it." He paused to pull on of her nipple into his mouth, "But that wasn't what I was talking about." He finished with a mischievous grin as he gave her another nipple the same attention.

She moaned at the feeling of his lips on her. The sensation was almost overwhelming it had been so long since they were together like this she felt it wouldn't take anything for her to reach her climax.

"As much as I love this look on you," he gave the tie a tug, "I think it's time to go." His hands reached up to take it off her neck but were replaced with her own.

She looked down at him with hooded eyes and moved his hands to her hips as she rocked against him softly and took the tie into her own hands. Slowly, she pulled the knot loose leaving it undone and draped around her, "What should we do with it?" She grasped it in both hands and brought it between them. For a moment she considered wrapping it around his eyes and having her way with him, but opted to tying his hands together. She wanted to be able to see him, for Andy to look at her while they made love. They needed that connection. Taking his wrists he lightly tied the tie around them and left his hands above his head and she moved her fingers back down his chest to the waistband of his boxer briefs. They both knew that the knot was more for show, he would let her play for a little while until the urge to touch her would became overwhelming.

Sharon's thumbs slipped underneath his waistband and she lifted them up and over his erection and pulled them down. On her way back up she let her hands lightly caress his legs until she reached his cock where she gave it a gentle tug. Andy's hips bucked in response to her touch, his skin burned it felt torturous after the absence. He gave her a look as he watched her mouth move down towards him. She kissed his head. Then as she spread his legs a little to make room for herself, she nipped at the junction of his legs and torso causing him groan from pleasure. Her tongue ran down his length as her other hands played with the little hairs on his lower abdomen. As much as he wanted things to go slowly when the evening began, now that she was this close to him he couldn't bear the thought of waiting any longer. He wriggled his wrists breaking free of the knot and moved his hands into her long auburn hair.

She took him into her mouth and sucked gently as she moved her hands down to his balls, squeezing and tugging on them. Andy let out a deep satisfied sigh as he felt her lips moving against him. He could feel his pleasure rising, but didn't want to come like this - not tonight at least. Sharon sensed his thoughts, opened her mouth and let her tongue drag along the vein as she let his cock spring from her mouth. Andy pulled her up to him and then nudged her panties aside slipping a finger inside. He let out a guttural moan when he felt just how wet and engorged her lips were. Sharon rocked her hips against his fingers enjoying the pleasure he was bringing to her.

She lifted her legs slightly and Andy tugged at the waistband to help her remove the last bit of clothing she had on. His fingers coated in her unique essence came up to his lips where he paused and reconsidered, instead rubbing her juices onto both of her nipples for later tasting. Her hips came back in contact with his, the feeling of complete skin-to-skin contact making them both close their eyes savoring the moment. Sharon let her hips rock back and forth, sliding her clit against his cock, coating him before pushing his head into her entrance. She let him stay there for a moment enjoying the full pressure of having him just out of reach.

Andy adjusted himself to slid back out of her opening and pulled himself up against the headboard of the bed. She came along, catching his intent. She repositioned herself over him and plunged down deeply. Immediately a scream escaped her lips, filled with pleasure. Andy let out a grunt, she felt so tight and seemed to be squeezing him even tighter. After a moment she opened her eyes and stared at him, her eyes darkened with purpose. Reaching behind him she placed her hands above his head and onto the headboard. Her breasts dangled in front of him, his mouth reached up to her left breast and sucked on her nipple as his other hand squeezed her other breast. His tongue swirled taking every last ounce of Sharon off her nipple, before moving to the next. Sharon looked down at him and began moving her hips even more rapidly. Her clit was pressed against his pelvis and his cock was buried deep inside her, the angle was perfect. She could feel the initial waves of her orgasm coming. Andy moved his hands to her hips helping her control her movements.

"Andy!" She yelled as her head went back and her body continued to writhe beneath him as she rode out her orgasm.

As her body began to still she leaned forward against his chest, "Oh I needed that. Thank you," she whispered between pants.

"My pleasure, always happy to help," he nipped at her jaw and moved his hands down her back causing her to spasm, still sensitive from a delicious clitoral orgasm. "Interested in another?" Andy knew that sometimes her orgasms were so intense that she wouldn't be able to come again, but he wanted to know before flipping them over so he could finish.

"Mmm, give me a second," she muttered, "I think it's a two orgasm night." She looked up at him with a satisfied smile.

Andy continued petting her back as he let her catch her breath. His hips continued moving gently, keeping him hard inside her. He squeezed her ass as he felt her lean back, knowing she was ready to start again.

"How do you want me, Andy?" She asked in her gravely post-orgasm voice.

"I want all of you Sharon, for always," he replied kissing her deeply.

"Me too—" she paused as she teethed on his bottom lip, "but that isn't what I meant. I want to know how you want to take me. How do you want to bring me to another orgasm? How do you want to finish Andy?"

Andy grunted in pleasurable surprise to her questions, he loved when she talked to him like this, "Hmm, well what are my options?" He replied playing along with her.

She began to rock her hips again, "Well you could have me again like this. Or perhaps I could turn around and ride you backwards. On all fours is always a good choice. Maybe on the edge of the bed—"

Andy pulled her back to his mouth silencing her from continuing her dirty list. Finally deciding on how exactly he wanted to take her, he flipped them over and moved off the bed. Before Sharon could protest he grabbed her hips and pulled her to the edge of the bed. "Like this," he growled at her before pushing his way back inside her causing her to yell out in ecstasy. Andy lifted her hips with his arms and tilted forward to improve the angle. He could see the heat beginning to rise up and move across her chest. He grabbed a pillow and positioned it beneath her hips and reached for her arms pinning them above her head. Normally, she would want to finger her clit, but right now he knew all she would want would be his cock slamming into her, pushing up against that soft spongey spot that drove her wild.

"Oh Andy!" Sharon yelled as she began to squirm against him.

"Tell me what you want," he growled.

"Harder, please, oh I'm almost there," her head began to shake back and forth as she felt her climax within reach.

Andy moved his hips faster. Pulling almost all the way out and slamming back into her with such force he was vaguely aware of the mattress moving. He felt his own orgasm building, his balls were tightening, but he waited to exploded. He wanted to feel her cum again on his cock. To see her face as she was brought to the brink yet again.

"Almost, almost, almost…" she panted.

Andy brought one of his hands from above her head and began squeezing her breasts and pinching her nipples. It was the final stroke that unleashed her orgasm from deep within. He could feel it start as her walls clenched, her legs wrapped around and squeezed his hips tightly. Her chest was red and she was still sucking in air as she writhed on the bed.

Satisfied that he had properly taken care of her needs he pushed into her hard one more time before exploding inside her. His hips moving uncontrollably.

As he came to he looked up and saw Sharon staring at him with her soft post-orgasm eyes, stroking his back as he lay against her chest. "Am I crushing you?"

"Not yet," she said, "I like you here with me like this." She brought her hand up to his hair and began playing with the salt and pepper strands.

"Well as much as I like this, my junk has gone soft on you," he slipped out of her and they both felt the slow movement of fluids head down their legs, "Did you feel okay?" He asked.

She was surprised the first time he asked her that question. She wasn't used to a lover being so attentive and concerned about her own pleasure. Sometimes she found herself annoyed at his question, wondering if he was oblivious to her orgasmic response to his wonderful ministrations, but ultimately she realized it was just how he showed that he cared. She gave the response she gave every time he asked the question now, "With you, always."

He nodded and shifted slightly to the side, tucked in against her hip. His fingers were still playing with the hand that was above her head. He brought around in front of them and began touching the ring on her finger, "I'm glad you said yes — again."

"Me too, no more doubts." She said with a smile and gave him a peck on the nose.

"So now what? How do you want to tell the kids that this is officially going to happen? It's not like it went over so well last time. And I guess we have a wedding to start planning. Are you thinking Spring?" He was always either very chatty after sex or immediately fell asleep. _Apparently tonight it was chatty sexed-up Andy_ , she thought and gave a chuckle.

"I've been thinking about that. I think we should just elope. The church or I don't know somewhere that means something to us. Just the two of us and the priest. I don't want our kids, or the team, or anyone else to get in the middle of our marriage. It's just us Andy, and I think the wedding should be just about us." She said quite adamantly.

Andy was taken aback by her response, it certainly wasn't what he was expecting to hear from her. "Are you sure? I mean you don't want your kids or parents, no one at the ceremony?"

"I don't think so, Andy I don't want to wait until Spring to be your wife. We've waited long enough, we've gone through so much in the last two years that I don't want to waste any more time. Is that crazy?" She asked burying her head into his chest.

"No, Sharon. I don't think it's a crazy idea. I just want you to be happy. If you want us to get married tomorrow at the church I would be fine with that. I just want to be your husband." He stroked her hair and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Do you mean that?" She asked softly.

"Of course I do. Besides we can always have a party to celebrate later with our friends and family. Like you said this marriage is between us, so maybe the wedding should be too. Let's sleep on it and we can talk more tomorrow. We have the whole house to ourselves and the weekend off. Let's put it to good use." He reached down and squeezed her love handles causing her to squeal.

The two lay together touching and spooning for awhile before eventually falling asleep. The candle flickered itself out and the room went dark. The music had long since stopped playing and the only sound filling the air was the soft snores coming from Andy and the light hums Sharon muttered in her sleep.


	30. Chapter 29

AN: Here is the penultimate chapter, enjoy.

 **Chapter 29**

"Good Morning Chief," Sharon said as she caught a glance of Howard walking down the hall towards his _temporary_ office.

"Oh," Fritz turned around when he recognized the voice, "Morning Captain."

"So, any news on who gets to make that," she pointed towards the office, "permanent?"

Fritz let out a low chuckle, "Yeah, well if I have anything to say about it I won't be staying much longer."

Sharon let out a smirk, "Any thoughts on whose going to be appointed as our new boss?" She asked fishing for information.

Howard looked behind her and over his shoulder, "You didn't hear it from me but my money is on Mason. He's young and he's well-connected. Davis, as we both know - enemies. But again I said nothing."

She gave a low laugh, "Fair enough. But I am hearing rumors that they plan to announce the new Chief after the first of the year, any truth to that?"

Fritz raised his eye brows, "You certainly have good sources. Yes, they're going to make them sweat it out over the holidays before they make a final decision. The press conference is scheduled for January 4th."

Sharon let out a hum as her brain began running with this new information. Before she could comment or press for more details Sykes came down the hall, "Uh Captain, sorry to interrupt."

"No it's fine. Thanks for the chat as always _Chief_ ," she said to Howard who only shook his head and walked away raising his hand in acknowledgement, "I take it we caught a case," she said turning her attention back to her detective.

"Sort of ma'am," Sykes said with a Cheshire grin that clearly gave away everything. Why they sent Sykes to get her baffled Sharon, she was the easiest one to read, "Sort of? We either have a case or we don't Detective," she said with a light Darth tone, it was playful but sounded serious enough to make Amy jump.

"Uh, um, well I'm sure Lieutenant Provenza could explain it better—" she spat out as she darted forward to grab the door for Sharon.

When she turned the corner into the murder she suddenly found herself face to face with her kids.

"Surprise!" They shouted.

Sharon put her hand to her lips, "What. What are you guys doing here? I thought you didn't get in until Saturday?"

Emily looked at Ricky, "Well yes, we may have said that mom but after we heard about the engagement—"

"Engagement?" Tao mouthed to Provenza.

"You're engaged?" Amy asked.

Emily turned red faced to her mom, "Uh sorry?"

Andy held his hands up and looked towards the ceiling. Sharon buried her face in his chest trying to stifle the laughter.

Rusty broke the moment of awkward silence, "She's been wearing a ring, so like Duh, even I noticed."

Andy nodded, "She's been wearing it since our holiday dinner last week. Some group of detectives you are," he added with a scoff.

"Hey I noticed," huffed Julio, "I just didn't think it was my place to say anything. I figured if you wanted us to know you would have announced it."

Sharon finally turned around, "Yes, we are engaged. We just haven't told anyone," she paused, "besides our kids."

A hearty round of Congratulations came from the entire team at the revelation that the _two idiots_ were finally going to get hitched.

Sharon turned her attention back to her kids, "Well this is quite the surprise. It's wonderful to see you both," she gave them all a hug and ushered them towards her office.

"I'm sorry mom, really, I didn't mean to spill the beans like that, in front of everyone," Emily said apologizing once more.

"Emily, it's fine really. It was bound to come out eventually." Sharon paused and moved behind her desk, "But I'm so glad to see you, it's been too long."

"Me too, I'm glad it worked out. I hope you guys don't catch a case though - no more shooting Santas or anything," Emily said chuckling.

Sharon laughed while Rusty grimaced at the recollection. "Yeah mom, we need time to set up Christmas Village," Ricky chimed in.

"We will do all those things and more." Sharon said with a smile before adding, "Since your here early I can invite you to join us tomorrow night for the Nutcracker. Nicole's boys are performing again, and it's become some what of a tradition to go."

"You mean the ballet that serves as an anniversary of sorts to when you realized you were actually dating Andy," Rusty snickered.

Sharon shook her head and replied wistfully, "No, the ballet that showcases our grandkids and makes me remember Emily at that age."

"Ah, so you've already _adopted_ them as your grandkids I see," Ricky jokingly jabbed in return.

"Yes Ricky I have. They are sweet boys and besides soon it will be official," she replied ignoring her children's ribbing.

"Speaking of soon, when is this whole wedding thing going to happen?" Emily asked with piqued interest.

"Soon, that's all I'm saying," Sharon replied coyly.

Rusty waved his hands to stop his siblings, "Believe me, don't bother trying to get more information from her on all this. Gus and I have tried, _several_ times. It's apparently top secret, need to know."

"We'll see about that," Emily said giving her brothers a look.

"We have a pretty light day today, unless we catch a case of course," Sharon said looking to change the subject, "Rusty, why don't you take everyone back to the condo and you can't start to unpack the Christmas decoration. I haven't gotten as far as I wanted to, so feel free to take over." Sharon stood up and moved towards the door giving the nod that it was time to go so she could focus on work.

She opened the door and the kids began to head out before she stopped them, "So was that a yes to the Nutcracker tomorrow?"

Ricky was the first to turnaround, "Is Charlie coming?"

Sharon arched her eyebrow, "Yes" she said drawing the word out.

Ricky and Rusty shared a look before he replied, "Maybe it would be better if we didn't come then?"

She shook her head, "Nonsense, you're going to be family soon."

Rusty jumped in for his brother, "Yeah, but things didn't go so well last time we tried to do the big group family thing. And maybe —"

Sharon cut them both off at the pass, "No things didn't go well. But both Andy and I have spoke to Charlie and cleared the air. It's a long story and one you don't need to know, but the situation has been resolved. The only reason you should decline the invite is if you really don't want to come for your own personal reasons."

The siblings looked at each other understanding their mother's tone and Emily opted to reply for the group of them, "Mom, we'd love to go to the Nutcracker, _as a family_. Tell Nicole we look forward to it." She gave her mom a hug and grabbed her brothers by their shirts and began dragging them out of the murder room. "See ya tonight," she shouted as they walked out.

Sharon rolled her eyes, but was grateful that Emily had caught on to the situation and dealt with it. Being the oldest came with a hefty responsibility sometimes, but it was almost always a help. She walked over to Andy, "Can you text Nicole and see about getting two more tickets for the Nutcracker tomorrow? I know she might not have any more free one's so I'll gladly pay if need be."

"Sure. And you mean _we_. We will gladly pay to have _all_ our kids together for the evening watching our grandkids do the sugar plum fairy thingy-ma-bob." He said squeezing her arm a little and giving her a wink.

She let out a snort laugh, he always had a way of making her laugh, something that Jack had always found to be challenging. "Yes, WE. And you really have to work on your ballet vocabulary dear, really thingy-ma-bob," she said still smiling. She loved how quickly and easily Andy was to make the transition to his, hers, our kids to him there wasn't a difference. They were a family regardless of who birthed or raised them, they were still children to be loved no matter the age.

"Yeah, yeah. As soon as you stop making up new rules for baseball I'll get on learning all this ballet stuff," he said with a little dare.

"Hmm, that might be a worthwhile bet," she pondered for a moment, "I'll take it under advisement." He shook his head as he watched her walk back to her office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The following night the Flynn-Raydor contingent met up at the Dolby theatre for a wonderful evening of music and dance. As much as Sharon all things Nutcracker as it was the epitome of holiday spirit it was more about family than any trip to the ballet had ever been. For the first time, all their children were gathered together in one place the thought nearly brought her to tears. Nicole and Emily immediately took to each other as she had anticipated. Charlie was a bit distant, but it was understandable after what happened at Thanksgiving. By intermission everyone had seemed to relax and began to fully enjoy themselves. There was no big dinner or sense of forced mingling it turned out to be the best venue for everyone to connect or in some cases reconnect. When the ballet finished and Dean brought the boys back any lingering tension immediately dissipated. Their child-like glee was infectious and warmed the hearts of everyone, there was no space left for animosity to live.

"Sharon?" Nicole asked pulling Sharon out of her thoughts.

"Yes, sorry got lost in thought there. You were saying?" She said trying to regain her focus.

"Well Emily and I found these two dresses to try on. We agreed on the style and felt that it would work on both of our body types. What do you think?" Nicole asked gesturing to the hangers that she and Emily were holding up.

"They both look lovely," she said looking at the black and purple dresses, "Let's see how the look on you both. I'll wait here," she pointed to the chairs near the dressing room, "and you two can model for me."

"Okay, we'll be right out," Emily responded as she followed Nicole back into the rooms.

Sharon couldn't stop herself from smiling, she was out with _her girls_ shopping for bridesmaids dresses. She was purposefully vague on the details and not for lack of trying by the pair she had given up nothing except colors she liked. Sharon and Emily had talked about going shopping when they were discussing her trip out for the holidays. Her kids were getting harder and harder to buy for, so sometimes it was easier to take them out on a shopping trip instead. They get what they really want and she gets the quality time, it's a win-win. After the Nutcracker she asked Nicole if she could join them for a girl's day under the guise of getting the soon-to-be step-siblings together so they could get to know one another better. Nicole had quickly agreed knowing that her dad had already asked Dean if he could borrow the boys for some male bonding time.

A few minutes passed and then the girls stepped out both wearing a black Vera Wang dress. Because of the height difference in the girls Nicole's dress sat an inch above her knee and Emily at the knee. The v-neck was modest yet the pleated bodice worked well on both their bodies. Sharon was in love with the silk pencil skirt cut.

"So what do you think?" Emily asked giving a twirl showing off the matching v cut in the back.

"It's really nice, it seems to fit you both quite well. How does it feel?" She asked standing up and moving towards them to get a closer look.

"It feels great. But who doesn't love silk," Nicole asked.

"Indeed," Sharon replied, "Well if you girls like this I definitely think it is in the running."

"I really like how formal the black looks, but I worry it might be too much," Emily suggested.

"That's fair," Sharon knew Emily was really fishing for more details about the wedding but refused to explain any reason on why the formality was or wasn't an issue.

Sensing they weren't going to get a response the girls did one final pirouette before returning to the dressing rooms. Sharon returned to her seat to wait when she heard her phone ding.

 **Andy: How goes the dress shopping?**

 **Sharon: Pretty good. I think we've found one if not two options to decide on. You? How goes the male bonding, suit shopping?**

 **Andy: Well the boys all have suits. Once you settle on the dress I can pick up ties and we will be good to go. We're headed to do some putt putt golf.**

Sharon chuckled, the grandsons loved playing mini golf and loved even more listening to their grandpa grumble and groan when he couldn't get the ball in the hole.

 **Sharon: Have fun. We should be finished here in an hour or so. Maybe we can join you, unless you think that will cramp male bonding day.**

 **Andy: Nah, having a few beautiful women around never cramps my day :)**

 **Andy: So have they tried to interrogate you for information yet?**

 **Sharon: Constantly. They've been at it nonstop. It was easier when it was just one of them, but now they're tag teaming.**

 **Andy: Well we did want them to get along.**

 **Sharon: Yes we did, and I'm glad. But they're still not going to get any details from me.**

 **Andy: Me neither. Gotta go the boys are tugging my arms to get in the car and take them to mini golf. Keep me posted on the dress hunt. Hugs.**

 **Sharon: Will do. Have fun. Kisses.**

Sharon put her phone back in her purse and when she looked up she saw Emily and Nicole walk back out of the rooms in the purple dresses. She let out a cross between an Oh and an Aw, and knew this was the one. It was a Halston Heritage strapless cocktail dress. The bodice was fitted with boning and had a small V cut at the top of the neckline. The background was black with a purple tapestry style pattern that was flattering on both girls.

"Wow, that look wonderful on you both," Sharon exclaimed.

Emily turned toward the full length mirror, "It really fits well. I wasn't sure about how well the top was going to stay up, but it's pretty snug actually."

Nicole agreed, "I'm not well-endowed so I was concerned too about the strapless, but I feel really comfortable in it."

"I think it could look really cute if we added a thick black belt too, something with a silver clasp," Emily suggested turning towards her mother to get her thoughts.

"Yes, I could see that working." She moved closer to Emily checking the fit.

"I like how it flares out a bit, the skirt has a lot of structure. It's so different from the other one," Nicole added still admiring herself in the mirror.

"Well I think both dresses look great on you. You know I'm partial to purple, but either way I think one of these dresses will work. What do you think?" Sharon asked.

The girls looked at each other, "Well if we had more information it might help us make a decision," Emily said once again trying to get more details from her mother.

"Emily Marie, I've already told you I'm not saying anything else about the event. Both of these dresses will work. I want you to pick based on what feels the most comfortable fit wise." She said ignoring the stares they were giving her.

"What do you think," Emily asked Nicole.

"As much as I like the Vera Wang and you can never go wrong with silk or a black dress I think I like this one. It's different and the color is great. I feel comfortable in it. You?" Nicole responded.

"I agree. This one is fun but still elegant and classy," she replied.

"Then it's settled. Why don't you go get changed and I'll meet you by the registers," she said giving both girls a hug.

Sharon took out her phone and shot Andy a quick message, "Purple." She returned her phone to her purse and smiled as she thought about the plans that she and Andy had managed to put together over the last two weeks. It had been hard to keep the details from the kids and even her friends. They weren't planning a large ceremony or a big party either. Their first weddings had been about that, the celebration. This time it was about them and about family. They wanted to do this on their own terms, and in four short days it would be official, she would become Mrs. Sharon Flynn.


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

The bells chimed and rang out loudly. It was midnight. Sharon and Andy walked through the quiet church. After signing the cross, they carefully lit and replaced a pair of candles after saying a prayer. They came to midnight mass on Christmas Eve together as they had for the last three years together, but tonight was different. Tomorrow, well today really, they would be wed. The kids were all at Nicole's house for the night, under the guise that they wanted to watch the kids open Christmas gifts from Santa in the morning. The winking they got from Ricky suggested it was more to give them some time alone before the big day. Either way the gesture was appreciated, it was wonderful watching how their family was finally coming together. It might not be the family they created together, born from one another, but it was the family that they _chose_ to be together. In many ways that held a deeper and more meaningful sentiment, "can't choose your family," except they did.

The kids may have thought they'd be sharing a romantic evening together, enjoying Sharon's sense of occasion, but tonight was less about physical intimacy and more spiritual. They moved to an open pew and sat together, hands intertwined as they listened to the sermon being delivered by Father Espinoza. The choir sang and they sang along, not all too poorly. When the sermon closed and the parishioners began to make their way out of the church and home for the evening, Sharon and Andy sat back. They looked up at the ceiling of the small church. St Mary of the Angels wasn't big nor ornate, but everything about it fit Sharon and really Andy.

It wasn't the church they would be married in, despite their protests for a simple and quiet affair Hobbs had once again called in a favor. Sharon was beginning to think that perhaps Andrea was more sentimental over weddings that she was. She had no idea exactly what Andrea did to get them a spot at Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, on Christmas night no less. But tonight they came to their church to have their impending union blessed and to thank Father Espinoza for his council and support.

They wouldn't be able to exchange personal vows during the ceremony, a small price to pay for being able to wed in the church. Tonight they decided to share those thoughts with one another in front of God and the Church. Once the church was completely empty Father Espinoza brought them in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary. Holding hands and facing each other he encouraged them to make their confessions to each other.

It was well after one when they finally returned to the condo, and they wasted no time heading to bed. Between celebrating Christmas and getting married it was going to be a full day. Everything about tomorrow was exactly what Sharon dreamed about, a family celebrating together. She asked for nothing for Christmas, because she knew tomorrow she would have it all.

Later that morning, after all the gifts were opened and the cookies eaten the family began to get ready for the evening. Nicole and Emily planned to do each other's hair and makeup while the grown boys helped each other with their ties. Andy stayed at his daughter's house, while Sharon went back to the condo. Both Emily and Nicole protested the idea of having Sharon get ready alone, but it was something she wanted so they stopped arguing. She said it was because she wanted the dress to be a surprise to everyone, but truthfully she needed a minute. When she left the house as Sharon Raydor she would return as Sharon Flynn, it was something she wanted but it was also something to be mourned. She would be the same person, but she was finally letting go of the last piece of her past. With this dress and these vows she would have a partner in this life and the next - it was a thought that would make anyone emotional, but especially Sharon.

Taking a deep breath she looked around the condo one last time, almost as if to say goodbye to something that was never really there. She firmly closed the door behind her and was met at the elevators by Gavin in a silver suit, "Your chariot awaits." He pulled her into a hug, "You look fabulous. I'm so happy for you."

Sharon smiled and felt the tears beginning to well already, "Thank you" she whispered. He wrapped his arm around hers and led her down to his car.

A silver Mercedes pulled up in front of the church. It was a few blocks away from the restaurant for the reception, walking distance, but not tonight in these heels. As the door opened a hand reached out and took hers, she looked up and saw Ricky standing in his black suit, Rusty was just behind. Her heart swooned as she looked at her boys.

"I know you have your ideas for this wedding mom, but so do we," Ricky gestured between himself and Rusty, "And while it might not be traditional Rusty and I are here to give you our arm and walk you down the aisle. We won't give you away, it isn't our place, but we do want to be a part of it."

Sharon looked up blinking rapidly to prevent tears from spilling down her face. It was the most touching gesture she had ever heard, her heart wanted to explode. She couldn't make any sounds to voice her thanks and instead nodded and took their arms as they offered them. Giving them each a pat she looked up and smiled.

"Shall we?" Rusty asked.

Gavin followed Sharon and the boys up to the Church doors before moving forward to open them, "Let me just check that they're ready." He returned a moment later and opened the door for them to pass.

Nicole and Emily were standing next to the her step grandsons at the entrance of the cathedral, they all turned when they heard the large outer door close. Both girls immediately let out a loud Aw and a sigh. She was wearing a Maggie Sottero gown in ivory. It was an A-line style with a ruched bodice that flowed into a tulle skirt. Her shoulders were covered by delicate cap sleeves, the V neckline provided a tasteful dip across her chest. She fell in love with the covered buttons when she saw it, and the near perfect fit when she tried it on sealed the deal.

"Mom, you look absolutely stunning That dress is perfect on you." Emily pulled her into a hug.

Nicole also gave her a hug, "Really, Sharon, you look fantastic. My dad is going to lose it when he sees you in this."

Sharon felt her cheeks turn red from their compliments. She did hope that Andy liked the dress. He really wanted to go with her when she tried them on, and she almost let him, but the traditionalist in her held out.

"Oh I almost forgot," Emily grabbed something off the chair and returned to where Sharon was standing, "Before grandma passed away she sent me this. She wanted me to have it for when I get married. I thought that you should wear it today, as your something old and something borrowed." Emily let the veil flutter in the air as she shook it out.

"Oh!" Was all she could let out as her hands covered her mouth. It was her mother's veil and before that her grandmother's. She hadn't worn it when she married Jack, he wanted her to wear his mother's veil and she reluctantly agreed to keep peace with the new in-laws.

Sharon bent forward and lowered her head as Emily came around and brought the veil to her hair. Nicole was prepared with bobby pins to put in place. When they finished Emily took a step back, "It looks beautiful on you mom," and gave her another hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. Once again, she didn't have the words to properly say her thanks, but for now this was enough.

Before anything else could be said Provenza popped his head in, "Are we ready to go? I think he's going to pass out up there from nerves if we don't get going soon!"

"Don't even joke about that Lieutenant," Rusty promptly quipped knowing that worrying his mom about Andy's health was the last thing she or anyone else needed before the wedding.

Provenza was the shock of ice water that she needed and Sharon finally found her voice, "Yes, we're ready."

He closed the door and a moment later they could hear the organ begin to play. Gavin opened the double doors and Nicole sent the boys down together. She followed moments later. Emily handed her mom a simple white bouquet of orchids and then stepped down the aisle to stand next to her step-sister. When the boys reached the end Andy knelt and gave them each a hug before they moved over to sit with Dean. Once Emily reached the alter the music changed and the handful of people in attendance stood and turned towards the double doors that had closed once again.

"Ready," Ricky asked.

"Yeah, there's no turning back now," Rusty added.

Sharon smiled and looked at both of her sons, "Yes, definitely."

Gavin pulled open the doors, and the boys ushered Sharon through them. Her hands felt fidgety and she was glad that she had each boy on either arm to keep her from looking for pockets that didn't exist on this wedding dress. The moment that she made eye contact with Andy all the nerves faded away.

The dim light made the light gold and pewter accents of her gown shimmered as she walked. Everyone was watching her, but she only had eyes for him. She felt as though she was floating effortlessly down the aisle with her sons beside her, and when she reached the end they each turned in and placed a kiss to her cheek. It wasn't strange for Ricky to show that level of affection with her, but it was the first time Rusty had, she was touched.

The Bishop stepped forward, Andy met Sharon and took one of her hands in his before kneeling together in front of the alter.

As the ceremony came to a conclusion, Sharon took a moment to look around the Cathedral. Despite all her protests and notions of having a courthouse wedding and without any family or friends, she was glad she didn't get her way. Everything was perfect. As they started down the aisle together, organ playing loudly, she gave a wink to Andrea this was definitely a church to be married in. She owed her friend a very nice bottle of wine as thanks for whatever favor(s) she had to call in. It was nearly seven, just in time for the evening's church services to take place. Apparently it was one of the compromises Andrea made in order to make this all happen.

Andy stopped her for a moment when they reached the double doors, "I didn't get a chance to say it before, but you took my breath away. You are so beautiful and smart, and I'm so lucky to call you my wife." He kissed her again and was met with the sounds of cheers from the people behind.

The photographer met them as they crossed through the double doors. Cameras weren't allowed in the church, something both Sharon and Andy were okay with. After all, they hadn't intended on hiring a photographer at all, but Gavin convinced them it was one of the wedding must-have's that they couldn't go without. They tried to argue with the holidays and short-notice it was too late, but he asked them to trust him. As Andrea had done, Gavin too came through with a favor. Turns out he is good friends with Dr. Morales' husband, John, who happens to be a professional photographer.

Moments later as Sharon stood next to her kids and Andy's kids — _their kids —_ she was glad that she listened to Gavin. It made for yet another wonderful Christmas present to know that in a few weeks they would have all of these lovely family portraits to hang throughout the house. The more she thought about it the more emotional she was getting. "I think your sense of occasion might be going on overdrive," Andy brought his thumb to her cheek and brushed away one of many happy tears she shed in the last hour.

She smiled and looked brightly up at him, "I think you're right."

Andy let out a loud laugh, "This marriage is already starting out better than the last. Can I get that in writing? I'm right?!"

Sharon poked his side, "Ow!"

Provenza shouted "Be careful Flynn, you went and married the boss!" as he caught the exchange causing the rest in the room to laugh along.

Rusty tried to get everyone's attention to make an announcement, but couldn't get the laughter to settle down. "Let me," replied Charlie, "Hey idiots quiet down for info from my man Rusty." Charlie gave a nod to his new step-brother taking a step back as he gestured him forward.

"Uh thanks," Rusty started a bit surprised how much Charlie was like his father, "Please everyone, join us down the street at Redbird." He turned towards Gus and pulled him close, "A big thanks goes out to Gus who used his connections to reserve us the private dining area up on the roof."

Slowly the small group began to disperse and head towards the restaurant until only Sharon and Andy remained inside. They took the quiet moment to enjoy each other's company. Her hands reached up for his tie, "You look quite handsome tonight."

He beamed back at her, always enjoying the way she played with his tie. A quiet and physical 'I love you'. The photographer remained in the wings taking a few candid shots of their private moment together. The pair was so engrossed in one another that they were oblivious to it.

He was pretty sure of the answer, but needed to ask her the question any, "Are you glad we waited for the kids? For the annulments?"

She stopped playing with his tie, "I am. It caught me by surprise, but as they opened the doors and I saw you I knew instantly that everything was right. And the kids —" her voice broke off as she became emotional again.

"Yeah I know, me too," he pulled her in for an embrace, "It felt right to me too."

Gavin walked back into the Church and gestured to John that it was time to head out, "C'mon you two lover birds. You'll have plenty of time for that tomorrow, but tonight we celebrate!"

The couple pulled apart slightly, but still held onto each other as they turned to Gavin. Andy had a cheeky look on his face, "Maybe we'll just leave you all to celebrate and we'll head home to celebrate on our own."

Sharon poked him again, "Ow! That's twice already!"

"Yes, perhaps you'll get the hint." She said mockingly.

Gavin ignored their banter, in the same way they ignored the world around them, and held the door open. They made their way down the steps to find his car waiting to take them a few blocks away to the reception. John climbed into the front seat, while Andy held the door open for Sharon and then slid in next to her. As Gavin drove they passed by a familiar building, Andy pointed up "Remember that night?"

"Hmm, yes the charity event," her mind drifted back to that night at the Japanese-American museum. He wore a tux and she had on a long black Vera Wang gown, they were pictures that she now treasured.

"It was a wonderful night," he kissed her hand, "When I picked you up that night I could hardly speak when you walked out in the dress. I couldn't keep my eyes off you, and it was even harder to keep my hands to myself. I felt things changing in the way I felt before then, but that night I knew it for sure — I was falling for you."

Her hand cupped his cheek, "I'm sorry I was so blind to it all for so long. In hindsight I should have realized what was happening, and on some level I'm sure I did, but —"

"Hey there's nothing to apologize for. You had a lot on your plate and things to work out. It doesn't matter when it happened, as much as it matters that it did _happen,"_ he paused and twirled the rings on her finger, "We happened."

She nodded and softly replied, "We did."

On the night of the charity event, they wrapped up their case just in time to attend the event but it left them little time to eat. Despite eating half a dozen sushi and sashimi rolls being passed around they were still starving. Andy pulled out his phone to check what places were nearby and might still be open at 9:30 for dinner, and they found themselves walking the few blocks up from the museum to Redbird. Initially, he worried that she wouldn't be able to stand the walk in her 4" heels, but she was enjoying both the fresh air and the company too much to care in that moment about her feet. When they came upon the restaurant Sharon was surprised to realize it was part of Vibiana, the former catholic church. She wasn't one for signs and prophetic gestures, but there was something right about that moment, about that night. When it came time to plan the wedding, once they decided to actually have one, the where to have the reception was the easiest decision to make.

As the car came to a stop, Gavin peered at the couple through the rear view mirror and smiled. Normally a cynical man such as himself would have scoffed at the love pouring thick and heavy from his car, but tonight it was different, tonight it was magic. Two people who by all accounts should never have ended up together, found each other, found peace and found the other beat to their heart.

The valet opened the door allowing the couple to emerge. The hostess was waiting outside for their arrival and walked them through the back entrance on the Vibinia grounds to the elevator which led to the roof.

The elevator dinged and both Gavin and the photographer stepped out to make room for Sharon and Andy to exit. Andy hesitated and Sharon gave him a puzzled look, "What's the matter?"

His eyes gave way the mischievous smile he was trying to hide, "Well, how should I introduce you?"

Sharon gave a quiet chuckle and shook her head, "Hmm," as she pretended to ponder the question for a moment. She put her finger to her cheek, "How about as your wife, Sharon?"

Andy's face broke out into the biggest smile he ever thought possible. He wanted to pick her up and kiss her that second, but opted to continue the playful banter that led them to today, "Okay, but it's not like a date or anything?"

Sharon took his hand in hers and gave it a tug to step out of the elevator and into the waiting throngs of their guests, "Of course not," she looked back at him, "I'm a married woman." Her smile turned seductive before she turned to face the family greeting them. Andy smiled back and followed her — he would follow her anywhere.

When they moved away from the elevator they entered an area called the Nest and were greeted by the cheers and applause. The LA skyline was visible around them. City Hall was lit up and Christmas lights could be seen for miles. Their city surrounded them as closely as their family. The rhythm of LA pulsed quietly in the background as they made their way through the small crowd of people.

Beat. Love. Beat. Love. Beat.

Love happens in the upbeat.

THE END

AN: Dress Maggie Sottero design, model Heather Marie

AN: First a personal thank you to blacktag189 for the moral support and sometimes beta on this project. Our conversations really got me through some sticky spots. Also, a huge thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, reviewed, and stayed with me on this story. I started writing this nearly a year ago and while I initially hoped to finish it back in January - in time for a Christmas wedding to really fit - life got in the way. This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, especially after they posted pictures from the actual wedding. I thought about including toasts or even the wedding night, but none of that felt right or true to the meaning of this story. I wrote the last exchange between Sharon and Andy many, many months ago as a goal to myself. I figured if I wrote the ending I would get to it eventually. A writer can't satisfy every reader, but I hope with this piece you agree that we've reached a fitting end. In the meantime, bask in the warm fuzzies and stay tuned for my next story "Crosswalk".


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